His messages blow up my phone by the time I reach my apartment. I do not have the strength to reply. I let them be. The kiss keeps coming back before my eyes, like waves crashing against the shore. I have significant trust issues after what my father did to my mother.
However, my heart is on a different track. It keeps pushing me towards the possibility of finding love. A chasm, that grows wider every time I meet Jon. This attraction towards him is dangerous for me, yet, I let it happen.
Consider his family; his mom, Emily, and Jason. They are all so close to each other and happy. Something I've never had. A vacuum I crave to fill in my life, for I have no one. No one to call my own. No one to call my family.
When I saw Nate, my heart flipped. God, I want this so much that it scares me. Jon and I come from different worlds. A celebrity and a commoner make a bad pair. The professional relationship between us adds to the frustration.
Sleep is miles away, and my headache refuses to go. The Tylenol I popped when I came home is not working. To distract myself, I get up and head towards the kitchen. When tension builds up, I work with flour, sugar, and eggs. I am not an expert, but manage to bake decent cakes. The staff in the hospital is always after me to get them more. It has been three months since I last treated them to my cupcakes. It is time to indulge them again.
I pull out the ingredients- butter, unsweetened cocoa powder, dark chocolate, coffee, cinnamon cream, flour, and eggs. The mixing and baking keep me busy for the next hour. The room fills with the aroma of warm chocolate cupcakes, fresh out of the oven.
Baking helps, but only for a while as my heart keeps pushing my mind. Both engaged in a tug of war—my mind punishing my heart, for the liberty it took to fall for Jon.
The pain of having to let go of something you are desperate to have, to walk away when it is within your grasp—the conflict inside me rages on, threatening to tear me apart. My mind wins, like always. Jon has to go and I need to forget him. Our relationship is a non-starter. Wrong at every level, personal and professional.
My heart pries out one consolation from my mind for Nate. He is a child; he does not have to become a pawn in the conflicted world of adults.
By the time I finish and pack the cupcakes, exhaustion hits me hard. Sleep comes fast, lulled by the scents wafting in my room. The brain gives up too tired to think anymore. Before my eyes shut, I pray for a better day.
Chapter 20: For the Memories
Sharon
The scene before me makes me see red. I should turn and keep myself away. But I can't let it go. Not when things are repeating in front of me. Undecided between the two paths in the corridor, I am rooted to the ground and get caught. Noah calls my name. Oh Shit! This is not the start I want to my day.
"Hi, Dr. Wells." At least Noah is showing some professional courtesy. What harm can a little talk do? It will serve another purpose. Get the nurses out of his charm when he walks over to speak to me.
"What can I do for you, Dr. Fitzgerald?"
"Hey, we go long back. You can call me Noah." He extends his hand. Is this some kind of peace offering? No way. I'm not buying it until I find out what he is up to. I'm sure, given some time, the freak will show his true colors.
"Is there something you wish to discuss? I need to start my rounds." The years spent with Noah has schooled my eyes to give him a steely gaze. When he stays silent, I turn to leave.
He stutters and clears his throat. "Yes, there is. I saw the new OR roster, we are now on different days. I was hoping we could catch up when we met during the changeover, but that seems unlikely now."
Thank the lord and Richard. "I am afraid I can do nothing about a management decision." I shrug my shoulders to show my helplessness.
Noah moves closer. He is in my private space and I dislike this closeness. Noah points to my hand, "What is this you are carrying?"
I move the bag of cupcakes behind me. He continues when I ignore him.
"There is one other thing. I looked at the Douglas case, the 65-year-old male requiring hip surgery. You had examined him last month. Can we discuss the treatment plan? Perhaps over coffee?"
The nerve of this man to move his arm over my shoulder! I move back and create a space for myself. "Listen, Noah. I think it is best for both of us to stay out of each other's path. I can close my eyes and ignore some things, but there are certain limits. You have crossed them once before." I let him take in every word. "Richard, Tom and I have built this practice from scratch, with painstaking effort. I will not let you unravel it or taint it."
Before I walk away, I tell him to bring up Mr. Douglas's file during our case meetings.
Without waiting for a reply, I turn toward the private suites. Once I am out of Noah's view, I stop and lean on a wall to gather my nerves. This is not the right frame of mind to see my patients in. To buy some time, I take a detour to my room to drop the cupcakes.
Tom must have begun without me, so I quicken my steps. Asking him to start the rounds was the correct decision. I did not wish to visit Jon first thing in the hospital today. On my way to my room, I notice a group of men leave Jon's room and a woman enter. They greet each other. Must be friends of Jon. I cannot ignore him and will have to face him sometime today.
Life is like a washing machine, and I am like a cloth being tossed and wrung out.
Chapter 21: Tackled and Sacked
Jon
All the worrying in the night has set me in a foul mood, which worsens when Sharon does not come for her daily rounds.
Why is she not here today? I wanted to ask Dr. Thomas when he started without Sharon, but let him finish his work first. He examines my foot and reduces the dressing. The swelling has subsided, and they apply a splint. After checking for sensations and toe movements, Dr. Thomas discusses my physio session with Betsy.
"Dr. Sharon is running late today. She will be here later in the day." He informs me, fanning my irritation even further. He nods when I don't speak and glance at the door. I face him, not hiding my frustration.
Once the medical team leaves the room, Kevin pounces on me, "Hm, so the story is correct."
He is my closest cousin. We're of the same age and grew up together under the same roof. During our school days, we were inseparable. Then, for a short while, he left to get his law degree. I don't want to deal with this guy today.
"What story?"
"The one with a pretty doctor. The one in which your son is playing cupid." Kevin is difficult to push off.
"What are you talking about?" I fiddle with my phone and feign ignorance. I dare not look at Kevin.
He snatches the phone from my hand. "Come on, you know what I am talking about. Everyone in the family knows you have the hots for this doctor. Emily told me about how Nate asked her to be his mother."
Can't anyone in my family keep things to themselves?
"Wait, what did Nate do?" I try to hide my excitement. The last thing I need is for Kevin to have a go at me.
He won't let it pass and uses his law skills to pin me down. "You don't know? I am surprised."
This is big trouble, but a good one to have. If Nate is fond of her, things will be easy. But first, I have to sort things out and recover the fumble. I have to get Sharon to acknowledge her feelings for me. There is a slight danger here: what if she wants nothing to do with me? What will I do then? I have never been so unsure of myself. Not around a woman, at least.
"You need to be careful, Jon. This is not the right time for all this."
Kevin goes on and on about how it is a bad idea. Why I am not 'suited', or should I say, capable of dating a doctor. How I could hurt her and Nate if things do not fall in place.
"Are you kidding, bro? Why are you judging me? You are deviating from the plot. Is this not the part where the hero's best friend tells him to go and get the girl?" I don't blink, letting him see that I am serious.
"I am not judging you. These are the facts based on your track record in the past. And with your record, it will surprise me
if you don't end up being the villain of your own story. You approach a woman like a game of football. You play them like you play your game. Fast and furious. What I am saying is, be careful. It can end up hurting everyone around you and put Sharon's career at risk." Then he goes on about how unethical it is for Sharon to get involved with me. Is that why Sharon ran away yesterday?
Kevin has increased my worry. I won't let anything happen to Sharon's career. We both need to talk this out. But how do I catch hold of Sharon alone in my room? If it means I need to stay away from Sharon for a while, I am ready to do it, but not for long.
Kevin's words hurt, but there is some truth in them, which I cannot walk away from. I won't let Kevin pile on the misery. I raise my hands in surrender but hit back at him.
"Ok, I get it. I am a dork in relationships, but why can't I find my happiness? Like Emily or you, I deserve to find my true love too. And trust me, there is a certain chemistry with Sharon."
Kevin scoffs, "You sound like a romance novel."
I slam my fist into Kevin's stomach. "What is that supposed to mean? If I have a bad track record, I am not allowed to work on it and make it better?"
Trust Kevin to make my mood worse than it already is. I lash out when he makes a face at me. "Do you do this to all your clients? Hold their track records against them and then claim you are not being judgmental?"
Kevin relents, "Ok lover boy, I take back what I said. However, are you sure about your feelings for her, or you are only excited about the challenge? Isn't she, perhaps, the first woman to turn you down and not fall for your charms?" He puts his hand on his chest, grimacing to pretend that he is hurt.
I throw a pillow at him.
Before Kevin can go on, my teammates come into the room. I hope it will be a good distraction, but I am mistaken. Jason and his big mouth. He has caught our family disease.
"When are we meeting her?" Tim is right in on the stories Jason has been telling the team.
"She is not here today." I punch Tim on the chest. He laughs it off.
"No wonder you are so grumpy," Drew takes a shot at me.
"Back off, guys. There is nothing between us. She is my doctor and I am her patient. That's all." I can't stop the smile on my face, as my mouth spurts out those words.
"Ooh, she is your doctor and you are her patient. But we heard something about the 'Tigress' in the news," Drew croons and flutters his eyes.
"Get lost. Jason, get them out of here before they embarrass me in front of everyone." It may be a joke for them, but this is serious for me. I need to talk to Sharon about the kiss yesterday and sort things out.
My irritation stops further ribbing and they leave with Kevin. What a relief? If anyone of them hits on her I will go ballistic and revoke their visitation rights. Yep, go ahead. Label me a jealous tucker. I need to make sure Tigress is hot and bothered only for me before I introduce this gang to her. Through the nurses' grapevine, I have cleared the air about Dr. Thomas. The field is clear. No competition from his side. She is single and all mine to mingle.
I have to talk to Sharon about the kiss yesterday and sort things out. But trouble, in the form of Naomi, walks right in after them. My mom takes a hint and leaves the room. I need to get this Shit out of the way. I do not do her the courtesy of saying hello and come straight to the topic—there's no point in skirting the issue.
"How dare you threaten my son?" She takes a step back and pulls out her seduction face. The pout and fluttering eyes do not fool me.
"Honey, I was trying to get him to behave."
I am not buying this anymore. "Don't honey me. Let me get this straight. You are my publicist and nothing else. You have no right to go around town claiming us to be anything more."
"Jon, the injury is upsetting you. I understand that you don't enjoy being here and are missing the game. Your foot will get better, and we can work this out." She waves her finger between the two of us and then tries to come closer.
I raise my arm, stopping her straight from moving towards me. "There is nothing to work out, Naomi. There was nothing between us before, and there is nothing now. After the way you behaved with Nate, there is nothing for the future. If you continue being delusional, I will have no choice but to break our contract."
She glares at me, but I am not backing off. She is about to say something when Nate comes running in, with his hands full.
"Daddy, do you want to taste these cupcakes? They are yummy." He stops midway at the sight of Naomi. His eyes are wide with fear. He turns, ready to run out.
I will let anyone intimidate my son. I distract him. "Come here, boy. Show me what you've got. Where did you get them?"
"From the nurses. Sharon made them." He walks over to my bed, with one eye on Naomi. He hands me one cupcake.
I take a bite. The taste of cinnamon soothes my nerves. When the chocolate inside drips out and layers my tongue my soul melts away. Delicious. I want more. A drop of chocolate drips out from the corner of my mouth. My tongue chases it to swipe it back inside, but Naomi beats me to it. She presses her lips against mine. I push her with a jerk. She stumbles. "What the hell, Naomi?" My voice booms inside the room.
When she moves away, I realize the stunt this shitty woman pulled off. Sharon stands at the door. There is absolute silence in the room. I swallow whatever I have in my mouth and shout at Naomi. "I told you not to mess with me! Get lost and consider this the last time we are meeting!"
"It is her, isn't it? You are breaking up with me because of this bitch. I heard the locker room banter between the boys." Naomi sneers at me.
She has gone too far and needs to leave.
"Mind your words! There is a kid in this room, and you can't insult my doctor. Get out of here before I ask the security to throw you out." Naomi stomps her way out of the room, glaring at Sharon.
The pain in Sharon's eyes hits my chest like a head-on collision with a 230 lbs linebacker. She shuts her eyes. Lights go out in my world. When she opens them, there is something familiar. The cold and distant look from the interstate. Gloom and silence descend over my soul.
Nate runs to Sharon, like he always does, and hides his face in her dress. She puts her hand over his head and ruffles his hair.
"Kiddo, you up for another cupcake."
He holds her hand and nods. She smiles at him. It is an act because the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. She clears her throat still her voice breaks. "Lets, go."
She then walks out of the room. Nate turns to me, his eyes pleading. He follows her outside. How will I recover from this tackle? Sharon is a tough woman. My best game may not be enough. Jonny boy your budding romance got blocked at first down.
Chapter 22: What Is Best For Us?
Sharon
Oh, you stupid heart! Be still. I brace myself on the wall outside Jon's room. It does nothing to stop the palpitations or the shivering. A gentle tug to my white coat stops them midway. Nate stands staring at me, eyes full of fear. The child does not deserve this. At least not on my account. I can offer him my friendship and nothing more. Something I didn't have when I was his age.
"Let's go grab those cupcakes?"
Nate takes my extended hand, and we walk to my room. Once inside, he settles on the couch. I offer him the cupcake box, but he declines.
"What do you want to do? We can read a book or play a board game. I bought a new one yesterday."
He shakes his head, not willing to do anything. "I don't like her. She is bad." Nate crosses his arms.
I sit down near him and lift his chin. "Don't be in a rush, dear. Once you know her better, you might like Naomi."
He ignores my words, " I like you."
A sigh escapes my chest as my body shudders. "I like you too bud, but life is not that simple. When you grow up, you will understand."
"I don't want to grow up," Nate pouts.
"Oh, my sweet boy! No one wants to grow up, but we don't have a choice."
"I don't want to like her."
God, this kid
is persistent. I need a different tactic. "Nate, tell me something. Is there anything you like now, which you hated on your last birthday?"
Nate thinks for a while. His face lights up when the answer strikes him. "Veggies! I hated them, but then granny made some chili with lots of vegetables. It was yum. Daddy says I need to eat some to be strong like him." He pauses and wrinkles his nose, "But I still hate broccoli."
His cute expressions make me smile. "You do eat them to be strong and healthy." Nate nods.
"In the same way, you need to give Naomi a chance."
He goes quiet. The silence is eerie. A knock on the door startles us. "Please come in."
Tom and Emily enter. She walks and stands near Nate. "Time to go, Nate. It is getting late."
Nate looks at her and then at me. With a sigh, he stands up and walks. He stops at the door and turns to me. "Will I see you again?"
How do I respond? The whole situation is muddled in my mind. How can I clear his confusion when I have no clarity? I decide to play it safe. "Your dad is here for another week. You can come over whenever you are here." This is the best I can offer him.
"What about after he leaves the hospital?"
Relentless. This kid is relentless, like his father who nags me every day about getting back to the game. I can only smile. "Let us take it one meeting at a time."
Nate nods and leaves with Emily. She smiles in acknowledgment.
The room goes silent again. I stare at the shut door. Did I do this right? I hope what I am doing is right for everyone. Tom's tap on my shoulder breaks me out of my reverie. I flinch. He stares, eyebrows raised.
"Tom, why does it hurt?"
"That bad, huh?" He reaches out and holds my hand, squeezing it to comfort me. "I've got you, girl. I will take over Jon's care as we planned."
"Thank you."
Tom and I have been friends for three years. He is the brother I never had.
"Time to go back to work." I pick up the case sheets for the day's appointments.
All the lines to cross Page 9