All the lines to cross

by Ashish Rastogi

  I get back to my house and take a shower. In front of my open wardrobe, I am dumbfounded as to what to wear. I have been on dates. But never with someone whom I want to make special in my life. It is hard to choose. I have seen Sharon check me out on the sly, but today, I want her eyes only on me. She is shy, so she won't make the first move. Today is my chance to set the ball in play and fan the embers to set her attraction ablaze.

  I study my face from different angles and rub my hands on the trimmed beard. Yeh, I am like all the superstitious sports jocks. The initial plan was to keep the beard till I played my first game, but when Sharon ran her fingers on my scruff, this beard's fate was sealed and placed firmly in her hands. It will adorn my face as long as she wants it.

  The beard accentuates my jawline and together with my size, completes my lumberjack avatar. I turn to Nate, "What do you think?" The kid is following me around my room as I get ready.

  Nate comes near and gives a thumbs up. "Dad, where are you going?"

  "Sharon and I are going to a meeting."

  His eyes light up. He jumps in front of me. "Can I go? Please dad, Pretty please. I will be a good boy."

  Shit. I hate to break his heart but his enthusiasm needs to be tempered down. At least till I am sure things between me and Sharon are on firmer ground.

  "Sorry, bud. It is an official function. No kids allowed." I hate to lie to him. Forgive me, lord. If you help me out tonight, then I don't need to keep lying to my kid. His shoulders drop. "Ok, let us make a deal. You be a good boy during your stay with grandma and I will speak to Sharon if we can meet her some other time."

  "Promise." Nate extends his fist.

  I do the same and bump his hand. "Promise."

  "Can I help you get ready?"

  "Sure, be my guide."

  We work through different combinations and pick three sets. Nate and I then finalize one. We settle on a dark red t-shirt under a black leather jacket, paired with blue jeans. Then I go about setting my hair, looking smug in the mirror. Time to entice my Tigress.

  Nate sits on the bed watching me and making faces. After I get ready and we pick up his night bag we head to Mom's place. Nate grills me on the way. God, the kid is persistent and perceptive.

  "Dad, do you meet her at the hospital? Can I come next time?"

  "Hm, but my sessions at the hospital are over and we discussed this before. Hospitals are not great places for kids to go every day." I keep my eyes on the road.

  "Why are you going to her meeting?"

  "Because she asked me to."

  "Why did she not ask me to come?"

  "She would have, but the meeting is for grown-ups."

  "If you are going to a meeting, then why are you dressed like this." He wiggles his finger at me. He goes on without waiting for my response.

  "You are going on a date. Is she now your girlfriend dad?"

  What should I say to this kid? If I give him a teeny-weeny bit of information, he will go all around town announcing it to everyone. God forgot to put a pause or mute button inside my kid.

  "Well, it is not a date. Sharon is taking me to meet the kids you met at the theater the other day." Oops. This is a costly slip. He catches on in an instant.

  "Then why can't I go?" Nate gives me his best pout and pleading eyes. I nearly give in but I have plans for the night. After a while, he gets back to his point. "Dad, you like her, don't you?"

  "Officer Nate, will you stop the interrogation?" I pat him on the head.

  "You like her and she is your girlfriend. I can tell even if you won't admit it." Nate pushes my hand away.

  "You act far more mature than your age Nate. Can you slow down and be my little kid for a little longer? Say, for another twenty years or so?"

  "Why won't you admit it, dad?" The kid is determined to get me to fess up.

  I hate to pour cold water on his excitement. It is still early days. "Hey champ, life is not so simple. I am still not sure she likes me in that way."

  He does not say a word for some time, staring at the road ahead. After a while, he pats my leg, "Dad, you don't have to worry about me. I like her very much."

  I nod and ruffle his hair. Was I wrong in not telling him my true feelings? My heart is clear about wanting her and what this meeting means. But I need to get Nate to slow down until I can help Sharon sort her feelings about us. This is a casual meeting and Nate is hounding me with questions about Sharon. What will he do if I tell him how desperate I am to make her a permanent fixture in our lives?

  "Enjoy your night out. Say hello to her." Mom almost blows my cover in front of Nate, but he pays no attention. He's engrossed in petting Notty, Mom's dog.

  I drive off, using the GPS to reach my destination. The locality is simple. Sharon lives in an apartment block. She asked me to wait outside. I respect her boundary and inform her of my arrival. The wait has me on edge. Even if this is not a date, I am eager to see my girl's pad. Hold your thoughts Jonny boy, this girl can't be rushed.

  She is out of the door within five minutes. She's wearing a simple peach coat over blue jeans. Her shoulder-length curls bounce as she walks towards me. My fingers twitch at the thought of running through those curls. Will today be our lucky day? The ten suckers might be developing a fetish for her hair.

  I step out and open the door for her. Before she gets in, I pull her in a hug and tuck a strand of hair behind her ears. "You always look amazing. Simple and beautiful." From the seat of my truck, I pick the red carnations I brought for her. A huge bunch of fifty. One for each day since she walked back into my life at the stadium. The flower lady said red carnations mean 'My heart aches for you.' I hope Sharon catches the significance.

  Sharon's eyes light up at the sight of the flowers. "So, you are christening this as a date?" She takes a deep breath. Her eyes close as she rubs them to her cheeks and I am ready to fall to my knees.

  "No, Dr. Sharon. I don't go on dates with doctors. I have a more exotic palate. Like this beautiful Tigress, I am working on, to seduce." I lean in to kiss her.

  "Better be careful with what you wish for. This Tigress might be a maneater" She smiles and pushes my lips away with her finger and climbs into the SUV.

  We drive for about thirty minutes until we reach the community hall next to the local church. On the way, we chat about her workday. I like how she holds the flowers close to her chest throughout the ride.

  The church and the surrounding buildings are all white. The roof over the bell tower is red. The garden is well-maintained, dotted with maple trees. The red and the greens make the entire location beautiful. I am excited to be inside another part of her world.

  Chapter 34: Ecstasy

  Sharon

  Kids' laughter reverberates in the room. Jon is a great motivator. He speaks about his struggles, and how he willed himself to push on. Most of the kids ask him questions. The tricky ones, he answers with his usual humor.

  I sit there watching him, eyes full of stars, admiring his every word. My crush and fascination growing stronger fed by his personality and snappy retorts. Invisible currents are passing between us when he steals glances at me or finds excuses to touch me. When he smiles, it lights up my face.

  By the time we finish, I am a bar of chocolate melting in his warmth. All my efforts to control my feelings fail. The more I try to push those thoughts away, the more I get pulled towards him. An invisible tug of war is on, with Jon and me on opposing ends and my heart in the middle.

  Later, we have dinner at a local diner near the church. We get a lot of stares and the waitress keeps falling over herself. He ignores her, focusing all his attention on me. When we reach my apartment, he rushes to my side of the door.

  "Playing the perfect gentleman."

  "I told you I am here to seduce a Tigress." He places his hand on his hip inviting me to hold his elbow. He walks me to my floor. I am in a fix, whether to invite him inside. No man has ever entered my home. It is about time someone did.

  "Would you like to ha
ve a cup of coffee?"

  He agrees without hesitation. A little too eager. Once inside, he surveys the rooms. He stops in front of my photo wall. Two five by three feet arched distressed wooden frames hang side by side. Each has twelve different colored stained-glass squares over which in the center I have pasted a photograph each. It is a classic church cathedral design. The pride of my home. He studies each intently.

  "Are these from your travel adventures?"

  I stand there like a doofus, hands tucked inside the pockets of my coat. Nervous about what he is thinking. Over our coffee meetings, I shared details of my trips and all my stupidity. Remember Humpy. No, I am not telling you about the others. Suffice it to say it ranks at number seven on Ms. Geeky Meeky's most embarrassing moments' index.

  Yeah, I told Jon but he is different. Jon was affable. He did not judge me. He listened to all my shenanigans with keen interest, asking for more information every time. Jon continues staring at the photos.

  "Which one is from when you ran off to Langkawi?"

  Shit, not the trip from Malaysia. He finds the one from the bat caves without my help and picks it from the frame.

  "You ran away from me to hang out with bats? You are the only girl I have scared off in my life. Not once but twice. And where do you decide to go? Halfway across the world to end up in these caves. Babe, I am way better than them."

  I scowl at him and take the photo back to put it on the wall. "Thank your stars I came back."

  Jon goes back to surveying my apartment. His scrutiny makes me nervous. Is he going to judge me for my home?

  "The apartment is a little modest for your standards."

  His words allay my fears. "Now, Tigress. What makes you think my standards are more than modest? I like your pad. It is warm and inviting. Is the locality safe? I mean, you can afford a safer location?"

  "Yes, it is safe. I wouldn't live here if it wasn't. I can get a bigger place, but what will I do with it? No family or friends come to stay over. It helps me save a little extra for the kids." And chip away at my student loans, but he need not know about them.

  "What are these for?" Jon picks up the bubble wrap roll near the couch. "Are you moving somewhere?"

  Oops. "Its for practice. Orthopedic practice." I take the roll from his hand and shove it inside the cupboard.

  "What practice?" Jon is not letting this go.

  "Nothing specific, but it comes in handy when you need to work around someone's neck."

  Jon rubs his neck. "Should I worry?"

  "Only if you do something wrong? I mean with your neck. Like twist it or end up with a sprain." I pray he drops the topic. He may push me up the creepy scale if I tell him the truth. I am hovering between 8 and 9 on a 10 point scale. My luck. He moves and opens the drawer of the study table below the photos. Shit. I push him and try to close the drawer, but I am late.

  "Do you own a red dress? When do I get to see it?" Jon turns and dangles the red-framed glasses.

  "Are panda's so intrusive?" I take the glasses from him and put them back inside the drawer.

  "Hm. They are once you let them inside. By the way how many frames do you own?" Jon raises one eyebrow and gives me a mischievous grin. The cocky custard with a ‘b’.

  We stare at each other for a few seconds. I am not answering his question. No one needs to know about my eyeglass fetish. Ms. Geeky-Meeky's only claim to indulgence and luxury. He brings me out of this daze with his trademark humor.

  "Is the coffee making itself or do we need to do something?"

  I poke my tongue out at him. Gosh, this is becoming a habit around him.

  "Wait here, Mr. Snarky-mouth, I will get the coffee. Black without sugar?"

  He confirms his preference. I move to the kitchen, leaving him in the room. When I come back, he is sitting on the couch in my small living room, engrossed reading my journal. I keep the coffee on the table near him and tiptoe towards him to snatch the journal. "Invasion of privacy, Mr. Hayes?"

  He shifts in a flash. Stands and holds the diary above his head. Where is a ladder when you need one? Ah yes, the couch. I jump on it to gain height, but he moves away. I am no match for a quarterback. I give up and sit on the couch.

  "Giving up so fast?" He gloats in his victory.

  "You are too fast for a giant panda. Besides, I am not interested in getting crushed under your weight, Po." I play the waiting game with him.

  "Suit yourself, Tigress." He stands near me, flipping through the pages until he stops at one. I hide my face in my palms. I am in a pickle today.

  "Tigress, you write poetry?" He tilts his head with eyebrows raised. "Wow, this is so corny. Who is this for?"

  "Which one?" I stand to peep over his shoulder, worried about which page he is reading. I slap my hand on my head. Oh God, why did he have to pick this page? He reads out the poem I wrote two days ago.

  Before he turns the page to read the next one, I take my chance and snatch the journal from him.

  "Hey, I haven't finished!" His massive arms wrap around me, trying to take the book back. I slide from under his arms and sit on the couch, hiding the journal beneath me. "You should not snoop around people's rooms, Jon," I warn him with a finger.

  He collapses next to me. The impact of over 200 lbs. weight bouncing me to land in his arms. He does not make any effort to distance himself. Neither do I. His masculine scent triggering every pheromone in my body. Skin against skin, the light touch of his hairy arm heats my body. Gods of the geeky kingdom help me. He puts a break to my spiraling thoughts.

  "Okay, sorry. I shouldn't have, but at least tell me who you wrote this for."

  "Jealous, Mr. Hayes?" I taunt him.

  "Should I be?" Jon raises his eyebrows.

  We keep sitting close, inhaling each other. Is it me or did Jon lean in closer? My eyes trace the curve of his cupid's bow. Ravenous thirst parches my throat. I don't need water. I want him. The devil on my left shoulder whispers, give it a go. What harm can a kiss do? The voice on the right catches my attention. The angel tsks me, don't go looking for trouble.

  When I peep at Jon through half-closed eyes, my heart flips. My breaths are slow. One kiss wouldn't be so bad, the voice on the left is not giving up. My lips quiver but the angel swats my lips shut. If it was real, I would smother the angel in her ring. I am so not sure about what to do, and both of them are not helping. Jon has my inner voice in an entangled mess. Not sure who is on my side, the angel or the devil.

  "Tigress, why do you keep looking to the sides?" His voice snaps me out of my inner conundrum. Jon taps my chin forcing me to face him. He places my palm on his chest. "Do you hear something?"

  I can't stop the shudder when the vibrations of his heart touch my soul. The thump, thump, thumpety thump reverberates through my arm to my heart, making it flutter.

  "Do you want this?"

  In response to his question, I take his hand and place it on my chest letting go of the rope and setting my heart free.

  Jon leans and smothers me before I change my mind. It's two against one. The ringed crusader has no chance now and gives the devil a walkover. To hell with that inner voice. I will the angel away and live the moment, locking my arms around Jon. He pulls me closer, tightening his grip. He runs his fingers in the mesh of my curls down to my back. Crushing me against himself. I love the sensations trickling through my body as his lips devour me.

  In a moment, he is all over me. Will I come undone today? This is the nearest any man has come to me physically. With him, I am powerless, my defenses collapse.

  He breaks the kiss. "I know the person for whom you wrote those lines."

  No, I am not confessing. "Your coffee is getting cold." The distraction does not work.

  His grip on my arm tightens.

  "Are you running away? You can't run faster than me."

  "You are mistaken, Po. I will be off by the time you get your panda butt off the couch."

  He pouts, a face I can't resist anymore. This time I move closer and k
iss him. He launches on to me. The intensity of his kiss has me breathless. Now there is no holding back. He gets up and picks me in his arms carrying me to the bed with our lips locked and tongues fighting for control. Once on the bed, he studies me, "Tigress now is the time to tell me if you want me to stop." The hunger in his eyes betrays him.

  I keep my eyes locked on him. The time to say no was over the moment we kissed again. The line is left far behind—I only want what lies ahead now. I grab his hand and pull him towards me. He collapses on me, bracing himself with both his arms on the sides of my face.

  When he kisses me, I lose myself in his sky-blue eyes. This time, with a ferocity filled with desire, he sets every nerve in my body on fire. With his entire weight on me, the heat courses through my skin. Cooled for only a fleeting moment by his breath and the wetness of his kisses, as his lips move to my neck and shoulders.

  He moves his hands fast, undressing me. I don't realize when his clothes come off and our skins savor each other's lust. The bed creaks as we tackle each other until I am lying over him. He reaches up and takes my earlobe in between his teeth sending ripples to my core. I trace a wavy path with my fingers from his neck to his chest. The tattoo on his left pectoral catches my eye.

  "Wait, is that what I think it is? This is new." I can't help the smile from breaking out.

  He presses my hand over the tattoo of a tiger on his chest. "Yep, this is someone close to my heart."

  I raise my head and wrap my hands around his head planting kisses all over his face. His hands pull my hips tighter grinding his hardness against my abdomen.

  I dig my fingers into his arms and moan. For the next hour, we let our animal instincts take over. After we explore every inch of our bodies together, we have the most mind-blowing sex. The attraction I held back for so long culminates in an earth-shattering orgasm.

  I memorize his scent amidst the serene calmness of our breaths as we lie in each other's arms. When I drift off to sleep with my head on his chest, soft words float to my ears, "Sharon, I love you." Or is it a voice in my head?