by Nicole Thorn
“Or bee—” Jasmine stopped herself dead, her expression flattening out. I thought this would be a whole thing, but she blew air out of her cheeks. “Oops.”
It wasn’t funny. It really, really wasn’t, but I started laughing anyway. Then Jasmine laughed. I couldn’t tell if anyone else did, but the sound came out of me without permission.
Jasmine stabbed a little piece of steak with her fork, then held it out to me, another silent conversation. I took it from her, thinking that I’d only get food down if she made me. I stole more of her food, remembering that I had to stay as strong as possible for this trial.
Callie cleared her throat and picked up a butter knife. She put it to her mouth, miming a mike. “So Kezia, it’s Kezia, right?”
My sister smiled when Callie held the butter knife to her. “Kizzy, if you want. Kizzy Pigeonshrub.”
I cringed at the memories of our school days and that fucking name.
“Lizzy,” Callie said. “This crowd of utter strangers insists I ask you the most intimate questions possible. When are you and your brand-new husband going to start having babies? Are you already pregnant? Are you lying to us right now? Are you going to name the baby after one of the gods?”
Lizzy gagged at the knife. “As a matter of fact, I would rather choke on car keys.”
Jasper laughed, but it only got the butter knife aimed in his direction. “Do you not take this seriously, sir? How about you? How about you tell us all about your very worst nightmares, so we can make your family watch you live them out.”
I wasn’t sure if Jasper would play along but to my surprise… “I have this one where no matter how much I brush my teeth, I start getting holes in them. And Jasmine tries to replace my rotting teeth with candy corn.”
Jasmine nodded. “I would.”
Callie popped up, then appeared behind Aster, a hand on his shoulder and another holding the butter knife to him. “And you, you sexy devil? Why are you here today? Do you just get off on tension?”
He grinned up at her. “I feel like you know what I get off too.” And the moment it left his mouth, we all laughed at a pink-cheeked Callie. His eyes went wide. “That came out wrong!”
“Lies,” I claimed, getting another laugh.
Callie charged at me, smoothly nudging Jasmine aside so she could take a platonic seat on my lap. “Mr. Pigeonbush.”
“Shrub,” I corrected, as serious as I could manage. “It’s fucking Pigeonshrub.”
She apologized. “So sorry. Tell me, are you secretly having an affair with Verin? It’s in all the godish tabloids.”
I made a face, staring straight at Verin. “How did they find out?”
“You weren’t very subtle,” he said to me, Juniper smirking at his side. “I can’t blame you. If I were fucking me, I would also tell everyone I know.” He elbowed Juniper lightly. “You agree?”
She covered her face with her hands.
“Are you going to make an honest man out of him?” Callie asked me. “Please answer here and now for fifteen cameras. Ignore the fact that apparently there are cameras in our rooms that probably recorded sex and/or some mostly naked activities that I didn’t realize until right now could have been watched by any number of strangers.”
Our eyes all glazed over with that, some of the fun draining out of the situation. I shook it off. “Good, they can learn a thing or two. And I’m not the one proposing. If Verin wants me, he’s gotta put forth the effort.”
Verin sighed. “I hate to break it to you, but you mean nothing to me.” He gave Juniper a big, loud kiss on her cheek while most of us awwed at them.
Callie abandoned my lap for Jasmine’s, who wasted no time putting a possessive arm around the girl. “And Jasmine,” Callie said sweetly. “How are you liking your stay in this garish hotel so far?”
“I feel like I’m dying inside,” Jasmine said with the biggest smile.
Callie made a sad laughing sound. “Can’t imagine why. What are your plans after this whole ordeal is over and half the family is broken?”
When Callie held the butter knife to her mouth, Jasmine said, “Um, probably go to Disneyland. I’ll ride my hydra there.”
Callie thanked her for her answer, and then went over to Juniper. She didn’t get sat on, but Callie leaned down to the table. “Juniper, what’s been your favorite part of the whole shebang here so far? Is it the nightmares? The nightmares really do it for me.”
“It’s the soap,” Juniper answered. “The bathrooms have amazing soap.”
Verin chuckled at her answer. “You think she’s joking, but it’s carved into little shapes. Have you seen it?”
“I have,” I said. “It was hard to have to destroy a perfectly carved fish by rubbing it all over my naked body.”
Jasmine smiled at me. “It could only be enhanced by that. I know I am.”
Jasper shut his eyes, muttering, “Locking you in the house…”
Jasmine threw her hands in the air, cackling in victory. “No one can make you cringe like I can. I am the champion.”
“Of what?” Jasper nearly grunted.
“Of… things!”
I patted her shoulder. “Of everything.”
Micha stood up, ripping the butter knife from Callie’s hand and ignoring her protest. “Since I didn’t get an interview, I feel like it’s only fair for me to MC the MC over here. Callie dear, come to daddy.”
She frowned hard as she walked. “Don’t ever do that again. I swear to the gods, I will puke in your shoes.”
Micha put an arm around her. “Daddy fears no vom—”
She socked him in the side, but it did nothing to the Hunter.
“Callisa,” Micha started.
“Not my name.”
“Calleesee, which of the boys here is your very favorite? You can be honest. Don’t worry about the others getting offended.”
She tapped her chin, eyes on the ceiling as she thought about it. “Hmm… I think my very favorite boy here is… Oh, did you see that cute little bird that flew overhead? He was so pretty.”
Aster put a hand on his chest. “I knew it.”
“Sorry, baby.”
We were all laughing when the door opened, and oh, how it died. My own fear blew through any humor that might have been trying to make it down to my soul. It was only Heracles, but still… he reminded everyone of what waited for us outside of this safe room.
“What’s going on in here?” the man asked.
We all looked at him the same way, with concern and worry. But Callie swallowed it up, took her butter knife back, and marched over to Heracles.
She held it to her lips as she said, “We were all just giving interviews about how the gods made us their bitches. Would you like to add anything, oh great and mighty hero who’s literally always been my fav, BTW?” She whispered the last half of her sentence.
The man actually grinned at her, lowering himself down to the knife. “Well… I think the gods specialize in making people their bitches. And would you like me to sign anything for you?”
Callie’s breath caught, eyes going wide as Aster low- key glared. “I mean… only if you’re cool with it. You’re a lot cuter than the cartoon version of you.”
He laughed. “Um, thanks.”
“Your voice is better too,” she whispered.
Aster rose from his seat, only to escort Callie back over to the table. He sat her on his lap, lightly holding her there.
“I wanted to bring a gift,” Heracles said, getting to his point. He turned and got something from the hall, which happened to be a massive trolley of desserts. I didn’t even recognize half of them, but they smelled so good that I might have drooled a little.
Jasmine abandoned me to get the trolley. She slammed the door closed and brought the thing over to us.
“There’s a free seat over here,” Micha offered the god who still stood at the door.
Heracles took the seat and then started picking at the huge banquet that we’d all been going at
for more than an hour. He filled a plate up with more than even I could eat, and then started eating.
“Thanks,” I told him. “This is great.”
“You’re welcome,” the man said. “I thought you all could use a morale boost. I know this has been a living hell. Trust me.”
We all shared a knowing silence dedicated to pain we couldn’t possibly have imagined.
“I just admire you so much,” Callie said to him from Aster’s lap. “You’ve been through so much, and you’re still standing, being a hero. How do you do something like that?”
He could only shrug. “You just put one foot in front of the other I suppose. When you can’t take it anymore, you can sometimes find that there’s a little fight left in you. You keep on walking and you don’t let yourself stop. Then it’s a decade later, and you think of course I got through it. You repeat it for all the strife that comes along.”
It seemed so hard. Too hard for me to try and do. I wasn’t a hero. I wasn’t a mountain. I was just Zander. Sad, mushy Zander with the broken heart and guilt that could drown the ocean itself.
“Aren’t you tired?” I had to ask. “After all that you’ve been through, and you’re still here. There’s no rest.”
“No,” he sighed. “Sometimes you don’t get to be the person who rests. You have to be the person who takes the hits so others can rest. I’ve come to terms with it.”
I didn’t think I wanted to come to terms with my life. I wanted to rest. I wanted my family safe from all this mess.
“Are you worried about the war?” Juniper asked him. “Like, what happens after we leave, winners or not?”
Heracles swallowed. “Afraid might not be the right word, but this is something that hasn’t happened in a very long time. Even before I came along. The titans and the gods have warred, but that was… it wasn’t like this. And I don’t know what’s going to happen after this. I suppose you’ll be getting that little gift from the gods.”
“Maybe,” I said.
He looked up at me. “You sound worried.”
“I am. What if we don’t get it?”
The man looked at me for a very long moment, and I couldn’t read a damn thing from his face. I could only get small hints of his heavy feelings. “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“Hmm?” my sister asked. “How in the hell would that not be a bad thing? The gods have told us a million times that we would lose this war if we don’t get it.”
Then he looked at her too. “Well, you know how the gods are. They lie, and they lie a lot. About anything they need to, as long as they get the result they want. Like you putting all your effort into something, killing yourselves for their cause and their ego. They’re dramatic, so it wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t actually need that weapon. And I have to wonder why they don’t just tell you what it is.”
I wondered that too, and why we’d gotten that favor token from Hermes. No one had bothered answering that for us, or anything else we wanted to know. The gods loved keeping us in the dark.
“You don’t think it would be the end if we didn’t get it?” Verin asked.
Heracles shook his head. “I think that the gods give a lot of what they call gifts, and often, it ends up doing more harm than good. People are hurt, they die, and the gods don’t care because they’re the gods and it doesn’t touch them. Sorry to say this, but you’re all replaceable to them, gods of seers or not. The gods don’t intend to lose this war, no matter how well or poorly you do in these trials.”
I already knew I was disposable. My mother had made that clear plenty of times in my life, and the same thing happened to Kizzy.
Even with this information, I couldn’t make myself stop checking for flashing lights. I couldn’t lose on the chance that we really did need this weapon. One opinion didn’t change anything.
I couldn’t help thinking about it anyway. What if the gods had set us up, accidental or not? We could have been fighting for something that would make all this so much worse. We could have been fighting, only to be killed by the thing we fought for, and the gods wouldn’t even let us know what it was.
I reached out for Jasmine’s hand at my side. She took it, letting me squeeze her fingers as I tried to regain some of my composure. Another silent conversation went on as the others talked. I needed that. Jasmine’s hand in mine.
Jasmine
I took Zander’s hand in the elevator a few hours later. We had gotten caught up in blowing off steam. While I felt confident that Zander would be able to pull off this trial without a problem, he didn’t feel that way. I could see the worry in his eyes. Celebrating now would have only made that worry worse, to the point where Zander might actually mess himself up by getting so deep into his own head.
I stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.
Zander looked down at me, frowning. “What was that for?”
“Knowing you, you’ve decided that you’ve already lost and that you’re going to let us all down, even though you’ve literally never done that, and I wanted to give you a kiss so that you’d stop it.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, and he grumbled something about me thinking that I knew him.
“I do know you,” I said, rubbing my thumb against his eyebrows to smooth them over.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re wrong, by the way. I’ve let you all down plenty of times. It’s a real issue.”
“Is not,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You haven’t done anything to let us down. Like, this might scare you to think about, but you’re the most reliable person in this family other than maybe Kizzy. Even Jasper.”
“That’s just not true.”
The elevator dinged, and we stepped out. It wasn’t until I stood on the other side that the ball of worry in my stomach vanished. My shoulders drooped in relief.
“What?” Zander asked.
“I just didn’t think they would let us get this far,” I said. “I’ve been convinced that they would throw us right into the last trial since Jasper’s ended. That they wouldn’t give you time to rest.”
Zander grimaced. “They’re not giving me time to rest.”
“What?” I looked around, half expecting to see Ellie waiting to pull us away for the next trial. When I didn’t see anyone, I turned back to Zander with a quirked eyebrow.
He gave a bitter smile. “If we’ve learned anything these last few weeks, it’s that the gods know exactly how to hurt us, how to push our buttons and make our lives harder. They aren’t giving me a chance to rest. They’re giving me a chance to worry and twist myself up into knots so that I’ll be more likely to fail.”
As he said it, I realize how true it was. The gods had been tricking us and manipulating us the entire time we had been there. They had done everything they could to make us fail. I knew that they did it because they wanted to be sure we could handle the weapon they would be throwing at us, but sometimes it felt like they wanted us to fail. Like they wanted that weapon to stay tucked away.
My teeth ground together. “Well, fuck them. You aren’t going to fail, Zander.”
“Why do you think that?” he asked, frowning as he walked toward our room.
I jogged to keep up. “Because there can only be one failure in this family, and I’ve already taken up that role.”
“You didn’t do anything,” he argued immediately. I knew that he didn’t really believe that, but his need to come to my defense outweighed his common sense sometimes.
I grabbed his shoulders when we reached our room, turning him around so that he had to look at me. I took his face in my hands, pulling him down so that we would be eye level. “Listen to me,” I said, slowly. “You aren’t going to fail, because you are smarter than that.”
“This isn’t about intelligence,” Zander argued.
“I know that,” I said, releasing him. “It’s about instincts and strength and holding out against whatever temptations and weaknesses they try to exploit. I also know that you are str
ong and smart, and no matter what the trial is, you’ll beat it because of that.”
He sat down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. I perched next to him, resting my cheek against his shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he said. “I’ll try not to screw everything up.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “We can get through this. It’s not all on you. Even if something goes really and truly, horribly wrong, it’s not on you. It’s on me too, because I wasn’t smart enough to figure out the gods were testing me.”
“That’s not on you.”
“If you’re going to take the blame for whatever happens tomorrow, then it is too.”
He made a face. “Is too?”
“Yeah. You got a problem with my perfect grammar and arguments?”
“Why should you have known the gods were testing you? Don’t listen to Verin. He’s just mad. He’s mad about everything and doesn’t even know it sometimes. He’s mad that his mother is dead, he’s mad that we’re here, he’s mad that the gods won’t just trust us as if everything that we’ve already been through isn’t a trial in itself. He’s angry about everything and it’s such a deep thing within him that he doesn’t even know it.”
My stomach did little flipflops at his words. Verin didn’t scare me. While I had been knocked off my pedestal pretty hard and pretty recently, I didn’t think he could actually hurt me, as a goddess. I healed so fast, it would take someone a lot more powerful and willing than Verin. I just didn’t think Verin would hurt Juniper in that way.
No, the weird twist in my stomach came from worry about what this would do to Juniper in the long run. Only an idiot would think that what happened with our significant others, the way they felt, didn’t affect us. I couldn’t lie and claim otherwise, especially when Zander and I just had the biggest fight and fall out of our entire relationship.
“We can’t deny that he had some good points, though,” I said. “I should have realized that the gods would want to exploit my weaknesses and my biggest one is that I can’t deny myself. I give in to temptation. But this isn’t about me. I’ve already fucked up and that’s behind us now. My point was, that even if you somehow fail tomorrow, it would be just as much on me as it would be on you, if not more so. If I hadn’t fucked up, then we would already be done with the trials.”