by Nicole Thorn
Zander shook his head. “You don’t know that.”
I did, though. I’d been there for all the trials after my failed one. I had seen that Kizzy and Jasper and Juniper and Verin had been more than capable of beating theirs, even with my failure hanging around their necks.
I brushed my hand against Zander’s blond hair, trying to distract myself from everything. “You’ll do fine.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “But what if I don’t?”
“Then we’ll figure it out. Just like Verin said we would figure it out. It doesn’t mean the war is lost, just like it doesn’t mean the war is won if we get this weapon. Nothing is set in stone.”
“You’re too good for me.”
I laughed out loud on that, and hard. “Oh, honey, you were better off before you met me.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Mmm. Little bit.”
Zander flung me back on the bed before I could react and started tossing me around. I laughed really hard as my legs sliced and kicked through the air. “What are you doing?”
“Making a point!” he said.
“What’s that point?”
“I don’t know!”
We wrestled for almost an hour until neither of us could move. Then we tried to go to sleep, but the second the lights went out, tension filled the room. The end of the trials pressed down on us from every angle. I started craving my own bed, my house, my hydra, all the familiar things that I hadn’t been able to see in weeks. I wanted to go home and be done with the gods and wars and monsters.
And Zander could at least get me home after his trial.
Zander didn’t fall asleep either. He tossed and turned. I listened to his breathing go from ragged to almost calm then back to ragged. Whatever thoughts ran through his head must’ve been tormenting him.
After the clock hit two in the morning, I gave up, rolled over, and turned on the light. “This isn’t working.”
Zander sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. My brain won’t calm down either.”
He pushed himself up on his elbows, still frowning. “What do you want to do? I’m not going to be falling asleep any time soon.”
I sat up and grabbed the TV remote.
“Fuck,” Zander said after the TV came to life.
I blinked.
The only thing on was our trials, from the beginning. It showed Callie, smiling in a strained way, as she explained what would be happening to a crowd of demigods before we had even stepped out on the stage for the first time.
“I literally hate everything that I’m seeing,” I said.
Someone knocked on the door. I answered it to find Kizzy and Jasper on the other side. She offered an awkward smile. “Hey. We couldn’t sleep, and I noticed your light on. Mind if we come in?”
“Not at all. Do you mind that the only thing on TV is our trials?”
“Yes, I do,” Kizzy said, slipping past me. Jasper followed her, offering me a sardonic smile as he passed. Kizzy and Jasper sat on one side of Zander, on the floor. I closed the door and barely got two steps toward them before someone else knocked. This time, Juniper and Verin stood on the other side. My sister gave me a smile as she came in, but I didn’t meet Verin’s eyes. We all ended up sitting on the floor together.
About ten minutes into Callie’s explanation—which so far consisted mostly of who we all were and why we had been selected for the trial—the girl in question came in with her boys. We all piled together with some snacks, watching the TV.
The cameras pivoted around as the doors on stage opened and we all walked out for the first time ever. It was possibly the most surreal moment of my entire life, seeing myself on camera.
“Oh my god, look at me,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I can’t believe I thought that was a good outfit to wear in front of the gods.”
Jasper snorted at my mocking tone.
Juniper leaned around him and Verin to look at me. “At least you don’t look like a zombie. Do you see the glassy quality to my eyes? I might as well be a corpse.”
“You’re gorgeous,” Verin said, unwilling to even jokingly let Juniper diss herself.
It devolved from there. All nine of us heckled the TV, just ripping ourselves and each other apart as we watched the trials. We had brief moments of horrified silence when we realized that the cameras had picked up on pretty much every fight that we had. I… did not come off good. I covered my face with my hands to hide my shame.
Zander rubbed my back, glaring at the screen. “They had no right.”
“They’re gods,” Aster said in disgust. “Not that I want to get struck down or anything, and I’m not insulting them, but—”
“They’re assholes,” Micha said before Aster could give himself a heart attack trying to contradict himself.
We had just gotten to the part where I had failed my trial and everyone in the crowd started booing me, with long, lingering shots of the Zeus demigods’ angry faces, when the lights in the room flickered.
Callie tensed, swallowing. “That’s our cue. The last trial is about to start.” She looked at all of us, then directly at Zander. “Good luck. I know you can do this.”
Zander
T he walk felt slow as I dragged my feet, my family surrounding me as we got closer to the stage. Callie and her boys had already taken off since she needed to get there before us. I greedily took the extra time, though that made it all so much worse. I should have been more eager to rip the bandage off in one quick motion, but I shuffled along like a kid who didn’t want to go to school. In fact, I wanted to turn tail and run, grabbing my family and hiding us away in a cave or something.
We gathered outside of the showroom, waiting for the signal to go in. I could hear Callie giving a recap inside, mentioning every single trial and why we were here. She went over the details as if anyone could have forgotten them.
My pulse pounded as I waited. I worried my blood would get so hot that I’d die. Did we lose if I died before the trial? I felt like my family should have gotten a pass for that one. Then they could go get the weapon. I would watch as a ghost while they kicked ass and fixed the world.
When Callie finished, she called us out, and we all walked through the doors that would lead to my doom. Jasmine had my hand tight, and I worried she would break my fingers. I hoped I wouldn’t need them for my trial.
Callie stood alone on the stage, looking so much smaller than she actually was. She held her hand out to me, letting me know that I would have to abandon my company for the time being. I turned to look at them, my stare long and sad as Jasmine gave my hand one more squeeze.
Over the roar of the welcoming crowd, Jasmine said, “You’re going to be amazing.”
I didn’t believe her, but I said thank you anyway.
I walked alone to the middle of the stage, reaching out to take Callie’s hand. The moment we made contact, the stage disappeared. I heard her gasp as I grabbed the girl and pulled her tight to my chest, wrapping myself around her protectively.
The world spun fast around us, the scene changing silently until it finally slowed down again. We both panted in darkness. It only took a few seconds before I could see where we were.
I didn’t let go of Callie as I took in the cave that looked way, way too familiar. I’d walked these caves when my love had been stolen from me, and I had to go find her again. I walked silently with my trembling sister and a determined Verin. We’d won in that instance, but now, I had no idea what my goal was.
“You okay?” I asked Callie.
She took a breath, nodding. “Yeah. They didn’t tell me that was going to happen.”
“Do you know where we are?”
Coldly, she said, “Yes.”
People appeared behind Callie and me. I turned around to see my family standing in a line, maybe twenty feet from me. My eyes landed on Jasmine, and nothing else mattered. She opened her mouth… but I heard nothing. Not a sound came out of her, but I thought she might have
been screaming for me. She ran forward before her hands slammed against something I couldn’t see.
I started running too, leaving Callie where she stood so I could get to the others. They all looked around, the realization settling in one by one. Again, their mouths moved, and I could hear nothing. They talked with each other, I saw, but I heard nothing.
What felt like a wall stopped me from reaching them. I stood on the other side of Jasmine, inches away but miles at the same time. She looked at me with desperation, and I couldn’t fix it.
“Zander,” I heard from behind me. When I turned, I saw Hades standing beside Callie. Her eyes fixed on Aster and Micha as they stood behind invisible glass. She answered some question they must have asked, but I couldn’t hear it.
Only me. Only I couldn’t hear it.
“What is this?” I growled at the god before me.
He cleared his throat, expression blank as he snapped his fingers. Oh, I could hear things then. I looked over my shoulder to find the sudden source of growling.
I couldn’t… I couldn’t count all the creatures I saw standing too close to my family. Gorgons, chimera, people… actual people, things with teeth and claws, all bared as they snarled at the ones I loved most in the world. They stood frozen, waiting. Weapons appeared in my family’s hands, the ones the gods had given them. Verin held his garrote, looking up to glare at his father.
And weapons appeared in my hands too. I had my shield as well as my sword. Callie had nothing.
“Your task is simple,” Hades said to me, a hand on my shoulder as he turned my back to my family. “Do you see that light?”
I looked toward what felt like an endless stretch of darkness. But I saw the light, the opening to the mouth of hell. “Yes.”
“Get to the end of it. All of you. Get to the end of it.”
That wasn’t it. It just wasn’t. “And?”
I saw Hades’ throat work as he swallowed, standing a little straighter. “When your trial begins, the creatures behind you will be let loose. They will not touch you. They physically can’t. Though they can touch everyone else, and they will. If you stop moving, they won’t be able to move forward, but the fight will go on.”
I didn’t understand. “I can’t kill the creatures?”
“They aren’t for you. They’re for them.”
“Why? Just tell me the rest of it.”
“Your task, Zander, is to get to the end of this cave, and you cannot look back. Not even for a moment. Once you start walking, you can’t turn. If you look back, if you try to see what’s happening behind you, then you lose.”
It all came at once, hitting my chest like a bomb going off. I could still hear the growls behind me, the threats to my family that I wouldn’t even be able to help them with. “What?”
Hades nodded. “Go forward, get out of the cave. You can’t turn back until every single person is out of the cave and in front of you.”
I stared down at the Damascus blade in my hand, unable to see my reflection in it. Same as the shield. They’d been cruel enough to give me my weapons for this…
“If you want,” Hades went on, “You can decide to turn and fight. You can go slay every dragon that you see. But you will lose.”
Callie stood shaking at my side, glaring at Hades. “Why am I here then? You want to torture me by making me watch?”
“You’re here to do your job,” the god answered. “You’ll announce the trial as it’s happening.”
She put a hand on my shoulder, taking a breath. “Fine then. I can let you know that they’re all okay.”
Hades exhaled, her voice harsh when he spoke. “Callie, that is not what you’re here for.”
“I don’t care. I’m done with this.”
The god sounded like, well, a god when he spoke down to her. “Do you have any idea what hangs in the balance? Can you comprehend it? This isn’t a game. This isn’t for fun. This isn’t to hurt your friends. This is to test them. To see if they can handle what we need to give them. If you stand here and hold his hand, you’re going to get him killed. Do you get it? If Zander can’t even do this, then he has no chance of surviving what we’re going to give them. Cheating is going to get your whole family killed. Slaughtered. Do you want innocent people to die because of you?”
Tears filled Callie’s eyes and I wanted nothing more than to run the god through with my sword. Instead, I stood frozen.
“We need to be sure they can do this,” Hades went on. “If they can’t keep a hold of what we have for them, then lives will be lost. We need to know right here and now if they’re worthy. If they’re capable. This…” He gestured around us. “This is nothing compared to what’s coming. This is a snowflake in a blizzard. This is a breath in a hurricane. Test him. Test him so you don’t get him killed later.”
Callie’s chest pumped hard, her hand tight on my arm still. I couldn’t say anything to her, so I pressed my lips to the top of her head. I wanted to tell her I was sorry that she got caught up in all this, but words meant nothing. Not then. Not anymore.
Hades held a hand out to her. “It’s time.”
Her big eyes watched me as she did as the god wanted. “It’ll be okay,” she lied.
And I suddenly stood alone.
And the lights flashed.
And I couldn’t look back.
Move forward. I just had to move forward until I got out of some damn cave. It wasn’t that hard. One foot in front of the other foot. The sooner I got out, the sooner it would be over. Only, not. My family had to kill maybe a hundred different monsters, some of them were people. They had to take lives and I couldn’t even take the brunt of it.
I made a move to step forward, and then I heard Callie’s voice from around me. “Zander makes his first move as the fleet of gorgons move in on Juniper and Verin. They both look away, avoiding their eyes as Kizzy lets an arrow fly from her bow.”
I heard it go off, but I couldn’t hear my friends talking. I tried to block it out. It was the only thing I could have done, right? The only way I could do this without it killing me. Each step felt forced as I clutched my sword so tightly that it burned my knuckles.
I could hear weapons clanging together, and the shouts from monsters. They grunted from the effort. The effort they used to try to kill my fucking family. I would have done anything to hear one of them say they were fine. To hear my sister or Jasmine shout out to me that they were okay, and I could do this. One word from them could have dragged another step out of me.
It was only walking. I had been doing it for most of my life. The task seemed like such a simple one. Walk to the end of the tunnel and not look back. I knew in my heart that those behind me were strong. Three of them even stronger than me.
But it didn’t matter. If they died, it would be because of me. Because they’d been left out to defend themselves as some sort of test for me. Jasmine told me I needed to stop blaming myself for things, but I could only see this as my fault.
My chest tightened with each comment Callie made. Jasper’s arm had been ripped open with a blade, but I knew that it would heal instantly. It didn’t matter. I could still hear my sister screaming in my head when she saw her husband get hurt. It could have been fixed if I turned around and murdered the thing that hurt him. Kizzy wouldn’t have been afraid anymore.
Somehow, I kept stepping forward. The light didn’t seem to get closer, no matter how much farther I moved. Callie kept on talking, telling everyone how my sister had killed a man.
“The arrow went right through his eye!” Callie said. “But Kizzy’s not moving. Staring at his body. The others are a good ten feet away from her. A demigod is running in her direction, but her back is turned to him.”
I wanted to scream. My body hurt, my heart exploding with pain when I realized I had stopped breathing, fighting hard not to turn around. Gods, it was one thing not to fight, but I couldn’t even turn around. I couldn’t look to see who still fought, stuck with only Callie’s words.
This
walk felt like trying to throw a punch underwater. Like I moved through thick mud instead of walked through an empty cavern. That light still didn’t get bigger. It mocked me, saying this would never be over. That I’d died, and this was my new hell.
But my feet kept moving. They moved even when my head burned with the thought that I couldn’t look down at my sword and see what happened behind me. I had no cheat. And I didn’t care what Hades said; that this was the easy part. He didn’t know me, that I could feel every wound like a pulse of shame. Every time Callie said someone got hurt, I felt it. I felt it because I should have been there to stop it. I should have been there to take the hits and make sure no one else had to. I could kill the demigods so that didn’t weigh on anyone else. I could imagine the look that must have been in Verin’s eyes when he had to do it, remembering his mother and that terrible night. I knew it would settle into Kizzy, hurting her when she thought about it. She wasn’t built for this.
“She matches the demigod blow for blow,” Callie said. “Juniper’s lost her crossbow, having stolen a sword from a dead woman. She’s struggling to keep up and Verin can’t see her. His eyes are shut as he battles a gorgon, trying hard not to look. He doesn’t see it when—”
And I heard a scream. I thought I couldn’t hear them, but I heard a scream from Callie at the same time I heard it from Juniper. “The sword plunges into Juniper’s side,” Callie panted. “She’s… she goes down, the weapon falling.”
I listened, my feet stopping as my grip on the sword tightened. I waited for Callie to mention that Verin was on his way, or someone else could save Juniper. But she didn’t. “The demigod is advancing on Juniper, holding the sword above her heart!”
The choice… did I turn to save her, letting the world maybe die for it? Or did I trust her? Did I trust Juniper, the goddess of present sight, to save herself? Jasmine said I put everything on my shoulders. She told me that it didn’t belong there. She told me to trust her.