Wish Upon a Stray

by Yamile Saied Méndez

  “I always thought it was in the Himalayas,” Donovan said.

  I was horrified, feeling an irrational ownership over the cerro I’d seen from my rooftop on sunny days in the valley. A wave of nostalgia swept over me. I’d only been in the United States for a few days, but I missed Mendoza and my life there with a force that made tears prickle my eyes.

  Luckily, by then we’d arrived at my house. My little brothers were playing on the porch.

  “Oh!” Julián said. “You live in the Jensens’ house. I always loved that big round window.”

  Just then, my dad walked out of the house, phone at his ear. His face relaxed when he saw me, and he hung up.

  “Oh no,” Donovan said. “Is your dad going to be mad at us?”

  Julián parked by the curb, and my dad walked toward the driver’s side of the car.

  My dad didn’t even look angry, but my hands started shaking. I got out of the car and walked to his side.

  “Hi, I’m Miguel Soler,” he said, and extended his hand for Julián to shake.

  “I’m Julián, and this is my brother, Donovan.”

  Then my dad looked at me. “What happened? We waited at the bus stop, and we panicked when we didn’t see you.”

  “I couldn’t find my bus, Papi. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do, and they offered to help.”

  Papi’s face softened. “Thank you for driving her,” he said.

  “You’re welcome, sir,” said Julián.

  Donovan smiled tightly at my dad, but he looked relieved. Like he’d expected to get into trouble for doing a good deed, and now that he wasn’t, he didn’t know how to act.

  Papi asked them where they lived, and after a few minutes, the boys drove away.

  “Is that your boyfriend?” Francisco asked me in a little voice, his face the image of malice.

  Mateo started chanting, “Mimilia has a boyfriend!”

  I sent both of them a look meant to stun them into silence. But the ability to correct my brothers seemed to have been lost on the flight to the United States too because they shrugged and left me standing on the sidewalk.

  “You should’ve called me first, María Emilia.” Papi’s tone was soft, but my insides twisted in shame. “Remember the same rules from back home apply here too because this is home now.”

  It was one thing to get in trouble at school, to get a bad score, or to sit alone during lunch. Losing my brothers’ respect was worrying, but my dad being disappointed in me? What would my mom say when she came back? And when Lela found out?

  That was something I couldn’t take.

  My head starting throbbing. I should’ve asked Donovan to let me use his phone. I shouldn’t have let them drive me without asking my dad if it was okay. I’d have never gotten inside a car with people I didn’t know back in Mendoza.

  “I tried to be responsible, like you expect me to. You—”

  “Mimilia has a boyfriend,” my brothers were chanting and clapping. It was in Spanish, but I didn’t want anyone to hear them.

  “Stop it!” I yelled.

  At first, they were stunned. But then Mateo started crying. Francisco looked at me as if I’d become a witch.

  Feeling a prickly sensation in the back of my head, I looked up and saw Ashley Jane staring out her window. She hid behind her curtains.

  “Emilia, apologize to your brother,” my dad said, but I was already stomping inside the house.

  When my mom returned home from work, she wasn’t happy I’d ridden in a boy’s car. A strange boy. But she didn’t say very much to me.

  Before bed, I crept down to the kitchen to tell her what had really happened at school and paused when I heard her speaking with Lela on the computer.

  “I never expected her of all of us to hate it so much here,” Mami said. “The neighbor next door is adorable. Emilia never had a hard time making the right kind of friends. Why would she start now? She even refuses to wear the clothes they brought over. Everything’s practically brand-new.”

  Quietly, I made my way back upstairs. The Bodens were nice, but AJ was horrible to me. I’d never disliked a person so much before, but thinking back on her ignoring me when I was running after the bus, dislike was too soft a word for what I felt.

  But Mami wouldn’t hear a bad word about her new friend’s daughter. She and Mrs. Boden, Stacy, spent a lot of time together after school. And so did my dad with Scott. My brothers practically lived across the street, but I refused to walk into their house even if my nemesis wasn’t there.

  The week went from bad to worse. Tirzah didn’t sit with me at lunch. The only person I really spoke to was my teacher, Mrs. Contreras, for my English Language Learner class, ELL. True to her name, she always had a contradiction ready for anything I said.

  While my brothers had a wonderful time at school, speaking Spanish for half the day, for me each subject and period was a torture. Cindy, the school secretary, called me into the office because I hadn’t declared a club yet, and if I didn’t choose one by the end of the month, I’d be placed in one randomly.

  The math teacher, whose name was Mrs. Garcia, didn’t help my anxiousness. She had let me retake the test, but the second time around I hadn’t done much better.

  In fact, my grade had been a perfect zero.

  “You need to save your answers before you go to the next screen,” the teacher said.

  I was appalled. “I never knew … Did everything get erased, then?”

  The teacher nodded, and I wanted to disappear—just as my answers to the math problems apparently had.

  At the end of the day, I got moved to a different math class for English learners even though the language wasn’t the problem. It was the technology.

  After the class switch, I didn’t see Tirzah, Donovan, or Beto. Which was for the best. Donovan had wanted to help, but my parents had been mad at me and my life went upside down.

  How unfair that the teachers had never met me at my best! I’d never been the troublemaker, the child my parents worried about. What was wrong with this new María Emilia? I didn’t know how to be the girl that made them proud anymore.

  To avoid attracting any attention to my struggles, by Friday I had become so quiet I couldn’t even remember what it was like to talk to someone who wasn’t my family. I even stopped talking with Lela for fear she’d see through the mask I put on every morning to hide how lonely I was.

  Each day my heart crumbled more with the need to talk to someone, anyone.

  I read Celestina’s letters more often, but she hadn’t written to her grandma about struggling with finding a friend. Maybe like me, she hadn’t wanted to worry anyone with her sadness and loneliness, and had kept all her true feelings in her heart.

  That Friday after school, I wanted to sing with joy that I was finally free, but I couldn’t. It seemed the music had died inside me.

  When I arrived at the house, Papi and the boys didn’t even notice my presence. They were playing basketball with the neighbors across the street. I wanted to go to them, but like always, Ashley Jane and her friends had beat me to it. I wanted nothing to do with them. Besides, I had never played basketball before, and I didn’t want them laughing at me when I inevitably messed up on my first try.

  I heard Mami’s and Mrs. Boden’s laughter coming from inside our house, and resentment hardened my heart. It wasn’t fair for me to be angry that they were becoming good friends, but I couldn’t help feeling confused.

  I lifted my eyes to the sky, but it was still too light for the stars to come out, much less for one to fall so I could make a wish. Mine didn’t come true anymore though. My friend Estrellita hadn’t found her way to me.

  Something had broken in the move. I had broken. Usually, a song would be at the tip of my tongue. Now there was silence.

  Since Mrs. Boden was inside my house, I couldn’t go in yet. The only place I could think to go was the backyard, where there was an abandoned shed.

  Montserrat had warned us that the Jensens didn’t w
ant anyone in there.

  I didn’t care. There wasn’t any other place to hide.

  The door wasn’t even locked. It opened with a creak. The place smelled musty, like it hadn’t been opened in decades. Dust danced on a sunbeam coming through the dirty glass of the window. I stepped in and closed the door behind me.

  Boxes were piled by the walls and on top of them …

  A head.

  “Ahhhh!” I screamed, and covered my face.

  Outside, my brothers and their friends kept laughing. No one had heard me. Slowly, I put my hands down and opened my eyes.

  The stuffed head of a majestic deer, with antlers like tree branches, was mounted on the wall. Its beady black eyes unseeing and unmoving.

  This gorgeous animal had died in its prime only to end up mounted on the wall of a shed no one ever went in.

  I had promised Lela I’d be brave and strong. But I was too tired. I started crying.

  No one but a poor stuffed deer was there to see my sadness. Although the place was filthy, I slid down to the floor, and I stayed there for a long time. But eventually, my tears ran out.

  “Ay, María Emilia,” I said aloud. “At least you’re not that deer.” I chuckled at myself.

  A whining sound startled me. And when I lifted my head, I came face-to-face with the little tan dog.

  The dog had the exact same coloring as Estrellita. The tan body faded out to black along the dog’s flattened snout and perked ears. From up close, it looked more like a French bull dog, but not purebred.

  Kneeling, I put my hand out and waited. I wished Mami could see that I was patient after all.

  I was rewarded when, after a bit of snuffling, the dog took a tentative step in my direction. I held my breath so I wouldn’t spook her away. When she finally made it all the way to me, I noticed she didn’t have a collar or tags. Though she looked taken care of, she had to be a stray. I scratched her chin gently, and she looked up at me with large brown eyes, soft and velvety with trust. Then she blinked.

  She had an expression like she was smiling.

  Somehow it was exactly the way Estrellita always looked at me.

  “Hola, Estrellita,” I said.

  She licked my face to her heart’s content, and when she was done, she snuggled into my lap. The song that had hid in the knot pressing against my chest finally unraveled.

  The mountain is hard to climb

  When you think you’re all alone.

  In the darkness, the wind blowing,

  The doubts are louder,

  The fear is stronger.

  Just extend your hand and you’ll find

  Those you love are never far.

  Across oceans, mountains, rivers,

  Years or worlds apart,

  In spite of death,

  Love knows no end.

  The bonds can stretch,

  But they won’t break unless you forget

  That those you love are never far.

  After the rain,

  The rainbow is always there

  To remind you that those you love are never far.

  Brighter days are on the way

  And the tears of yesterday, like the rain,

  Cleansed the path you walk today.

  I sang the words over and over, and the dog closed her eyes. Soon, she was snoring, as if she’d been walking for a long time, and now she could finally rest. The sound of her breathing helped me relax too.

  I watched the dog dreaming, her legs twitching, her whiskers trembling. What was she dreaming about? I covered my mouth so my laughter wouldn’t wake her. But soon, I realized that I was going to be pinned under a dreaming puppy for a long time. Old habits are hard to break, and even though it was Friday, I had a ton of homework to start because I was behind in every class. I dragged my backpack over to me. When he found out we only had one laptop at home for the whole family to share, Mr. Taylor, my new math teacher, let me bring a school tablet home so I could catch up.

  Ten finished math worksheets and a whole rendition of the songs from the seventh-grade graduation later, I realized the dog was awake. Again, her eyes reminded me of how Estrellita used to look at me when she sensed I carried too many troubles in my heart. There was so much love in the dog’s gaze, the words tumbled out of me one right after the other.

  She listened without judgment, and when I was done confessing I wasn’t the daughter my parents expected me to be, she shook her head, as if telling me to stop calling myself bad names.

  “Okay,” I said.

  The dog blinked a few times and yawned.

  “Are you still tired?” I asked in Spanish. I wondered if I should be speaking English to her, but one thing was true all over the world: Pets speak the language of love and kindness. Besides, I was too tired to speak one more word in English.

  But instead of snuggling against me again, she jumped to her feet and started sniffing my backpack.

  “What do you want, baby?” I asked, my heart blooming with tenderness at her twinkling eyes, the twitch of her ears, and the happy wag of her tail.

  She looked up at me and barked once.

  “You’re hungry!” I said, thrilled that even if English gave me a hard time, at least I was a fast learner of Doggish.

  I looked around me, but there was nothing in this shed for her to eat. The dog kept sniffing at my backpack as if she were trying to find a treasure.

  “You know? I might have something in there,” I said.

  I rummaged in the backpack and found a chocolate, which was out of the question for the dog, and a sandwich from lunch. I unwrapped it and placed it on the floor. With her nose, she moved the mystery meat aside and started eating the cheese. I’d never seen such bright orange cheese in my life, and I didn’t like it. The puppy seemed to love it though.

  Like my Estrellita.

  “Estrellita,” I said, petting her head while she ate.

  She looked up at me again and smiled.

  “Mimilia!” Francisco’s tiny voice called from outside the shed, and I jumped.

  Through the little, grime-covered window I could see it was almost dark outside. It must have been close to ten.

  I couldn’t leave Estrellita out by herself. If it were a little earlier, I know my family would’ve helped me figure out if she had a home, but being so late, that was out of the question.

  “Mimilia!” Now my two brothers called for me. The worry in Mateo’s voice clawed up my spine and made me shiver.

  “Come here, Estrellita,” I said, hoping she’d follow me to my house instead of bolting out to the darkness. But I shouldn’t have worried. Estrellita stayed close to me as I made my way toward my brothers.

  “You were in there the whole time?” Mateo asked, pointing at the shed as if it were a dungeon.

  “Maybe, maybe not,” I teased him.

  “What were you doing there?” Francisco asked, taking my backpack from me. But it was heavier than he expected. Before he dropped it, I caught the shoulder strap.

  “It’s okay, baby. I got it,” I said. “I was doing homework, and look who I found …”

  “A ghost?” Mateo asked, his voice quivering. I knew he was mostly being silly but was also a little scared.

  Estrellita chose that moment to jump out of the shadows.

  Mateo screamed, “A wolf!”

  Francisco added, “A giant rat! It’s stinky!”

  Estrellita ran circles around them, and when my brothers realized it was a dog, their eyes lit up like suns.

  “A dog!” they said at the same time.

  Mateo knelt down to pet her, and she licked his face like she’d known him all her life. He looked at me and said in an awed voice, “She looks like Estrellita.”

  “Let me see!” Francisco said, shoving Mateo aside.

  Mateo wouldn’t budge, and soon they were wrestling each other. The dog once again started running in circles around them, barking.

  “What’s this escándalo?” Papi asked, coming out of the house. “Sh
hh. The neighbors are sleeping!”

  The three of us and even the dog went quiet. Francisco pointed at the dog, while Mateo tried not to laugh.

  “Who’s this?” Papi asked. He too knelt to pet Estrellita, who’d flopped on her back for him to rub her belly. She was a smart dog.

  “I was doing homework—”

  “Sulking, you mean,” Francisco said with an annoying smile.

  How did he even know what sulking was?

  “Was not!” I replied. “I was … singing, and she came out from behind some crates.”

  “Was she there the whole time?” Papi asked, sounding worried.

  I shook my head. “She wasn’t there when I went in. She must have snuck in behind me when I was … looking at something else.”

  Papi pressed his lips. “Remember Montserrat said not to go in there?”

  “But we live here, Papi. Besides, all the Jensens have in there is boxes and a stuffed deer mounted on the wall.”

  “Stuffed deer?” asked Mateo. “I want to see it.”

  My dad gave him a warning look.

  “Believe me,” I said, “it’s not the kind of stuffed animal you’re thinking about.”

  Papi sighed, and I said, “But, Papi, don’t you see? She looks like—”

  “Estrellita,” Mami said. She was standing in the doorway. Who knew how long she’d been there watching us with the dog? She had a dreamy expression I didn’t know how to read.

  “Mami …” I said, but I couldn’t say anything else. I stared into her eyes, hoping she’d put into words all the feelings that were crashing inside me, and that I couldn’t translate into any language.

  Mami nodded, and Mateo, obviously fluent in Mami’s every expression and gesture, cheered.

  Mami put a hand up and said, “She seems well taken care of. I’m sure she has a family.”

  “But she doesn’t have a collar or tags,” I said.

  “We can go looking for her family,” Francisco said. “I have a flashlight.” For effect, he clicked the flashlight on and off, blinding us all in the process.

  “We don’t know if we can keep a dog in the rental,” Papi said.

  There was a heavy silence, but when I looked up, I saw Mami and Papi having one of those silent conversations in the language Lela said only parents understood.