by DK Andrews
change?” Nicole grows quiet, she begins to walk faster, kicking dry yellow leaves off the sidewalk in frustration.
I run to catch up with her. “What are you thinking about?” I say, breaking the silence
“About how none of this makes any sense” She walks ahead of me again.
“I relived my happy memories way too quickly” Nicole mumbles, “I won’t see Erica ever again.”Her face turns bright red. “This is where it all happened,” she says sadly, pointing to the highway that leads into the city.
“The highway?” I ask.
“Yes.” She stands at the crossroads beside the exit for the highway. We can’t keep walking straight ahead, as the sidewalk ends. However, we can turn right, and the sidewalk will lead us to the old cemetery, or we can head to the left and make our way to the city center. I’m not feeling much like taking a stroll in a cemetery, so I slowly move toward the left in the hope that Nicole will follow, and she does.
“What happened?” I’m curious to learn about her story, and particularly why she decided that Ultima was her only way out.
“I’ve had such a perfect life; I’ve traveled to so many unforgettable places with my husband.” She looks up at the sky, I wonder if she is possibly trying to picture her husband in heaven.
“Lucky you,” I sigh. “I’ve never left the continent.”
I can tell it’s hard for Nicole to keep talking.
“I was married for 10 years, we had our daughter, Erica,” Nicole continues. “We were so happy. I had everything I needed. But in the eyes of God, I had way too much, and he took from me everything that mattered—my family.” Nicole wipes a tear from her cheek, still trying to find the strength to keep walking.
Listening to Nicole’s painful sobs, I feel hopeless. No matter what I say to her, she won’t be drawn out of her sorrow, her pain.
“I was driving that day,” she said. “It was sunny and beautiful, and we were on the way to the park. No signs of trouble.”
Nicole pauses. I can feel, just by hearing her story and seeing her face, the full intensity of that day.
“I lost control of the car, the truck smashed into us—on the passenger side.”
Another tear runs down her face and slips onto her quivering mouth.
“Brandon and Erica died instantly; she was only 8. And me? I didn’t have a single scratch on me. The guilt was unbearable.” She breathes in deeply and turns to look me right in the eyes. “I had to give a statement to the police after the accident. They wanted to make sure I didn’t do it intentionally. And that’s when I saw you, running inside the station, screaming…” With the slightest hint of a smile, she says, “Thank you.”
“For what?” I say, puzzled.
“For appearing in my memories. I don’t think I could handle another interrogation.”
Frankly, I’m feeling relieved as well—I’d rather spend time with this stranger than reliving my awful memories.
“I don’t think I would’ve survived re-living the memories of what happened after the accident. I spent days and months lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I wanted to commit suicide, but my parents wouldn’t have been able to afford the funeral costs, and I’d drained all my savings. Insurance companies don’t cover suicide, and I’m sure now if the Conversion program is successful they might stop life insurance policies altogether. Anyway, thankfully I didn’t end my life four years ago, otherwise, my elderly parents would have been left with my dead body and my debt. At least now I have some money for them in a trust fund. It’s not much, but it should be enough to cover their retirement, I hope.” Nicole looks at me. “You probably received a big pay-out for your life because you are so young.”
“I suppose,” I say, reluctantly. I don’t want to talk money.
“Do your parents know what you are up to?” I ask.
“I told them I’m going on a trip that will help my depression, and they believed me. After the Conversion, Ultima will send them a letter to let them know I’m gone, and that as a consolation, there is some cash in it for them, to help out with their retirement plans.”
I frown thinking of how I’ll have to deliver the news of my intentions to Micah.
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll run in into them in the city at some point?” I ask.
“Not possible,” she says.“I’m staying at Ultima full time, I can’t leave the facility.
I’m allowed to send my parents an email every two or three days to let them I’m OK and that my trip is going well.” Nicole fakes a weak smile.
“You are staying at Ultima?” I ask, needing confirmation.
“Yes, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not.” I point to her arm. “That explains the fact that you aren’t wearing a bracelet.”
“What bracelet?” Nicole asks, puzzled.
I roll up my sleeve and show it to her. “A bracelet, like this one.” She takes my hand and tentatively reaches out to check out my bracelet.
“I never got one; what does it do?”
“It basically keeps tabs on me to make sure I don’t run away or commit suicide before the Conversion takes place.”
“Smart,” Nicole mumbles.
We approach the hill from which you can see the skyline of the city. Tired of walking, I find a patch of grass where I can sit. Eventually, Nicole joins and sits s next to me. We watch as cars and people pass below, observing them in silence.
“What’s it like, staying at Ultima?” I ask.
“Just as depressing as staying at home,” she responds.
“Have you met any other people?”
“Who? Other participants? No. I have my own room, which is under surveillance 24/7.The only person I see is the caterer, who brings me my food, and the doctor that connects me to the Mentior”
“Wow,” I say. “Sounds like prison.”
“Pretty much,” Nicole laughs. I smile slightly.
“What do you think is going to happen now?” I ask, looking around.“Will they realize there is a glitch somewhere? Should we tell them?”
“Tell them?” she asks incredulously. “Why? If there’s a glitch, it’s not my problem. I need to stop reliving the past and start moving beyond it. I’d rather spend time with a complete stranger than going back to the life I had after my family was taken away from me.” She turns to me. “Your childhood was pretty rough, too, huh?”
“To say the least,” I say sadly.
“We should enjoy these last days,” Nicole says as she scans the busy city scene laid out before us. “The city really looks gorgeous from here.”
I nod.
“You know,” she continued, “I think we should plan to meet again during tomorrow’s session. I have to believe that escaping from our memories will work again for both of our sakes.” Her eyes sparkle.
“I agree,” I say excitedly. “Where should we meet?”
“Let’s meet at Fantasy World! You know where that is?”
“I do,” I say.
Fantasy World is a small theme park located in the center of the city; it’s separated from the business district of the city by the waters of the bay. When I was younger, I used to walk across the bridge and stand outside the park. I never had the money to go in. I just wanted to hear the laughter of all the kids inside. After the park would close, I would walk back to my house and often picture myself jumping off the bridge, spreading my wings, and flying away.
“So I will see you there tomorrow?” Nicole says, grinning.“Might as well enjoy our final hours.”
There is a sudden rush of wind, and I hear the dried leaves rustling.
“I think it’s coming,” I say, touching my temples.
“What’s coming?”
“The session will be over soon, I can feel it.”
Nicole gets up and takes my hand. “I will see you tomorrow.”
The next thing I see is the white ceiling of the preparation room, blurry through the glass visor.
What just happened to me? The whol
e experience with Nicole has left me bewildered. Was it real, or is it just my imagination running wild? I know Nicole exists—I saw her at the bus stop after my first meeting with Dr. Kismen. Somehow, our paths crossed again in our memories. It’s surely not how the preparation process is supposed to go, but as Nicole said, “Not my problem.” I do want to enjoy my last days; I have no desire to be in high school again, where I got bullied and made fun of on a daily basis. And I certainly don’t want to relive those wretched days after the rape.
“How are you feeling?” Dr. Kismen asks with a smile while taking the helmet from my head.
“All right,” I say. I need to pull myself together quickly.
“You look confused,” she said, putting a hand on my shoulder.“Are you OK?”
No kidding I’m confused, I just had a full-on conversation with another Dator in my memories.
“I’m fine,” I say, just wanting to get away as fast as possible. I don’t want Dr. Kismen to ask me any questions about my session. I get off the bed and put my sneakers on.
“Excellent. I just thought I’d ask since you seem a little different.”
She raises her eyebrow.
“Bad memory,” I respond, looking away.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
I remember I need to pick up Micah from Christina’s place.
“I should probably get going,” I say, walking towards the door.
“Do you have enough money?” she asks.
“I’m sorry?” It takes me a second to realize what she’s talking about “Oh! Yes, yes, thank you. It takes me a while to get myself together after these sessions, and especially after today’s.” I bit my tongue.
“Why? What happened today?”