by DK Andrews
in to this handholding. Only for today, though.
“Where did you learn about classical music?” I ask?
“My parents made me take piano lessons when I was younger. I hated it. I was a terrible pianist, but at least I learned to appreciate a beautiful melody.”After a moment, Gabriel looks around and asks, “Still no sign of Nicole or Sophie?”
“Nope, still haven’t seen them.”
“That’s too bad,” he says, with a touch of relief.
“Right,” I say sarcastically, “cause you really want to see them.”
“Well,” he smiles, “I know you do.”
Suddenly I’m a bit concerned. Where are they? What if something has happened to them? A muscle twitches involuntarily at the corner of my right eye; my mouth forms a rigid grimace. I close my eyes and move my head from one side to another to banish my dark thoughts away.
“You OK?” Gabriel asks.
“Yes. I’m fine. Let’s go over to the botanical garden. Maybe we’ll find them there.”As we walk, I pray that Nicole and Sophie are unharmed, and are simply exploring the city on their own.
“Hey Alina, is that them?” Gabriel points at two people by the ice cream stand in the distance.
“I don’t think so,” I answer without looking, assuming he’s wrong.
“No, I think it’s them!”
“Really?” I look, and sure enough, I recognize that beautiful little girl Sophie! “It’s them!” I say excitedly, running toward the ice cream stand. “Sophie!”
She sees me and runs toward me. I lift her up and give her a kiss. “Where have you been?” I ask.
“Nicole and I were at Fantasy world!” she says.
“Of course you were!” I see Nicole approaching; I put Sophie down. “I’m so glad to see you guys,” I say, giving Nicole a hug.
“I see Gabriel is here as well” Nicole gives him a suspicious look.
“Nice to see you too Nicole,” Gabriel says with a note of sarcasm.
“Where were you?”
“Well, we were at Fantasy world yesterday morning, then we came back here, but couldn’t find you.”
Gabriel and I look at each other. “Oh…” I say, “we were here, but then when we didn’t see you guys, we decided to walk to Fantasy world.”
“Right, probably wasn’t a great idea,” Nicole says with a wink.
“Come on, Sophie,” Gabriel says, delicately grabbing her hand. “Let’s go check out the sea lions!”
“Sea lions?” she says in excitement.
“Yes! There is a resting area for them over there.” Clearly, he wanted to give Nicole and me some space to talk.
“So?” Nicole asks.
“What?” say, playing dumb.
She looks at me intensely. “Have you told him that you are a Dator yet?”
“No, I haven’t. I will tell him today.”
“You have to tell him!” she pushes. “He likes you, and he probably plans on meeting you in the real world eventually.”
“I know, I know.”
“Speaking of the real world, Nicole, what’s your last name?”
“I’m sorry?” she says, taken aback.
“What’s your last name? I don’t think we ever officially introduced ourselves.”
“It’s true. What’s yours?” she asks me.
“Bruhler,” I answer. “And you?”
“Williams.”
“Nice to meet you, Nicole Williams,” I say. She smiles in return. “Listen, a crazy thought came to my mind yesterday.”
“Yes?”
“I just thought that—that maybe all of you guys are just an invention of my imagination. That I’m seeing things. Or that Mentior created you. I don’t know…” She listens and then puts her hand on my wrist, near my bracelet.
“Alina,” she says, looking me hard in the eyes.“I’m as real as you are. I’m at Ultima right this moment, plugged into the Mentior. I sold my life, and I’m getting ready for the Conversion. You can believe me.”
“Right, of course,” I say, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Plus, at this point, you should probably be more worried about cutting loose ends,” Nicole says, slowing down.
“Loose ends?” I ask.
“Yeah. Aren’t you going to tell the people close to you about the Conversion?”
An image of my fragile little brother comes to mind, and then Christina! Of course. Should I tell them or not?
“It can’t. Not yet,” I say, looking down.
Nicole watches Sophie, who’s laughing and jumping and just being a funny kid. “You know,” she says without taking her eyes of Sophie, “I have changed these past few days—dramatically changed.”
“How so?”
“I have a purpose in life,” Nicole says as she runs her hand through her hair. I notice a small patch of gray. I stare at her with bewilderment. “I’m still afraid, of course,” she continued, “but regret is living in me now.”
“What do you mean?”
“I regret selling my life.” She holds my arm tightly, and I sense her despair.
“What?” I’m shocked. I wish she hadn’t told me that.
“Yes, I mean, after meeting Sophie, I feel like I want to live. I feel there is hope for me.” Her eyes well up with tears. “I don’t know, Alina, it’s all so confusing.”
“I wish I knew what to tell you,” I say.
“I shouldn’t have told you that,” she says. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had such an amazing time with Sophie. And I’m picturing how awesome it would it be if I could visit Sophie after the Conversion. I would love to spend time with her on the outside.”A tear runs down her cheek.“I know what you want to say, that it’s never going to happen. I know that.”
I move in closer to her.
“Or adoption,” she continues.
“Adoption?”
“Sure, I could have adopted. Given a child a home.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Nothing made sense to me then. I was empty, depressed, lonely, scared, and miserable.” She gathers her hair in her hand twists it and leaves it down. She can’t keep her eyes off Sophie; I stare at Gabriel.
“What about you?” Nicole says, turning to me. “Are you still sure about your decision?”Something in my hesitation gives me away, and Nicole says, “I think I know the answer.” Of course, she’s right. “I mean, if I hadn’t sold my life and come to Ultima, I would have never met Sophie. It’s amazing to feel such happiness in my final days, I just can’t believe that I’m dying when I want to live.”
All I saw in my past was hopelessness and despair, but in the last few days, doubt has definitely been creeping in.
“I wish I had another chance,” Nicole continues, “but I’m locked in with Ultima. You, on the other hand, still have a chance to get away.”
“Not really,” I say, pointing to my bracelet.
“Right,” she remembers. “The bracelet.”
“And if I run away,” I go on, “then someone will lose the life they were promised. In my case, that’s likely Sophie.”
Nicole doesn’t respond—she clearly can’t be the judge of whose life, mine or Sophie’s, is more valuable.
We catch up with Gabriel and Sophie, who are playing tag. Gabriel succumbs and lets her win. Sophie’s bright laughter is such that Nicole and I can’t hold back our smiles.
The four of us take a scenic train tour of the botanical gardens. Sophie sits on Nicole’s lap, pointing at every tree we pass. I try to catch some of the commentary, which talks about interesting aspects of the gardens and the surrounding harbor. But it’s hard for me to concentrate, with Gabriel’s hand tenderly wrapped around my waist. After the ride, we head to the bridge to watch the sunset.
Gabriel looks at me. “We can’t miss the show, tomorrow,” he assures me. “You have to hear the music.”
I suppose I should before I die.
MAGICAL MUSIC
It’s another lonely night at Christina’s; being
by myself brings up so many thoughts. I walk to the computer and turn it on. I want to search for “Nicole Williams” online and see if I can find something about her. I type in her name, and the results are mainly social media pages. I scroll through a few but can’t find my Nicole. “A waste of time,” I tell myself. What am I looking for, exactly? Confirmation that she exists? She probably does—and what difference would it make, anyway? I shut off the computer and get ready for bed.
Once again, it’s hard to fall asleep. It’s bothering me that Gabriel is on my mind when I go to bed and when I wake up. What does he think about? Cancer? Hopeful thoughts of the future? Enough. I cover my head with the blanket.
It’s hard to open my eyes. But I know it’s time to wake up.
Dress or jeans for today’s session? I love every single item in Christina’s wardrobe. I still can’t believe that most of her clothes are from the second-hand store. I guess you don’t need to buy expensive clothes to look good. All of Christina’s clothes fit me perfectly. As I stroke my hand along the length of her colorful dresses where they hang in her wardrobe, my heart squeezes in a painful thought of the emotional conversation that I’m going to have to have with Christina when I tell her about the Conversion. She’ll probably hate me for hiding my news about the Conversion for so long. I haven’t told Gabriel the truth, either. I’m also way too scared to tell Micah. How do you tell a nine-year-old that his sister will be gone? That she won’t be coming back, that she won’t be there when you graduate high school and all because she couldn’t cope with her emotional pain. I fall to my knees and cry, still holding the long sleeve of a lavender silk dress in my hands.
“Please forgive me, Micah!” I mumble and wipe the tears from my face. “I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.” “I really