The Conversion

by DK Andrews

do regret selling my life” Nicole’s words play in my head. Why did she plant a seed of doubt in me? What can I do to help Nicole? She doesn’t want to die. Can I give her a second chance?

  I have to scrape myself off the floor and get ready. I can’t be late for my Ultima session, otherwise, I will be a wanted fugitive, and will be the subject of a man-hunt by Ultima. I hurry, jump on the bus, arrive on time.

  Dr. Kismen and I repeat our daily ritual of walking from her office to the elevator. She swipes her access card. I notice three blue stripes on it.

  “Purple looks good on you,” Dr. Kismen says

  “It’s not purple, it’s lavender” I respond sharply

  “Alright, sorry, lavender then,” Deanna says sarcastically. Must be that kind of day.

  While she’s getting the room set up for our upcoming session, I glance at the white desk. A stack of access cards lay on the corner. I step back to try and prevent myself from stealing the keys. But I have to help Nicole; I’ve no other option.

  “Shall we start the session?” Dr. Kismen asks.

  “Yes,” I say, closing my hands tightly around the top card and putting my head down.

  In this session, I manage to escape from my memory particularly fast. Getting to the wharf and the theater doesn’t take me long at all. Somehow, despite the large crowd at the marina I quickly spot Gabriel, Sophie, and Nicole. The four of us are connected, and I suspect it’s not only because of the Mentior. Surprisingly, Nicole and Sophie, for a change, are not at Fantasy World today.

  “I’m so glad you guys are here,” I say to Nicole.

  “Don’t get your hopes up, Alina,” she says sarcastically. “Sophie and I are going to the zoo today, aren’t we, sweetheart?” Nicole lovingly fixes Sophie’s hair.“I assumed you guys wanted some time alone,” Nicole says with a grin.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not blind, Alina. You clearly enjoy each other’s company.” Nicole winks at Gabriel. I roll my eyes, and Gabriel just stands there.

  “Let’s go, Nicole!” Sophie shouts, grabbing Nicole’s hand. “I want to see the giraffes!”

  Nicole smiles. “Yes, let’s go and see them.” She turns to Gabriel and me. “Let’s catch up later, guys. I assume you’ll be around here?” She winks again.

  “Yes,” Gabriel says.

  As Nicole and Sophie stroll away, I say to Gabriel, “You’re not very talkative today.”

  “It’s not that,” Gabriel says with his smooth voice. He grabs my waist, pulls me in close and kisses me on a cheek. “I just couldn’t wait to be alone with you. Are you ready for some music?”

  “I can’t,” I say, feeling his breath on my neck. Gabriel moves my long hair away and keeps kissing my neck and then slowly moves onto my shoulder. Every muscle in my body tenses up, and I forget where I am. “Stop, stop,” I say, trying to free myself from his arms.

  “Why?” Gabriel whispers, keeping his lips on my neck.

  “Because…” I say, inhaling and gathering my strength. I push his hands away.

  Gabriel is left confused.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks quietly.

  “I told you to keep your distance!” I say.

  “Yes,” Gabriel says, turning away, “yes you did. I’m sorry. I crossed the line.”

  I’m angry with myself. What was I thinking letting him get so close to me? I have to keep reminding myself how damaged I am. “Don’t try it again!”

  “I get it, I said I’m sorry. It’s just—” Gabriel frowns.

  “What?” I ask, agitated.

  “It’s just—it’s hard for me to keep my distance from you.”

  “Well, you’ll have to try!”

  “You’re just… so beautiful.” Gabriel comes up close to me again. He fixes my hair and looks at me. I stare at his lips.

  “Stop,” I say, hiding my eyes and stepping backward.

  “Why don’t you believe me!”

  “What’s the point?” I ask angrily.

  “It makes a big difference!” Gabriel argues. “After the Conversion, I really want to continue seeing you!”

  “What if the Conversion isn’t successful?”

  “It will be successful, and then you and I will meet!”

  “Gabriel—”

  “Listen, Alina, I’m not sure what has happened to you in the past—I can only imagine something tragic—but not everybody in this world is an asshole. I wouldn’t lie to you, I wouldn’t play with your feelings like that. I wish I could spend every minute of the day with you.” He looks at me, and I swallow my tears. “I’m fading away,” he continues.“Very slowly and very painfully. The illness has taken away my old self. I look ugly and disgusting. I can’t wait for the Conversion to happen. Soon it will be done, and then we can meet!” He begins to extend a hand to me but pulls back. “Oh right, I should keep my distance.” He puts his hands in his pockets and goes on. “I’m just so happy I’ve met you. You have changed things for me—my outlook on life. I was skeptical about the Conversion at first and was ready to die. But now—now that I’ve met you, I want to live.”

  I can see the happiness and hope in his eyes. Do I destroy his plans for the future now or later? “Gabriel, I…” I begin, but my courage has left me once again, and I’m left speechless. When am I going to bring myself to tell him I’m not a Receiver?

  “Yes?”

  “Nothing.” Tomorrow, I think. I’ll definitely tell him the truth tomorrow. No more excuses! I look over at the theater. “We should probably get going, huh? The performance will be starting soon.”

  “Yes, we should,” he says. “You are gonna love it!” Gabriel can’t hide his excitement.

  I’m silent as we enter the concert hall. The venue has seating made of white birch timber with red woolen upholstery; its high vaulted ceiling creates a mesmerizing setting. I look into the orchestra pit and see the rows and rows of musicians. I’m thrilled. I turn to Gabriel and feel an urge to lock him in my arms and thank him for all the positive feelings he has awakened in me.

  He leads me toward the back of the theater, to the only two empty seats. “I think we should take those,” Gabriel whispers, “unless you prefer the nosebleed seats in the balcony.”

  I laugh as I follow him to our seats. “Why are you whispering?”I ask loudly. “No one can hear us anyway!”

  “Right,” he says with a smile. “I keep forgetting.”

  As soon as we sit down, the music begins, and I listen attentively.

  The first part of the concert reminds me of spring. The violin passages seem to grow from the basses, the sounds of light, fun, and freedom swell enthusiastically before gradually calming as to welcome autumn.

  Then the second part starts quietly and serenely. Quirky and delicate melodies dominated by violins.

  My heart seems to rise, fall and almost bursts in time with the music

  The third part of the concert begins-sounds like late autumn with the blowing of horns reminding me of dried leaves flying off branches. I enjoy the quick rhythm. The beauty of this music stuns me. I feel shivers run through my body, every fiber of my soul is electrified. Small tear builds in the corner of my eye.

  “Did you like it?” Gabriel asks after the conclusion of the performance.

  “I loved it. What was that?”

  “The Four Seasons, by Vivaldi.”

  “Pretty impressive, how well you know classical music.”

  “Well, I do somewhat,” he says with a modest chuckle. “This time, though, I just read the program.” He shows me the white pamphlet.

  “Oh, right,” I say, embarrassed. “Of course.”

  “I’m really glad you enjoyed it,” he says warmly. He leans back in his seat and gets ready for the next piece.

  With the music and beautiful setting, I can’t help but get lost in the moment. I put my hand on his thigh, and he immediately covers my hand with his. I turn to face him, lean into his shocked face to bring it closer to mine and kiss him. Gabriel’s e
yes open wide with surprise.

  “I’ve never kissed anyone before,” I tell him as I pull back a little, but not too much, hinting that the boundaries have softened.

  “You’ve never kissed anyone before?” he asks. I imagine he wasn’t expecting to meet an 18-year-old who had never been kissed. He will be the first and the last one I kiss.

  “You don’t believe me?” I ask.

  “Don’t worry,” he says. “I will go slowly. There’s a first time for everything.”With those words, Gabriel leans forward. Briefly, he touches my parted lips with his own, each time leaning back after each kiss to look into my eyes. The touch of his lips is magical; I close my eyes and give in into my emotions. The music and passions are creating fireworks inside me. My lips flutter against my will automatically responding to his touch.

  He masterfully manipulates my lips; my mouth is opening succumbing to the rhythm. His soft tongue is tender and responsive. A warm wave of emotion envelopes my face. I want to keep kissing him. He caresses my waist, and his hand moves slightly up, closer to my breasts. My body shudders, but I can’t resist. I have no will to stop him, to interrupt his touch.

  His searching hands become firmer and more assertive, and in a split second I lose my concentration, and the memories of that disgusting beast from my past come flooding back into my brain. My body remembers the feeling of the cold floor of the bedroom at Gloria’s and the incredible weight of his abominably smelly body.

  I dig clenched fists into Gabriel’s chest, intending for him to stop, but that only makes him kiss me harder. His hands are no longer careful, they travel all over my body. In a panic, I hit his chest with my