by DK Andrews
Kismen says, placing her stack of access cards precariously close to the edge of her desk.
A tingling feeling runs through me; I’m hankering for those cards. I have to find Nicole. She can still find happiness in the outside world-with my help. Please, Dr. Kismen, leave the room—I really need to have those keys.
She reaches for her black purse, which is tucked in underneath the desk. My heart is racing, a drop of sweat runs down the side of my head. I keep begging in my head for Deanna to leave the room. She reaches deep into her bag for her wallet and my time is almost up. She pulls out a crisp $100 bill and hands it to me, as if in slow motion. I reach for it when suddenly her cell phone rings. “Oh, sorry, I need to take this,” she says while looking at the phone number showing on the screen.
I feign a polite but relieved smile.
“I’ll be right back.” She gets up from her chair and walks into the hall with the phone, shutting the office door slightly behind her. I can hear her footstep moving away from the office.
I hold my breath and snatch the key-cards off the table. I peek out of the office and see Dr. Kismen down the hall, facing the door to the reception area. I hear the sound of my heart throbbing against my chest—I have to be quick and quiet. I tiptoe out of the office. Her voice travels down the hall, echoing between the walls. I turn the corner quickly and stand by the elevator, finally letting out my breath. I desperately gasp for air, I’m afraid I might lose consciousness.
The elevator arrives, and I pray that it’s empty. The doors open, and shivers run down my spine. It’s empty! With a single step, I’m inside, and the door closes behind me. Now what? What floor do I push? I scan the buttons: 15 floors. 1 in 15 chance seems high; it’s actually more like 1 in 14 since I already know what’s on the 10th floor. I call on my intuition and stab the button for what I hope is level 12—as soon as the elevator moves, I know it wasn’t right. I acted on an impulse.
When the elevator doors open, a wave of cold sweat covers my head. I step out quietly. The floor is eerily quiet—not a single soul around. Ultima just has some many weird creepy settings.
There is a long dark hallway with a bunch of doors along both walls. I look at the first one: “Preparation Room 12.” I swipe every card and finally, the green light on the door sensor lights up. The door is open. I hold my breath and pull the door closed behind me. No one is here, Nicole is not here. I run back and call the elevator. I wait for it impatiently.
As soon as I hear the noise of the arriving elevator, I release my grip on the keys slightly. No one is inside again, so I quickly jump in, panting; the lack of oxygen is making it hard to think.
Where to next? What button should I push? What path shall I take? Who can guide me? Please, Nicole, tell me where you are. I swipe the card and randomly push the button that should take me to level 8.
The elevator moves. Every breath that I take comes with great effort. I can’t see anything in front of me but a spinning black tunnel. I tilt my head in the hope that it will stop. My knees feel like cotton balls, and they suddenly bend, sending me to the floor of the elevator. With all the strength I have left, I keep my eyes open, I can’t close them now—I can’t drift off.
I keep moving my head from one side to the other. I squeeze my head with my hands in an attempt to regain full consciousness. Everything is misty. The elevator doesn't seem to be moving anymore. My eyelids are heavy; I have no fight left in me. My eyelids finally fall shut, the world turns black as I fall into unconsciousness.
A dull, sharp pain at the back of my head disturbs my peace, and I begrudgingly open my right eye. A bright light stings my pupil. I’m afraid to see something I don’t want to see. I hear a noise that sounds as if someone put a surgical knife down on a glass surface. My imagination is painting a disturbing picture. I wish I was in the Mentior right now, next to Gabriel; he would protect me, he would take away my fear. It feels like today is the end of me. I hear light footsteps near the surface I’m lying on. Tears are forming in my eyes, but if I let go of even one tear, whoever is standing by my side right now will know I’m conscious.
After few minutes of lying there, trying to look frozen, I start to sense a familiar smell. I inhale it every day: it’s Dr. Kismen’s hand lotion.
I can’t keep playing dead forever, I will need to face the consequences eventually.
I make an attempt to lift both of my eyelids. The light still hurts my eyes, but I manage to keep them open.
“Good, you’re awake,” Dr. Kismen says calmly.
I try to speak, but words don’t come out. My body is still in a state of the shock. I look around, trying to determine exactly where I am. It looks like the glass room where we have our daily sessions. I see medical equipment, and it terrifies me. I want to cry.
My poor brother will never know what happened to his sister. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him or Christina. How foolish was it of me to think I could rescue Nicole.
“Lilian, you can go now,” Dr. Kismen says to a small figure dressed in a black nurse’s uniform. “Her blood pressure and heart rate are stabilized now.”
“Let me know if you need anything else, Dr. Kismen,” the figure replies.
“Certainly, thank you for all your help,” Dr. Kismen says.
My eyes finally adjust to the environment. Dr. Kismen turns off the bright light above my head.
“So?” Dr. Kismen says while sitting in the chair beside the bed. I can’t help but think of the noise that scalpel made earlier. I squeeze my stomach to make sure it’s not cut open. I can feel my limbs—thank God I still have them. I look down at my wrists, they are secured to the bed by leather straps.
“Where is scalpel?” I ask. I have nothing to lose at this point, so I might as well find out what to expect.
“I’m sorry?” Dr. Kismen says, leaning forward.
“I’ve heard it,” I explain. “I’ve heard the noise.”
“Alina, there are no scalpels around here,” Dr. Kismen says reassuringly.
I abruptly lift up my body and look around, trying to find any sharp objects. I don’t see any.
“See? I wasn’t lying to you,” she says.
“So you will not be cutting me open?” I ask, skeptically. “Or torturing me?”
“Not to my knowledge,” Dr. Kismen replies, stifling a laugh. “I do need you to tell me why you stole my keys, though. What exactly were you looking for?”
I turn away. What do I tell her?
“Nothing.”
“Right. Somehow, I don’t believe that.” Dr. Kismen keeps her eyes fixed on me. “I’m waiting...”
“I was just curious,” I let out finally.
“What about?”
“About Ultima.”
“Ultima? Alina, I need more information. There has to be a reason why you decided to take the access cards off my desk and hunt around the building.” Her eyes have lost some of their softness—they are now more concentrated and determined to get all the facts straight.
“I’m telling you Dr. Kismen, I just wanted to look around.”
“Well, that was a very irrational decision.”
“I’m a teenager,” I protest. “I’m supposed to be irrational. Please Dr. Kismen, can I go now? I promise it will never happen again. I will not snoop around, and I will obey your every request.” Something tells me, however, that Dr. Kismen is not buying it.
“It’s not that simple,” Deanna says after a deep breath. “I can’t just let you go.”
“Why not?” I ask nervously. “It’s not like I broke any rules.”
“Not directly, no.”
“Exactly, I wasn’t trying to kill myself, or skip a session, or run away.”
Dr. Kismen is still not convinced. “You will be staying at Ultima full time now, Alina,” she says.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“What?” My voice trembles, my mouth is ready to let out a howl.
“There is nothing I can do,” she says firmly. “It’s proc
edure. You put in jeopardy this whole operation, so now you have to face the consequences.”
“What operation?” I ask, angrily.
“I’m talking about The Conversion. You are refusing to tell me exactly what you were looking for, so that’s that. The best thing for you will be to stay at Ultima full-time.” She gets off the chair, which squeaks as the wheels roll on the floor. “I will get one of the nurses to help transfer you to a different area, where you will be staying until The Conversion.”
I have no tears left to cry. I can’t believe I will be dying with so many regrets. Micah, I’m so sorry I couldn’t say goodbye. He will learn about my death from the Doctors here. It will be traumatizing for him. I can picture him crying. Oh God! What will happen with the trust fund? Will he still get it?
“Dr. Kismen!” I say, louder than I’d meant.
“Yes?” She lets go off the door handle and turns to me.
“Will my trustee still get the funds?” I ask, my voice is shaky.
Deanna doesn’t reply, turns back to the door, and starts to exit.
In a panic, I yell, “Please stop! I will tell you everything.” I gather my strength. Shivers run down my spine, but I have no choice. I need to come clean.
Dr. Kismen turns, locks the door and marches back toward my bed, her footsteps heavier than I can ever remember.
She grabs the chair and wheels it in the direction of the bed. She sits down hard, and after a breath, she says, “I’m listening.”
I close my eyes in order to stop my tears from falling. It’s time.
“First, can you please tell