The Conversion

by DK Andrews

suffering and begging God to take me finally, I experienced one of the happiest days of my life. I met this incredible woman named Christina—she’s been a real gem, she takes care of my little brother and me. Regarding Mentior, it didn’t bring me down—in fact, quite the complete opposite. I get to see Nicole, Sophie, and, most importantly, Gabriel. He—,” I sob. “I like him very much.” I start to cry. “I don’t want to die anymore!” I say through my tears, finally honest with myself. “This is so stupid. I always wanted to die, as far back as I could remember. I would picture the day. I would have an image of myself hanged by a scarf on the tree, or lying in a bath full of blood. Seriously—anxiety and emptiness wouldn’t leave me alone. They just followed me around everywhere.” I crumple up the tissue and wipe away tears. “And now you are telling me that all of these people—Gabriel, Nicole, and Sophie—are real? At first, I was sure I was giving my life to Sophie, but after today’s session, I think Gabriel is probably the Receiver of my life.”

  Dr. Kismen listens attentively, not interrupting. She lets me vent, and be sad. I appreciate the gesture. Throughout my 18 years, I’ve kept everything inside, which doesn’t help. Now, all this emotional garbage comes flowing out of me at once.

  I continue, in a desperate whimper: “I don’t want to die, but I want Gabriel to live! It’s not fair!” I feel helpless. A quick glance down at the black bracelet on my wrist brings me back to my senses. Right—how could I have forgotten about the fact that I have nothing in the world, that the most precious thing that I’ve ever had was my life, and I so carelessly sold it.“Anyway,” I go on, “I don’t even know why I am talking about this. Ultima has my life now. So it doesn’t really matter what I want.”

  Dr. Kismen shoots me a mysterious smile. “Well, you never know what might happen—life is full of surprises.” She looks like a villain.

  I sit up on the bed and hang one of my legs down, trying to let her know that I’m ready to go. If I can just sneak outside, maybe she’ll forget the rule violation.

  “May I go now?” I ask hesitantly. She can’t give me any information, and I don’t want to waste my time since I have so little now.

  “In a minute,” she says.

  I get excited. My heart is jumping. She’s letting me go—hallelujah! The question remains though: will I be able to see Gabriel tomorrow? I engage her again: “When will the glitch be fixed, do you think? I mean, you know it exists. I presume despite the glitch everything is going OK with the preparation process and The Conversion will be successful?”

  “Well, on paper the process is looking good. Your memories are getting collected and still scheduled to be destroyed on conversion day.” She moves her eyes away from the computer screen.

  “What about the process for the Receivers?” I ask. “How’s that going?”

  “That’s going well, too. The positive environment for the new life energy is getting created, and the Receivers are getting emotionally prepared.”

  “That’s good,” I say, thinking of Sophie and Gabriel.

  “I thought you said you wanted to live now,” Dr. Kismen says, looking over at me. “Wouldn’t it be in your best interest if things didn’t go the way they were planned?”

  “Is it possible they wouldn’t?”

  “I don’t know,” she answers, shrugging her shoulders. For the first time, I see a lack of confidence.

  “Really?”

  “It’s possible,” she admits. “Look, Mentior is a young technology. And, apparently, we already have glitches. In theory, you’re not supposed to be able to cheat your memories. But in practice, the human brain, emotions, and subconscious are still not fully understood. Also, Dators shouldn’t be meeting up with Receivers and roaming around in virtual reality—they are prohibited from having any contact with each other.”

  “Why is that?”

  “You really need me to explain to you?”

  “Sure.”

  “Just because I want to eat steak doesn't mean I want to meet a cow. Look at yourself now, Alina. You doubt your decision after meeting Gabriel. Nicole doubts hers after meeting Sophie. The Conversion is a complicated process as it is, and crossing paths with Receivers only makes it more complicated and confusing. What if your Receiver was a total moron that doesn’t deserve to live? You wouldn’t want to give them your life. We can’t choose Receivers—they are simply chosen based on the money they’ve paid.” Dr. Kismen pauses, perhaps thinking she was out of line. “Anyway, all that being said, this particular glitch will be fixed sooner or later.”

  “Can it be later?” I ask, coyly.

  “Pardon?”

  “Please?”

  Dr. Kismen gives me a gentle look. “Now not only you want me to let you go and keep your trust fund alive, but you also want me not to have Mentior fixed right now? A very demanding teenager, you are. Don’t worry—even if we did begin to fix the glitch, the process is way too fragile to have any interruption.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief. There is one more thing I want to know. “Dr. Kismen, presumably Gabriel is real, is he the one I’m donating my life to?”

  Silence falls between us as I anxiously await her response.

  “Would it put your mind at ease if you knew?” she asks. “Would it make you regret your decision less?”

  “I honestly don’t know,” I respond with a shrug. “The only thing I know is that I care about Gabriel deeply.

  Deanna plunges her attention back into the computer. Clearly, she’s not going to reveal the truth to me, and even if she did, how would I know I can trust her? Dejected, I get up off the bed. I want to get home now. I’ll finally see Micah, who should be back from camping by now.

  I step forward when, all of a sudden, my bracelet lights up. I jump in surprise.

  A dull computer voice states, “DEACTIVATED,” and the light on the bracelet fades.

  “What was that?” I ask.

  “You want to know if Gabriel is your Receiver don’t you?”

  “Of course,” I respond confidently. “But what just happened to my bracelet?”

  “I deactivated it,” Deanna said calmly.

  “Deactivated? But why?” She’s definitely going to kill me. I should have run away from this room earlier.

  “You want to know the truth if Gabriel and Sophie truly exist in reality or if your mind just created them?”

  “I do,” I say, nodding. I’ve got nothing to lose, I need to know.

  “I thought so,” said Dr. Kismen, writing something down on a pad of paper.“This is my home address; please meet me tomorrow morning at 6 am at my house. I will show you the truth.” Standing up, she says, “I deactivated your bracelet, so your location can’t be tracked for tomorrow. I shouldn’t be having patients over at my house for morning teas—if you know what I mean.” Dr. Kismen looks at me.

  “Won’t you get in trouble for this?” I ask.

  “Only if I get I caught,” she responds with a wink. “So are you in?”

  “I’ve got nothing to lose,” I say. “I will be there. Thank you so much for letting me go and not locking me up at Ultima. You are a good person.”

  She doesn’t answer, but I can tell from her look she appreciates my comment.

  We both exit the room. She escorts me right to the reception area, where she checks one more time if she’s got her keys—that I didn’t slip it into my pocket while we were walking.

  Deanna chats with Dolores as I exit; she doesn’t want me out of her sight until I’ve exited the building completely.

  I wave to Dolores and Deanna and wait for an automatic door to open to let me outside of Ultima.

  It’s dark outside. It feels like the whole word has stopped. Scattered lights illuminate the small islands of space. Close to nine o’clock, the sky lights up in the same place, the pale glow gradually flares. The moon is here now. I look at it and wonder if there is life there? It looks like a mountain range or a silhouette of a person.

  Maybe when I die, I’ll be able to find all
the keys to every mystery.

  CROSSROADS

  “Lina!”Micah screams in excitement, throwing his little body at me.“You’re home!”. I catch him and hold him tight. I smell his curly hair—the scent of campfire still present helps me to paint images of their camping trip in my head.

  “Did you have fun?” I ask, kissing him on the neck.

  “Yes I did.” he says.

  Christina chimes in from the couch of the living room. “How were your days without us?” Her face got a bit of a tan from spending time in the sun.

  “You know, just busy with work.”

  I put Micah down, and he runs off with Bennett.

  “So you got the job at Ground Control then!” Christina says with excitement. “How is that going?”

  I feel my stomach turning in anticipation of a parade of lies.

  “Really well.”

  “You work long hours?” Christina asks.

  All I can hear in my head, though, is, “I know you are lying to me, so just come clean already.”

  “Alina?” Christina calls out, snapping me out of my head.

  “Yes, sorry,” I say, grasping for something to tell her, “Ground Control, I work pretty late.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know it’s open late.”

  I’m caught off-guard.“Training—” I spit out. “I—um...I'm still in training, so I have to stay a little later and then I’ve had a coffee with a friend afterward.” I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Oh Alina, that sounds great. I’m so happy you are making friends.”

  I nod. I have no strength to turn my lies into words anymore.

  “Where’s Matt?”