Familiar Beginnings

by Alice Winters

  I glance down at the paint coloring my skin. The water is washing it away. I try to hold my arms up because the paint reminds me of Havoc and I at least want that. I deserve this, but can’t I take a piece of him with me? A simple memory?

  My body slams into something and I sink. I’m pulled straight under and water fills my mouth and nose. I kick and thrash, trying my hardest to reach the surface although the water feels like it’s collapsing my lungs. When I break through, I see what stopped me. It’s a man… or maybe a shadow of a man. It’s hard to focus on it because its shape seems to constantly be changing. His face morphs and molds but his eyes never do. The irises are black, darker than the shadow’s skin.

  “He’s weak. He’s been here mere moments and already giving in. Are you sure it’s worth it?” the shadow asks.

  “He’s not weak… trust me, he’s not weak. He’s very strong, but he thinks he deserves to die. How interesting.”

  I turn, recognizing that voice, and see that Etienne is behind me, astride his horse, Enzo. It looks skeletal here; there’s no hair on its body besides its tail that’s floating on the water’s surface.

  “Maybe he deserves to die, then?” the shadow says and when I turn, there’s a large hound-like face pressed into mine. He sniffs me and I pull back, running into Etienne’s skeletal horse. “He smells like death.”

  “Dyame, I don’t have time for this. I’m taking him back.”

  “You can’t take him back without me. And I’m not sure he deserves to return.”

  Etienne sighs. “We don’t have time.”

  “Then let him go,” he says as he morphs into something unrecognizable.

  “Killer,” a person from the edge says.

  “Miles, are you with us?” Etienne asks.

  I look up at him and realize the current is becoming stronger, trying to sweep me back. I find myself grabbing for his horse, but I don’t hold on. I can’t get my fingers to grab onto the beast. Do I deserve to cling onto life?

  “Miles!”

  I grab the horse’s skeletal neck, allowing myself to look up. “Yes?”

  “Do you deserve to live?” Etienne asks. He’s the only bright thing here—the only real-looking thing, but he still doesn’t look normal.

  “I don’t know,” I say.

  He glances up at the shore. “Why did you kill these people?”

  “I didn’t… my magic did.”

  “Isn’t it the same?” the shadow asks.

  “Geoff controlled my magic. He used the power of my magic to aid him. I didn’t know…”

  “You had to know,” the shadow says.

  I shake my head defiantly, because I didn’t. If I had, I know I would have done something. “I didn’t!”

  “Hmm?” The shadow shifts into a giant bird, towering over me. “I smell a liar.”

  “I’m not lying!”

  “Miles, you’re resisting me. Do you truly feel like their deaths were your fault?”

  I wish he’d stop asking me things that I can’t figure out how to answer. I’m confused and those voices are so deafening that they’re driving me back. “He used my magic! If he didn’t have my magic, they could still be alive!”

  “But didn’t he have a spell to control you?” Etienne asks.

  Geoff did, didn’t he? “Yes… but…”

  The current is too powerful; it’s pushing me back. My feet begin to slide on the slick rocks that make up the bottom’s surface.

  “Miles, the choice is yours,” Etienne says. “I can’t force you to return. I can only guide you back.”

  Enzo takes a step back and my hands fall away from him. My feet slip out from under me and I plunge under the water.

  Do I want to return? Of course I do. I don’t want to die. But… do I deserve to return?

  Havoc’s words return to me, telling me it wasn’t my fault. And a part of me knows it wasn’t but another part, a big part, feels so guilty and at this moment, that guilt is dragging me under. Under the water where it’s peaceful and the voices are gone.

  But what then? If I die, what then? Geoff will continue to kill more people. It’ll never end unless I stop him. Isn’t it more selfish to just give up? Yes, my power was behind their deaths, but I was a child. I didn’t understand.

  I kick with my feet, but I feel like I’ve been sinking for hours. The surface is gone now that I need it. But Havoc is waiting for me. I can’t leave him. He needs me as much as I need him. Even more. It’d be nearly impossible for him to live as a demon without a master. And beyond that… I can’t imagine the grief I’d put him through.

  My arms are tired and weighing me down, but I kick and fight, pushing myself as hard as I can until I finally break through and realize that I can stand, seeing as the water isn’t even deep enough to cover me. I look at the people staring down at me as water runs from my mouth and nose while I choke and cough.

  Desperately, I try to turn to the shore. “I didn’t know… I know my magic was responsible, but I didn’t know at the time that he was using it. I was scared. I wanted to live. I wanted to destroy him and let my hatred for him push me further and further into the darkness. But I’ve gotten away, and now I’ll stop him for good or die trying. I know that will never make up for the pain that each of you went through by his hand, but maybe it’ll help,” I say, begging for them to understand.

  Suddenly, I realize that I’m speaking to no one. The ghosts from my past are gone and the edge of the river is just that.

  “Come on, Miles,” Etienne says as he holds a hand down. “Let’s go before your horrible choice for a partner kills me.”

  “He wouldn’t kill you,” I say.

  “I’m positive he’ll kill me.”

  “He won’t. He’s not that evil.” I take Etienne’s hand. That’s when the shadow grabs me and everything goes dark again.

  “I’m going to fucking kill you if you don’t bring him back,” Havoc growls.

  “Settle your nuts, goatman, I’m trying. He was being a stubborn fuck!” Etienne says.

  “Come on, Miles, come on,” Havoc begs.

  I love hearing that threatening voice, the annoyance and malice always directed at the wrong people. Slowly, I open my eyes and look up at Havoc. I reach for him, but my hand feels weak.

  “Oh god. Miles,” Havoc says, and his head drops to my chest.

  “Not to be a pain in the ass, but it looks like Geoff is going to murder us,” Etienne says.

  “Geoff’s… what?” I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on as Havoc picks me up.

  “I’m going to hold him off—get Miles out of here,” Havoc says as he slides me onto Etienne’s magical and creepy horse.

  “Don’t you fucking dare,” I whisper, wishing I could scream at him, but my body feels too weak. If Etienne wasn’t holding on to me, I’m pretty sure I’d be getting an up-close look at Enzo’s hooves. “Havoc, please!”

  He grabs my face in his hand and kisses my forehead as I slump into him. “I love you. More than you’ll ever know.”

  I try to latch on to him so he can’t leave me, but my hands are so weak I can’t close them. I can’t hold on. “Havoc, stop! Please!”

  “I’ll shift. I’ll be fine, love,” he says.

  “If you push him into the west wing, we can lock it down and get Miles out,” Sam yells.

  “Got it.”

  “No! Havoc!” I fight against Etienne’s hold, but he’s clicked to the horse and it’s already moving. “No! Don’t you dare!”

  I fight against him, but being half drained of blood makes it quite difficult even though he’s a tiny little thing that I could snap in half on a normal day.

  “Please, please,” I beg as I try to call for my magic to help. The horse has rounded the corner, and I can’t even see what’s happening. “Please, Etienne.”

  I can’t lose Havoc. I can’t. I need him more than I need anything in my life. He can’t take on Geoff alone. It doesn’t matter what he plans to do, Geoff will hur
t him. I dig my fingers into Enzo’s mane, feeling absolutely useless.

  Etienne stops Enzo at a door that’s too short for us to go through on the horse’s back and slides off. He pulls me off with him, and the moment my feet touch, my legs give out and I start to drop. He holds me up and drags me through the door, clearly struggling with my dead weight.

  I try moving back toward the door to reach Havoc, but the guard slams it in place in an attempt to keep what’s bad in there and us out here.

  “The others should be coming,” Etienne says as he starts dragging me again.

  “No, no. Let me back through,” I plead as I push against him and fall into the door. “I have to stop them.”

  Etienne grabs my face in his hands. “Miles, at this point there’s nothing you can do. Havoc has done what he needs to, and by the time you drag your half-dead body back there, there’ll be nothing for you to do. You would just distract him.”

  “I could use my magic!”

  “You’re half dead. You can’t even stand. If you die again so soon, I won’t be able to bring you back. You’ll be dead for good. Now don’t fuck this up when Havoc is doing this to keep you alive.”

  He pushes me at Enzo, but can’t lift me, so a guard helps. I sink down onto the horse’s neck, unable to keep myself up without help.

  “Guide us out, please,” Etienne says, and that’s the last thing I remember as my fingers tangle in the black mane.

  Chapter Eight

  I just want to hide.

  That’s all I know. I thought I knew what it meant to be a bad person, but I didn’t. Maybe they were bad, but this man is evil. And he enjoys it.

  “You know he’s going to find you?”

  I peek out from around the cabinet I’m hiding behind. There was enough space for Geoff to slide a board in and out, so I figured out that my body fit behind it if I squeezed it enough.

  “A-Are you going to tell him?” I ask the demon who is watching me very closely.

  He looks amused by the idea and I realize that he’s going to get satisfaction out of telling Geoff where I’ve hidden. I’ve only been here weeks, but it’s already clear that this place is the worst place of all. “I might. What are you going to do in exchange for me staying quiet, little human?”

  I don’t even know what to say because what could I do or give him? I have nothing to my name. Geoff had supposedly adopted me from the workhouse, but I’m just property to him. “I don’t have anything.”

  “You must have something.”

  “I…” I truly have nothing. Everything I have on me belongs to Geoff. He’s made that clear by taking it all away when I don’t listen. He wants me because I have magic. Wait… that’s one thing I do have… and while I don’t understand it, maybe the demon will. “All I have is my magic.”

  The horned demon gives me a huge smile, like he’s come up with an outstanding idea. “I could eat you and then you wouldn’t need to fear anyone. What about that?”

  I’m definitely not fond of that idea. “I don’t want to die and you’re not going to eat me. You don’t eat people.”

  “How do you know?”

  I really don’t. “I just do.”

  “Hmm… then come here and find out.”

  I shake my head, not willing to go anywhere. “I… I’ll… steal food for you.”

  “You want me to risk my life so you can hide, and in exchange you’ll give me food? That sounds like a pretty lousy deal,” the demon says.

  That’s when I hear the door swing open, and I slip back behind the cabinet and quiet my breathing. If only I could leave this place, I would run and run. I would never look back. I’d rather live on the streets than be here, but the spell he placed on me makes it so I can’t flee.

  “Demon, where’s my little prodigy?” Geoff asks as I hear his steps on the stairs.

  “Is that what you’re calling that tiny weed?” the demon asks.

  “Yes, he has untapped potential. I just need to show him how to properly use it.”

  “Beating people is generally the best way to show them how to do something.”

  Geoff laughs as I try to remain as quiet and small as I can, fearing that even a hair might be sticking out from behind the cabinet. “Watch your mouth, demon, before I force you to remove your own tongue.” I hear him walk into the middle of the room. “Child, I know you’re in here. Either come out or I will force you out, and I assure you that if I have to force you out, it will not be pretty.”

  I know it won’t. I know he’ll find me no matter what I do. It’s not like I can hide inside this house for years, but I refuse to give in. I refuse to hand myself over to him. If he wants me, he’ll have to find me.

  “We have things to do and you are keeping our guests waiting. I don’t want to keep them waiting, do you?”

  Guests? Could they help me? Could I talk them into taking me from this place?

  “I’m going to count down from three. If you are not out, I’m going to be extremely unhappy. Three…”

  Should I show myself? He’ll discipline me either way. Maybe he’s bluffing. Maybe he doesn’t know I’m down here.

  “Two…”

  Why has my life come to this? Why is it that everyone I wish to trust makes my life miserable?

  “One,” he growls.

  The cabinet leaps from the wall, flying across the room and slamming into the far wall, telling me Geoff knew where I was the entire time. He reaches down and grabs me by my hair and flings me into the center of the room. He grabs the whip he uses to beat the demon and rushes at me. I jump up, hoping to run, but he hits me with it before I get far enough from him. The whip cuts through the thin shirt and bites into my back as he hits me again and again. When I get too far, he uses that word to put me on the ground then holds me down on my front with a foot on the back of my neck, pinning me down as he whips me.

  I try not to cry because I know he loves tears, but I can’t help the ones that wet my cheeks as I question what I’ve done to deserve this. I’ve been good. I’ve tried to listen, but it doesn’t seem to matter with this man.

  When he finally stops, I’m shaking as he grabs my hair and pulls me to my feet. “Will you listen now?”

  I nod, eager to tell him anything so he doesn’t hit me again.

  “Then come along. Our guests are waiting. You still have a lesson to learn today,” he says as he drags me over to the stairs.

  I glance back at the demon and find him watching me. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to him, but I do know that he is the lesser of evils in this hell.

  I’m pulled up the stairs and over to the dining hall where a servant is passing through the door with a bottle in hand. Seeing us, she pulls open the door and closes it tightly behind us. Once inside, Geoff lets go of me, allowing me to look up at the twelve men and women who sit at the table enjoying bread and drink.

  The man closest to us smiles when he sees us. “We’re so glad you’ve been understanding. Thank you again,” he says.

  “Of course!” Geoff says. “I want you to meet my apprentice. This is Milliant and he’s interested in learning magic from me. Now, Milliant, these people came to me because they believe I’m encroaching on their land. See, dark magic requires sacrifice, and sometimes, the easiest thing to sacrifice is living land, but that’s hurting their crops so their cattle can’t eat. So we talked it through and came to the conclusion that I’ll use the land behind my house, which is amusing. Like I want a bunch of dead trees surrounding my home!”

  The people look a little confused now, but they don’t say anything.

  “See, when you’re as powerful as me, you don’t have to bow down before commoners like them. They should fear you. They should never ask anything of you and instead hand over everything you ask for. And this is how you make that happen,” he says as he sets a hand on my head before holding his other hand up and whispering a word I’ve never heard. I feel my magic jump and it confuses me, but I quickly forget it as I realize that something
is happening to the men and women.

  A woman drops her wine glass and it hits the table, glass shattering. She grabs for her throat as she screams, but the sound is quickly cut off by a gurgling noise. The man beside her reaches for her before smoke rises from him, like his skin is being burned. And there I stand beside the monster as the men and women thrash and flail, bodies seemingly being eaten alive by something. Fire? Acid? I have no idea. All I know is that I can hear their screams and when I look away, when I look at the man beside me, he has a smile on his face like he’s enjoying every moment of it.

  Living the life I have, I’ve seen men kill, but never have I seen one enjoy it so much. And I realize with horror that he’s trying to mold me into a monster just like him.

  I’m startled awake, ripped out of the dream. Was it a dream? God, I just felt like a child again, controlled by Geoff as he used my magic to aid him in killing and hurting others.

  I look around, confused to find myself in a room I don’t recognize, staring into golden eyes. I jerk back, startled, before realizing it’s Menace.

  “Hey, bud,” I mumble as I reach for his head, hand stilling halfway there. “Is Havoc here?”

  He watches me for a moment before shaking his head.

  Panic fills me at the thought that Havoc still hasn’t returned. “No, no, no. Where is he?”

  I sit up, causing the cat to slide down and pain to ignite in my neck, but I fight through it. I try to grab ahold of our link, but it was severed when I died. And I can’t call him to me with a demon circle because of the fucking ring. A ring I’d made for him to give him freedom might be the reason why I can’t save him.

  The door opens and I look over at Yoko and Leo.

  “Hey,” Yoko says.

  “Where’s Havoc?” I ask, begging that they know.

  “We don’t know, but we’re going to find him, okay?”

  “No, I need to find him now. Yoko—”

  Leo walks over to me and gently sets a hand on my chest. “Miles, we need you to calm down and rest. I used some of my healing magic on you, but you’re still in a very vulnerable state.”