“Come on, the sooner we get gone, the sooner you can get back to her,” Dad yells out.
I spin off a quick text to my mom to let her know Harper is on her way and climb on my bike. We end up riding out of town where Tal is waiting on us, his eyes firmly on the bar with five motorcycles stood outside. My knuckles are still smarting from the other night, but I can still throw a solid punch to these fuckers.
“I’ve only seen three Crows go in, no one’s been out,” he informs us as we climb into his van.
“We’ve got all night if needs be,” Dad murmurs and digs out his smokes. “We’ll pick them off one by one. No scenes caused.”
Harper
JJ’s parent’s house is a scenic drive out of town, even with the night’s sky covering us in darkness. Their house is a beautiful old-style property with land surrounding them for miles. They have a wraparound porch, potted plants, windchimes, everything that screams a home in my mind.
Bonnie is perched on the swing seat when I pull up and I’m not surprised JJ let her know I was coming. His mom is lovely, and I stroked out when I gained her as a mother-in-law. She’s beautiful and she dotes on Jay, just like a mother should.
“Hey, I was planning on sorting Jay’s old room out. Do you want to help me while we talk?” she offers, and I nod.
I love hearing stories about him as a child, being in his childhood room will be a feast of new information to discover.
We head inside and straight up the stairs. His room is at the back of the house and posters of some band cover his door. I didn’t have him for owning posters.
Inside, the room is tidy and clean, thanks to his mom no doubt, but it is littered with more posters covering the walls, shelves crammed with things and drawers bursting with clothes.
“Now he has his own place with you, he can choose what he wants to keep.”
“You’ve kept it like this all this time? Didn’t he move out to the club when he was eighteen?”
She nods, pulling out a roll of trash bags from her back pocket.
“He flitted between here and the club, I couldn’t bring myself to change it. I wanted him to always have a place to come back to if he needed. But like I said, he has his place with you now. You’re both welcome here, anytime, but life moves on.”
She hands me a trash bag and points to the chest of drawers by the window.
“Empty all the drawers, he hasn’t worn any of it for ages. I’ll drop them off at Goodwill when I can.”
I set to work, and it feels weird handling his clothes. It reminds me he had this other life before me, especially when I come across a pair of lacey thongs. Grabbing a pencil from the top of the dresser, I scoop the thong out of the drawer and hold it up for Bonnie to see.
“Do you want these in the goodwill bags?”
She raises her brow and shakes her head. “There was this one time we caught him in here with a girl from town, I don’t know who was more embarrassed, her or me. Sparky thought it was hilarious and JJ didn’t care.”
A senseless bout of jealously rips through me hearing about him with another girl, which is ridiculous, I’ve known to be with many women since I’ve known him.
The thong slips off the pencil into the bag and I carry on pulling his old clothes from the drawers.
“Bonnie?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think he can handle keeping this secret?”
She quits boxing up his old pile of comics and sits on the bed.
“When a club like theirs is hit with death, whether it was a brother or the enemy, they’ve come back from it because they had each other to lean on. This time, only a handful of people know what went down, to be honest, I don’t know. Part of me thinks he can because of you, but his bond with Leo runs bone deep. They’re more than brothers in the sense of the word. Don’t you worry though, Sparky is keeping his eye on him.”
“I’m afraid,” I admit.
“About what?”
“I didn’t come back after I told Cas where Ellis was because I could see the destruction it would bring Jay, and Cas, and now Sparky, you and Alannah. I should never have chosen her.”
I’m still angry Alannah was in the know and I had no idea. We were around there the other day and she said nothing. I kept my mouth shut in front of her because I thought she didn’t know a thing.
“Hey now, don’t for one second think it was because of you India died. Men like Ellis play with people, he would have killed her because he always planned to. He used you, Harper, and he would be laughing wherever he’s buried if he could see how you’re feeling right now. The destruction you thought you could see wasn’t because you made a decision because you actually didn’t make it.”
She stops and I lurch forward, leaning on the end of the bed. “What was it then, if not because of me?”
“The destruction will be because Cas chose to keep the truth from the club, he chose to take something these men need in times like this, their belief in him and their healing process. You haven’t been around long enough to see how they work, but when one of ours is lost, they all are. Right now, they don’t have a focus to guide them back.”
“Because I put him in a situation where he had to choose. If I had trusted him when he asked, trusted JJ, and trusted the club, he wouldn’t have had to choose.”
She slips off the bed and comes to sit beside me. Her touch is warm when she takes my hands in hers and her stare is hard when she looks at me.
“All that aside, he chose you, my son chose you. No matter what, they chose you and I’m guessing you’re not used to it. I wasn’t when Sparky chose me, well, after he was done being a dick. I have been around the club life my whole life, and around the Lost Souls for many years, I’ve seen the highs and lows and what I know is, there will be one day where you won’t think about this. Your life will move on because it always does. It’s whether you choose to remain where you are, you can’t change anything, the ball is rolling, and you can’t stop it. But one thing I will tell you is to hold your chin up and defy anyone who questions your actions. Unless they’ve walked in your shoes, they have no right to judge you.”
I hear her, I’m soaking in every word and in this moment I believe I can put this behind me. However, the tiny voice in the back of my head is telling me it’s too late.
“You must hate me; your husband and your son is wrapped up in this mess.”
She releases one hand and strokes my cheek. Such a motherly act and I drop my eyes from hers.
“It’s not possible to hate someone who makes my son so happy. No matter what’s to come, JJ isn’t the only one at your side, don’t forget that.”
Her voice is so soft I want to let it wrap around me like a safety blanket.
“One more thing. The brothers have been through the shit before and they’ve all had to make calls that not everyone was happy with, they’re not above you, Harper. If you learn one thing from me about this club, it’s this, this is a man’s world but we’re the ones who hold their power. We’re the ones they come to when their heads are spinning and it’s only us who can bring them to their knees, everything else is just hot air.”
She moves back to the pile of comics and dumps them in the box before using her foot to scoot it out into the hall. I finish emptying one chest of drawers and move onto the next.
“Bonnie?”
She stops her task taking the posters down and turns back to me. Her patience is unwavering and I’m ever so grateful.
“The truth will come out eventually, do you think when that happens Cas will be okay?”
The corner of her mouth hooks up and I briefly relax, seeing I’m not annoying her with my many questions. Perhaps this is why Jay told me to come here, he knew his mom would be able to give me what I need.
“He has been the president for such a long time, I’d like to think this wouldn’t end him. But I will say, Cas is Cas and he has led the Lost Souls through a lot.” With that said we settle into a steady rhythm clearing t
he rest of his room and I move onto packing up the few books on the top shelf. I pull out a box from under the bed and dare to open the lid. Another pair of panties are tucked away but it’s the photos I flip through that surprise me. He’s in every one of them and the ones he’s not scowling in, he’s smiling. But it’s the ones he’s in with India that capture me. In some of them they’re children, some teenagers and I can picture Alannah and Bonnie rounding them up for picture time.
“Come on, let’s grab a coffee,” Bonnie says, breaking the subtle silence in the room. “Oh, I haven’t seen those for years,” she says over my shoulder.
She crouches beside me and takes the photos from me. She quickly flicks through them and her smile grows more and more with every picture she looks at.
“You’ll find it hard to believe, but for a long time there was peace for the Lost Souls. Our children grew up having the best of both worlds. A world with no violence or death, but still a world they could grow up to be themselves, be like their daddies. Free.”
“It sounds like a world I’d love to live in,” I say sadly.
“It’ll come by again and when it does, you soak it in, and you’ll enjoy every minute. It makes it all the bad worth it.”
“You wouldn’t have it any other way, would you?” I ask her.
“I don’t know any other way, but if I did, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have my man, and my son, and a whole club who have my back. We don’t wear the patch, Harper, but we’re still every bit respected and loved by them all. Come on, I need wine.”
She puts the photos in the keep box and I follow her downstairs. I sit at the table while she pours two coffees and I banish the photos of India from my mind.
“There will be a day where we talk about normal things, like what we’re cooking for dinner, who’s dating who, normal mundane gossip and let me tell you, there’s plenty of it when the brothers aren’t focusing on surviving.”
“I bet; I’ll look forward to it.”
Her eyes narrow slightly as she stares my way and I wonder what she’s thinking now.
“What?”
I already have too many insecurities, I don’t need my paranoia spiking because she’s looking at me.
“The best thing you can do is talk to JJ, everything that pops into your head, everything that causes your anxiety, anything and everything. God knows Sparky’s heard it all from me over the years.”
“I try, but most of the time we end up fighting and he walks out.”
She laughs unexpectantly and takes me off guard.
“That’ll be down to his dad. He used to tell him all sorts about how to deal with women. One being, when in a fight, just walk away, nothing you say will ever be right. He would tell him to wait for the woman to calm down and then come back in.”
Snorting, I lift my coffee and take a long sip. “That makes so much sense.”
But it’s still infuriating.
The quietness out here becomes filled with the thunderous roar of bikes and I’m coming to learn how to distinguish how many are approaching. It sounds like two.
The front door slams open and Sparky walks into the kitchen followed by Jay. He comes straight for me and lays a hard kiss on my lips.
“You good?”
Smiling, I can’t wait to get him home. In fact I push my coffee mug away and stand next to him.
“I’m good.” Cocking my left brow, he quickly gets the hint I’m trying to send him and grasps onto my hand.
“Catch you later, parents.”
That’s all he says as he leads us to the door, but Bonnie is quickly on our tail. Sparky remains in the kitchen but yells out a “See ya later”.
Bonnie catches my free hand and tugs until I come to a stop. JJ gets the hint, again, and carries onto his bike.
“You are Cas’s daughter, any father worth their salt would do anything to protect their child.”
During the ride home, I mull over her words. Receiving Cas’s text saying I could come home because he was going to protect me was the single most precious message I’ve ever read. Finally, I had a dad. However, it doesn’t stop me from worrying about his future, and my husbands, even my father-in-law’s future. A lot of people are questioning him, all because of me.
I rest my head against JJ’s back as he enters town and I close my eyes. Too much is up in the air and it’s driving me insane not knowing where it’s going to land. But like Bonnie says, it will pass, and this isn’t the guys first rodeo, it’s mine and I have to learn it will blow over.
Harper
Today is the first day since Mercy where I wake with a smile on my face. Spending time with Bonnie last night has helped so much, it’s clarified a few things and the voices in my head screaming I’m the reason for so much horror are finally quiet. JJ showed me how much he loves me well into the night and I can still feel his touch all over my skin. I realise the people who are important in my life, who make the effort with me are the ones who are standing by me. I’ve yet to see Uncle Slade and Aunt Kristen and I haven’t seen my mom, but I can only fight one demon at a time. When the time comes and it will one day, I need to be at my strongest to face them. My husband’s soft snores come from beside me and I quietly slip out of bed. No matter what’s on his mind, he always sleeps so peacefully. Dressing in a loose tee and an old pair of shorts, I make quick work collecting our clothes we discarded last night and bundle them into the laundry basket. Under Jay’s sweater, his gun lays on the floor near his jeans. Picking it up carefully, I flip it over and notice all the scratches and assess the weight of it in my palm. Death sits on my hand and yet, it’s such a small piece.
Ellis’s gun was similar to this and I close my eyes to the memories swimming around my head of him waving it around as he spoke.
* * *
My upper arm hurts as his fingers dig into my skin as he shoves me up the stairs and stops by JJ’s door. He kicks the door open and shoves me over the threshold. The door closes before I can turn around and have the chance to run. Twisting the key in the lock, he pulls the key out and shoves it in his pocket.
“Sit down,” he orders, and I comply like an obedient puppy happy to please its master. This is why I came, to remove his danger from the brothers and have him focus on me.
He moves around the room at his own pace, opening drawers, searching through Jay’s possessions and then turns to me and smiles.
“I knew you’d come back to me; patience is the key with you. I’m learning fast,” he says, tapping the gun to his temple.
“I wouldn’t have had to resort to such measures if you had just come to me in the first place. But you’re here now and everything is falling into place.”
He joins me on the edge of the bed, his thigh brushing against mine, and reverts his attention back to my left hand, more specifically my fourth finger where my wedding band sits.
“It’s gonna have to go, Harper. No woman of mine will wear another man’s ring.”
My teeth sink into my tongue to stop myself from saying something, anything, that will make him angry and slide my hand under my thigh.
“You can’t hide it from me, give it to me now and we’ll forget all about it.”
I can’t bring myself to say a word, but I can’t bring myself to hand over the only piece of jewellery that’s been of any importance to me either.
This is JJ’s promise to me, to love me and protect me, in sickness and in health for the rest of our lives. He’s already going to be mad at me for slipping out behind his back, I can’t add insult to him by letting Ellis touch something so sacred to us.
“Last chance, babe. Hand it over.”
“You’re getting more than what you deserve, let me keep it.”
“You’re not understanding how this is going to work. Give me the ring.”
I don’t get the chance to hand it over, his hand slaps against my chest and he pushes me down on the bed. In a flash, he’s straddling me and with a vice like grip, he holds my wrist and drags my band off, nea
rly breaking my finger in the process. He drops it in his shirt pocket and swiftly pins my arms above my head.
“You are mine,” he snaps at me and then falls at my side, keeping my arms in his grip.
“This will all be over tomorrow, and we’ll get as far as we can from here, leave it all behind us.”
He’s delusional, stark raving mad to believe anything I think or feel for him is real.
“You’ll have to divorce him; only then can we move forward together. I’m going to make up for everything I’ve done to you.” He lets my wrists go and uses his free hand to stroke my cheek.
“You lie, I don’t believe you,” I tell him.
“No, no, no. I’m going to be so good to you. You’ll end up forgetting all the bad I’ve caused. Once you see how it’s going to be for us, everything will be so clear.”
As fucking if.
“I still don’t believe you.”
His brows pinch together, and he asks, “Why?”
The soft strokes down my cheek stop and his fingers curl around my jaw. His hold tightens and the tips of his fingers dig into my jawbone. His ability to change moods is quick as a snake striking its prey. His top lip twitches and I reckon it’s an anger tic, he certainly doesn’t look like he’s happy with me right now. I can’t find it in me to back down though.
“You said you’d let everyone go if we came to you, we came, and you went back on your word.”
He mashes his lips together before he says, “Do you know how it feels to have someone so important in your life taken from you, for no reason other than something so selfish?”
“I don’t, but I will do soon if you kill my brother.”
“We’ll have something in common,” he snaps and looks away. “But there’s a difference, I have reason to end your brother’s life.”
I go to roll on my side, I can’t bear to look at him any longer, but he reclaims my arms and digs them further into the matrass, trapping me in place.
His One Choice Page 7