Jay’s face darkens and his jaw tightens. He looks as repulsed as I feel reliving the nightmare, exactly why I didn’t want to share this with him. It’s bad enough this haunts me, I don’t want it haunting him too.
“He sent me back up to your room before anything happened and a part of me was glad to go. I couldn’t stand to see them any longer. When I heard the shot, I was physically sick. I had no idea if he had followed through with killing India or if he had chosen Leo, or someone else. I listened out so hard for anything that would help me distinguish who he shot and then came this roar, I swear, it shook the walls. It was Leo and it’s haunted me hard ever since. I knew then he had killed her and then he was back, unlocking the door and dragging me out. He told me if I went with him, he wouldn’t hurt anyone else and for some reason I still can’t work out, I believed him. He was rushing from the kill but there was a fear laced through him that wanted to get out of there. For a moment I thought he might have regretted it, that he went too far.”
“But that wasn’t the case?”
I shake my head. “He drove us to a house in town, he had it all planned, everything. I tried to take everything in and remember details that could help you guys find us, but then something changed. Ellis was going on about how I wouldn’t be able to go back to you because I chose India, and he was right. How could I face so many people I had just hurt? I just wanted to run so I tried. I managed to get to the door before he caught up with me. He dragged me up the stairs and threw me in the bathroom, he locked us in and ran the water. The bath was for me. He didn’t talk to me, he didn’t look at me, I sat there in the water and he sat on the floor staring at the blood on his hands.”
I was sat in there until the water went cold and my lips were turning blue. I couldn’t move a muscle in case it triggered him. It took me weeks to unwind from the tension and residues still linger even now.
“I was petrified he would return to the club and cause more pain and destruction.”
“We were there minutes after you left,” he says.
“I wasn’t to know that, anyway, he started crying. I didn’t know what to do so I carried on doing nothing. Then almost like he remembered I was there, he jumped up to his feet and dragged me from the bath to the bedroom. I had never felt so vulnerable and helpless. I couldn’t hear clearly, he was telling me I was ruining it, that me running from him wasn’t ever going to happen. I fought him as hard as I could, and we landed on the floor. He used his weight against me, laying on me to hold me down and then shuffled around so he was straddling me, locking my arms in place under his legs. That was when he carved his name on my ribs.”
“I’m so fucking glad I got to kill him now.” His teeth bite into his bottom lip and I know he’s trying to hold down his temper. “What happened next?”
“After he was done, he slumped beside me and held me. The stinging was unbearable and relentless. He kept murmuring he was sorry, and we were moving on and we would forget about me trying to leave him. We laid there for hours and eventually he fell asleep. I knew it was then or never to get away, but I also knew that I couldn’t leave him able to get away and carry on his torment. I formed a plan and I went over it in my head so many times. In the end it didn’t matter, he crashed, and I was able to slip out from under his arm and grab the belt from a robe. There was this one summer I spent with Slade and he was teaching Zachery different types of knots and it interested me, so much so I still remembered them. I tied it around his wrist, looped it around the radiator pipes and tied it around his other wrist. He woke up and lunged at me, but it was too late. I snatched the knife I had hidden earlier, and I didn’t hesitate. I plunged it into leg as far as it would go in and twisted it. He lurched up and I quickly moved out of the way. I cranked the heating up as high as it would go so he had no choice but to sit still.”
My heart races away, thrumming at the memory and I finish my now lukewarm coffee.
“I was so scared he would get free; I dressed the fastest I could and locked him in the room, his leg was bleeding far too much for him to use it, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I found his phone first and called Cas. I could have killed him, but I knew the club would have wanted that opportunity, so I let him know where he was. I found my phone next and left. I ran so fast I couldn’t feel my legs. It was hours before I found a motel and I hid there until Cas text me to meet you at the Old Mill.”
I finish my tale and we sit there in silence for a solid couple of minutes before he speaks.
“You faced with the devil and won, babe. Forget about everything else going on, you should be proud of yourself. I know I’m proud of you. I’m proud as fuck to call you my wife.”
And then the tears come, but for once it’s not because I’m scared or regretful. They’re falling because he’s right, I should be proud of myself and I bloody am.
Placing my hand on his cheek, I stroke my thumb over his cheekbone. “You’re the one good thing in my life. I’m starting to believe I had to endure all the shit to find you. I love you.”
“Love you, too, babe. I reckon we would have found each other no matter what.”
“Are you going soft on me, Mr. Carter?”
I can’t help but tease him. It’s rare he’s like this with me and even though I love seeing his softer side, I don’t exactly know how to deal with it without throwing him sarcasm. I drop my hand from his cheek as he whispers, “Never.”
He tucks the loose strands of hair that have fallen down back behind my ear, his touch sending a shiver down my spine. I hope his effect on me never fades. He pulls my chair closer to his and cups his hands around my face.
“I mean it though, I don’t believe in much but I do believe you were meant to be in my life.”
“Oh, that’s why you messed me around for so long before we got together,” I point out, trying not to laugh.
“I had to keep you on your toes, didn’t I?” he chuckles.
“Okay, let’s leave that talk where it belongs, in the past.”
His laugh bounces around the room and makes its way into my heart. It’s been so long since I’ve heard him laugh like this and I can’t wait till I hear it every day.
“How about I draw you a bath, fill it with shit loads of bubbles and light some candles?”
“Okay, what have you done with my husband? Actually don’t answer, I’d love a bath, especially if you join me.”
He leans over and presses his lips to mine.
“You got it.”
He pushes back in his chair and he’s up the stairs before I can take my next breath. This is how I pictured our lives, just us and wearing no clothes.
JJ
I haven’t taken my eyes off her all night. After listening to her finally tell me everything she’s been keeping to herself, she crashed out and I’ve been wide awake, and she hasn’t slept peacefully. She’s gone through so much in her life, it stops now.
Gently nudging her, she wakes easily and sadly smiles up at me hovering over her.
“I need to go to the club; promise me you’ll be here when I get back. I’ll only be a couple of hours.”
“I’m not going anywhere, baby.”
She closes her eyes and I wait a couple of minutes until I know she’s fallen asleep again. I quickly dress and call for a cab out to the club. Hopefully Cas will be there, even though it’s the middle of the night but after me and Harper were nearly taken down by Crows he should be there dealing with their dead bodies. If not, I’ll head out to his place where we left him last night.
Luckily, for me, he’s at the club and sat in the back room, alone. I pull out the chair my dad usually sits in and I park my ass.
“What are you doing in here on your own?” I ask him, noticing no one in the bar is even looking our way.
“Thinking.”
A one word answer so I push on and ask, “About?”
Sighing, he settles back in his chair and says, “The future.”
A two word answer this time and it’s
just as frustrating as his first answer. If he’s not going to elaborate, I’m going to have to pull it from him.
“When are you going to tell the brothers about the Crows we’re holding at the Old Mill?” I ask, praying for more than a one or two word reply.
“Thanksgiving. Once we’ve eaten, we’ll ride out there and they can begin to heal.”
That’s two days away, but it’s good enough for me. In the grand scheme of our lives, forty-eight hours is nothing.
“Do you think it’s going to be enough?” I ask, voicing Harper’s concern.
“It has to be.” His reply is the same as mine was to her.
It’s clear to see he’s not in the talking mood but I have what I need to know. I leave him sitting alone and head out to the bar. A bottle of beer is swiftly pushed in front of me and I chuck the prospect enough change to cover the price.
Turning to face everyone, I take in the place and lift the bottle to my lips. The bubbles tickle my throat on the way down and I drain half the bottle.
This place, these people, they’ve been my whole life, all I’ve ever known. Shit, I don’t know any different. Rubbing my thumb over the back of my wedding band, Harper is my life now and if she had left last night, I don’t know what I would have done. I’ve always believed the club was my entire life, I was raised having it drummed into me that the Lost Souls were number one. Even when I married Harper I still believed she would just slide into our ways and adapt, I believed I could have the best of both...my wife and the club.
I slam my beer down on the bar and grab a set of spare car keys from behind the bar. Ignoring everyone, I head out and push the gas down all the way home. She’s still in bed when I return, and I join her. She wakes when the mattress dips under my weight and frowns.
“It was never a choice between you and the club, it’s taken me longer than it should have but you’re what I need to get through life and if you’re truly not happy here, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
She sits up and her eyes widen.
“Are you serious? Has something happened? How long were you gone?” Her questions fly at me and her concern escalates by the second.
“Nothing’s happened. Cas has the club handled like he always does, but you’re my wife and you’ve been telling me over and over what you need to be happy and I’m listening now. Your case is still packed, it won’t take me long to pack my shit and we can go, wherever you like.”
“You’re being serious?” she asks, unsure.
“As serious as I’ve ever been.”
It all makes so much sense, the future of my life has never been so clear, because of her.
“Last night you were adamant you weren’t leaving. I don’t understand. And the club? Will they let you go? What about your parents?”
I sit on my knees and latch onto her hands.
“It’s all about you, babe. I got you and I’m taking you away from here. Maybe we can come back one day, I don’t know. Get your fine ass up and get dressed.”
I land a kiss on her mouth and jump off the bed. I dig out the holdall from the bottom of the wardrobe and empty the drawers onto the bed.
“Pack this for me and I’ll round up our shit from downstairs.”
Her face lightens and the smile that spreads across her mouth hits me like a blast. She doesn’t hang around to be asked twice and I dart down the stairs and collect my cash stash from behind the refrigerator. I curse myself for not doing this sooner. She transformed when it hit her we were leaving. In the living room, I lift the floorboard I cut out shortly after we moved in and retrieve our important shit and more cash. Jogging up the stairs, I dump the haul on the bed and Harper packs it without missing a beat. With my shit packed, she drags on her jeans and I throw her my hoodie that didn’t fit in the bag. I love her in my shit, I have no idea why it affects me so much but it does.
“Are we really doing this?” she asks, sliding her feet in her boots and I grin.
“We are.”
Her case is still downstairs, I grab the holdall and glance one last time around the room to make sure we haven’t missed anything. It dawns on me that if we were here longer, it wouldn’t be so easy to round everything up and leave and I want that with Harper, I want a home with shit we’ve collected over time.
We’re about to leave the bedroom when there’s a knock at the front door. Dumping the bag on the bed, I cross over to the window and move the drape far back enough to see who it is.
“It’s Leo.”
The tension hits her again and she crosses her arms over her chest.
“What does he want at this time of the night?”
“I have no idea. He hasn’t left the cabin in weeks.”
“Do you think he’s heard something?” she asks, her first reaction to think the worst, and I don’t blame her. Her head is spinning.
“I’ll go see what he wants.”
Harper doesn’t follow me down and I flip open the door and his fist is ready to knock again.
“What the fuck happened to your bike?” Is the first thing he asks, looking over to my mess of a bike on the drive, hiking Rayna higher up his hip.
“Crows. What the hell brought you out into civilisation?”
I did not expect him on my doorstep in the middle of the night and while it’s good to see him, he’s chosen the wrong time to show up.
“I came to see Harper.”
I know my brother, if he knew anything he wouldn’t be this calm. I open the door wider and step to the side and let him. He heads straight for the kitchen and Rayna’s little eyes are trained on me over the top of his shoulder. Everyone comments on how she looks like Leo, but all I see is India in her eyes.
He sits at the table and settles Rayna on his lap. “How is she doing?” he asks.
“I’m okay,” she says for herself and we both look to the door where she stands, hiding her hands in my hoodie sleeves. “How are you?” she asks in return.
“Tired, angry, hurting. You can take your pick.”
Rayna starts to stretch her little body out and whimpers. He gets a better hold on her and puts a pacifier in her mouth; she sucks on the thing and it pleases her.
“I came to apologise to you, my actions effected everyone, mainly you, and I need you to know how fucking sorry I am for everything that you’ve been put through.”
Oh fuck, this isn’t good. I keep my eyes hard on her and watch her every facial tic and movement.
“You don’t need to apologise, Leo, not for anything,” Harper says, and I bite down on my tongue. If I jump in and speak for her, he’ll suspect something is up.
“I’ve been doing nothing but think and I do owe you an apology. I should’ve apologised when I saw you at the cemetery.”
I move closer to her and wind my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me.
“Forget about it, I’m trying to,” she tells him and I hope that’s all he needs to hear.
“What do you need, brother?” I ask, cutting in this tit for tat conversation. I’ve always been able to tell when he has something on his mind and an apology isn’t the only reason he’s here.
“I need help checking over the land surrounding the cabin. I want to do it at night, but I can’t with Rayna. I need to find the weak spots.”
“Okay, what’s your plan?”
“Me and you head out while Harper watches over the baby.”
Harper is quick to jump in. “No, no, no. I can’t look after her. I don’t know about babies. She wouldn’t be safe with me.”
My brother smiles. A full blown grin and I think it’s pride is glowing from him.
“Harper, you are fearless. You stood beside me with such determination to do the right thing, there isn’t any doubt in my mind you wouldn’t be able to protect my daughter.”
Tension leaves her and she steps forward just a little. Shit is building and the truth is on the tip of her tongue, I just fucking know it is.
“Actually, we were…” I jump in
but Harper cuts me off this time.
“We’ll help.”
What the fuck is she doing?
“Thanks, we’ll get it done tonight and I’ll feel a lot better.”
“Sure, we won’t be long,” I say, needing a word with my old lady before we leave.
I wait for the front door to close before I turn to her and ask, “What the fuck, babe?”
“He asked for our help, not Alannah, not Cas, he came to us.”
I’m failing to see her logic.
“We’re leaving, that’s what you wanted,” I point out.
“I know, and I love you so much for trying with me, but I think it was fate Leo showed up just before we were going to walk out the door.”
Again, I don’t understand what she’s thinking.
She steps closer to me and lays her hands on my chest.
“He came to us, he thought of me to keep his daughter safe. That counts for something and I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels right I do this for him.”
I’m not sure if I’m pissed or confused or happy we’re staying, maybe it’s all fucking three.
“You’ve spent the last couple of months avoiding him, avoiding everyone connected to India and now…”
“Please, I know I’m back and forth all the time, but I can finally see a future here.”
My sigh is deep and laced with frustration, but I lean in and press my lips to hers.
If this is what she wants, so be it.
Harper
“You don’t have to do this,” JJ says for the tenth time since we left the house, adding, “You don’t even like babies.”
“It’s not about liking them or not, don’t you see? We can help him. He came to us for help, to me.” I’m getting tired of repeating myself, especially when we’ve just had this conversation at home.
He cuts his eyes to me, cocks a brow, and returns his attention back to the road.
It’s so clear to me now, I’m surprised he doesn’t see it too.
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