by Jen Luerssen
When we reach the door, I open it for her and inside the floor is lit up with a path to her favorite place. She follows the lights until we reach the top of the stairs.
“Stay here,” I say. “Don’t come down until I tell you.”
“Yes sir,” she says with a salute.
I walk down and set up a few things. The table is set up for dinner and covered with battery operated flicker candles (obviously). I find the warming box that Gary must have carried down when he saw my car pull in. I take out the food and set everything out. Then I pop some of our reserve sparkling wine and pour it into glasses.
“I’m just going to come down if you don’t hurry up,” she shouts.
“Don’t you dare!” I yell back.
Once I make sure the table is ready, then I make myself ready.
“Okay, you can come down, Chaton.”
Kit almost runs down the stairs and when she sees me, she stops dead. I’ve gotten rid of my jacket and have donned a furry top that I had Sig help me make and on my head I’m wearing a full set of antlers.
“Holy shit, Salty, are you serious right now?” She is laughing but her hand is over her mouth. I can’t tell if she likes it or she’s just in shock.
“Serious as my fursona,” I say in a serious tone. “Are you not willing to get anthropomorphized with me?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s a hard no,” she says.
“Are you sure?” I ask and then bring the handmade peacock feather mask I found in a shop in Petaluma out from behind my back.
Her eyes light up and she claps her hands. “Is that for me to keep like forever?”
“I bought it for you, my peacock princess,” I say with a bow, then pull out her chair. “Please have a seat.”
She sits and I push her chair in. I gather her hair, which is loose and beautiful tonight, and pull it all back so it’s away from her face. “Lean back a little,” I whisper in her ear then kiss the shell. Her head goes back and I am able to put the mask on and then tie the heavy silk ribbon around her head. When I’m finished, I push her chair in all the way and then sit in the seat next to hers.
On the table is one giant dish with a fancy cover. First I hand her a glass of wine for a toast. “To us, we don’t know how to do things in the right order, but we still do them pretty well.”
She smiles, takes a sip and then holds her glass out to me again. “To us making a genius baby with our magical sex.”
I toast and laugh before I take a sip. “Maybe let’s not put that on the birth announcement.”
“Too late!” she exclaims and takes another sip. “I can’t believe I’m wearing this mask with this dress. I can’t wait to show Sig.”
I take my phone out and snap a picture, then send it to him. “Did you just send that to him?” I nod. “I find it weird yet endearing that you text with my parents on the regular.”
“I’d rather text with you,” I say and she frowns. “I didn’t say that to make you sad.”
“I know, but it does anyway. I’m being a shitty baby mama.”
“Let’s not go there right now, we have time to talk later,” I say and lift the lid from the platter. “Can I feed the bird?”
She laughs and opens her mouth wide like a bird looking for food. I feed her from the mix of foods I had made for her. Peyton told me her favorites so I either bought them at the market or had them made at a local restaurant where we have a partnership. The chef owes me for getting him an emergency case of Moscato for a big client. The first being small stuffed mushrooms filled with homemade sausage and breadcrumbs. I pop one into her mouth and she makes some pretty obscene noises.
“Salty, these are some good mushrooms,” she says licking her lips. “What else do you have for me?”
“As much as you can take,” I say teasing her.
“Naughty buck,” she says petting my shirt.
I lean in and put my mouth to her ear. “This stag is at your service.”
I continue to feed her all of her favorites and it’s the most fun I’ve had with her in a long time. We drink wine, eat and when I put a record on the turntable Gary and I brought down, we dance to some Billie Eilish. There are some slow songs and a few upbeat ones like the night we had in Vegas. We dance to all of them and I hold her as close as she’ll let me the whole time.
The record ends and I lead her to the table to sit back down. Then I put another record on, The Eagles this time. “Just for you,” I say and she laughs knowing I’m not a fan. I settle in next to her and we just enjoy each other’s company.
“This has been the best night, Sebastian, thank you,” she says and leans in to brush a kiss to my lips.
I pull back and raise my eyebrows. “It’s not done yet, Chaton,” I say and reach for another covered plate. Peyton said her favorite dessert was macarons from a fancy French bakery in Paris. I was able to order a dozen and have them sent for a small fortune.
I hold the plate in front of her and whip the cover off. She huffs in a breath when she sees the imprint of the bakery’s logo on the doily under the cookies. Her eyes go wide and I think she might cry.
“You didn’t?” she asks.
“I did,” I say and pick one of the cookies up and hold it up to her lips.
“Salty, you win, this is better than Vegas,” she says then swallows the cookie whole.
Salty Woo
Sebastian
We go on a few more dates and everything goes really well. Our conversations are about each other, Bea, and wine. Not work wine, but just our passion for it. I show her my studio in the small barn behind my house and we paint together. Kit has no talent but she has fun with color.
I also continue to visit with Bea about three times a week and we are getting close. I even take her down to Carmel Valley to meet my parents the weekend before Christmas. When I told my mom about her and Kit, she cried. She said she had lost hope of having grandchildren once I turned 35 and was not even dating anyone. It was hard to explain how it all happened and that Kit and I are dating and taking it slow.
Bea was nervous at first meeting her new grandparents, but after a mini meltdown and some shy time, she warmed up to them. It helps that my mom had homemade croissants warm from the oven. Bea is easily won over by food, just like her dad.
It’s still surreal to think I have a child but it’s the most natural thing in the world to love her and be with her. Kit and I are taking her to see Santa today and it’s our first outing with just the three of us. When I pick them up, there’s some arguing about which dress would be best for Santa to meet her in. When I say this, I mean Sig and Kit disagree on which dress she should wear. Bea is happily walking around in her diaper quacking like a duck.
“A-bat-in, quack!” she demands so I do.
The back sliding door is open and she waddles out onto the deck. I follow her, worried she’s going to be cold. It’s a nice day and about 65 out so I’m not too worried but I try to corral her back into the house. She refuses and instead climbs down the steps and starts running in the grass quacking even louder. I chase after her and catch her easily, kissing her tummy.
“Bea, you can’t run away, we have to go see Santa Claus,” I tell her. When I turn back to the house, I see a flicker of something out the corner of my eye.
“Santa quack!” Bea squeals and I throw her over my shoulder and tickle behind her knees.
We get to the stairs and I place Bea at the top and she runs into the house. Just as I’m about to climb the steps and follow her, I feel a brush of something along my back. When I turn, I’m face to face with Simon, my peacock nemesis. He is in full bloom, his feathers on gorgeous display. I put my hands up and cover my dick, thinking that’s where he’s likely to do the most damage.
He makes some weird call and then flaps his plumage at me threateningly. Slowly, I step up one at a time until I’m on the deck. By the time I make it to the top he lunges forward and nips at my shin.
“Kit!” I shout, hoping she will come to my rescue.
I know it’s completely pathetic but seriously, this bird hates me.
I hear her run out behind me. Then I hear her fucking laugh. “Simon,” she calls sweetly between laughs. “Leave poor Salty alone.”
Every step back I take, he lunges forward. “This is not funny, Kit, he is getting too close to my junk for comfort.”
She passes by me and flaps her arms at Simon. He squawks at her and jumps down the steps and back to the lawn. Once he’s far enough away I run inside and close the sliding door leaving her out there.
The whole ride to the street festival where we are meeting Santa I get made fun of by Kit and Bea. It lets up finally when we get to the festival in the middle of the square. There’s so much to see that Bea is in awe and just pointing at everything. Kit takes my hand as I push Bea’s stroller through the crowd. A decision was finally made and Bea is dressed up as an elf from the movie Elf. Sig made the costume for her so it fits perfectly and has sequins.
“Have you recovered from the attack, Salty?” Kit asks me, squeezing my hand.
“Yes, but I don’t know what I did to that bird to piss it off so much.”
“He’s just mad you are prettier than he is. Also, I’m his favorite. He’s territorial and thinks I’m a part of his harem.” The way she says this so matter of factly makes me laugh.
“Well, he better step off, because you are my harem girl.”
“Okay, ew, that’s not true, but aww,” she says patting my cheek.
We stop and get hot chocolate and a cookie for Bea and some warm cider for us and just walk and absorb the holiday spirit. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I may have gone overboard a little on my gifts for Bea, but I missed her first one so I need to make up for it. Kit and her dads have invited me to dinner and to spend the night so I can be there Christmas morning with her. If I told you I was excited about it I’d be lying, I’m like Buddy the elf levels of psyched.
The line for Santa is long but moving quickly so we hop on. When it’s Bea’s turn, she calmly sits on his lap, pulls on his beard (thankfully it’s real), and kisses his cheek. It may be the cutest thing ever. Kit and I are so shell shocked that we don’t even get a photo of the cheek kiss.
Bea turns to us and smiles huge. “Santa! I yove you.”
We get our shit together finally and take our phones out and snap a million shots of her hugging him, holding his beard and then kissing him again. When I go to take her from his lap, she gets a little pissy.
“I rarely get such a reaction from one so small. Most of the littles are frightened of me,” Santa bellows. “Merry Christmas, Bea, I love you too.”
She hugs him one last time and lets me pry her from him. “Das Santa, my fwend.”
“That’s right, sweets, Santa is Bea’s friend.”
She squeals again and settles back into her stroller where she picks up her half-eaten cookie and goes to town. We stroll around a little bit, buying some treats for the dads and enjoying our day.
“What a beautiful family you three make,” an older woman says as she walks by us and my heart does a little flip.
“Thank you,” I say.
Kit looks away and there’s an awkward moment but then she turns back.
“Thank you,” she calls back to the lady and I pull her into my side for a squeeze.
We continue to stroll through the festival until Bea starts to fuss. Once we are all in the car and heading back to the house I think again about us as a family. It’s something I want more than anything else. When we get to the house, I help Kit with all of Bea’s gear as she carries our passed-out daughter into the other room.
“Thanks again for the wonderful day,” Kit says when she comes back to the kitchen where I’m sitting with Peyton and Sig, discussing Bea’s magical Santa interaction.
I stand and walk to her. “You’re welcome,” I say but it’s her I want to thank so I do. I pull her to me and hug her close. “I’ve never thanked you for her, but I am so grateful,” I whisper in her ear so only she can hear my words.
I pull back and her eyes shine with tears. She nods and leans in to kiss my cheek. “See you tomorrow?” she asks.
“Yes, you will,” I smile and turn to wave to the dads and Peyton is wiping a tear from his eye.
Kit walks me out to my car and I feel a melancholy I haven’t felt before when leaving them behind. I want it all now. I want both of them in my life, in my house. I’m just not sure exactly how to get us there. I know the obvious answer is time, but I’m impatient. My hands surround Kit’s neck as I lean to kiss her. The kiss is purposeful in it is delivering something to her from me. It’s trust, warmth, security, and a promise to not leave.
“See you tomorrow, Chaton,” I say leaving her flushed and wide-eyed.
***
When I get home, I do two things. I write a long and detailed letter to Sig and Peyton outlining my feelings for Kit and Bea, my proposal of shared custody, and all of my financial documents so they know I can provide for them. It sounds like it’s devoid of emotion but it’s not. I even included an art piece I did about Bea and a poem. I put them in a large envelope and seal it.
The second thing is to call my lawyer. I know, it all seems so civilized, why involve a lawyer? Well, I’ve learned in my 35 years that it’s always good to have back up plans and to have all bases covered. When I get off the phone, I head to my office where all of the gifts for Bea, Kit, and the dads are in need of wrapping. I spend the next two hours doing a shitty job but at least covering everything with paper or throwing some things in a bag. Then I’m ready. Ready for everything to come.
Salty Christmas
Kit
It’s Christmas morning and I wake feeling excited about the day. Last night we had a beautiful dinner made by Peyton, with Sebastian as his assistant. We had filet mignon, scalloped potatoes, garlic green beans, and a delicious beet and feta salad. We paired it with some special wine I helped bring to bottle. It was a nice surprise from Sebastian.
We played holiday music, danced with Bea and had hot chocolate and cookies by the fire. It was one of the most magical nights. I’m hoping this morning is even better. It’s the first Christmas that Bea will be aware of what’s happening.
I get up when I hear her singing in her crib but when I enter her room Sebastian is already there changing Bea and speaking to her softly. I hang back watching them together. When he reappeared in my life, I was worried about him being a dad. After being with Bea for five minutes all of my doubts flew away. They were instantly smitten with each other and are so much alike.
He gets her special holiday jammies back on and then kisses her cheeks. They turn when he picks her up and see me standing there. Their smiles warm me from the inside out and I reach for both of them. We hug with Bea in the middle and the completeness I feel is overwhelming.
“Merry Christmas, Chaton,” he says kissing my forehead.
“Santa yike me?” Bea asks.
I chuckle. “I’ll say, it looks like the North Pole exploded. He likes you very much, and so do we.”
We walk down the hall and I can smell the delicious coffee and cinnamon rolls already. Every Christmas morning, no matter where we are, we always have cinnamon rolls. The best is when we are somewhere that Peyton can bake them from scratch, because his are so much better than any other I’ve had.
We gather around the kitchen island and all drink coffee, eat, and enjoy the sunshine pouring in through the sliding doors.
“It’s nice to not have to get up too early since little Buzz here is a late riser and doesn’t know enough to wake her self early yet,” Sig says. “This one was always up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning.”
“What was her earliest?” Sebastian asks.
“I think one time she didn’t even go to sleep and came down around midnight and I was asleep on the couch but the tree was all set up. She shook me awake and was like, ‘Daddy, you slept through Santa,’” Peyton tells us sweeping Bea up in his arms from her high chair. “You ready to g
o see the tree, baby?”
“I yeady, Pop Pop,” she says very seriously.
We all follow them to the sunken living room where the tree is lit and overflowing with gifts. Bea’s eyes light up like I expect and the look on Sebastian’s face as he watches her fills me in a way I didn’t know I needed. I know right then and there that he is it for me. The love I want is there, I just need to reach out and grab it.
So, I do. As we follow Bea to the tree, her squealing in delight all the way, I grab his hand and squeeze. “I’m glad you’re here, Salty.”
He smiles at me and I swoon a little because he is just breathtaking when he smiles. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Chaton.”
I snuggle into his side as he pulls me down to sit on the sofa. Peyton is already enlisting Bea in gift distribution. She takes her job very seriously, making sure each person has a gift in hand before we begin opening.
It’s a total scene of excess and when all things are unwrapped each person has a sizable pile. Bea’s is the biggest of course. She got a new scooter, mini bike, stuffed animals, robots, Legos, and a million other things. Sig and I start cleaning the paper and plastic while Peyton and Sebastian are putting together the castle she got from her dad. It comes with markers and paints so she can decorate it herself. Sebastian promised her they could do it together and my ovaries were all a tingle again.
Bea is passed out on her new chair Sig and Peyton got her. Completely over-stimulated but also completely loved. All of us made sure she knew that we loved her more than gifts could ever show.
Later, we have a huge dinner cooked by Peyton with a lot of help from Sebastian. We all eat too much and then watch a few Christmas movies, including Die Hard, after Bea goes to bed with all of her new toys and her new night light I got her in the shape of a peacock.
“How is this considered a Christmas movie?” asks Sig. “Also, why is the bad guy always German?”
I laugh and shrug. “It’s not really, but it’s set around Christmas time and it’s a great movie, so who cares, Papa?”