by Jen Luerssen
“You’re wrong,” he says. “She did tell us about Vegas. I thought that maybe she was trying to justify the pregnancy, to make it seem less like a mistake. Now, that you’ve told me the same story, I believe it. Did she tell you how Sig and I met?”
I nod. “You were one of his models?”
“Yes, because he made me a ridiculous offer. He’d seen me on a billboard and stopped his car in the middle of the road. Almost got into an accident. He pulled over and called every modeling agency until he found me. It took a few weeks but he was able to book me way over my usual rate. The show was supposed to be a private viewing for a big money client. Turns out the big money client was him. When we met, I was instantly entranced by him. After the show, he asked me to dinner and we pretty much haven’t been apart since. When he finally admitted to going to such lengths to find me, I asked him why. He said when he saw my billboard he just knew he was going to spend his life with me.”
“That’s a lovely story,” I say because it is. “When I left Kit’s room that morning the pull to go back and find out everything about her was strong. I felt heartbreak which I found odd after only knowing her for one night. I don’t know what brought us back together but I know how lucky I am.”
“You don’t trust her though,” he says and I’m shocked by his insight.
“I’ve been burned before by an ex. Kit lied to me for months, it’s going to take me a minute to come to terms with that.”
He nods. “I understand betrayal. Before I met Sig, I had a knack for picking some real winners,” he says. “My boyfriend before him liked to pick up random dudes and take them to empty houses he was showing as a realtor. He told me he was visiting his dying grandmother so it came as a shock when he called me from jail to bail him out for trespassing and the guy in the cell with him looked nothing like his grandma.”
“Oh man, my ex blew a guy in his car in our driveway. I thought that was bad.”
We both laugh. Then he lets out a sigh. “Kit is trustworthy. She’s also a lot harder on herself than anyone else. I’ve watched her these past two years and she’s been struggling. When she came home for the first time after working at the Monkey, she was like a new person. Even more so after you showed up. It’s like there was a piece missing and now she’s complete. Maybe that’s hokey, but I believe it.”
We both sit for a few minutes in companionable silence until the ABCs start up again from the monitor (not a walk talky). I smile at her sweetness then smile even wider when she starts singing my name.
“Abaaaaa-tiiiiiiin, A-bat-in, Abaaaa-tiiiin, A-bat-tin,” she sings.
Peyton smiles warmly at me. “You’re a song, that’s a high honor. Want to go get her?”
I jump up and he laughs. “Do you want me to change her?” I ask, not wanting to do anything without permission.
“Sure, I’ll hang back for a few minutes and then join you with a snack for her,” he says, patting my back.
The singing keeps going and just gets louder. I can’t stop smiling and when I push open her door the look on her face makes everything worth it. She giggles and claps which makes her fall back onto her tush.
“A-bat-in,” she says punctuating every syllable of my butchered name. “Up!” She shouts holding her hands up.
I reach in and scoop her up and she puts her arms around my neck. Tears fill my eyes again. I swear I’ve never had this much emotional response in my life. Guess I’m catching up.
“Hey Bea, how was your nap?” I ask.
She rests her head on my shoulder and puts her tiny hand on my face. I’m dead. How do they even handle this much adorableness day to day?
“I yucky,” she says and I laugh.
“You got a stinky, little girl?” I ask and she shakes her head.
“No!” she says sternly holding her finger out. “I yuck-ee.”
I’m still confused so I carry her over to the changing table. I place her down and she looks up at me. When I lean in to kiss her nose, she grabs my cheeks and pulls me to her. I plant a smooch on her cute little button nose, then she turns me and kisses my cheek. Dead, I tell you.
I change her diaper with not much difficulty, especially since she was just wet. We are making silly faces at each other when Peyton comes in with a bowl of grapes cut into quarters.
“Popop, I yucky,” she says when she sees him.
“Aww, that you are my little Buzzy butt.”
“Why does she keep saying she’s yucky?” I ask.
“She’s not, she’s saying she’s ‘lucky,’” he says and my heart bursts into pieces.
Salty Face
Kit
You must think I’m nuts. I gave up the perfect job and the ideal living space to move back in with my dads to my childhood bedroom so I can finally be a full-time mother to my child. Well, first of all, my childhood bedroom is the tits, so that’s a non-starter. I was a spoiled only child of stylish and wealthy gay men. My room is really a suite with its own large bathroom with a mini fridge and a microwave.
The job part is tough, it really was the exact job I wanted but I feel like I’ve finally gotten my head out of my ass. Parents need to make sacrifices, and I know that’s what Sig and Peyton did for me. I shouldn’t have allowed it but I was overwhelmed and panicked about my life’s plan. In other words, I was selfish when being a parent is the opposite of that.
So, here I am, jobless and technically without a home, but surrounded by the people I love most. I sit on the edge of my bed and take a minute to let it all sink in. This is not how I pictured my life, but it could be a lot worse. After we got the rest of my things in today, Peyton made tacos and then we played freeze dance with Bea until she started to rub her eyes and pull on her ear.
I took her to her room, read her a story, and then sang her a song with my hand on her back in her crib. My baby looks so little sometimes. Curled up in her crib, her hair wild and cheeks red, I just want to climb in with her to protect her from everything.
According to Peyton, she and Sebastian have become close very quickly. It doesn’t surprise me, neither one is difficult to love. It hurts that I have all these feelings for him. I can’t imagine him not forgiving me, dating someone else, getting married, bringing her to family gatherings, because that’s what he is now. Sebastian is family. No matter what happens between us he will always be a part of my life as Bea’s dad.
I allow myself another minute of wallowing then I get in the shower. When I’m clean and dressed in PJs, I head down to the kitchen for some tea. Sig is in the kitchen finishing up dishes and shaking his big ole Viking butt to some old school Madonna.
I sit at the bar and enjoy the show until he notices me there. He doesn’t stop though, he just shakes it harder and does a little shimmy in my direction. I laugh and when the song ends, he turns it down.
“Hasenfürzchen, you’re still up?” he asks.
“Yes, Papa, it’s only 8:30,” I tease. “Where’s Daddy?”
“He went out to feed Kelly and Simon and to make sure they have fresh hay for nesting.”
“How is the guard cock?” I ask.
He raises his eyebrow. “Nice,” he praises. Sig likes a good peacock joke. “Simon is getting old and ornery. P says I should get him another mate, but you know how I feel about harems.”
“I do.”
“You all settled?” he asks.
“Yeah, just need to put a few boxes away,” I say getting up to make my tea.
“You know we support you in whatever you decide, right, Hasenfürzchen?”
I nod, filling the teapot with water. “I know, I just hope I made the right decision, for once.”
He stands in from of me, blocking me from putting the kettle on the stove. “What do you mean, for once?”
I place the pot down on the counter and look at him. “About stepping up to be Bea’s parent, making sacrifices for her.”
He picks the kettle up, places it on the stove, and turns the burner on. “You are an excellent parent. You placed her in our care, kn
owing we’d do our best so you could finish school and give her a good life. Don’t beat yourself up for doing the best you could. There are a few more selfish options you could have taken. I’m so proud of you. We all are. It’s been my honor to help raise that little Buzz. Whatever you decide to do, you know Daddy and I will support you.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes as the kettle begins its gentle whistle. “Thanks, Papa, I love you.”
He gets a teabag and a mug and pours the hot water in. “Of course you do, I’m Sig Becker, everyone loves me,” he says like he always does and I roll my eyes.
“No one as much as you,” I say my usual refrain.
***
Bea and I are in the backyard a few days later, ‘gardening,’ when Peyton joins us. “You look cute today, Mamameow,” he teases using the name Bea calls me.
I throw a chunk of dirt his way. Bea and I are digging a garden plot along the east fence. I won’t be able to plant anything until March but I have plans. Plus, Bea should know how to work with her hands to make something beautiful.
I’m sweaty and covered in mud, wearing an old pair of overalls over a thermal top. The sun is out today and even though it’s December it’s mild. I’m the opposite of cute.
“Bah, daddy, you’re so funny,” I say turning to Bea to tickle under her chin. “Isn’t Popop funny?”
“Mameow, no ticko Bea!” she exclaims with a stern look. So bossy, this one.
“Buzzy, what did we talk about, it’s weird to talk about yourself in third person,” Peyton says to her and she giggles again when he tickles her.
“Top it, Popop!”
“Yeah, daddy, ‘top it.’” I stand and wipe my hands on my pants. “What’s up?”
“Can you do me a favor?” he asks.
“Like raise your child for you?” I ask cheekily.
“Not that big, can you go and get Papa and I some pastries from the Bakeshop? They have gluten free blueberry cupcakes today.”
“Of course, I’ll take this stinker with me,” I say picking up Bea and blowing into her belly.
“Nah, I’ll take her for a bath then put her down for her morning nap. You go, hang out, have a coffee,” he says and I narrow my eyes at him.
“You trying to get rid of me?”
“No, Kit, but you’ve been glued to Bea’s side since you moved back in, I think she could use a break,” he says taking Bea from me.
“I think you mean I need a break?” I ask indignantly.
“Sure, Bunny,” he says.
“Mameow, go,” Bea says pointing to the car. “I baff.”
I smile at my smart girl. “Okay, I’m leaving,” I say starting to walk to the front of the house where my truck is.
“Whoa there, girlie, maybe go wash up first?” Peyton suggests. I catch my reflection in the back door and he’s right,
After a quick shower, I head out to the bakery. When I leave, they all see me off at the door, it’s weird.
I pull into the lot behind the bakery and park by the dumpster. Lucky me! The door chimes as I walk into the shop. It’s not too crowded but it’s after ten so their morning rush is done. I step up to the counter and order the cupcakes and a latté for myself. After I pay, I turn to find a seat and instead I find Sebastian. He’s sitting at the corner table and I must have missed him when I walked in.
He waves and I walk over. “Hey, Salty, whatcha doing?” I ask, now super suspicious.
“Waiting for you,” he says.
“Did you set this up with my dads?” I ask already knowing the answer.
He nods and motions for me to sit across from him. As I sink into the cozy chair, the barista brings my coffee and box of cupcakes.
“I’ve been trying to give you a little space, and I wasn’t sure if you’d meet with me. Things between us are weird and I don’t like it.” He spins his cup slowly as he studies it.
I take a sip of my coffee and then take a breath. “They have been weird, and I’m sorry about that.”
“Every time I come to visit Bea, you are either out or holed up in your room. You don’t have to do that,” he says and I feel a pang of guilt.
“I want you guys to bond without my interference,” I explain.
“What if I want your interference?” he asks and I don’t know what he means.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Maybe I don’t either, but I want you to stop hiding when I come around,” he says. “And I want you to go on a date with me.”
“A date?” I ask smiling. “Isn’t that a little ass backwards?”
“Pretty sure we’ve done everything backwards, but I still want to take you out.” He grabs my free hand. “What do you say?”
“I could go on a date with you. Not sure you’re going to be able to top our first date, but it’s a high bar.”
“I don’t count getting trashed in the Venetian casino bar with a furry named Mateo our first date,” he says.
“Well, I do, it was one of the best nights of my life.”
“Then I shall endeavor to live up to that night,” he says.
“Oh shit, don’t do that, it’ll be too hard. I’m fine with an above average first date, with a cheek kiss at the end. As long as there’s wine.”
“There’s always wine,” he says. “I can do better than above average, Chaton, I’m a little insulted you think I can’t.”
I finish my coffee and place the cup gently on the saucer. “Surpass my expectations, Salé, let’s do it,” I say stretching my arms wide.
“Perfect, I’ll pick you up at seven, wear a short dress,” he says, gets up, and walks out.
Salty Date
Sebastian
After spending the past few weeks really thinking about Kit and Bea, I decided I had to make a move. Peyton, Sig and I agreed that the best way to get Kit’s attention was to ambush and then woo. The coffee shop was the ambush, although it was pretty low key. The wooing starts tonight.
I put on my best jeans and a black button-down shirt with a red tie. My heavy black corduroy blazer matches my black boots and I’ve made an effort to style my hair. I check with Colette before I leave and she says I look hot, so that’s a positive. Everything has been set up and I think Kit will like what I have planned.
My car pulls through the gate easily now that I have my own code to enter. Sig, Peyton, and Bea are sitting on the porch waiting for me but Kit is nowhere in sight.
“Looking sharp, Sebastian,” Sig says and now I feel better because Sig is the most stylish person I’ve met.
Peyton walks to me holding Bea. “More like, looking like a smoke show.” He pulls on my tie and then Bea also pulls on it.
“A-bat-in,” she says, “Me.” She points to herself and I’m not sure what she’s getting at but she’s the best.
I reach for her and she lunges to me. “Hey, my Bea, what’s up?”
She places her hands on my cheeks. “Me,” she says again this time taking one finger and pointing to herself.
Sig helps me out. “She got out of her crib on her own today. We’d be proud of her if it wasn’t so terrifying.”
“She’s due for a big girl bed anyway,” Peyton says and I realize I don’t know any of these things. When do kids get their own bed? What size? Is it really a bad thing when they can climb out of a crib?
“I big goil,” Bea says with a wide smile.
“So big and smart,” I say back to her, kissing her tiny nose.
“‘Mart!” she yells holding a fist in the air.
We all laugh at her because she is endlessly entertaining. She laughs too but it’s a haughty, fake laugh which sends us all into hysterics.
“What’s so funny out here?” Kit asks and when I turn, my stomach flips.
Kit is a vision in a short, black dress with peacock feathers along the hem. The neckline plunges and her creamy skin looks soft and touchable. I stare a bit too long at her cleavage area I guess because Sig clears his throat and knocks into me.
“Y
ou like my dress?” he asks.
“I love it, Papa, it’s perfect for me.” It is. It fits her body perfectly but it also fits her personality. The sleeves are flowy and the bodice is fitted and the skirt flares out. It looks like she was sewn into it. I try to figure out what kind of underwear she has on underneath then kick myself because we aren’t going there tonight.
“You look beautiful, Chaton,” I say and the whisper to Bea, “Mamameow is so pretty, don’t you think Bea?”
She nods enthusiastically and reaches for Kit. “Mameow, I yove you.”
Kit leans in and kisses her neck. “Thanks, little buzzy, I love you too.”
Bea then turns to me. “A-bat-in, I yove you too.”
If there was anything left of my heart that wasn’t already melted then this did it. I hug her to me and take a deep breath. “I love you too, Beatrice.”
She pulls back from me shaking her head, “No, I Bea.”
Kit rolls her eyes. “Yes, miss.”
“I love Bea, too,” I say and kiss her temple then pass her back to Peyton. “You ready?” I direct my question to Kit.
“Heck yeah, Salty, show me what you got,” she says threading her arm through mine.
We walk to the car and I open the door for her. I wave back at the dads and Bea who is shouting ‘Bye’ at the top of her lungs. A flash of what life could be like for us runs through my mind. Someday if we are together and want a date night, we’d drop Bea with her grandpas and go.
I let that thought go and concentrate on tonight. When I get in the car, Kit is looking at me. “You look good,” she says, running her hand over my hair. “So where are we off to? Vegas?” she jokes.
“Not that far,” I say but don’t give anything else up.
When we pull up the winery drive, she sits up. “Hey, I know this place,” she says.
“Haha, glad you remember us.” I drive up past the tavern and around to the big building. As I turn the corner she gasps and I smile. Gary and I spent an hour putting the sign and lights up over the door. A replica of the ‘Welcome to Vegas’ sign is surrounded by twinkle lights over the door. I park and we get out.