by Jamie Knight
“We’re here!” Rodney steps in the door with one hand raised in a dramatic fashion. He’s a morning person — the only one on my team.
He keeps his pose while the others grumble, mumble, and walk around him. Most of the boys have their eyes shaded by baseball caps. They all look like slobs compared to my second-in-command. I doubt Rodney even owns a baseball cap.
He gives me another smile, pushing his tortoise-shell glasses up on his nose a bit. “Did you miss us?”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “Hardly. Get your butts in here, set up, and stop bugging me. I need this tablet up and running in a few weeks, and I’m super far behind.”
Ignoring all of my orders, Rodney crosses to my desk. He eyes what I am doing while folding his arms over his chest. “Do you mean to say that all that time you wanted the office to yourself was wasted?” His stare has some accusations in it. I know that he is teasing, but I can’t deal with how his words ring true.
Taking Mandy as a pet was a waste of time. I would even go so far as to say that it has been detrimental. I can’t get her out of my head even though I haven’t seen her in weeks. She stopped coming into the office, but still, she haunts me. As I’m working, I find myself staring off into space caught in some memory of how she moaned or laughed or the constant way that she rolled her big brown eyes. When I think of her, my chest hurts so bad I can hardly breathe.
“Yes,” I snap, too harshly at Rodney. He blinks at me a bit, stepping back. “Yes, it was a waste of time! I should have had you all move in when we originally planned, right after the merger.”
Rodney hisses and steps back. He glares at me, as do the rest of my team. I’m never this harsh with anyone. Feeling like I am out of control, I drop the circuit board and run my hands through my hair.
Rodney laughs. He turns to smile at each of the team, easing the tension in the room. “Wow, boss. You really need your coffee, don’t you?” He lets out another chuckle. “Mario, why don’t you head down the street, grab us all coffees and get doughnuts? I know you all are trying to watch your figures, but today is special. Doughnuts for everyone!”
As always, Rodney fixes things for me. He’s so much better at dealing with people. Somewhat happier, the guys look away from us and start setting up their computers as if everything is right with the world again.
Rodney keeps smiling at them but moves closer to me. “What is up with you?” he whispers. I just shake my head, not sure what to even tell him. “Fine, don’t tell me,” he continues. “Maybe you should go home and get some sleep. You look like hell.”
I rub my hands through my hair again than over the beard I am re-growing. “I can’t,” I whisper. “My dad has a mistress taking over my place.”
My friend grunts. “Hell. No wonder you are salty. That man deserves a punch in the face.”
I nod. “I need to figure out a way to get away from him, but I don’t know how.”
“Yes!” Rodney hisses. “Yes, boy! Cut all ties. You can do it; people tell me that you’re a genius or some shit.” He winks at me. “Although I’ve never seen it.”
His grin makes me grin despite my depressed state. “I’ll figure it out. But first, I have to get this done.” I gesture to the circuit board.
Rodney shakes his head. “You need to take a nap. Why don’t we get rid of this big table and put in some couches?”
I want to tell him that that is a good idea, but I can’t. The table is the only connection I have left to Mandy. I can’t part with it. Maybe someday, but not now.
****
The boys have been gone for hours. I know it’s dark outside even though we don’t have windows in the basement. I haven’t looked at the clock, but I have a feeling that it is around eight at night. It’s been harder and harder for me to leave the office lately. I’m not sure why.
Obviously, part of it is that Dad’s mistress is still living at my place. We mostly ignore each other, but it’s hard to relax when there is a stranger in your home — acting like it is hers. I’ve even thought of selling the place. I used to like the location, but I want to buy something smaller and never tell my father where it is. I’m done with his impositions. In fact, I’m pretty much done with him being in my life at all.
Another reason I don’t want to leave is that I stupidly keep hoping that Mandy will walk in. It’s a ridiculous dream, she hasn’t been to work in at least a week, but my heart keeps hoping. Often, I find my feet carrying me over to the conference table so I can glide my hand over it and remember. It’s dumb.
The code I’ve been working on blurs slightly as I space out, not really seeing what is on my computer monitor. There is a knock on the door to the annex. The door is always open now, but everyone knocks anyway. I don’t bother to look up. I figure it’s Tony, the security guard. He usually starts his rounds about this time. However, his usual greeting doesn’t follow.
The silence gets awkward, so I look up. My sister is standing by the big conference table, looking at it like she doesn’t understand its presence. I push back my chair, sigh quietly, and walk over to see what her problem is. We stand shoulder to shoulder, staring at the table in silence for a few minutes.
“I think this was the table in the room when I had my job interview,” Sloane says. Her voice is barely above a whisper. She reaches out and traces a finger in a design over the wood. “I was so bored that day. I knew that Kane would give me the job because of his relationship with Uncle Dave.” She lets out a breath. “I was pretty cocky back then.”
“Back then?”
She turns quickly, giving me a glare. “At least I’m working on being a better person.” Taking the finger that was on the table, she pokes me in the chest. “What are you doing, Chris?”
“Don’t call me that!” Annoyed, I push her hand away and walk back towards my desk, hoping that she will leave. She doesn’t.
“There are rumors.” The click of her heels tells me that she is following me.
“So what?” I snap, shutting my laptop’s lid with a click and starting to pack up my papers. If Sloane doesn't leave, I will. But something about the way she said the word rumors freezes me. “What rumors?” Maybe this is about where Mandy disappeared to. Maybe she finally ran off with that Coleman guy.
Sloane leans against my desk crossing her arms over her chest. A frown pulls her already long face down further. “Rumors that you were involved with… one of the employees.”
Ah. So, it’s nothing new. My chest aches with disappointment. I don’t know what I was hoping for, but it wasn’t a rehash of old news. My body feels deflated, so I drop down to sit in my chair.
“Ah,” is all I say to my sister.
Sloane’s face twitches slightly as she moves her lips up and then down to frowning again. “Is it true?” The tone in her voice is judgmental, not something I really want to deal with right now.
“So, what if it is?” I spit back. “Or was? What difference does it make? It’s over. That was weeks ago. Get with the present, sis.”
“It makes a difference because Mandy is my friend.” Sloane’s eyes burn a bit. Unfolding one of her hands, she slams her palm against my desk. The slap resonates in the usually quiet room. “Besides, I’m sick of the way you and Dad treat women! We are not disposable!”
“I am nothing like Dad!” Her words have me on my feet in a second, my fists clenched at my sides.
“You’re exactly like Dad!” Sloane shrieks in my face, clenching her own fists at her sides. “You act like you own everything and just take what you want…” Her voice keeps rising. “And if someone gets hurt, then well…who gives a damn!”
“I do not—”
“You cannot just take from people, Christian! People are not possessions!”
My sister is visibly panting from anger. I’ve never seen her like this. Usually, Sloane will bicker a bit. She’ll act condescending or nitpick, but yelling isn’t something she usually does. It’s a display of emotion — something she shuns. She’s too prim and prope
r. I’m stunned by her outburst.
In the back of my mind, I remember a fork slamming into mine and the look on Mandy’s grandmother’s face when she told me that I had enough and didn’t need to take more. Take…take...take. Was I acting like my father?!
All of my breath leaves me. My legs feel weak, causing me to step away from her and sit down hard into my chair.
Sloane inches a step back, taking in all my movements. “You didn’t realize?!” she says harshly then repeats in a gentler tone, “You didn’t realize?”
I drop my arms onto my desk and then lean my head on them. “Yes. No. I mean, subconsciously I was starting to realize it, but you put it so plainly.” I looked up at her, feeling like a drowning man. Worry crosses Sloane’s face. I don’t usually show her anything but arrogance. Emotions between us are new.
“He takes everything from me,” once I start speaking, I can’t stop, “He takes over my home, by making me house his mistresses. He’s seduced every one of my girlfriends since I was sixteen. I stopped getting romantically involved with women. I didn’t want to feel that pain again. He’s even tied my personal bank account to his. I keep getting new ones, but he finds them, and on the next statement I’ll see his name. I’m about ready to start keeping money under my mattress!”
My sister’s face is pale. Her eyes are wide with horror. “What the fuck?! Dad keeps his mistresses at your house?!”
I grunt out a choked laugh. “You had no idea?”
She sits down on the desk next to me, silent and thinking for a moment. “I’ve never checked my bank accounts for his name. Do you think I should?”
I nod my head. “It’s there, I checked.” Her face goes positively white and it makes me laugh. “You didn’t know how trapped we are, did you?”
She shakes her head. “I mean, he’s always been pushy about who I date. He’s said that I have to get his approval to get married. I figured he was joking.”
“He’s not.” I look up at her, suddenly curious and hopeful. “Are you dating that Jered guy?”
Sloane doesn’t look at me, but she shakes her head again. “No, that day we all went out to lunch, Mandy warned me that he was a gold-digger and was probably after my money…or rather, Dad’s money. She said she used to date him, but he dumped her because she wasn’t rich enough.”
Her words are like a punch to the chest. They make me angry, at Jered and myself. I never asked Mandy to explain. I just assumed that she was still in love with him.
I rub my face with one of my hands and groan. “I fucked up big time.”
Sloane looks at me, taking a second to catch on to my change in subject. “Yes, you did. You don’t even know how much.”
When she doesn’t elaborate, I ask the next question that comes to mind. “How did you find out about us?”
Sloane sighs. “Mandy asked for an extension to her vacation. Eileen sort of told me why.”
I wait for her to go on, but she doesn’t. “She’s trying to stay away from me?”
My sister nods, not meeting my eyes. “Yes. Something she should have done in the first place.” She gets up and walks towards the door.
“Sloane!” Her eyebrows go up as she turns back to look at me. “Will you tell me where Mandy is?”
“No. Mandy needs time to herself. I’m not going to tell you anything. You don’t deserve to know.” My sister leaves quickly, and I stare after her.
I have to find my pet. The longing in my heart is so bad I can barely breathe. I need to apologize or something. The truth is that I miss my pet badly. No. I miss Mandy. I know that I got too possessive. Once that Jered guy showed up, I couldn’t handle the competition. I wanted her to be mine, all mine, but now, I don’t even know where she is.
Without even thinking, I pull my laptop to me and open it. The program that downloads info from Mandy’s phone is still there, it’s still installed, but I haven’t checked it for weeks. My fingers move over the mouse pad making the curser circle the app. I know I shouldn’t, but I’m so tempted. All I need is just one hint of where she is, just one tiny hint and then I will delete the stupid app, tell Mandy everything, and learn to trust her — her as a person, not a possession.
My finger hovers over the mouse. I shouldn’t, but I have to find her, even if it means betraying her trust one more time. I find the button and click.
The first thing that fills my screen is pictures. Mandy has been sending her best friends tons of pictures. Most of them are of wildlife and the sea: whales jumping out of waves next to a boat, seals and sea lions sitting on an island, puffins overhead. My pet is on a cruise in the Alaskan waters. That narrows down her location. It also means she won’t be gone from New York forever.
I find myself smiling as the next set of pictures comes up. Mandy is standing next to her grandmother, smiling like the happiest woman in the world. Both are in heavy coats — the grandmother’s is shocking pink. This picture is followed by a few texts that tell her friends how much fun she is having on board, from buffets to watching shows to taking walks on deck.
Pulling the laptop onto my lap, I sit back in my chair. My imagination is full of Mandy doing all these things and having the time of her life. She is such a smart girl to take a vacation after a breakup, although perhaps it was her grandmother’s idea. The old woman is shrewd. Mandy is lucky to have her.
In most of the pictures, she is all smiles. Back to the happy girl she was before she met me. In one of them, she is eating the biggest ice cream sundae I have ever seen. I didn’t even know that she liked ice cream. I never asked, like I never asked about anything. I just kept telling myself that I didn’t want to know. It’s not true though. I want to know everything.
I also want to apologize for making her want to leave.
When I click to the next picture, it sends me straight to my feet. In it, Mandy is standing in front of a mirror without her heavy coat on. She has one hand at the bottom of her stomach pulling her shirt tight over a very small, but obvious bump.
Oh, my God!
I can’t even explain the range of emotions that pours through me as I run my eyes over the picture again and again. I memorize every detail, from the awkward smile on her face, and the worry in her eyes, to the flush of her cheeks. But each glance of mine settles with my eyes on the bump — the baby. My Baby. I don’t know how I know, but I do. My pet is pregnant with my child.
My longing for her increases tenfold. It’s a burn, an ache in my chest so hard that it makes my throat constrict. I need to have my arms around her as soon as possible. I need to touch that little swell in her stomach that is holding my child — my heir.
I have to find her immediately and beg her to take me back.
Chapter Twenty - Mandy
Going on an Alaskan cruise when you are two months pregnant is a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have agreed to even buy the tickets, but when Bubby overheard me lying to Sloane, I didn’t have the heart to tell her no, or what is really going on. But she wasn’t in the dark much longer. I ended up throwing up almost the whole plane ride from New York to Anchorage — that was her first clue. The second was that my usually flat stomach decided to pouch overnight. I went from totally normal to obviously pregnant so fast that I started to worry that I was having twins.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror in our shared stateroom I pull my shirt tight over my, now, bulging tummy. I look like I have eaten a small cantaloupe. It’s insane and much too soon. I cannot stop staring at my reflection.
“Good thing we paid for the all-you-can-eat plan.”
I jump back and stare at my grandmother. She is supposed to be taking a walk on deck, not stealthily sneaking in and watching me gaze at myself.
Bubby puts a hand up to her chin and scratches lazily. “Although you can’t eat seafood now, right? So, I suppose all-you-can-eat would be a waste.” She shrugs her narrow shoulders. “The rules weren’t so tough when I was pregnant with your father, but we didn’t know better back then.”
Ev
erything hits me. I can’t hide anymore. The truth is out, and soon everyone will know. I drop my hands over my little bump as a tear squeezes out of my eye and runs down my cheek.
Bubby shuffles forward and takes me into her arms. “Hush, child,” she croons. “It’s a perfectly natural thing that is happening to you. It’s all going to be just fine.”
“No, it’s not!” I wail. My mouth is directly at Bubby’s ear, and she flinches.
The fact that I hurt her hurts me more, and the sobs start coming hard. My whole body shakes with grief. What the fuck am I doing? What kind of idiot gets pregnant with her boss’s child and then runs away to Alaska?
“Now, now.” Bubby pats my arm and then runs a hand over my hair. “Come sit down on the bed here and tell me all about it.”
She guides me with her frail arms to the closest twin in our shared stateroom, plops me down and sits next to me. One of her thin hands moves down to my lap to hold my hand, while she pulls my head down to her shoulder with the other. I can smell her rose-scented perfume and the mild soap she uses. It’s a combination of smells that suddenly makes me feel like a little girl again — which strikes me as ridiculous at the moment.
“Come now, Amanda. Open up and tell me what happened.”
I lean into my grandmother more, letting go of my tension and feeling the soft caress of her hand over my hair. Soon the sobs let up a bit, and I can breathe again. But still, I can’t find the words to tell her how stupid I have been.
“Take a deep breath, child.” I do as she instructs. “Is this that Christian fellow’s child?” she asks. I nod, pushing my head further into the curve of her neck. She nods back, squeezing the hand that holds mine tightly. “I see. Have you told him about the baby?”
My breath hitches, and more tears come to my eyes. I shake my head, unable to explain.
Bubby shifts away from me. Her frail hand reaches under my chin and brings my eyes up to hers. “Look at me, Amanda.”