by Jamie Knight
All I could manage to give him was a small smile. Alex didn't notice since he was too caught up in his own thoughts. He gave me a tight hug before he walked off.
I made it up to my room alone. Once inside, I threw my towel and bathing suit in with my dirty clothes and changed into my dry sweats, then I threw myself on the bed. I stared at the ceiling feeling a little frustrated, although I didn't mean to feel that way. I was glad Alex was happy and making progress with his writing, but what about mine? Lately, all we had done was talk about his work. I was starting to feel left out. The whole reason we had made this agreement was so that we could write together. I needed help with my career. I knew I wasn't imagining how one-sided this relationship was starting to feel.
Turning over, I tried to get some sleep. This was too much to think about right now. Besides, I needed to be well-rested for tomorrow because I knew Alex would bombard me with more details about his book.
Chapter Seven - Hazel
The brain-storming session the following morning was very brief. A lot of the other writers in the group talked aloud or shared ideas, but Alex and I remained quiet. I could tell his thoughts were elsewhere, and I didn't know how to feel about that since I was still kind of upset from the night before. I didn't make any effort at conversation, not that he would have noticed.
Once the group had finished, Alex disappeared upstairs to work on the next chapter in his book. He left without so much as a goodbye. I groaned in frustration at that, finding it increasingly difficult to hold in my emotions about the situation. I needed to figure out how to get my mind off Alex and back on my writing. I had made no progress since going on this retreat.
After walking across the conference room, I poured myself a complimentary cup of coffee. As I sipped, I looked around the room at the few people from our group that remained. Jay sat in a corner by himself. I remembered how nice he had been on the first day of the group. It had been so easy to talk to him since he had been very helpful and enthusiastic about my ideas.
I wondered if I should talk to him again. How would Alex react to that?
Suddenly Jay looked my way. He spotted me and waved. I waved back.
He walked over and started talking to me. “How come you're over here by yourself, Hazel? I thought you'd be busy writing since you have so many brilliant ideas?” he asked with a big smile that put me at ease.
I finished my coffee then threw my cup away. “I was just getting ready to take a walk. I need a bit more inspiration before I start writing,” I admitted.
“Do you mind if I join you? You can run your ideas by me again, maybe I can help you narrow down your options so you can get started?” he offered.
I was shocked by Jay’s words but could tell his offer was genuine. “Sure! I'd love that. We can talk about your writing too. I saw you were so into it earlier,” I replied. It was true, he had been writing furiously in his notepad before our conversation.
He laughed as we left the conference room. “That was just a silly scene. I think I dreamed it up. I thought it was pretty cool, so I'm going to start my novel from that scene,” he explained with a shrug.
I was actually impressed. Jay sounded like a really talented writer.
“That is such a unique idea. I've never heard of a writer doing things that way before,” I replied, sounding a little in awe of him.
He chuckled softly. “It’s no big deal. I just like to think outside the box. It challenges me and helps me create new ideas and think in different ways.”
We walked in silence for a few minutes as I tried to absorb his words. I liked Jay. He was a nice guy, very friendly and insightful. I thought I could learn from him, and maybe his techniques would help me with my own writing.
My thoughts were interrupted as he asked, “So what problems are you having with your story? Maybe I can help.”
I stopped walking and looked at him, not used to having someone be attentive to my needs. “Actually, I'm not sure where to even begin with my writing. I have a lot of ideas I want to try out, but where do I start?” I asked him.
Jay frowned as we walked. I could sense that he was giving my problems some serious thought. He eventually answered, “Well, that depends on you. Which of your ideas do you like best?”
I blinked in surprise. “Well, they all sound good,” I stammered.
He laughed. “Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Let me explain it this way, writing should be about the connection you have with the story. It's your passion, it's your project…” He stopped talking. I noticed we stopped walking as well. “Turn around,” he instructed me. I looked at Jay skeptically. “Relax, I'm not up to anything. I'm trying to help you. Trust me?” he asked.
I sighed deeply, then turned around. I could hear Jay talking behind me.
“Forget I'm here, forget about the readers. Tell me the story that's in your heart,” he instructed.
As I looked out at the trees and the green space, I could suddenly visualize the story I had wanted to tell — the type of book I wanted to write. I could see every scene so clearly in my head like it was a movie.
“A story about a fighter, a warrior. Strong and independent, reluctant to give her heart away, but in the end, finding the love she deserves,” I whispered softly.
Jay chuckled. “Sounds like my work here is done,” he said proudly.
I turned around to thank him, my face smiling with excitement. “Yes! Jay, thank you so much! I couldn't have done this without your help. I can't wait to go up and write it right now.”
He smiled and gave me a friendly hug. “Friends help each other. Best of luck with your writing. If you need any more help, I'm always here,” he replied before walking away.
All thoughts of Alex were gone. I raced up to my hotel room, desperate to start writing. I had already picked out which scene I was going to begin with. My first book on my own! I was excited and knew it was going to be great!
I loved how Jay referred to my writing as “my passion and my project.” He was right because you must invest a lot of heart and emotion into whatever you are working on. I was so glad I ran into him. After a while, I tuned out all other thoughts and sat at my desk, writing deep into the night.
Chapter Eight - Alex
After a few days, I started to feel bad. I was spending so much time writing that I rarely saw Hazel. The few times that we did manage to meet up, she seemed distant, like she really didn't want to be there. I couldn't lose her again — I had just found her. Yet, it felt like I was losing my connection with her. I needed to do something to draw us back together and fast.
I decided to take a few days off from my novel to make it happen. I had made enough progress in my story where missing a few days of work wouldn't bother me; besides, I kind of owed this to Hazel. She was the one who got me writing again. She was my muse. So, I tried to think of what I could do to win her attention. Hazel is a sweet and loving girl. She mentioned that she had recently started reading romance books. Suddenly, an idea hit me.
I could surprise her by cooking her a romantic dinner. That's what I decided to do. It took most of the day, but by early evening the food was ready. Everything was to be served in my room. I covered the little table with a white tablecloth, even lighting a few candles to add to the mood.
After the table was set up, I hurried to shower and shave before Hazel showed up. Thirty minutes later, I was clean and presentable in my only suit. I had told Hazel I had something special for her, and to get dressed up.
I checked the food and table one last time. Finally, I heard a quiet knock on my door and hurried to open it. My girl stood there looking beautiful in a little black dress that hugged her curves deliciously.
“Hey, Alex. I hope this is okay. I didn't know how dressed up I should be,” she admitted, coyly dropping her gaze to the floor.
“No, that's perfect! You look beautiful!” I assured her as I opened the door wide enough so Hazel could walk into the room. I hurried to close it because I didn't w
ant to miss the expression on her face when she saw the dinner set out on the table.
“So, what's the big surprise….” she started to ask but stopped mid-sentence when she saw the layout. Hazel’s eyes lit up, and a big smile crossed her face. Turning to me, she threw her arms around my shoulders in the biggest hug she had ever given me. “Oh, Alex, thank you! This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me! It's so romantic,” she sighed happily.
I pulled her closer to me and gave her a light, teasing kiss. “Anything for you, babe,” I replied.
We both took our seats at the table and started to eat. It was silent, which was unusual. Hazel usually asked me questions about my day or my writing. Could something still be wrong between us? I had to know, so I asked her, “Is everything okay?” I hoped this would get her talking, and I could share more of my ideas with her.
“Yes! Everything is great, especially this food,” she commented happily.
I just stared at Hazel in confusion. That wasn't the answer I had been expecting. We finished our dinner, then had chocolate cake and coffee for dessert.
As I put the food away and cleaned up, I anticipated what was going to happen next. It was what I had hoped would happen all evening. Our time together never ended without sexy time — that was what we referred to it as. After seeing Hazel in that dress tonight, I was definitely in the mood to make love to her.
After I put the resort’s dishes away, I turned around to look at her. My love stood in the middle of the room and appeared to be deep in thought. Walking up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and began to kiss her neck. I heard her gasp softly, but then she pulled away from me, so I looked at her in confusion.
“I can't tonight, Alex. I'm making so much progress on my book. I need to get back to my room and finish writing,” Hazel explained.
I just stood there in shock.
She walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for tonight, hon. It was sweet and wonderful,” she whispered before she walked out of the room.
I stood alone by the door of my hotel room for several minutes as I tried to process everything that had just happened, but I didn't get it. This dinner was supposed to make everything better between Hazel and me, but it didn't. It seemed like things were exactly the same between us.
I sighed in frustration, having no idea what to do next and feeling a bit angry that Hazel was choosing writing over spending time with me.
“Maybe I can catch her before group tomorrow and talk to her,” I said to myself. That seemed like the only option I had left. I changed into my pajamas and watched some tv before finally falling asleep. There was no way I would have been able to concentrate on my writing that night.
The following morning, I woke up and glanced at my watch. It was almost ten AM. “Crap! I overslept!” I yelled in a panic.
Now I felt more upset than yesterday. It was vital that I talk to Hazel before she became distracted by the other writers or her ideas again. I jumped out of bed and hurried to put my clothes and shoes on. Once dressed, I ran from the room and made it just in time to catch the elevator. I tapped my fingers against my thigh nervously the entire ride to the conference room.
The elevator doors opened once we reached the correct floor. I got out quickly and looked around the entire room for her. The writers in the group had already paired off and were deep in discussions. It took a few minutes, but I finally spotted Hazel seated in an armchair in a corner of the room. I smiled with relief when I saw her, but the smile was soon wiped from my face when I saw that she wasn't alone. Sitting in a chair next to her was Jay, the flirty writer.
As I watched them talk and laugh, I felt a knot of anger form in the pit of my stomach. Standing quietly in the corner of the room where they couldn't see me, I just stayed frozen.
After a while, Hazel got up, hugged Jay good-bye, and left. This was the opportunity I had been waiting for.
I took Jay by surprise as I walked up behind him. “Whoa! Little too close, dude!” he exclaimed as he tried to put some space between us.
Deliberately staying in the same spot, I glared at him for a few seconds before I said, “You better stay away from my girl!”
Jay blinked in confusion before defending himself. “Look, old man, I don't know you, and I have no idea what you are talking about!” he scoffed.
I took a step forward. “I'm talking about Hazel. She's my girl,” I informed him.
He laughed at me with disdain. “No, she's not! She's too young and pretty to be with you! You're just a dirty old man who needs to learn how to respect people!” The other writer sneered at me before he walked off. His words left me filled with anger.
I didn't want to write. I felt like I was losing Hazel. What I wanted more than anything was to get the hell out of there and maybe find a drink. I hurried up to my room, packed my bags, and left as quickly as I could. I didn't bother to seek out Hazel or talk to her before I caught the shuttle into town. I was too angry. I just needed to be alone. Jay's words had affected me too much for me to think rationally.
Chapter Nine - Hazel
It had been a few weeks into the retreat, and I was still excited since I had accomplished a lot more than I expected to with my novel in a short amount of time. I was proud and eager to share my work with people. I had already told Jay, who had proven to be a very supportive friend. However, there was one person that I was incredibly excited to share my work with, that was Alex.
It occurred to me that I hadn't seen my mentor in some time. In fact, I didn't remember seeing him at all during those weeks. That was something that needed to be fixed immediately. I brushed my hair and gave myself a once over in the mirror before I left my room. Hurrying over to Alex’s room, I knocked on the door. I waited for a few minutes, but there was no answer. Knocking again, I waited longer.
Getting frustrated with waiting, I went downstairs to search for him. I asked around, but no one had seen him in a while, not even Jay. Fed up, I went and asked at the front desk. All they could tell me was that when housekeeping went up a few weeks ago, Alex’s room was empty. They just assumed he left the retreat.
“Thank you,” I told the concierge as I walked away from the reception desk in anger.
I went back to my room because I needed to be alone and let my emotions out. I couldn't believe he just disappeared like that. No, wait, I could. Alex had done it before, so I didn't know why I thought now would be any different.
I was so frustrated and angry with him that it felt like I hated him and didn't want anything more to do with him. He proved once again that he was nothing more than a coward. Once things got to be too difficult or required effort on his part, he just ran off.
Well, that was fine with me. I was much better off without him since I was free to concentrate on my writing now like I was initially supposed to. I didn't have the additional worry of having to motivate Alex anymore.
Fueled by my anger and other emotions, I sat at my desk and began to write. It was around eleven AM when I started. By the time I stopped, it was almost six at night. I couldn't believe I had written that much, but I did feel a little proud, though when I saw the stack of pages before me.
Deciding that was enough work, for now, I grabbed my papers to put them away. I was moving around when my stomach suddenly felt funny, like waves of nausea, which was weird because I hadn't eaten all day. I had been too focused on Alex and my writing.
I told myself, “Maybe I just worked too hard and need a bit to eat.” However, the mere thought of food made me gag. Weird. I reached for a bottle of water that was sitting on my desk. Maybe a small sip would calm my stomach.
As soon as the water slid down my throat, I could feel it coming back up. I ran to the bathroom and vomited out all the water into the toilet. After a few moments of heaving, I flushed the toilet and went to wash my face. My body felt tired and shaky. I could already feel the nausea again.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. “It can
be,” I said to myself in disbelief. I waited a few minutes for the nausea to pass, grabbed my purse, and left the room. I went down to the lobby and asked the concierge, “Could you tell me where the nearest drug store is?”
“Yes, there's one right down the street from us. It's a really close walk,” he informed me with a smile.
“Thank you!” I replied as I left in a hurry.
I practically jogged over to the store, bought what I needed, and ran back to my room, wanting to be back in case I threw up again. Sitting on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, I waited for the results of the pregnancy test I had just taken, counting down the seconds on my phone. When it was time, I took a deep breath, then nervously reached for the test.
I wasn't really shocked or surprised to see that the result was positive. Putting the test back on the counter, I walked out of the bathroom. I had a feeling that's why I had been throwing up, so that part I was prepared for.
What I wasn't prepared for was being on my own. I realized quickly that it would be my only option. Alex had proven that he couldn't be trusted. Now that I was having his baby, I couldn't risk him running off again. I didn't want this baby to go through what I went through.
That made it easy for me to decide that I wouldn't tell Alex about my pregnancy. Besides, it would only drive him away. I was smart and resourceful enough to handle things on my own. Alex and his immaturity would only complicate things.
Now, my main priority would be having and taking care of this baby. I couldn't let anything distract me from that. I wanted to write, but I was too afraid of throwing up again. Instead, I lay on the bed and looked at the ceiling. What I really needed to do was relax and get as much rest as possible. I knew I was going to need it. Tomorrow I would start researching everything I needed to know about raising a baby on my own.
Gradually I felt my eyes get heavier and heavier until I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. This was exactly what I needed at the moment — just to cut off from everything. I would wake up in the morning refreshed and ready to deal with it all by myself.