by Jamie Knight
Chapter Ten - Alex
After leaving the resort, I hung out in Colorado Springs, thinking about what I had just done. I was confused, trying to deal with too many emotions and feelings, so I started to question my actions. Had I acted too rashly? Maybe I had made a mistake by leaving the retreat and Hazel like that. I didn't know what to think. Instead of reaching for a drink like I desperately wanted to, I decided to reach out to a good friend who lived in town for some much-needed advice.
I called my friend Gibson, who I had known since we were young. “Look, I'm in a situation and just need to talk to someone. Is it okay if I stop by?” I asked into the phone.
“Yeah, go ahead. I'm not doing anything tonight,” Gibson replied, and he gave me his address.
After hanging up with him, I took a cab from the airport to his house. It wasn't that long of a ride, and the weather was decent for this time of year.
Gibson knew both Gary and me. The three of us had been good friends in high school. After, we would occasionally get together and talk, back when Gary and I were still friends. If I was not mistaken, Gibson even knew the Hazel story. Yet, I would probably have to explain it again to bring him up to speed on everything.
He opened the door right away when he saw me and my luggage. “What's wrong? You need money?” he asked.
“No, it's not that. It's something else.” That was all I could manage to say.
My friend held the door open for me as I walked inside with my suitcases. I set them by the door and took a seat on the couch.
“Well, make yourself at home. I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think either of us wants to open that can of worms,” he commented as he closed the door.
Having a drink was the furthest thought from my mind. Gibson sat in a chair across from me. “You look deeply troubled by something, what's on your mind?” he asked.
I sighed heavily, having no idea where to begin. It took a few moments to collect my thoughts. I finally decided it would be best to start at the beginning; that way Gibson would have the whole story.
“Okay. It all started over five years ago, when I was hanging out with Gary almost every night,” I started to explain.
Gibson interrupted me, “I miss Gary.”
“Me too.”
We both were silent for a second.
With a sigh, I continued talking, “You know Gary’s daughter, Hazel?” My friend nodded. “We were close because she and I shared a love of writing. I helped her write and published her first book. But things took a horrible turn one evening. Hazel was celebrating the fact that her book had just been published and we got a little too close and… well, we shared a kiss in the kitchen. Gary caught us and forbid me from having contact with either one of them again.” I paused to make sure Gibson was still listening before I continued speaking.
He nodded again. “Yes, I remember hearing about that.”
“Well, you know how my life has been since then. Things changed a couple of weeks ago when I went on a writer's retreat. I bumped into Hazel, and things sort of rekindled between us, but I think I messed everything up,” I explained.
“What do you mean, messed up?” Gibson asked.
“Well, I felt like she was getting too involved with her writing and getting too close to some other guy there, so I threatened him. We had an argument, and I left the retreat without telling Hazel.”
My friend shook his head in disbelief. “You know, Alex, you haven’t changed one bit since we were younger,” Gibson replied as he looked at me in exasperation.
I was lost. I had no clue what he was talking about. He could see the confusion on my face and decided to explain it to me.
“You are a coward, Alex. You always have been. I'm being honest here. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you are always running away from awkward situations, and you can't keep doing that. It's not fair to the other person. It's not fair to Hazel,” he said softly.
I knew he meant well, but those were hard words to hear. We sat there in silence for a few minutes as I thought about what he said. I realized that Gibson was right, and I had made a colossal mistake.
“What can I do to fix it?” I asked him. I highly doubted that the writers’ retreat would let me back in with open arms.
Gibson sighed softly before he replied. “Alex. My friend. If you are really serious this time and determined to make things right between you and Hazel, then I will do all I can to help you,” he assured me. He got up and left the room for a few minutes.
I was left alone to contemplate my life choices. Unbidden, a memory of Hazel’s dad popped into my head. It was something he had mentioned to Gibson years ago, and Gibson told me. “If Alex had really been serious about his feelings for Hazel, he would have fought to be with her. The fact that he just ran off and left her like that proves that he isn't good enough for my little girl, even if he was my best friend.”
I realized all the mistakes I had made, thinking about how much I missed Gary, and now Hazel. I owed it to them to make things right. I hoped Gibson and I could come up with a plan to get me back into the resort so I could fix things.
Gibson returned with the information about the retreat and started writing stuff down. I wasn't exactly sure what he had in mind, but I guessed that I would just have to wait and see.
Chapter Eleven - Hazel
The next few weeks that I spent at the writer’s retreat were difficult. I wrestled a lot with my feelings. I missed Alex. I was happy that I had found him, and that things between us had developed into something more. Still, it always came back to the fact that I couldn't stand the way he just ran off when things got too difficult for him. It was childish and immature.
I started to guess that stuff like that was normal for him. Just the thought of him made me so frustrated and angry I had to remind myself to take deep breaths or count to ten. It took a long time before I was able to calm down enough to function.
By the end of the first week without Alex, any feelings of love, or anything else that I felt for him was reduced to nothing. I knew he wasn't coming back. There was nothing I could do to change that. I convinced myself that I was better off without him, and I didn't need to deal with situations like the one he had caused. I had enough on my plate already.
Even though I was emotional, I had made real progress with my novel, and I couldn't have been happier. I still managed to attend the group classes at the retreat in spite of my morning sickness. Those classes were proving to be a great help to me, and I was more than halfway done with my book.
I had made some acquaintances out of the other writers there, but my only real friend was Jay. One morning as I was getting ready for the group, I decided to let Jay in on what had happened between Alex and me. I needed someone to talk to or confide in, and he was my only option.
I cautiously made my way downstairs and found him in a corner of the conference room writing.
“Can I join you?” I asked before sitting next to him.
Jay looked up from his computer and gave me a big smile. “Of course! It's been a few days since I've seen you,” he greeted me happily. Jay was always in a good mood. He put his laptop away and looked at me curiously. “Why do I get the feeling that something is bothering you?” he asked.
I looked away nervously, not sure how to tell him.
He reached out and patted my hand gently. “We're friends, Hazel. You can trust me and tell me anything.” Jay spoke in a comforting tone to me. His words made me feel better, and I began to breathe a little easier.
“You're right. Do you promise not to tell anyone?” I asked. I needed to be absolutely sure before I said anything to him.
He nodded. “I promise.”
I took a deep breath and leaned forward. “I'm pregnant,” I whispered.
He looked around quickly to make sure no one was near us before giving me a sympathetic hug. Jay knew I was keeping other stuff from him, but he didn't push the issue. “Well, I'm your friend, and I'm here if you need me. And t
hank you for trusting me enough to confide in me,” he replied.
I smiled at him. “Of course, no need to thank me,” I replied.
After our hug, the conversation took a serious turn. “So, are you going to raise the baby on your own?” he asked quietly. Jay knew I was by myself, and he didn't pressure me for details about the situation with Alex, which was a relief.
I looked at the ground as I answered. “I have to. I have no other options, really.”
Which was the truth. I was literally on my own with a baby. No matter how old Alex was, he was always going to behave like an immature child. He could be of no use to the baby and me because he kept acting like that.
“Well, I am here for you. I'll help in any way I can. In fact, I think I'll go research some information for you. I had just finished writing for the day anyway,” Jay said with a smile.
I gave him a friendly hug. “Thank you! That means so much to me!”
He smiled again and squeezed my hand before walking away.
I was left in the conference room by myself. Other people were walking around the open space, but I paid no attention to them. Torn between nausea and hunger, I just sat there and waited for one of those feelings to take over. I was also waiting for the excitement to kick in.
So far, this pregnancy had made me feel nervous and a little scared. I knew I was strong enough to handle it, but it was still daunting to do it all on my own. I should be used to it, though, because that's the way my life had been since dad died.
I decided I needed to be alone in my room. After walking down the street to the drug store and buying a bunch of snacks to satisfy my pregnancy cravings, I sat at my desk, eating them as I read through everything I had written so far. About halfway through my snacks, nausea kicked in, and I had to run to the bathroom.
I needed to prepare myself to endure this during the next few months. My head spun a little as I thought about all the things I needed to do. Sitting back at the desk, I wrote out the most essential stuff. The writing distracted me from the nausea, and I was able to hold the rest of my food down for now.
Even though it was only simple stuff, I still enjoyed writing it all down. Plus, it also kept me from dwelling on Alex and getting angry all over again. I didn’t know if extreme emotions were good for the baby, so I made a note to research that kind of stuff later.
Chapter Twelve - Alex
It had been a frustrating and disappointing day. What should have been an easy task proved impossible. The plan Gibson and I came up with had failed. The people in charge of the writers’ retreat had refused to let me back in, stating that I had left for too long and would be behind. At least I made an effort to clean up my mistake with Hazel, but I still felt like it wasn't good enough. Gibson had offered me his sincere apologies before I left the retreat.
Once again, I had my suitcase in hand and headed back to the airport. I just wanted to be alone for a while and wallow in my self-pity before I had to catch a flight back home. As I sat there with my suitcase at my feet, I started to wonder if maybe the universe was trying to tell me that I had waited too long to fix my mistakes. I laughed that one away. I didn't believe in stuff like that.
That was enough feeling sorry for myself for one day.
I look around in my suitcase for my ticket home. I needed to go to the desk and ask the attendant if they could change the date to today.
My cell phone rang loudly in my pants pocket. I hurried to answer it before it could bother anyone. “Hello?” I asked curiously when I didn't recognize the number.
“Yes. Is this Alex Anderson?” a female voice asked.
“Um, yes. This is Alex speaking,” I replied.
“It’s a pleasure to finally talk to you, sir. I have been a big fan of your work for many years,” The lady on the phone gushed.
“Well, thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” I asked politely.
“Oh! I'm the head secretary here at the writers’ retreat. I understand you left early without notice and had been trying to get back in?” she asked.
I sighed and hoped I hadn't gotten into any trouble. “Yes, that's correct, but I was already informed earlier that I would not be allowed to continue,” I said, repeating what I had been told.
“Well, Mr. Anderson, normally that is our policy. But seeing as how renowned of an author you are, and how much of a fan I am of yours, I think we could make an exception,” she replied.
“Do you really think that would be possible?” I asked, unable to keep the excitement from my voice.
“Yes, I do think so, provided that you follow all the guidelines at our retreat as instructed and no more messing around like this,” she instructed me.
“Of course! I'll be there to work on my writing and nothing else,” I assured the secretary so she would let me back in.
“Excellent! I'll leave a note at the front desk explaining everything and granting your permission to return. Just give them both of our names when you arrive,” the woman explained before hanging up.
I hung up my phone and put it back in my pocket. Hurrying to close my suitcase, I ran outside in search of a cab. I didn't have a moment to waste. Unfortunately, I did have to wait a little while for a taxi, but that didn't diminish my excitement. I was being allowed back into the retreat. I was being given a second chance.
During the ride back, I knew exactly what I was going to do. After checking back in, I planned to drop off my bags and then head straight to Hazel's room. I needed to do everything possible to win her heart back. The best way to start that would be with a sincere and heartfelt apology. I needed her to see that I knew I had been in the wrong. I just hoped that she would be willing to talk to me, or at least listen.
Instead of writing, my mind was focused only on her. I tried to brainstorm different things I could do. A romantic dinner was out because I had already used that. I didn't want to get anywhere near the hot tub because that would just remind us of our sexy time together. I knew we were far from having that again right now. Maybe I should surprise her with candy, flowers, or a gift? I shook my head no at those ideas; besides, I had no money. All my savings went for this trip.
I was sure I would be able to figure something out later on. The priority was getting her to talk to me. Running out on her was probably the worst thing I could have done. I would do whatever I had to even if it meant I had to beg or plead with Hazel. I would find a way to convince her to listen. I was reasonably confident that I could accomplish all of this. I had read enough that I had a knowledge of what is involved in pursuing or wooing a woman. It was just a matter of putting that knowledge to use.
It felt like deja vu as the cab pulled up outside of the resort. I barely had enough to cover the fare, so I grabbed my suitcase and hurried inside.
“Hello. My name is Alex Anderson. I was told to come here by your secretary?” I asked at the front desk.
The attendant there gave me a look before muttering, “Oh yes, she left a note about you.”
As I waited for him to make the necessary arrangements, I scanned the room for Hazel. I was disappointed to see that she wasn't there.
“We will be able to give you your original room back. Please enjoy your stay,” the clerk replied as he handed me the key. He didn't sound very sincere.
I grabbed it from him and hurried as quickly as I could up to my room. Once inside, I dumped my suitcase on the bed. I rushed to straighten my hair and clothes. This was it, the moment of truth. I left the room and walked off, ready to change myself and my life.
Chapter Thirteen - Hazel
My nausea had finally calmed down to the point where I could write again. I was relieved to get back to that. I had made a lot of progress on my book and considered myself to be almost at the halfway point. I was very ambitious and had planned on making this a very lengthy novel, so I spent a lot of my time writing out extra details to add more description to my chapters. I also was very detailed in the dialogue and interactions between my character
s.
I loved writing. It had become my passion. I first realized it with Alex, but after all the time away from him, I started realizing that this was something that I enjoyed doing on my own. The help and support I had received from the writers’ group was excellent, though. It's always nice when you meet other people that shared the same interests as you.
Speaking of support, Jay had proven to be a fantastic friend. When he wasn't busy with his book, he stopped by to check on me or keep me company. He brought me some books about pregnancy and a few about being a single parent. I think he realized that nothing would ever happen between us and accepted that.
I had been deep into my writing all day but could ignore my hunger no longer, so I decided to stop around noon for some food. I was satisfied with what I had written so far, so I couldn't resist reading it over to myself. Afterward, I put my work away with a smile. I pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, not feeling like getting dressed up or anything; besides, I didn't have a reason to. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I walked out of the bathroom.
I was looking for my wallet and room key when I heard a knock at the door. I went quickly to answer it, figuring it was probably Jay bringing more information or wanting to talk. Maybe I should invite him to eat with me? I would like to have the company.
I opened the door, expecting to see Jay, but was shocked when it was Alex who was standing there. We just stood there in silence, staring at each other.
He tried to give me a small smile as he said, “Hello, Hazel.” My former lover looked nervous, tired, and a little worried.
“Alex.”
That was all I could manage to say in my most polite voice. I tried to keep my emotions in check as I saw him there. They ranged from anger, to hate, to sadness, to confusion. I didn't know how or what to feel, let alone think.