How to Kill Your Friends

by Phil Kurthausen

  ‘That is fucking brilliant news,’ said Adam. He consulted his phone. ‘We have more than half the shoots left and thanks to Nancy here, we haven’t had as bad a drop-off in views and likes as we may have expected. Remember Budapest? Now, that was a fucking nightmare.’

  ‘She ran off to a bear sanctuary on that occasion,’ explained Richard to Meredith.

  Meredith wasn’t listening. She was focussing on what Olivia had just told them. Amy was returning and Olivia had made a point of saying she might not be needed. She was out.

  Would they kick her out of the room tomorrow? She couldn’t go back to the shared flat with Spider and the others. She just couldn’t. It was too unfair. She was good at this! She fitted into this world better than the one she had come from, and she would do anything to stay in it.

  She would just have to make Amy agree to her joining The Squad, and as she thought this Meredith began to feel better. After all she had done for Amy, she would have to agree.

  Meredith looked around the terrace, at the infinity pool and the discreet white-suited waiters, and felt the warm, Mediterranean breeze on her face. She wasn’t going anywhere just yet.

  ‘And there’s another thing, Nancy, or should I say Meredith?’ Olivia was looking at her triumphantly. Meredith exchanged a glance with Adam.

  She met Olivia’s eyes and then nodded slowly, maintaining a solemn expression she had practised in the mirror over the last few nights since the Steel83 comments.

  ‘You should: it’s my real name after all.’

  Olivia looked at the others, expecting them to be shocked, but they weren’t. Richard looked down at the table, Dylan didn’t look up from his phone and Adam just shook his head.

  ‘I got in touch with Steel83, you see, and she told me something very interesting. Nancy isn’t who she appears to be. Her real name is Meredith Weaver and she is a murderer.’

  Adam placed his hand over Olivia’s. ‘Olivia, it’s okay, we know. Meredith told us everything today. Steel83 is her aunt and she even showed us the news reports from the local paper that I can see you have on your phone there.’

  Meredith could see the news report on Olivia’s iPhone Xs which was laid flat on the table. She could have recited every word of the article published on October 23, 2001.

  ‘She’s a murderer.’ Olivia pointed at Meredith.

  Meredith sighed and looked at Olivia with what she hoped was sympathy and understanding. That is what she wanted to project. ‘I’m not a murderer, Olivia. As you well know from reading the article.’

  ‘You killed your father.’

  ‘It was an accident. He had been beating me on and off for years. It probably explains why I ended up being with men who did the same thing. One night, when he was drunk, I set fire to his collection of old porno mags in the living room of our house and the fire got out of hand and he was so blind drunk’ – she let her voice crack at this point – ‘he didn’t wake up.’ Meredith let her head sink to her hands as though she was reliving the moment. She was, but the truth was that if she showed her real emotions to them, she would be smiling, because killing that cruel bastard had been the best thing she had ever done.

  ‘You went to prison.’

  ‘They put me into care, not prison. I didn’t murder my father. It was an accident and that article’ – she pointed at the phone – ‘tells you exactly that.’

  ‘And you lied to us about your name.’

  ‘To be fair, Olivia, I never lied. I started using the name Nancy after I was released because people’ – she looked directly at Olivia – ‘can be so judgemental and I wanted a fresh start. It didn’t seem too much to ask and I never lied. If you had ever asked me about it, I would have told you everything but we are entitled to a past, aren’t we?’

  ‘You put us, The Squad, in jeopardy.’

  Richard perked up. ‘Actually, I don’t think so. She was beaten by her dad and traumatised. A horrible accident resulted in his death, sure, but think how that would play if we decided to go with it? We can campaign on it, link it to Trump and #MeToo. I think it could be a winner.’

  Adam was nodding in agreement. ‘Damn right, Amy’s independence cause is too hot, too controversial and nuanced, but Meredith here was beaten by her old, white father and stood up for herself burning his pornographic material. Jesus H, she could be a poster girl for the abused, a strong woman fighting back. You’re not seeing the bigger picture here, Olivia, assuming of course, that Amy would be cool with that when she returns.’

  Olivia’s cheeks reddened and her eyes were blazing.

  Dylan looked up from his phone. ‘Yeah, and my real name is Dave, by the way. I just thought Dylan sounded cooler. I guess I should tell Amy sometime.’ And then he went back to playing with his phone.

  ‘Well, I’m meeting Amy tomorrow and we can let her decide,’ said Olivia, simmering with fury.

  18

  Meredith used her knuckle to ring the bell.

  As she waited, she told herself that if there was no reply then she would just turn around and leave the matter to fate. Olivia was due to meet Amy at 2pm for lunch and who knew what they would decide. If there was no reply then the dice would fall where they may.

  ‘Hello?’

  Meredith recognised the bright and cheery tone of Amy. Of course, that didn’t mean that Ferran wasn’t at home. ‘Hi Amy, it’s me, Nancy.’

  Amy giggled. ‘You mean Meredith! No worries, I’ll buzz you in.’

  The door unlocked and Meredith pushed it open with her shoulder and entered the building. As she walked in an elderly woman was descending the marble stairs. She didn’t seem to pay any attention to Meredith and even if she did what would she see? A young, slim woman in jogging tights, with a baseball cap covering her hair and sunglasses covering her eyes.

  Meredith passed her as she had decided not to take the lift. The old woman smelt of lavender and antiseptic soap, the disguise of illness and death, thought Meredith.

  When she stepped out onto the top floor the door to the apartment was already open and Amy was standing there grinning.

  ‘This is an unexpected pleasure! Come on in. Olivia is coming over at two as well so maybe we can all do lunch together?’

  They exchanged cheek kisses and Meredith followed her into the apartment.

  ‘That would be lovely. I just thought I’d drop round and tell you about the whole “Meredith-Nancy” thing but I guess Olivia beat me to it.’

  ‘She called me last night. She’s really pissed at you, you know?’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I get it. Identity is what you want it to be, not what others tell you it should be.’

  It was hot in the apartment but there was a warm breeze that made it just about bearable.

  As if she read her mind Amy explained she didn’t like putting on the air conditioning because it was bad for the environment. Meredith nodded along in all the right places as Amy went on a rant about climate change. There was no sign of Ferran and she couldn’t hear anyone else in the apartment.

  ‘Is Ferran around?’

  Amy shook her head. She talked as she opened the patio doors and led them out onto the terrace.

  ‘No, he’s gone to another meeting. You must have noticed with Edu that they are always at bloody meetings? Anyway, to be honest I don’t care. I’m moving out today. I’ve decided to come back and rejoin The Squad. To be truthful, I didn’t realise how violent these guys can get and it’s all a bit’ – she lowered her voice – ‘nationalistic and I’m not sure that’s my thing.’

  Meredith had suspected this was the case but she had planned for this eventuality and Amy would only have herself to blame. It was her choice, that was the thing that Amy would have to see. ‘Do you think you are making the right decision? I thought you and Ferran were pretty tight?’

  Amy looked at Meredith with curiosity. ‘Making the right decision. Well, thanks for your interest Nancy, I mean Meredith, but yes, I think I am. Why don’t you take a seat and I’
ll fix us a couple of drinks. Is it too early for a cocktail?’

  Meredith walked to the balcony. The view was as amazing as she remembered. ‘In a moment, and no, it’s not too early. Listen, there is something I wanted to ask you.’

  Amy flopped into one of the loungers. ‘Christ, it’s hot. Come over here and tell me.’ She patted the sunlounger next to hers.

  Meredith hesitated for a second and then joined her.

  ‘Before you tell me can you do me a favour and do me?’ She picked up a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen and passed it to Meredith.

  Amy turned on her front and loosened the shoulder straps of her top.

  Meredith pressed the tube and poured a generous measure of white cream into her hands. She rubbed her palms together, warming the cream, and then gently but firmly applied it to Amy’s back. Amy squirmed at first and then as Meredith rubbed the cream into her skin began to make little moaning sounds. ‘So, what is it you wanted to ask me?’

  It could still work out well. All Amy needed to do was agree. But even as she talked Meredith was looking out, over the balcony, to the city and the sea beyond.

  ‘I think it’s great that you are returning to The Squad. I know the guys have really missed you. The thing is, I think I know what I want to do with my life now. I want to be like you.’

  Meredith kept working in the cream and Amy wriggled with pleasure. ‘It’s funny,’ she said, ‘when we met in Thailand all those years ago, I wanted to be like you. You seemed so confident and full of life. Like you knew what you were about at an early age. Life is full of surprises. Like your real name being Meredith!’ She giggled. ‘Not that that bothers me. Olivia told me what they did to you. It’s really bloody awful and I can give you some great advice on how to play that on social media.’

  ‘As part of The Squad?’

  Amy propped herself up on an elbow. ‘Here’s the thing, Meredith, God it feels weird to call you that! But you are a little bit old. I don’t blame you for knocking a few years off but over thirty isn’t good for our demographic and your backstory is a bit macabre. I know Adam thinks we can spin it, but I agree with Olivia. We are lighter and breezier, you know. But also – and this is a great tip – we can’t change the balance. There’s me and then the others sort of support me, like Messi and the other Barcelona players. You can’t have two Messis and I think you deserve to be a star of your own. You strike me more as the loner type, to be honest, and I think you know that as well.’

  ‘I thought I could be like you guys?’

  ‘But you’re not, are you? And don’t take this the wrong way but there’s just something a little “off” about you. Maybe that could be your selling point, rather than the blue hair.’ She laughed. ‘Once you work out what it is.’ She smiled sweetly at Meredith.

  Meredith said nothing. She wondered should she lean in and kiss Amy but she knew that Amy would just laugh at her.

  Meredith dried her hands on the towel she was lying on. She took the sunscreen tube and placed that on top of the towel. The sick anxious feeling she had been carrying around all morning was gone. Amy had confirmed her worst fears and now she was left with no choice. It wasn’t her fault: she had given her every chance.

  Amy was still talking. Meredith wasn’t listening, but she forced herself to tune into what Amy was saying. ‘I saw your photos, some of them are really quite good. And you know, feel free to tag me into any you do yourself. I’ll always give you a like: that’s what friends are for. Do you want that drink now?’

  Meredith nodded and Amy disappeared into the apartment to fetch them some drinks.

  Meredith stood up and walked across to the balcony. Looking out, she could see a few other terraces below them in other buildings and some of these had people in them but mainly they were covered in parasols and awnings to protect the occupants of the terraces from the remorseless midday sun.

  Amy reappeared holding two glasses of gin and tonic.

  ‘You can put mine on the table and come and look at this,’ said Meredith.

  Amy placed one of the drinks on the table by the side of Meredith’s lounger and then joined Meredith at the balcony.

  ‘It’s too damned hot to be standing in the sun, Meredith.’

  Meredith stood at the right of the terrace balcony and leaned out.

  ‘Be careful, it’s a long way down,’ said Amy, laughing as she did so.

  ‘You can see the Sagrada Família if you lean out a little.’

  Amy feigned a mock yawn. ‘I’ve only been here a few weeks and even I’m bored of seeing that bloody church.’

  Meredith stepped back from the balcony. ‘It’s a basilica, but I know, it drives me mad that it’s all the tourists want to see. Listen, I wanted to thank you for offering to help me out. I’ve got a new mobile phone by the way. Can I give you my number?’

  Amy smiled, pleased probably that there had been no unpleasantness in what could have been an awkward situation. ‘Sure, what is it?’

  Meredith held out her hand. ‘It’s a long one, let me enter it for you. I’ve left my phone in the hotel.’

  For a second Amy paused and then she unlocked her phone and handed it to Meredith.

  Meredith quickly opened the settings on Amy’s phone and switched the lock time to ‘never’.

  ‘Come on, let’s get a selfie with the Sagrada Família in the background: it will be the ultimate in cheese.’

  Amy looked uncertain and then nodded. ‘Sure, why not, and then I better get the rest of my stuff together before Olivia comes round.’

  Meredith positioned herself at the far end of the balcony. From here, if you stood on your toes you could just about strain your neck and see the famous basilica of the Sagrada. Amy joined her, standing at her side.

  ‘Okay, let’s do this quickly. I’m not a fan of heights.’ Amy giggled nervously.

  Meredith placed her left arm around Amy and they pressed their backs against the balcony at hip level. Meredith held out Amy’s mobile phone in her outstretched right hand. ‘That’s it: I can nearly see it.’

  She changed the angle of the phone slightly and the top of the Sagrada appeared in the right-hand corner of the screen.

  Meredith stood on the bottom rung of the iron balustrade.

  ‘Just step on there, Amy, and we’ve got the perfect selfie,’ she said cheerfully.

  Amy placed first one heel and then another on the railing.

  ‘That’s perfect!’

  In the screen of the iPhone Amy and Meredith were pictured with the Sagrada forming the perfect backdrop. Meredith didn’t take a picture.

  ‘You’re not smiling, Meredith!’

  With her left hand, Meredith grabbed hold of Amy’s hair and pulled with all her strength and at the same time she jumped off the bottom railing.

  Amy pivoted on the small of her back and toppled backwards but managed to grab hold of the top of the balustrade.

  ‘What are you doing! That is so dangerous!’

  Meredith dropped to her knees and shoved as hard as she could against Amy’s legs at the same time, letting go of her hair. Amy’s legs swung upwards and Amy’s swinging body weight broke her grip on the railing.

  She fell and plummeted towards the pavement far below.

  Meredith watched Amy’s mouth open but she couldn’t tell, and later wouldn’t be able to recall, whether Amy screamed or not as she fell. She didn’t think so, and then in less time than it would take for her to post a picture to Instagram, Amy hit the ground below with a distinct wet thud and her limbs were rearranged to form a pattern that from where Meredith stood looked like a swastika. She had to move quickly.

  Amy’s phone was still unlocked and she navigated to Instagram. She took a picture of the skyline, the same scene that would have been the background to their selfie and then she published it on Amy’s personal account with the hashtag #ImSorry #Dontignoredepression.

  Amy put on the plastic gloves she had brought with her and began to wipe down any surface she had t
ouched with the towel she had been lying on. Part of the reason she had struggled to follow some of Amy’s conversation was that she had been mentally ticking off everything she touched.

  She had been assiduous in touching as little as possible so it only took a few seconds. But there was the question of the sunscreen on Amy’s body: could the police get fingerprints from that? Meredith didn’t know, but it was pointless worrying: it was out of her control.

  When she was finished, she threw the towel in her tote bag and then after a moment’s hesitation she wiped down the tube of lotion. She had been mindful to take it as well but if Amy’s body was covered in lotion then its absence would be suspicious. The towel had to come with her as she had been lying on it and there was the possibility that she had left fibres or traces of DNA on there.

  Once she was satisfied that she had cleaned the surfaces, a process that took less than two minutes, she prepared to leave the flat. She was tempted to look over the balcony but there would be people there by now and they would be looking up at where Amy had come from. So far, there were no police or ambulance sirens.

  Meredith took one last look at the balcony and the terrace and then she let herself out of the apartment.

  She ignored the temptation to run down the stairs and instead pressed the button to call the lift. Above her, the ancient mechanism cranked into life and with much banging and grinding of gears, the lift began to rise from the floors below and slowly make its way to the top floor.

  If she was seen by anyone it would be too bad. But she was wearing sunglasses and her cap and if that happened it happened. She was lucky, though. The lift arrived and descended without anyone else calling it and when it arrived in the lobby it was cool and empty.

  Meredith pulled open the cage door and stepped out of the lift.

  She walked to the front entrance of the apartment block and shouldered open the heavy doors. And then she paused. She was still wearing the blue plastic gloves. What if someone had seen her in the lobby, that wasn’t the type of thing people forgot. She stepped back into the lobby and slid them off and put them in the tote bag. You got this she told herself and it was true, it had all gone to plan, she didn’t feel nervous or constrained any longer and she didn’t need to be a person who panicked and made mistakes. That was not the new Meredith. She opened the doors once more. The heat hit her hard as it always does when you stepped from the cool of an air-conditioned marble lobby into a Barcelona summer afternoon, but she maintained a steady, normal walking pace and although there were some passers-by, no one seemed to give her a second glance.