Some Sort of Glitch

by Wade Adrian

  It was dangerous for Max to shift his attention, sure, but their attacker could wait. He moved the sword to only his right hand and swept his left down, almost striking the ranger in the face. "You ain't got time to bleed!"

  Bright light swirled around his outstretched palm for a brief instant before sinking into the ranger.

  His health bar leapt back to full.

  "Do you have to say that every time?" Tom snatched up his bow and climbed to a kneeling position, seemingly content to let the heavily armored paladin act as a physical barrier.

  It wasn't the first time.

  "Yes? I thought it was part of it. Verbal component. Incidentally that was today's use of your get out of death free card. You're welcome." Both hands on the sword once more, his eyes swept for attackers again. They were still noted as being in combat, but there was nothing out there...

  "Oh, appreciated. It's just that it's a tad... demoralizing." The ranger's eyes swept the ground, not the vegetation. He could track, of course, so he was probably the better one to be handling this sort of thing.

  The paladin did what he was best qualified to do... stand and look imposing, hopefully drawing fire. "Hmm. If you don't care for being saved from death's grasp by the radiant power of great justice, I suggest spending less time slumming on the reaper's doorstep."

  "Point taken." Tom narrowed his eyes before rushing forward, bow held low, an arrow readied.

  He had something.

  Max followed.

  They rounded a few boulders standing out of the sand, as well as another pile of sea wreckage, before the last of the kobolds came into view. They had some contraption they were loading another large spear into, turning a crank.

  Clank. Clank. Clank.

  At least it had a long reload time. The ranger probably couldn't eat another projectile like the last one. Hell, it might not be too kind to a steel encased paladin. Tom no doubt came to the same conclusion, slowing to let Max take the lead anyway.

  The sand beneath the paladin's feet seemed... deeper somehow. Each step took more and more effort, and was slower than the last.

  Clank. Clank.

  The kobolds kept on cranking the weapon back, but they were slowing down as well, eventually stopping entirely.

  Clank.

  Color faded from the world, everything losing saturation and ending up awash in shades of gray.

  He couldn't move a muscle.

  What fresh hell was this? Had the kobolds done it? How? No, they were affected too. He couldn't see Tom, the ranger had the good sense to run behind the metal covered meat shield when there was danger, but he hadn't moved past him either. Had whatever it was caught them both?

  Color began to swim back into the world, the kobold siege weapon once more starting to turn.

  Clank.

  The returning color seemed to swell past the point it should have stopped, the lights overwhelming Max's eyes. He could move again, but only enough to lift a hand to spare his corneas from the pure white radiance.

  Clank.

  When the light faded he lowered his hand... then stood dumbfounded.

  The sand was gone. The beach was gone. The kobolds and their weapon were gone. Even the sun and the clear sky were gone.

  Dark gray clouds played overhead as far as he could see. Snow covered the ground with only the occasional outcropping of rock to break up the white sheet climbing up and away from him.

  His feet were lost in the snow, and the cold seemed very real as the wind whipped more flakes by his exposed face.

  Max spun as a roar caught his ear.

  The charging white bear was more than large enough to swallow him whole. He'd never seen it's like, but he'd fought bigger.

  He hefted his greatsword, ready to do battle. That at least made sense when everything else had...

  A dagger was held before him firmly in both hands.

  "...wait, what?"

  2

  Tom rubbed at his eyes, but bright spots remained long enough to annoy him. When they cleared he almost didn't believe they had because large swaths of the terrain seemed to be missing.

  Wait. It was snow.

  Snow? What?

  The cold wind whipping across his eyes had him lifting his hands to protect his face again. It certainly confirmed the snow being a thing.

  Was it an illusion of some sort? He'd never heard of teleportation on an unwilling subject, and he certainly hadn't been consulted.

  A bellowing roar caught his ear over the howling wind. A bear, by the sound of it. He shifted his hands to keep the wind at bay as his eyes swept the scene.

  Sure enough a giant white bear was making a beeline for... Talren?

  Probably one of the nubs. In over his head, of course. Helping them would only lead to them expecting more help in the future. Better to let him figure out his mistakes early.

  The man decked in black and dark brown held out only a dagger in front of him with both hands, staring down the bear.

  Definitely a nub. And not a bright one. There is brave and there is foolish.

  "...wait, what?"

  Tom blinked a few times. That had been Max's voice.

  Well, that lent some credence to this all being an illusion of some sort.

  Nubs could rot, but he would help Max. He had shining moments of usefulness now and then.

  Tom's hand flew back up over his right shoulder to where the arrows waited in his quiver...

  And there weren't any? He tilted his head that way and swept his hand a bit further down. Maybe the quiver had shifted...

  The tiny bit of extra wind from his hand flapping about in vain only made the cold worse.

  He had no idea how he had lost his quiver, but there was always plan B. His hands dropped to where his swords were waiting on his hips and...

  A large mace was all he found. Not even two maces, just one large enough to swing with both hands.

  Something was... definitely off today.

  "What the fuck?" Max's voice howled more than the wind. He was lying in the snow, a hand covering his side. His health bar remained in Tom's view, still a member of his party. It was low. Very low. In the red.

  The bear was circling him, nursing only minor cuts. Its bar was all but full.

  Tom held the mace up before him. It looked like it could smash a skull or two.

  Fine then.

  Covering the distance wasn't quite as simple as he hoped. The snow was deep enough that he sank with each step so he ended up just kicking forward, leaving deep furrows in his wake.

  So much for rangers traversing hostile terrain. The illusion was getting more annoying by the second.

  But Max's health was definitely low, so whatever illusion was playing out was more than enough to cause harm.

  Tom opened his spell interface. Ranger's didn't get much, but he could toss a few hit points Max's way before he got there and...

  The interface was flooded with unfamiliar spells icons. Rangers, and druids, mostly saw green buttons, but all of these were white or yellow. The shapes were odd and... Hell with it. He selected something that looked like same shape as the wimpy healing spell he knew so well. Magic swirled around his empty hand as he pointed at Max.

  Light flew across the distance, a pillar of pure radiance at least a foot wide. It hit Max hard enough Tom was a tad worried it might shove him over the edge and he'd be walking out of here alone.

  Talren's life bar surged. It wasn't enough to top him off, but it climbed from just under twenty percent to well over eighty.

  "You ain't got time to bleed!" Tom didn't event try to hide his smile as he yelled.

  Turn about was fair play.

  Max only just seemed to notice he wasn't alone. Fair, given staring down a polar bear. Most people would probably be flustered by that. "Tom?"

  "Yup!" He helled over the wind, his feet still shuffling through the snow. The bear had taken notice now as well, moving back a few feet as he examined them both.

  "Why are you wearin
g a dress?"

  "Why are you Zorro?"

  Max looked down at himself. "I'm what?"

  Tom was a bit concerned himself. He did appear to be wearing... robes. At least he had a chain shirt not unlike the one he knew hanging over them. It seemed like he had won the armor lottery. Paladin boy was wearing leather. Leather that hadn't saved the cow.

  "I'm not sure what's going on here, quest, vision, what have you. Seems like for the moment you're a rogue and I'm a priest."

  Max's shoulders slumped. "Oh, great. I don't even get the beard."

  Tom felt at his chin. There was a considerable beard... "We need to survive long enough to complain."

  "Right, right." Max held his dagger out at the bear. "Hey, can I borrow that mace?"

  "I doubt you could wield it properly. Besides, between us I have the armor, and the heals. I'll get its attention. You make it die."

  The rogue scoffed. "That's not very rangerly. Isn't he a forest friend? All natural world, circle of life and that jazz?" His hands swept across menus, his eyes darting about.

  "We rangers have a code: If it fucks with you, you fuck it up. Besides, I don't think Yogi is feeling very talkative. I'll apologize later."

  The bear let out a huff as it paced. It still seemed to be more interested in the rogue, like any hungry predator would. He was already wounded and wouldn't be as hard on the teeth.

  The animal seemed genuinely surprised when the rogue disappeared. Tom was a bit taken aback himself. He didn't have a lot of time to think about it, though. The bear certainly seemed interested in him now.

  It charged forward with a roar, tossing snow and leaving deep ruts.

  Tom held his mace before him, ready to strike... but he had to admit a charging bear was a bit intimidating. It was larger than it should be, larger than bears could grow. At least any he had heard of. Maybe if he shoved the mace down it's throat... and ran.

  The lumbering beast let out a yelp as it turned its charge, passing Tom by. He smacked it on the back of the leg for good measure but the blood gushing out of its pristine white fur was not his doing.

  The rogue was standing only a foot or two away, his feet on top of the snow. "Huh. That stealth bonus is a hell of a thing."

  Tom glanced back at the bear. It had kept running and was wheeling to charge again. Its health was down a third, into the mid 60s of the percentage bar. "You got two more of those?"

  The rogue glanced at the interface, sweeping things this way and that. "Uhh... no."

  "No?" Tom shoved the rogue down into the snow as the bear lumbered past where they had been standing moments before. Its momentum kept it going before it realized it had missed. "What do you mean, no?"

  "Cooldown." Max sat up and brushed snow off his shoulder. "I can only vanish so often in combat. We're in combat."

  "Ugh." Tom shook his head as he stood, leveling the mace. "What else you got?"

  "A dagger. And maybe I can poison it?"

  "Great, it will be puking on us while it kills us."

  "I don't know shit about rogues. I'm open to suggestions."

  Tom sighed.

  The bear approached with calm steps now. It wasn't going to be so easy to avoid.

  "How did your health get so low before?" Tom asked over his shoulder.

  Max scoffed. "It hit me."

  "What, once?"

  "Once."

  "Fuck." Tom spared a moment to glance at his spells. One of them looked like a glowing white suit of armor. Worth a try. He tapped it and pointed at Max again.

  White light swirled around him for a moment, slowing to look like a breastplate before vanishing from sight. An icon appeared next to his name showing increased armor.

  "Huh." The rogue tilted his head a bit. "Neat."

  "I fully expect you to not die now."

  "No promises."

  "Fuck you, I'm not dealing with this crap alone. You die, I'm jumping in its mouth. Probably mean we have to start this bullshit quest over, but whatever. Maybe you'll be the priest next time."

  The bear moved in close, swiping its paws back and forth.

  Tom backed up to avoid them. No reason to eat damage when he could wait for a better opening.

  Max ducked out into the snow and around, holding the dagger with a single hand now, but like one would a sword, as though he intended to slash with it rather than stab.

  The bear's health bar flashed as the dagger hit home twice in quick succession. It rounded on the rogue with a roar, rising to stand on its hind legs, paws high in the air ready to drop.

  Max was almost invisible in the giant shadow it cast over him.

  "Hey! I'm talking to you!" Tom brought the mace down on the beast's hip with all the might he could muster.

  It lurched in response, turning and falling back to all fours before moving a few steps away.

  It was just below fifty percent now. They might actually manage this. There was light at the end of the tunnel.

  Max flew across the open air in front of Tom, limbs flailing as he landed in the snow. It was deep enough that he was buried for a moment before he clawed his way out.

  Tom sighed as he swept through the icons for another healing spell. "Stop trying to go toe to toe. You can't handle it."

  "Well excuse me for trying to fight it." Max said through clenched teeth as he held a hand to his side. "Oww."

  "Fight smart, not hard."

  "No bows to be had now. We can only fight hard. It's not like I can... oh, wait." He vanished from sight.

  Tom rolled his eyes. The spell summoned a ball of white light that he threw where Max had been standing, and apparently still was because it hit and swept over an invisible figure. The rogue's visible health bar in the group climbed once more.

  "I don't have unlimited heals."

  "Don't need them." Max's disembodied voice wasn't far. "Get it's attention, maybe get a few good hits in. I'll see what I can stack. Heads up, by the way."

  Tom closed the spell interface and hefted his mace... just in time for the paw to smack him and send him reeling into the snow. It felt like a freezing shower. His breath caught in his throat at the shock of cold.

  What? It wasn't really cold. What the hell?

  He sat up and grabbed the handle of his mace, standing out of the drift beside him. "A little more warning would be appreciated."

  There was no response, at least not from Max. The bear bellowed at him.

  Tom pointed the mace at the beast. "Getting real tired of your shit, Boo-boo." His own health was only a hair above seventy percent. He wasn't equipped to trade blows either.

  The bear's health was... ticking down? There was an icon beside the bar showing a green drop of liquid. Well, every little bit would help. It was just ticking under forty percent.

  Tom laid his left hand on the mace as well before taking a deep breath. "Okay, let's do this."

  When the bear made to lunge forward again Tom moved first. He charged straight ahead and brought the mace down on it's raised nose with all the strength he could muster.

  The bear reeled and let out an angry cry.

  Its health was down to thirty five percent. It ticked down to thirty four while Tom watched.

  Preoccupied with bars, he didn't see the swing coming in time. He got his mace in front of him, which might have mitigated a bit, but it also meant he had a mace bashing into him instead of a bear's paw... but with the force of a bear's paw.

  It hurt.

  It hurt a lot.

  He found himself on the ground, legs stuck in the snow as he winced. It felt like he might have a mace shaped dent in his chest.

  Well, his health was down in the mid thirty percent area, too.

  That seemed fair.

  He swept his arm through the snow until he found his mace once more. "I feel like we might have gotten off on the wrong foot, here. I'm a ranger, you know. I mean, really. This is some bad dream quest bullshit right here. I would never roll a priest. Like, ever." It took a few moments for him to lumber
to his feet, leaning on the large mace. "So let's let bygones by bygones, eh?"

  Where the hell was that damned rogue?

  The bear let out a snort as it stared him down. By all accounts it had already won and was just playing with its food. It hit a hell of a lot harder than he did, and getting close enough to hit it almost guaranteed getting hit in return.

  But its health was still ticking down.

  Twenty seven percent. Twenty six.

  The bear padded a few paces closer.

  Tom didn't bother to move, he just stood leaning on his mace. "Any time now."

  The bear let out a groan, its back arching for a moment before it fell face first into the snow.

  Max stood beside it, dagger in hand. "Sorry. I didn't want to leave anything to chance."

  "So you let it beat the crap out of me."

  "Hey, you said you wanted to tank. You tanked. Good job."

  There was only one heal related icon left to toss. Tom tapped it and held out the hand to heal... himself. Max wasn't exactly as his peak either, but fuck him.

  Light played over his vision as his health bar ticked back up into the seventy percent range, turning green once more. He let out a relieved breath. "That was more difficult than I like."

  "Certainly not my idea."

  "Weird quest." Tom opened the quest log now that the danger had passed. He had no idea anything like this was going to happen. Maybe he really should read the descriptions...

  The log was empty. He didn't have this quest or any other quest. He tilted his head as he stared at it. "Huh..." The second tab, for completed quests, was also empty. Like he had never done a thing. "Okay that's just screwy."

  "The quest log? Yeah. Check out your skills, though."

  Tom frowned a bit as he opened the skills pane instead.

  Some of them were clearly priestly things, points already assigned... others were complete gibberish. Letters and numbers strung together without meaning. "Oh, awesome. I always wanted to be good at 99Ry78g9ing."

  "Damn, I didn't get that one. I'm stuck with 99Rt56y4. Guess I should reroll."

  A soft flash of color caught Tom's eye. His health bar had flashed when it turned from green to yellow.

  It was decreasing steadily, a point of health lost every few seconds.