Some Sort of Glitch

by Wade Adrian

  Tom was pretty sure they were getting hosed on this deal, but it wasn't like they were in a position to bargain. He equipped a heavy cloak and a pair of gloves, then stored the food away in his inventory. Max could have the rest when the girl was done making doe eyes at him.

  The idiot didn't even notice.

  "I'm sorry, miss." Tom bowed slightly. "Somehow I didn't get your name."

  "My name? Hilde."

  Of course it was.

  "I'm Caddrach, and this is Talren. Just making sure we can ask next time we come through. I promise we tip better when we haven't been robbed."

  She bowed her head slightly. "You are both quite welcome to return. We have beds, if you get here early enough in the evening."

  Tom was getting the impression hers would have just enough room for Max if the situation warranted it.

  He would probably be reduced to sleeping on the common room floor.

  So unfair.

  Maybe he should try the bumbling helpful idiot routine too...

  Nah.

  5

  Max shut the door behind him and adjusted his new gloves. They were warm, but his fingers didn't seem to bend well. They'd be a pain to fight in.

  "Shouldn't you have kissed her goodbye?" Tom was digging through his inventory.

  Max blinked a few times, confused. "Who?"

  "Hilde, duh."

  "Wouldn't that have been... a little sudden? I barely know her."

  Tom rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Blind. You are blind."

  Max turned to look at the shut door. "Honestly I could barely follow what she was saying." He shrugged and started out into the cold day. "Between the accent and her slipping back into her own language over and over, I was just trying to not offend her."

  "Blind and deaf. I understood every word. Bit broken, but I doubt ours is her first language, so I can allow a bit of slack."

  Max's eyebrow crept up as they walked. "What does 'skol' mean?"

  "What do you mean, what does cheers mean? You can't be that out of touch. You having a stroke?"

  "S-K-O-L. Skol."

  "S-K-O-L is not how you spell cheers. You are having a stroke."

  "No, you are speaking another language without realizing it... or to mess with me."

  Tom scoffed. "Oh, yeah. Linguist, that's me. I failed Spanish, man."

  Max rubbed at his chin. "Well... I don't know. Check your skills, then."

  He rolled his eyes, but opened the menu. "Huh. Well shit. Linguist. What do you know? Got quite the list of languages here. Neat."

  "I feel a bit less crazy now, thanks." Max nodded a bit. "Was getting a little concerned."

  "Well, you should be. Not for any particular reason mind you, just because, you know, you."

  "Thanks."

  "No problem." Tom shrugged. "But she was into you."

  "I'm not sure the man who holds the research facility's record for restraining reprimands is the best one to parse that sort of thing."

  "Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em." Tom tilted his head slightly. "Speaking of which... what do you make of this?" He held up one hand, two fingers, then a sweeping motion to the right.

  Max blinked. "No loot? How... how did I know that?"

  "Because the Thieves Cant is one of my languages. Figured you'd be fluent."

  The rogue rubbed at his temples. "But how did I know it? That's nuts. I don't know anything about rogues."

  "Got me." Tom shrugged one shoulder. He stopped when the little path they followed hit a crossroad. Or, more appropriately, a cross low-spot-in-the-snow. He glanced up and down the paths, then up at the sun and down at the shadows, before pointing up the new path. "North."

  The road wound through a stone valley, which kicked the wind into high gear with nowhere else for it to go. It wasn't snowing out, but plenty was swirling about them in the air.

  Max's teeth chattered. He was glad of the warm clothes, but he didn't think he could wear enough to be free of this cold.

  Tom's bearded chin cut back and forth as they walked. "Eyes open. This is a swell place for an ambush." He did nothing of the sort, his eyes returning to his interface after every quick sweep of the terrain ahead.

  "No one lives out here."

  "No one that would go to Hilde's party, maybe. That doesn't mean no one at all. She said there were plenty of dangers out here. Bandits are a leveling staple. Plenty of monsters like the cold, too. Then there's the bears, but you're familiar with them."

  "Sadly. I'm sure the forestry service wants a word with us."

  "It fucked with us, we fucked it up. Clean in the eyes of ranger law."

  "What about druids?"

  "If you stepped on a bug, they're out to get you." Tom frowned down at his own feet. "Making a ton of noise..." He muttered to himself, almost lost to the swirling wind.

  The rogue that was Max was shorter than Tom, but he was looking down at him as they walked. It seemed odd. He checked his own set of skills. "Light step, huh. Avoid traps and leave less of a trail."

  "No fair. I used to have that."

  "Now you've got lead boot instead?"

  "Seems like it." Tom stopped, "Although..." He held up a hand, orange and yellow light building as it circled. He pointed at himself, then repeated the gesture and pointed at Max.

  The oppressive cold faded to something much more manageable. It felt distant, like it was waiting to be cold, but all the warm clothes were keeping it at bay expertly.

  "Endure cold. You're welcome."

  Each breath Max let out practically made a cloud of steam... but he felt fine. "Wow. Okay, that is rad."

  "I used magic yesterday to reattach your spleen, but making you less cold is impressive somehow?"

  "I'm a simple man. You make with the magic lights, I ooo and ahh."

  Tom scoffed.

  Max knelt down and held out a hand in front of the cleric. "Hold up."

  His eyes swept the valley ahead once more. "Looks clear."

  "I saw something for a second. Something red."

  "So... a bird?"

  "Maybe. Or cloth that stands out from the terrain."

  "Or a bird."

  Going into stealth was a simple matter outside of combat. Max only had to sweep his hand toward the button to toggle it on. He'd been practicing as they went.

  He moved a few steps ahead in the snow, his feet not making a sound... though he did still leave shallow indents.

  Tom seemed a bit miffed any time Max did something that was previously ranger territory.

  "I'll just stay here then, shall I?" Tom grumbled, his arms crossed.

  Max inched his way forward until he could look around one of the larger bits of rock in the path.

  Three men were waiting, leaning against the other side of the rock with weapons drawn. They were dressed much like Max, lots of leather armor and cloaks. Red scarves hid their faces below the eyes. Probably would have been a smart thing to have... unless you wanted to stay hidden in places with little natural color.

  The rogues were clearly aware that Tom and Max were approaching, and waiting to jump them. All of them seemed stronger than Max, and they weren't holding kitchen utensils. They had real weapons.

  For all Tom's lack of ranger abilities, he could still see some things just fine. These guys seemed to also think it was a swell place for an ambush.

  Max carefully made his way back, moving as quickly as he dared. He didn't bother to come out of stealth, but whispered when he got close. "Three guys. Stronger than us, armed, and waiting."

  Tom scoffed. "Of course."

  "Hate to admit it, but my plan is usually charge in swinging. Probably won't work."

  "No."

  "Got anything better?"

  "Doubt I can sneak by even if you can." Tom tugged at his beard, but took a slow step forward, then another. "No reason to give them an excuse to come out early. Might give them a range advantage."

  Max followed, the knives held tight in either hand.

  "I'm m
ore familiar with my spells now, and I've set them to be more readily available. I've got direct damage, buffs, a bit of utility, and a shit ton of heals."

  "Guess that means we've got a safety net."

  "On the other hand, I don't have unlimited mana, so I can't use all of them. Can you... take one out? Make this two on two?" He made a show of stopping to examine a stubborn plant that was alive despite the lack of leaves.

  "Did you miss the part where they're higher level than me? I can't possibly put out that much damage in one hit. Not even if I had my greatsword."

  Tom rolled his eyes. "You're an assassin. Doing a ton of damage all at once is your entire deal."

  Max stopped creeping along to look at his own abilities for a moment. He didn't exactly have a wealth of options, most of what he did have involved hitting things. At least that was normal. On the other hand, he used to be able to take a hit, too. That was gone.

  He had the distinct feeling he was going to miss Lay On Hands before the day was out.

  There was a backstab skill, and he had a good bit invested into it... but he had no way to know just how much damage that would actually do. If he messed up he'd be up there with all three of them with a giant rock between him and Tom. He doubted heals would bend around it.

  But he also had sap. Incapacitate a foe, rendering them unconscious and preventing them from acting. That seemed like a surer bet.

  "Okay. I guess I'll give it a go, then run back?"

  Tom nodded. "I'm on my way. Wait until they come out, or you can see me. Thats your cue."

  "Got it." Max hugged the side of the valley as he wandered back up to the rock where he knew the bandits were waiting. They didn't disappoint, still waiting and watching Tom make his way in the snow.

  One of them said something. The others nodded a few times, but didn't respond.

  Max wondered how one got in on that linguist ability. He never would have considered it before, but this far north they didn't seem to favor the common tongue.

  Or maybe they had no reason to speak it to each other. That was probably it. The familiar language would no doubt come out when it was time to intimidate travelers.

  Max slipped over the back end of the rock, careful to not crash land amongst the rogues. He knocked some of the snow off the top, but it went unnoticed as they kept an eye on Tom.

  He lifted one knife high, the round end of its handle well over his head.

  The bandit closest to him was kneeling, watching the other two who were at the edge of the rock.

  Max brought the butt of the handle down swiftly against the back of the rogue's head.

  The man fell over in a heap, landing face first in the snow.

  Max readied himself to fight, both knives in front of him as he pondered just how he was going to get by the other two...

  Except that the other two seemed unaware, still talking to each other and pointing now and then.

  Max looked down.

  The man was still breathing. Perfectly healthy...

  And Max was still hidden.

  That must mean the other two had no idea anything had happened. Huh.

  He crept past the unconscious bandit, getting closer to the edge. As he leaned out, he could see beyond the rogues. Tom was still a few yards out, though well within arrow range.

  Maybe these were polite bandits that talked first. Less of an issue getting rid of bodies if they walk away empty handed.

  Max readied his knives to strike. Sap had worked wonders, maybe backstab would work too. That would shift everything into their favor.

  And yet... the knives felt heavy in his hands.

  They were just NPCs, and "bad" ones at that, but... they looked like people. People shivering and trying to stay warm out here, just like him.

  The whispers between the pair picked up when Tom stopped a few paces out. They readied their weapons. One looked back...

  At the unconscious bandit.

  Their eyes widened and their voices climbed to confused cries as they ran over to check on their fellow.

  Max lifted his knife high and brought it down again, the bandit lurched forward and tumbled into the snow beside his friend.

  But he swept his hands around and turned to look at Max.

  Too late Max saw the icon for sap was still grayed out, only halfway to being usable again. The effect hadn't landed. The man was missing some health, but hardly enough to notice.

  The rogue he hadn't struck charged forward, a short sword nearly impaling Max as he barely leapt out of the way. His feet landed and slipped on the frozen earth and he fell, landing on his side.

  Short sword in hand, the bandit stood over him. He spit out some guttural phrase before raising the sword.

  A flash of white light hit him in the back of the head. He fell forward, Max lifting his knives to strike as the man tumbled.

  Tom stood at the edge of the rock, a hammer made of pure light in his hand. "What happened to running back?"

  The bandit with a headache charged at the cleric.

  Tom held up a hand, flat palm facing the man. "Yar says fuck you."

  A pillar of light fell from the sky, striking the man like a piston, leaving a round indent in the frozen dirt and snow.

  The bandit coughed out blood, but he stood. His health was only down to eighty percent... but it had looked cool.

  Max dug his knives into the prone bandit with the sword. The man bit off a yell as his health dropped by sixty percent from the attack, sending him down to twenty percent, well into the red.

  The daggers had scored critical hits against the prone foe.

  The short sword hit max in the side just before the man sent a foot into Max's other side.

  His health dropped. Not much, but the point was made. He wasn't going to be reasonable, even at death's door.

  So be it.

  Flashing knives rained into the prone man until his health bar ticked to zero and he fell still.

  Maybe a hit or two after, too. Things were... hectic.

  Max rolled onto his back and sat up.

  Tom was still dealing with the last bandit. He had lost some health but was already restoring it. When the bandit got close again he swatted the man with his table leg, then threw another of the hammers made of light at him.

  None of it seemed to do much in the way of damage. He was still around sixty five percent.

  Max climbed to his feet and hit the button to vanish, dropping into stealth despite being engaged in combat. Several of his abilities required stealth, so he was limited on how often he could do it in a fight.

  He only needed a moment.

  After the next spell landed on the bandit leaving him stunned, Max moved in close and brought both knives up into the man's back, almost lifting him off the ground.

  The bandit screamed, his voice echoing off the rocky valley.

  He fell dead to the ground.

  The battle text said the backstab hand landed for... one hundred and twelve percent of the bandit's health.

  Huh.

  Tom patched up the last of his ailments with a wave, then spared a bit for Max. "Why didn't you do that in the first place?"

  "I didn't know it would do... that."

  "I just told you. Assassin. Big damage in a small window."

  "Big damage, sure. That was... all the damage." Max shook his head a bit.

  Tom chuckled. "That's why you get one, and maybe a second with vanish. It's balanced." The cleric noticed the third bandit. "What's his deal?"

  Max shrugged. "Sapped. I did that first because I didn't know backstab literally equated to straight up murder."

  "I see." Tom shouldered his table leg as he stepped over a dead bandit and stopped by the unconscious one.

  Max put his knives away. "So what do we do with him?"

  The table leg descended with the force of an asteroid, both of Tom's hands swinging for all he was worth.

  It struck the bandit square in the back of the head.

  A critical hit aga
inst a prone foe.

  The man struggled a bit, but the club came down again on a still prone foe. He stopped struggling.

  "Hey, look. I can sap too."

  Max frowned down at the dead bandit. "I'm not sure that was entirely necessary."

  "Hanging out in dreamland or not, he wanted us dead." Tom knelt down and paged through the loot. "You've got a lot to learn about being a rogue."

  "I wouldn't say you're much of a holy man, either."

  "That really depends on the god, now doesn't it? Somehow I don't think mine would care."

  Max leaned back against the large rock the bandits had been hiding behind. Combat had never felt that... visceral before. Maybe a bit with the bear, but this had been... a brawl with numbers. Actual fear had crept into his mind a time or two.

  He didn't care for it.

  "Well this is entirely unfair, but I guess it makes sense." Tom stood up from the corpses. "Lots of leather, some of which I will be taking. I have empty armor slots and something is better than nothing." He ended up with leather armor on his head, shoulders, arms, hands, legs, and feet. His chest still had a chain shirt.

  Max filled out his kit as well. There wasn't another helmet, but Tom seemed more prone to get hit the way things were going, so he didn't begrudge him having it.

  "Ooo, here you go." Tom held out a pair of daggers. "I have a sneaking suspicion these are better than yours, even if those guys didn't use them."

  He wasn't wrong. They were half again the damage of his kitchen knives, and they had scabbards to boot. He looked less like a serial killer by the minute.

  Max topped off his outfit with one of the red scarves.

  The bandits must have come from somewhere else, as the only loot was on them. Tom took everything they had, down to their clothes. A smidgen of coin and food were the real treasures. He had a lot more strength than Max did.

  "It's funny." Max stowed his old knives in his inventory. "Yesterday you didn't care to loot most things."

  "Yesterday none of that junk beat the value to weight ratio. Today, with only a few coins to my name, all of this has value. At least until we've got money again."

  Max chuckled. "Yet somehow I'm the rogue."

  Tom pointed up the road. "The social commentary can wait. That's north."

  6