Call Me Dreamer

by Ryan Maitland

  “No problem, dear, I understand life sometimes gets in the way,” she waved off the apology. “Have you had a chance to use it yet?”

  “I have!” I cheered, thinking of the home-made jerky I had made, which filled the house with the mouth-watering smell of curing beef. “I love it! I’m still trying out different recipes, but I’ll be sure to make you some the next time we see each other!”

  “I look forward to that, then!” she smiled, which only reached her mouth and less so her eyes, making me think that she was just humoring me for the moment.

  “So, Sarah,” I hesitated, not really wanting to have this kind of chat, but also feeling like I needed to do this, “I’ve, sort of, been roped into giving a party this Friday and… I don’t really know what to do…”

  She quirked an eyebrow in consideration, giving it a moment’s thought before asking, “What sort of party?”

  “I guess a Halloween-type party,” I shrugged, not terribly sure this was correct. “Beth sort of decided everything and I didn’t know how to say no…”

  I could see Sarah trying to hold back a little chuckle and my mood soured a little. I didn’t think this was funny!

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh,” Sarah apologized, seeing my face. “I know this must seem daunting to you, but I think this would be a good learning experience!”

  I got what she was saying, but I didn’t really like it. I don’t do well around strangers. I’ve wondered if this was because I was never really socialized growing up, being a prisoner in my own home, or if it was just part of who I was. I guess it doesn’t really matter, in the end…

  “But what will I be expected to do?” I whined, disliking how quickly this party was becoming a reality.

  “Probably less than you think,” Sarah answered thoughtfully. “You should probably have some kind of food and refreshments. Think finger-foods or snack foods.”

  “Oh! I could make up some jerky!” I perked up, liking the excuse to make a big batch of a recipe I had found online.

  “That’s… an idea…” Sarah hesitated, apparently not liking this notion too much. “But you also might want to think about having chips, or some dessert items, too, just in case… You’ll want to give your guests options as well as foods that can be eaten without utensils.”

  “Oh. Okay. I’ll search online for some ideas, then…” I promised, reminding myself that my idea of a good snack does not equate to everyone else’s idea of a good snack…

  “How many people will be coming to the party, do you think?” Sarah asked in a nonchalant way that I recognized as an important question that she didn’t want to alarm me with.

  “Well, I know Beth is coming, and probably her husband, if she has one… plus Anne and her husband… I’ll probably invite the sheriff, too…” I was counting on my fingers as I listed the people that I figured would come. “Oh, and Beth wants to introduce me to a man she knows…” I added this last part somewhat quietly, since this was the worst part for me…

  This got Sarah’s attention! She raised both eyebrows at this! “So! This Beth woman is playing matchmaker, is she?”

  “Maybe…” I hedged, not entirely sure. “I guess…”

  “Jane, breathe!” Sarah commanded with a slight smile. “You’ll get through this! Everything will be fine!” Right after she said this, her smile faltered a little as she considered, “As long as the kids behave…”

  Right! I hadn’t even thought of that! Sarah, of course, knew about Peter and Wendy and everything I could do, and she knows that Peter and Wendy can be mischievous little pranksters when given the chance… a chance like a party full of strangers… Oh, hell and blast!

  I looked up to the ceiling as I listened to the two ghostly kids having some kind of race as they flew around the house, through walls, and into the yard.

  “I’ll talk to them,” I promised, not liking my prospects all that much. “I’ll probably have to bribe them…” I muttered.

  “How, exactly, do you bribe ghosts?” Sarah asked, looking genuinely curious. Before she had met me or, for that matter, before I had moved out here, Sarah didn’t believe in ghosts until I told her I could see them and Billy had demonstrated his presence by smashing a saucer against a wall. Since then, I’ve told her a bit of what I know about them, but I confess I haven’t told her about the effect that Halloween seems to have on ghosts… I didn’t want to worry her.

  “Same way you bribe any kid,” I answered with a small sigh. “You promise to play games with them or read them a story.”

  “You’ve done this before?” she asked, considering.

  “Once or twice,” I confessed. “This was around the time the construction people were here fixing up the house…”

  “I see…” she acknowledged.

  “So, what will I need to do during the party?” I asked, feeling out of my depth.

  “Be a good host,” she answered simply before elaborating, after seeing my baffled expression. “You’ll need to take their coats when they arrive and place them somewhere safe. You can show them around the house and offer them refreshments, something to drink, for example. After that, you mingle!”

  “Mingle?” I asked, not recognizing the word. I confess that my knowledge of the world has been severely limited by my upbringing…

  “Talk. Chit-chat,” Sarah clarified.

  “Oh,” was all I could think of to say… That sounded kind of exhausting to me…

  “Relax!” Sarah commanded again. “It’s only one night! You’ll be fine!”

  “I hope so…” I muttered, not quite believing it…

  After that, we chatted for a bit before signing off so I could make dinner, some pan-fried chicken breasts and some frozen fries I would cook in the oven while the chicken cooked on the stove.

  I filled another mug with coffee before I got dinner going. The ritual of getting the food just right, with the sounds and the aromas that go with it, were vital to my well-being. I had studied Jack making his dinner while growing up, while I had to settle for salad without the dressing. By now, I had turned it into a kind of religious ceremony, to be given as much serious consideration, if not more so, as any holy rite you care to name.

  As I put the frozen fries into the oven, I promised myself I’d buy a deep fryer and make my own fries. I confess that, when it comes to food, I’m sort of fussy and I am not really fond of store-bought, not when I can make something on my own that was so much better! I also confess that the thought of going to the butcher in town to buy beef for jerky was strangely exciting to me!

  Thoughts of some eye of round, or maybe bottom round, or maybe even a sirloin tip filled my head as I considered this…

  Would it be weird if I invited my butcher, Frank, to a party? Yeah, probably… better not chance it… And, yes, I know my butcher by name and you should, too!

  After dinner, I called out to the kids, “Peter! Wendy!”

  It wasn’t long before they came zooming through the ceiling to float in front of me, looking somewhat excited that I had called them. Maybe they were thinking I’d join them in one of their games?

  “Kids,” I started, trying to take on a motherly tone with them. “On Friday night, some people will be coming over for a party…”

  Their faces lit up at the thought of new people to play pranks on, but I cut them off with, “and I want the two of you on your best behavior!”

  “Ohhhhh… but why?” Peter whined.

  “Because I have a hard-enough time fitting in without people knowing I live with ghosts,” I answered.

  “Will you play with us if we’re good?” Wendy asked, her face looking hopeful. Of the two of them, she tended to be more pragmatic, while Peter tended to be more bullyish…

  “If you behave, I’ll play hide-and-seek with you,” I promised.

  “And tag!” Peter demanded.

  “And could you read us a story?” Wendy asked, adding her preference to the mix.

  “How about hide-and-seek and a story?
” I countered. Playing tag with the two of them is exhausting since they can fly through walls while I can’t run to save my life!

  “Tag or no deal!” Peter retorted, the little brat…

  I sat there, considering what else I could offer them other than tag, but it looked like Peter would not give up on that game… What were my options? If I threatened to take away some other playtime with them, Peter might decide to do something devilish, like singing loudly, and off-key, in the middle of the night… Wendy does a fair job of keeping him in check, but she won’t do it if she thinks Peter is right…

  “Fine!” I relented, relegating myself to a night of utter exhaustion after the kids were done with me. “Tag, plus hide-and-seek, plus a story…”

  “YES!” Peter sheered, high-fiving Wendy, who giggled at the prospect.

  “But!” I reminded them, “the two of you must be on your best behavior! No shenanigans with the guests! Okay?”

  “Okay…” Peter answered, rolling his eyes a little. Wendy’s ‘okay’ was considerably sweeter and more sincere.

  “Okay,” I nodded, dismissing them to resume their games. I’d be with them right before bed, when I read them a story out of an old book filled with pleasant evenings in front of a fireplace. The emotions came from the previous owners that I could feel when I held it. This was another one of my abilities, or maybe an extension of the other, and the agency called it psychometry. When a personal object didn’t link me directly to a person’s mind, because that person was no longer among the living, I sometimes got feelings from it. Working in an antique store filled with old items meant I often got first-pick of items that held some lovely feelings. I collected these items and kept them in a room that used to be a nursery, that I was now calling my serenity room. It’s the room I went to whenever I needed to relax and unwind. It’s also where I often read to the kids.

  Before calling it a night, I made a quick call to sheriff Carter, the only person, besides Anne and Beth, that I knew in town, and invited her to the party. She sounded interested in seeing the inside of my house, given all that she’s heard about it.

  So! I guess it’s settled, then…

  Chapter 3

  Party Time!

  So, I did what I could to prepare for the party. I cleaned as well as I could, but to be honest, I didn’t touch the cobwebs in some of the upper spaces. I figured that people would think they were part of the decorations, and besides, the spiders that built, and were using, them helped keep the bug population down. I thought of the spiders as anti-pests!

  I also made jerky, kind of against Sarah’s advice. Frank showed me some flank steak that he said would practically melt in the mouth of anyone eating the jerky, as long as he cut against the grain! He sliced it as thin as he could, which is pretty damn thin, and I marinated it, while I was at work, in a recipe I’ve been wanting to try that used teriyaki sauce and a little cayenne pepper. When I got home, I set it all up in the dehydrator and by the time I went to bed, the jerky was done and the house smelled divine!

  I had such pleasant dreams that night… dreams of an all-you-can eat buffet of different kinds of meat prepared every way you can imagine…

  At work the next day, which was the morning before the party, Anne checked in to make sure it was still on and I promised her it was. The day was uneventful, aside from having to avoid looking at Mr. Roadkill who just kept staring at me with his tongue hanging in midair while he made slight gurgling noises! Ew! Gross!

  When I got home that afternoon, I had one or two hours to get everything ready and I made sure that Peter and Wendy knew that they were to be on their best behavior or else I wouldn’t play games with them.

  “I know!” Peter whined, trying to stomp his foot. Foot stomping is less effective for ghosts considering no sound is actually produced. It’s even less effective when the ghost doing the stomping is floating a foot-and-a-half off the ground!

  As much as Peter was complaining about having to behave, Wendy looked demure, even a little nervous.

  “Wendy, you have nothing to be nervous about,” I consoled. “After all, I’ll be the only one to know you’re here!”

  “I know,” Wendy almost whispered. “I just don’t like strangers in our house…”

  “I know, sweetie,” I cooed, “but it’s just for tonight. Then tomorrow afternoon, we’ll all play games, okay?”

  “Okay!” Wendy brightened. Wendy was fond of hide-and-seek, while Peter preferred tag. I think Wendy liked it when Peter found her and they were reunited all over again. Peter was more ‘thrill of the chase’ so he liked tag better.

  Both of them were mischievous little pranksters, though…

  I took some calming breaths to steady myself. Tonight would be an ordeal even if the kids did behave…

  Peter flew out the door, apparently having heard something, and came back a moment later shouting “Beth is here! She’s got a lot of stuff!”

  Oh good! Beth did promise she’d help out…

  I opened the door to a woman in a pumpkin-orange outfit as she tried to figure out how to ring the doorbell with both hands full.

  “Hi Beth! Come on in!” I welcomed her, stepping aside so she could get by.

  “Thanks, Jane!” Beth half-mumbled as she made her way inside, knowing the way from all those years she spent showing the house to people, then selling it, only to be called to sell it again shortly afterwards…

  “I brought some decorations, a few snacks, and a cake!” she called from the dining room as she set her parcels down.

  A cake? Is that a typical party food? Sarah had said finger-food… I didn’t think cake qualified… Well, I wasn’t about to dispute Beth, figuring she had loads more experience with this than I did…

  “Decorations?” I asked, instead. “What kind?”

  “Oh, this and that,” Beth waved off. “I bought a bunch of candles and brought a Ouija board for the séance! I figured we’d have the séance in the dining room, around the big table. Oh, this room is just the perfect place for it!”

  It was only Peter’s giggling that kept me from asking Beth what a séance is. I turned to Peter and glared at him, since I couldn’t ask him what was so funny with Beth standing right there!

  “Beth tries this every year!” Peter told me, still giggling. “She does it to try to get rid of me or something, but I’m not going anywhere!” he finished, laughing his fool head off.

  “Okay, this might sound like a dumb question,” I started, turning to Beth, “but, um… what’s a séance?”

  “We’re going to try to call the ghosts of this house!” Beth explained cheerfully. “We’ll sit around the table, hold hands, and try to summon the spirit of the family that built this house!”

  “Oh, okay…” I stammer, not quite sure what to make of this. “I’ll just be in the receiving room to wait for the other guests, okay?”

  “Sure, hon!” Beth answered distractedly as she set out some chips next to my plastic bag full of jerky, which came out excellent if I do say so myself…

  I waved to Peter trying to be as covert as possible and usher him into the receiving room so I could chat with him without Beth overhearing.

  “Remember, Peter, make sure the séance falls flat!” I warn him. “No pranks, shenanigans, or funny business, okay?”

  “Okay,” Peter promises, rolling his eyes, obviously humoring me.

  “I’ll make sure he behaves,” Wendy tells me, floating through the front door. “By the way, the sheriff is here…”

  “Thank you, Wendy,” I tell her, heading to the door.

  I stood by the door and waited until after the sheriff had knocked twice, as I didn’t want her to think I was any stranger than she already knew me to be.

  “Sheriff!” I greeted warmly, grateful to have a closer friend than Beth here. “Let me take your coat!” I added, remembering what Sarah had told me of parties.

  Sheriff Carter is a tall, muscular, woman with a face that looks like it has taken more than its fai
r share of hits. Her nose is slightly crooked and there’s one or two faint scars on her lip and her eyebrow. When I look at her, I think of a boxer more than anything else.

  I took her coat and got a glimpse of how she saw my house thanks to my ability… Her thoughts were analytical, and more than casually tactical. She was mapping the house, seemingly on automatic, and picking out the danger spots, blind corners and ambush sites.

  I hastily put her coat on a coat-hanger I had dragged out for the occasion before I got any further glimpses into her head. The coat must be one she uses often for the link to be so strong…

  “I’ve always wondered about this house,” the sheriff commented, somewhat offhand.

  “Oh? How so?” I asked, more than a little curious.

  “I’ve heard stories about it…” She answered, looking around.

  “Like what?” I asked, feeling a little nervous.

  “Everyone says it’s haunted,” she answered bluntly.

  I gave a nervous laugh and told her, “Feel free to look around…”

  The sheriff did just that and made her way up the stairs.

  “Jane!” Wendy yelled in a slightly panicky voice.

  “What?” I whispered to her, not wanting anyone else to hear.

  “The sheriff is heading to the serenity room!” Wendy answered.

  Hell and blast! I knew I had forgotten to do something! I completely forgot to shut, and lock, that room! I really didn’t want anyone to go poking around up there!

  “Wendy, go shut and lock the door, but try not to let the sheriff see!” I commanded. Wendy nodded and flew up the stairs. A moment later, I heard a door slam upstairs followed by grumbles from the sheriff.

  I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and was slightly out of breath when I reached her, still trying to open the door. “Sorry, that’s the serenity room. I’d rather you didn’t go in there,” I told her, panting a little. “Same with my bedroom,” I added for good measure.

  “The door…” the sheriff spluttered, looking a little scared, “it slammed in my face! On its own!”