by Rina Kent
Still, Kyle continues reaching for the gun. My arms tighten around Julian’s waist. I would do anything to protect him. Even it means my own life.
“I’m giving you a choice, Kyle.” Shadow kicks Kyle’s weapon away. “Don’t reach for that gun.”
Kyle keeps crawling. Blood drips from the back of his hand, leaving sickening trails behind. His face is contorted in pain, but he doesn’t stop.
“Don’t.” Julian pleads. “Stop, Kyle.”
“Why?” Kyle’s fingers struggle to reach the gun. “Ye hate me anyway.”
Julian’s tone softens. “I will never hate you. You’re my son.”
Kyle freezes, almost in reach of the gun. His face morphs into excruciating pain and gratitude all at once. “And ye’re the only father I have.” A tear slides down his cheek. “But ye’ll never forgive me.”
He grabs the gun, but instead of pointing it at us, he holds it to his temple.
“NO!” Julian roars.
“Kyle!” Shadow and I shout.
A blow sounds. I close my eyes, but then it’s not a gunshot. I slowly peel my lids open, expecting to see Kyle’s disfigured corpse. He’s lying on the ground, but his head isn’t blown up. Scar stands behind him, holding a gun that’s bloodied at the butt. She’s in shorts and a T-shirt on which is written ‘Superhero of the Day’. And she kind of is. She stopped Kyle from killing himself, and possibly scarring Julian for life.
“That’s cowardly, Kylie.” She tsks. “Don’t just die after all that rubbish. Take responsibility for what you’ve done.”
Julian releases a long breath, and the sound relieves me as well. He stands, and I automatically follow suit. My feet are slightly wobbly. My vision is darkening, and I have to clutch Julian’s shirt for balance.
Wait a second. Scarlett just hit Kyle until he lost consciousness. With the butt of a gun. No normal girl could do that.
“Scar?” I ask, although she’s kind of doubling. “How...?”
“Oh, hey, Ellie!” She grins in her usual bubbly energy. “I run with this crew, you know. Sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m kind of an undercover escort.”
“Right.” So, Scar is also a killer. Brilliant. I really do attract them like a magnet.
I look up at Julian, but he’s not even considering me. Aside from the faint clutch I have on his arm, he’s not touching me. A black hole forms at the centre of my heart. He hates me. He won’t forgive me.
I try to step away from him, but the vertigo from earlier hits me full force. I stagger, and almost fall.
Strong arms surround me as darkness swallows me whole.
29
Elle
A headache stabs my temples as soon as I open my lids.
My throat is scratchy and dry as if I’ve been thirsty for decades. The walls of our room surround me. The familiarity fills me with peace.
If only Julian were here so this would feel like the safest place to be.
Dim, early morning light slips through the window. Night has turned into day.
A bottle of water rests on the nightstand. I snatch and gulp half of it down in record time. I sigh with relief once I’m finished.
“Was it fun?”
My head snaps upwards to meet with Julian’s impassive eyes. He didn’t even make a sound.
Actually...
He never made a sound, unless he purposefully made himself noticeable.
He’s not Julian. He’s Ghost.
The notorious, cold-blooded Ghost whom no one saw.
But I did.
Inside, there was only Julian for me.
He’s standing by the side of the bed in a stiffened, defensive posture. He’s changed into a new shirt that strains against his defined muscles with tension. No blood soaks his shoulder.
That’s a relief.
If only I could erase the distance and throw myself in his strong, safe arms. The coldness in his dark eyes stops me in my tracks.
“What happened?” I ask in a calm tone, trying to smooth the conversation.
“Exhaustion. You didn’t eat for days.”
“Oh.” I bite my lower lip at the apathetic way he speaks. That’s not how Julian addresses me. But I’ve hurt him, and I would do anything to correct my mistake.
I can’t even fight it anymore. I’ve reached a point where I can’t imagine my life without him.
“Kyle?” I use the careful tone again, attempting to have him open up to me. Like before. When no boundaries stood between us.
“Recovering. He’ll be taken care of.”
“I’m so sorry about that, Julian.” I shift. Unable to keep my hands to myself anymore, I reach out for the sleeve of his shirt.
Julian yanks his arm free. The deep hurt in his brown eyes – devoid of any golden rings – cuts through me. I’ve never seen him so bleak. So hurt.
“Don’t you have your own betrayal to worry about?”
My arm drops to my side like a wounded animal. He really does hate me. I don’t know how to make him forgive me. Listen to me. Even if only for a minute.
“Well, you also hid that you are Ghost.” Not that they’re the same, but he lied to me as well.
“That’s because I hated what was associated with being Ghost.” He’s breathing harshly. The cloth of his shirt strains against his stiff shoulder muscles. “I didn’t hide it to stab you in the fucking back.”
Tears sting my eyes. “Julian –”
“Don’t call me that,” he hisses.
I flatten my lips in a line to not break into tears. He’s slipping from my fingers, and I have no idea how to make it right. I can see it in his eyes, the regret, the betrayal, the deep-seated rage. I can almost hear his demons shouting, ‘I told you that you shouldn’t trust her’. I can feel him writing me off and it’s tearing me apart.
“I read about a special species of female fireflies,” he says in a detached tone. “They shine brightly. So brightly. When an enchanted male approaches them, do you know what they do?”
I shake my head and a tear falls down my cheek. I don’t want to know the answer. From the hurt on Julian’s face, it won’t be a good one.
“They chew them up. Just like you did, Emmanuelle.”
It’s not even Elle anymore. It’s my full name. The depersonalisation cuts through my heart and bleeds it open.
“I didn’t mean to.” My voice is shaky no matter how much I try to steady it. “I only – ”
“Shut up. I don’t even want to hear your voice. Every word you say is a fucking lie.”
“No. I only wanted to find Zoe. Nothing more.”
“Exactly.” A muscle works in his jaw. “Everything else has been a lie.”
“No...” Tears are streaming down my cheeks now, and I don’t even try to stop them.
“Answer my question. Was it fun?” His eyes heat with raging fire. “Was using me, fun?”
“N-No.” I can’t even form words.
“How would it feel if I used you?” He’s at my face in a second. His fingers wrap around my neck. My skin heats. At least he’s touching me. That distance was killing me.
“What did I tell you about betraying me? I should fucking kill you.”
My lips tremble because he isn’t squeezing. He can’t. He looks torn and confused like I was when I couldn’t pull the trigger.
“I should’ve never trusted you.”
More tears fall down my cheeks.
“I should hurt you as much as you fucking hurt me.”
If this is how he needs to get all the anger and hurt out of his system, then I don’t mind. I just need him close. I angle my head and capture his lips with mine. He’s stunned at first, then his lips claim mine. His hand grips my nape harshly and he pries my mouth open. Our tongues clash together in a violent pull. His raw power hits me in the core.
He kisses me with a ferocity that unravels me. Shots of electric pleasure course through me. Then, as if remembering he’s not supposed to kiss me, Julian bites my lower lip. Hard. A metallic t
aste explodes in my mouth as he pushes away.
I whimper as I’m separated from his lips. My body grieves the loss.
Julian wipes the blood from his lips with his thumb and looms over me like a storm about to erupt, but at the same time, confusion contorts his features.
He’s panting, shoulders straining. I’m sure he can’t deny the pull between us, but he also can’t see past the hurt and anger.
“Was that a lie, too?” he growls. “Just like you held my hand and told me you’re mine? Just like you slept in my arms? Was everything a fucking lie, Emmanuelle?”
“Stop calling me that! Stop!” I spring to my feet, anger getting the best of me. “Stop telling me that the best days of my life are a fucking lie! They aren’t!”
“No? You said it loud and clear that you used me, remember?”
“That’s because I thought you killed my friend! And even then, I still didn’t want to hurt you. I couldn’t. Why can’t you understand, damn you?”
“Understand what?”
“I love you, you fucking idiot!” I punch his chest with all my might. “I’m in love with you!”
Julian eyes widen, and he appears stunned as if not believing what I just said. My chest rises and falls heavily as I soak in what I admitted.
I never thought I’d be the type of woman who would hang on a thread because of her emotions. I always thought they’re a weakness, but with Julian, all I feel is strength.
Or at least, I did. Before he hated me.
His lips part, and I blurt, “Don’t you dare call my feelings a lie or I will punch you in the face.”
Heat ignites in his dark eyes, and the golden rings spring in full bloom. His mouth crushes against mine.
I whimper, and those stupid tears fill my eyes again. He crawls atop of me and in Julian’s caveman fashion, he rips my T-shirt open. I’m a crying, laughing mess. This fucking man will never change. And I’m so in love with him, I don’t even want to remember my life before him.
His hot lips trail scorching kisses down my throat. One hand tightens around my thigh while the other grips my hip. I’m ready for him in an instant. My hands fumble with his belt until his erection is finally free and nudging at my entrance.
Instead of giving us both what we want, Julian supports himself on his elbows and cages my face with his hands. Intense eyes meet mine and they’re filled with a chaotic swirl of emotions; longing, care, but there’s also that hurt part. The betrayed part. I brush my lips against his, trying to make it all go away.
“You fucked me up, Firefly.” He thrusts inside me with a low grunt. I wrap my arms around his back and hug the warrior tattoo. The dark, lonely warrior.
Just like Julian.
He pounds deeper and harder, but the look in his eyes is one of complete abandon. Of sweet surrender.
Just the intimacy of being caught in those enchanting eyes has me closer to the edge. My stomach tightens as I near the ignition point.
“Say it.” His body is entangled with mine. Our chests are glued against one another. Legs intertwined. I don’t even know what belongs to him and what belongs to me anymore.
“I’m yours,” I breathe the one thing I know turns him on the most. I’m so, so close.
He growls, thrusts turning more urgent, but he shakes his head. “No, what you said earlier.”
“I love you!” I scream as the orgasm hits me so hard, I become a shaking mess. “I love you so fucking much.”
Julian follows with a bellowing roar.
Both of us are spent as we lie in each other’s arms, breathing one another in. I’m all over him and he’s all over me. Skin to skin. Heart to heart. Soul to soul.
I’m tired and exhausted, but also elated. I want to remain in these arms forever. He strokes my hair in that enchanting rhythm, and I’m already falling asleep.
“I never used you, Julian,” I murmur against his chest. “I was just too proud to ask for help in finding Zoe. I was also scared that if you found out the truth, you would throw me away.” My lips part and I kiss his pectoral muscle. “I don’t belong in your world...” but I love you and I’m ready to adapt to this world for our future together.
I want to say so much more, to pour my heart and soul to him like he asked me to because now, I’m no longer the coward who runs away from her feelings.
Sleep whisks me away before I say the most important thing.
Please don’t throw me away, Julian.
Something bumps against my head.
“Ugh...” I groan, opening my eyes.
Blinding light filters from the car’s window. Oh, look at that. There’s actual sun in England. I thought it was kidnapped.
Wait. A car?
I bolt into a sitting position. I’ve been lying in the back seat of a van, dressed in a baggy dress Scar gave me some time ago. Outside is green as far as the eye can see. The countryside. We pass a sign: Leeds.
What the hell am I doing in Northern England?
My eyes dart around. A red mane of hair is at the driver seat.
This can’t be who I think it is, right?
I lean to the side, and there she is. All perfect and pristine.
Mist.
In the bloody flesh.
She’s wearing huge sunglasses and driving the car with not a care in the world.
“Where the hell are you taking me?” I screech and lunge at her.
She stops me with a single hand to my face while the other still grips the wheel.
She thinks she can defeat me with one hand? I stumble over to the front seat, almost breaking my neck, but I manage to sit.
I try to punch her, but her grip is strong for someone who appears frail and delicate. Then again, she’s a damn killer.
Oh. Shit.
The redhead witch is going to kill me. That’s what she said the other time. If I screw Julian over, she’ll butcher me.
Well, not so easily.
I jump on her and right hook her cheek. She brakes so hard, not only do I let her go, but I also tumble forward until I almost hit the windshield. Mist grips me by the collar of my dress and pulls me back before I crack my head.
“Stop punching!” She hisses as she continues driving.
“Do you expect I’ll let you kill me easily?” My shoulder aches, but I draw my fists in front of my face. “Bring it.”
She slides her glasses down her nose so I can see her rolling her eyes. “Not in a thousand years will you defeat me.”
“Try. Me.”
“Enough. I have no time for this.” She releases an exasperated breath. “I’m already pissed off doing this five hours’ drive. So, don’t get on my nerves.”
I throw her a wary glance and say slowly. “You’re not going to kill me?”
“No.”
I cross my arms. “Then why are you kidnapping me? Take me back or Julian will kill you for this.”
She maintains eye contact for a second too long, and then, like a miracle, the hazel colour softens.
The redhead witch softening? What the hell? Am I dreaming?
“Do you think I would’ve taken you from his room without his permission?”
Her words slash a knife right through my chest. Julian handed me to Mist? No. “You’re lying!”
There’s no way I’d believe Julian abandoned me. Mist always hated me. She must’ve schemed this so she can keep Julian for herself.
And yet... I have a horrible feeling about this situation.
Mist motions to a tiny pocket in my dress and slides her glasses up her nose. “See for yourself.”
I dive into my pocket, and indeed, there’s a piece of paper peeking from there.
Julian’s handwriting.
You’re right. You don’t belong in my world, Elle. Live well.
Ghost.
“No, no, no...” I choke on my words. My eyes fill with tears, and my body tightens. No breaths come into my lungs. It’s like being punched over and over.
Only it’s much, much worse. The
damage isn’t done to my body, it’s breaking my heart to bloody pieces.
He abandoned me. He threw me away after all.
“Hey... um...” Mist sounds the most awkward I’ve heard her. “Don’t cry. That’s just the way it is. You could die if you stay by his side.”
“I don’t care!” I sob, “I just want to be with him. Is that so much to ask for?”
“Sometimes, it is.” Mist considers me with deep nostalgia, pain, and loneliness. I never thought I would have this emotion towards Mist, but I feel bad for her. And I don’t know why that makes me cry harder. Maybe I imagine myself as her a few years from now. Broken, in pain, and so utterly alone.
“Hey... come on. Stop crying.” She’s back to the awkwardness. Obviously Mist doesn’t like seeing the girls cry, but she’s rubbish at showing comfort. With her background, I don’t blame her. “I’m taking you to a good place.”
No place is good for me anymore. Still, I ask between sniffles. “Where?”
“To Zoe.”
30
Ghost
I stand in front of the door of my room. Our room. It’s been two weeks since she left, and I still can’t go inside.
Memories are a lot worse in here. Her scent. Her stuff. Her everything. Even her ghost is lurking behind the door, waiting to taunt and curse me for letting her go.
I can’t look at the bed and not remember holding her close and inhaling her scent before falling asleep.
Then she was gone. Or I made her go.
But she said it that day, right after the whole Kyle chaos, that she doesn’t belong in my world, and she has all the right to be scared. I want and need her, and I would go to fucking hell and back for her. I would even take Omega again if that means protecting her, but if she wants out, I can’t be selfish and force her to stay.
She’s like Zoe. They both made a mistake by coming into this world, and the only way to protect them is to push them away. I don’t think Shadow understands that just yet. I’m barely accepting it myself.
There’s a black hole inside me since Elle left, and I don’t think anything could ever fill it. That woman turned my world upside down and took my sanity with her.