You Could Have Saved Her

by Elizabeth Ballew

  “Tell me about what happened with the girl in the bathroom,” Dr. Carter said when I called her the next morning.

  I should have known she would already know about that. She had eyes and ears everywhere. There were times when I tried to keep something from her, and she found out so fast that it was like she could read my mind. Was that a therapist thing?

  “There’s not much to tell. A girl slit her wrists in the bathroom and someone left a note for me that said I could have saved her. I don’t know what it means or who left it,” I said.

  A long silence followed, and I could practically hear her disbelief.

  “What?”

  She cleared her throat. “You sound very calm for someone who’s getting blamed for another girl’s death.”

  I winced, glad she couldn’t see through the phone. “I guess so,” I said. “I wouldn’t say I’m calm exactly, but there’s nothing I can do about what’s already happened. Didn’t you tell me I shouldn’t worry so much about things I can’t change?”

  “I did say that, but you never quite got a handle on that particular skill,” she chuckled, and I smiled.

  She wasn’t wrong. More than half of our sessions were about how I shouldn’t have done or said something or how I should have done or said something. I didn’t know how many times she had me make a list of all the things I wished I could change and compare it to a list of all the things I actually had the power to change.

  “Well, you should be proud that I’m working on it. I think moving on campus and being around other people has helped,” I explained.

  “It sounds like it. As long as you’re doing okay,” she said hesitantly.

  “I promise I’m fine. If anything happens, and I stop being fine, you’ll be the first person I call,” I said, and she laughed.

  “Good. I’m glad you’re adapting well. Have a good day, Calla.”

  “I will, thanks. Bye!”

  The rumors about the girl who died in the bathroom were all over campus by the time we returned, and everyone also knew about the note left behind as well.

  I didn’t know how they knew unless whoever left it told someone because the officers definitely didn’t mention it. After sleeping another entire day away - Jaelyn and I were both exhausted after that trek through the woods and staying up all night - we finally emerged from our room sometime Sunday evening. I still had to finish some assignments for one of my classes, but it was a reflection paper so it shouldn’t take too long.

  “Hey, are you taking a shower tonight? If not, I can ask Zoe to go with me,” Jaelyn said as she pulled her shower caddy down from the closet.

  The RAs instituted a ‘no girl go to the bathroom alone’ policy since everything happened as a precaution. While enforcing it twenty-four hours a day wasn’t practical, most of the girls – unnerved by what happened - followed it by choice.

  I shook my head. “I really need to get this work done tonight so I’ll probably just take mine in the morning,” I answered, and she left, assumedly to go find Zoe.

  Almost as soon as the door closed behind her, there was a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes and smiled. When she’d said that she forgot her key a lot, she meant it. Going to let her back in, I froze when no one was at the door. The floor in the hall was carpeted, so I didn’t hear any footsteps, but there wasn’t enough time between the knock and when I opened the door for someone to disappear. Maybe I just thought I heard a knock, like when you think you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. I shrugged, closing the door and going back to work.

  Another knock came from the door, and I sighed. What was going on here? Getting up from my desk, I opened the door once more to find nobody standing on the other side. Someone had to be playing a joke on me. This time, when I shut the door, I didn’t go back to my seat. Instead, I waited just on the other side, preparing to catch the jerk in the act, but the knock never came. After waiting a full five minutes, I rolled my eyes and went back to work.

  Knock. Knock.

  I huffed, getting up once again to open the door.

  “What do you want?” I yelled as I jerked the door open and jumped back with a yelp.

  “What did I do?” Jaelyn asked, eyes wide.

  I shook my head, heart pounding. “Nothing, sorry. Someone kept knocking and… nothing. I just need some sleep.” Her brow furrowed, but she nodded as she walked in. Her wet hair was twisted up into a towel on top of her head, and she was wrapped in a robe.

  “Here, this was taped to the door when I got back,” she said, handing me a long white envelope.

  My stomach sank, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

  “Thanks,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel as I took it from her.

  It was the same type of envelope as the note left in the bathroom shower. Shaking my head, I forced myself not to think that way. These types of envelopes were super common. It could be from anyone. There was no way to tell if it was exactly the same envelope from that time anyway. Plus, the handwriting looked different, didn’t it? I was thinking too much into it. Obviously it was the same person who kept knocking on the door. They were playing some sick, cruel joke and would get a huge laugh out of the anxiety I was currently feeling about opening a stupid envelope. There probably wasn’t even anything inside it. Yeah, I just needed to open it, see that there's nothing there, and we could all get a good laugh out of it.

  “Are you okay?” Jaelyn asked, running her fingers through her wet hair.

  I nodded, worried that if I spoke, it would betray my true feelings. Taking a deep breath, I slipped a finger under the edge of the envelope and ripped it open. Readying myself, I pulled the two sides apart, and clenched my eyes shut with a sigh. Hands shaking, I reached inside and gently pulled out the piece of paper inside.

  The paper was folded in thirds and opening it out flat revealed a letter written in a slanted scrawl.

  Dear Calla,

  I have given you so many warnings and tried to tell you so many times. You need to remember who your friends are for I am one of them. I am trying to help you remember the truth. Why don’t you listen to what I have to say? Why don’t you listen to my warning? Was the note in the bathroom not enough to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you take me seriously. This is not something you can shove to the side. This is not something you can explain away. That woman wants to make you forget the truth and mistrust your own mind. I am here to help you see the truth you have forgotten. I am here to show you the way. You must listen to my words and heed my warnings. Trust no one but me.

  Folding the paper and sliding it back into the envelope, I threw it into my desk drawer, content to forget the entire thing existed.

  It obviously had to be a joke. Whoever sent it was just using the rumors about the note in the bathroom to scare me. It was probably Veronica and her group of bitches. They were probably the ones chasing me in the woods and banging on the bathroom door at the cabin.

  Deciding that I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing me squirm and freak out over this stupid note, I went back to working on my homework for tomorrow. I would deal with the letter and everything else later.

  Zoe’s eyes moved quickly as she scanned the letter for the third time that afternoon. Unable to get the stupid thing out of my head the night before, I decided to let someone else read it so they could agree with me that it had to be a prank. Her face turned a darker shade of red with each word, the paper wrinkling under her clenched fingers.

  When she finished reading, Zoe crushed the note in her fist and chucked it at the wall, making me jump.

  “That bitch!” she snarled.

  My brows rose at her words as rage replaced her usual calm and laid back demeanor.

  “So you think it’s a joke?” I asked hesitantly.

  “A joke? Yeah, sure, if that’s what you want to call it. Only Veronica could write something this... sadistic. I was curious after what happened at the party, but now I’m sure she has to be the o
ne responsible for the note in the bathroom too.”

  “Really? I know she can be... you know,” I gestured to the note, “but would she really ignore someone’s death just to leave me a note? Doesn’t that seem a little much, even for her?”

  Zoe frowned at the ball of paper on the floor. “Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s not satisfied with being a bitch to you face, she has to go and do something like this to try and scare you.”

  Wrapping my arms around myself, I tried to imagine why anyone would want to go this far to make someone else’s life hell. I don’t even know what I did to make her despise me so much. She used to get along well with my sister. They spent a lot of time studying together since they were in the same major. Was that it? Did she hate me because I wasn’t Lily? Did she think I should have died instead of my sister?

  “Remember when I thought I was being chased at the party. It was probably her behind that too,” I said, hoping they agreed. “That’s why you didn’t see anyone following me when I got, because she wanted everyone to think I was crazy.”

  Zoe tilted her head to the side, frowning. “It definitely wasn’t her chasing you. She was already there before I even got there. Besides, could you imagine her running in those heels.”

  “That’s true,” I sighed.

  “But it still could have been her idea,” she added, and some of the tension faded out of my shoulders.

  I jumped when the door swung open to reveal Jaelyn standing in the hall. “Hey, there you guys are! I’m about to head to class, but I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up for dinner later.”

  Zoe shook her head. “James is finally back from his trip so we’re going out tonight.”

  “Sorry,” I said as Jaelyn looked at me, hopeful. “I’m going to a study session for one of my classes. Our midterm is tomorrow, and I need the extra study time.”

  Jaelyn huffed dramatically, but the smile on her face ruined the effect. “Fine, you guys go have your fun. I’ll just order a pizza or something,” she said, and I bit back my laughter. “Guess I’ll see you later then.”

  She ran off to her class, and Zoe went to meet up with her boyfriend. I still had some time before my study session tonight, so I decided to go to the library early and get some more of my makeup work done. After working until midnight for over a week, I was almost finished. Then I might actually be able to relax and enjoy the college experience.

  The study session went later than I expected, and I didn’t get back to the dorm until almost two in the morning. It was totally worth it though, and I felt like I might actually do well on the exam tomorrow… or later today I guess.

  Rolling my neck, stiff from sitting in those uncomfortable library chairs for so long, I pulled my keycard out of my bag and unlocked the front door - after nine o’clock, the doors required both a key and an electronic card to get inside - and ran up the stairs. The building had an elevator, but it too shut off after nine, and only certain people could access it.

  After climbing to the fourth floor, I was out of breath and would kill for some water. Okay, that sounded a little dramatic, but I’d forgotten to take a drink with me to the study session, and it had been hours since I’d had anything. In fact, I was starving too. Maybe I could sneak some of Jaelyn’s leftover pizza while she was asleep.

  Slipping the key into the lock, I opened the door as quietly as I could, careful not to wake her. She’d left my bedside lamp on for me so I could see when I got back and had the covers pulled up over her head. I smiled when I saw the pizza box and a note that read Calla, feel free to take some, sitting on top. Downing two slices and a bottle of water, I slipped into my own bed and let the sweet release of sleep claim me.

  FIVE

  The sun shining through the curtains woke me the next morning. Since it was exams week, all of the classes were canceled in lieu of giving the students extra time to study. My first exam wasn’t until later in the afternoon, so I didn’t bother setting my alarm, figuring it would be more beneficial if I got a little extra sleep instead of taking the exam when I was exhausted.

  When I finally slid out of bed, Jaelyn’s was already empty. She probably went to breakfast with Zoe and left me to sleep. She’d stopped inviting me after the first couple of days, knowing I preferred to sleep in as late as possible, even if that meant I didn’t have time for breakfast before my first class. The only problem was that now I had to hope someone else was already in the bathroom or I wouldn’t be able to take my shower this morning. With everything calming down, they had lightened up slightly on the bathroom rules, but you still couldn’t take a shower without someone else in the room with you unless you wanted the entire floor on your case.

  Grabbing my clothes and shower caddy, I went down the hall to the bathroom, smiling when the water in one of the stalls was already running. Knowing I probably had to move quickly, I took one of the fastest showers ever and managed to beat whoever was in the other stall. I considered leaving without saying anything, but after last time, I couldn’t bring myself to risk it.

  “Hey, are you almost finished? If not, I can wait if you want me to,” I called through the curtain. “Hello?”

  Again, I didn’t receive an answer. Releasing a breath, I pulled the curtain to the side and peeked in. Rolling my eyes, I stepped inside the empty stall and turned the water off. Someone probably didn’t have anyone to take a shower with and turned on the water to make it look like she wasn’t alone. Honestly, it was a pretty good idea. It fooled me anyway.

  When I got back to my room, I noticed that the door was open and froze. I know for a fact that I shut and locked it before leaving. After all of the weird stuff that kept happening, I didn’t want to leave myself vulnerable to even more crap. It must be Jaelyn. Maybe she realized I was in the bathroom and left it open for me, or maybe she just needed to step in and grab something so she didn’t bother closing it behind her.

  Stepping into the room, I froze. The entire place had been ransacked. Actually, only my half of the room was destroyed. Someone had torn all the sheets and blankets off my bed and strewn them across the floor. My desk chair was upside down, and all of my drawers had been emptied, leaving pens, pencils, and notebooks everywhere. The clothes in my closet were the only thing that appeared untouched, but that could be because Jaelyn and I shared the closet space so whoever it was didn’t know what was mine and what was hers.

  Moving to my dresser to put on some clean clothes, I sighed. All of those drawers were open and appeared to be filled with some sort of liquid that I sincerely hoped was water. The small mirror above it was covered in something that looked like sharpie marks. In the middle was taped a single white envelope. Resigning myself to the inevitable, I removed it and pulled out the letter it held inside.

  Dear Calla,

  I thought I told you to only trust me, and yet you have deceived me. You did not follow the directions of my previous message and therefore I had to result in more extreme measures. Maybe next time you will believe me when I say that NO ONE can be trusted. That includes the ones you call ‘friends.’ I am trying to lead you to the truth and yet you deny my help at every turn. I guess I need to do more to get your attention. My little warnings were obviously not enough, so I will have to do something more drastic to get your attention. When you receive my next message, you will understand that I am serious, and I am not to be taken lightly. When you full understand the gravity of your situation, I will contact you again with further instructions. This time, make sure you follow them without fail.

  What was that supposed to mean? On my way to my exam, hair still wet from my shower, I tried to figure out what good it would do anyone to destroy my room.

  When I tried to find the letter, I realized that it was the only thing left in my desk drawer, perfectly placed in the center, untouched, as if whoever it was wanted me to find it.

  Upon rereading the letter, I couldn’t figure out what instructions I was supposed to have followed. The only thing it talked about was h
ow I shouldn’t trust others and that whoever wrote the letter was going to show me the truth, whatever that was.

  Were they upset that I showed the letter to Zoe? If that was the case, then how did they even know? The only person that knew about it was Zoe. Well, Jaelyn showed up, but she wouldn’t’ve known what we were talking about. Was someone watching us? Me? Why... and who?

  The thing that bothered me was the way the letter said ‘I will have to do something more drastic’ as in future tense. If it was only destroying my room, that was something I could handle, but the fact that the drastic thing the sender was planning hadn’t happened yet made me nervous.

  I was so distracted by what the letter said, I almost didn’t finish my exam before the time limit was up. Fortunately, I answered the final question just in time for the professor to call time. When I turned mine in, I was the last one in the room. That was fine with me. Taking exams wasn’t a race, after all. As long as I did my best, then the outcome would reflect that. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway. As I was walking out of the building, my phone vibrated in my bag. Taking it out, I noticed I had seven messages and three missed calls from Zoe. What was going on? Hitting the redial button, I placed the phone to my ear.

  “It’s about time you returned my call,” she said as way of answering.

  I rolled my eyes. “I was in an exam. What’s going on that you need to reach me so bad?”

  “What the hell was that message you sent? You said someone destroyed your room?” she asked, and I winced.

  “Someone thought it would be a funny prank, I guess.”

  “That doesn’t sound very funny to me,” she said.

  “Of course not, but what am I supposed to do about it? There’s no way for me to figure out who did it,” I said, sounding much calmer than I felt.

  Zoe heaved an exaggerated sigh, and I grimaced. There was no way she was going to let this go without a fight. Of course I would love to know who was sending me threatening letters, messing with me, and destroying my things, but how was I supposed to do that? The only lead I had were the letters, and there were no clues as to who was sending them, not even a gender.