“Oh, Dr. Ross, I wasn’t expecting to see you in so soon,” Miranda said, returning with a glass of water and some cut up fruit in a bowl. “I thought Dr. Foley was on call this morning.”
Dr. Foley smiled and nodded. “Yes, he got a little caught up with another patient and asked me to check on Calla here to see if she was awake,” he explained.
What was it with the people that worked here and their need to smile so much? It was kind of creepy if I was being honest.
“I brought her some water and some fruit to help keep her hydrated.” I took the proffered items. “Dr. Carter said she hadn’t been sleeping well and could probably use some,” Miranda said, talking about me as if I wasn’t sitting right in front of them.
“Good, good. Calla, how are you feeling this morning? You should be feeling a little clearer headed after getting some sleep. Of course, you’ll need quite a bit more before you’re fully recovered, but you slept for a good ten hours I would say,” Dr. Ross said, grin wide.
“I’m fine,” I said, not feeling good or bad either way. I didn’t really feel anything. Whatever medicine they gave me made me feel almost disconnected from my own mind and body.
“Great!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together, and I jumped at the booming sound. “I believe Dr. Foley’s plan was to use the sedative to keep you under for a little bit longer so you could sleep. According to your therapist, it’s been probably a good two weeks since you had any sleep at all without fitful nightmares. Is that correct?” he asked, but I couldn’t respond, my thoughts consumed with what he said.
“No. Please, no drugs.”
The memory of that man and his syringe filled my mind. That was why the fuzziness I felt now was so unnerving. It was the same feeling I had in that basement, the feeling of no control, no emotions, no anything.
“It’s just to help you sleep,” Miranda said. “I promise, it’s nothing that will make you addicted or-”
“No!” I yelled, shifting back on the bed. “I won’t take it. I refuse.”
Dr. Ross sighed. “Calla. This isn’t about what you want to do. It’s what you need.”
“I said I don’t want to take it. I’m fine now, you said so yourself,” I insisted. “I already slept. I’ll get more when I get back to the dorm.”
“I know it seems like it, but you’re in no position to make your own decisions. You attacked the people trying to help you. If you go home right now, you’ll just end up back where you started. If you take this medicine and rest, you’ll be back to your old self in no time,” the man said, holding up a syringe filled with a dark green liquid.
“I said no!”
“I’m sorry Calla, but as your doctor I’m going to have to insist,” he said and nodded to Miranda who - still smiling - walked around the bed to take hold of my arm.
Without thinking, I lashed out, slamming my fist into her jaw. She winced, cupping her face. When Dr. Ross reached for my other arm, I swung the still full glass of water in his direction, and he jumped back, stumbling over one of the wooden chairs and dropping the syringe. It clattered to the floor, the fragile glass shattering, and the green liquid spilled on the smooth tile.
Darting out the room, I ran down the hall, hoping my shaky legs would carry me without fail. The effects of whatever drug was still working its way out of my system, and with each passing second, the pain in my head increased. As I ran down one hall, then the next, my mind wouldn’t work fast enough to make any conscious decisions. The best I could do in that moment was to just keep moving.
I ran through an unmarked door and straight into a flight of stairs. Climbing up the stairs meant being trapped on an upper floor, but going downstairs might mean going into a basement, and no matter how much logic I tried to use, I couldn’t make myself move in that direction.
“Calla!”
Taking a deep breath, I ran up the stairs and pushed through the door. This floor looked exactly like the previous one, except it was silent. I slowed my pace, careful not to bring unwanted attention to myself as I padded in my wool socks down the tiled hallway.
As soon as I reached a corner, I turned and ran. My heart pounded in my ears, the pain in my head like pins and needles stabbing me behind my eyes.
Heavy footsteps echoed close behind me, and I slipped into a room on my left, releasing a breath when it was mercifully empty, and ducked down under the window.
The steps grew louder as they moved closer, and I held my breath, back pressed against the closed door. Clenching my eyes closed, I listened as the steps came closer, heart racing, breath so loud in my ears I was sure they could hear it. I grabbed my head, wincing as the pounding worsened.
Slamming my hand over my mouth, I held my breath as the heavy footsteps approached, closer, closer, closer, then kept going, receding in the opposite direction. I waited until the steps disappeared completely before releasing my breath with a gasp, then stood, peering out through the clear window.
I counted to ten, then slowly eased the door open, praying no one heard the groan or slight scrape it made against the floor. Wiping sweaty palms on my jeans, I walked back down the hall to the main area. When no one jumped out to stop me, I proceeded to return the way I came, and stopped as I reached the stairs.
A noise a few rooms down caught my attention, and I froze, listening, waiting to see if I heard it again. There. A laugh. It was quiet, so quiet I almost thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but I heard it again, and moved toward it.
The laughter stopped as I got closer, and I had to pause, waiting to hear it again. Another noise, not a laugh but a whisper, drew me closer. Inching down the darkened hallway, I peered into empty rooms. The sound of silence deafening in my ears as I listened for any sound, any sign.
“How could you let her get away?” a female voice hissed. "This is all your fault.”
“Me? You’re the who was supposed to keep her calm. I wouldn’t have even been in there if he hadn’t gone and-”
“Both of you shut up. I should have warned you she was a handful. Don’t worry, we’ll find her. There’s nowhere for her to go.”
My stomach dropped at hearing the voice of my worst nightmare. Why was he here? No. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening to me again.
Spinning on my heel, I ran without watching where I was going and smacked face first into solid muscle. I screamed, backing away, and tripped over a metal cart, sending medical instruments sprawling to the floor.
“Whoa, are you okay?”
“No! Leave me alone!” I screamed, scratching a clawing at whoever I could reach.
“Hey, stop. I was just trying to help-” I swung my arms wide and connected with something solid, receiving a satisfying grunt in return. “Bitch.”
I jumped away as the noise drew the attention of other nurses who surrounded me, grabbing at my arms and legs, pressing me down. Struggling against their hold, I screamed, and yanked, and pushed, and kicked, but more and more people showed up offering to help.
“No! Stop! Let me go!” I yelled, but nobody listened. Nobody helped.
“Miranda, go grab a sedative out of the cart,” Dr. Ross ordered, and I increased my efforts to get away, succeeding to wrench one arm free before someone else grabbed me.
“Please,” I gasped, losing energy fast. “No.”
“I’ve got it. Here,” Miranda said, holding out the syringe.
Dr. Ross reached over me to take it, and I lurched forward, sinking my teeth into his arm. He yelled, trying to pull his arm free, but I held on, refusing to let go.
“Give it here,” the man I feared most ordered, and struggled harder, but it was no use. There were too many hands and too little of me.
Someone pinched me in the thigh, followed by a sharp jab, and all the strength drained from my body as if sucked out by a vacuum.
“No, plea…” Everything went black.
SIXTEEN
I woke in a haze that was beginning to feel too familiar. The throbbing in my h
ead once again had been reduced to a dull ache, but the price that came with it was not feeling much of anything at all. Opening my eyes with caution, I sighed seeing that the lights in the room had already been dimmed.
When I raised my arm to brush hair out of my face, it stopped, trapped inches from the bed. Glancing down at my body, my pulse raced, heart pounding in my chest. Straps ran across my hips and secured my wrists and ankles in place. I yanked at the straps, feeling my panic build.
“Whoa, whoa, hey. It’s okay. Calm down.”
Dr. Carter’s voice managed to pause my rising panic, but it didn’t make it go away.
“Let me out. Please. I can’t breathe. I need out!”
“Okay. Okay. Let me get the nurse, and we’ll-”
“No! Let me out now!” I yelled, pulling at the straps and fighting their hold. The bed shook under my weight as I rocked back and forth. “Please! I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.” I gasped, feeling the room close in and the straps constrict.
“Okay. Calla, it’s okay. Just hold still for a second, and I’ll take them off. Alright? I need you to not move. Can you do that?” she asked.
I nodded, twisting my hands into fists, jaw clenched.
Dr. Carter moved around the bed, making quick work of the straps at my wrists and ankles as I fought the urge to struggle. When she uncinched the final strap around my hips, I forced myself to remain lying and not immediately jump out of bed and make a run for it. Using slow movements, I sat up and scooted to lean against the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees, drawing them up to my chest.
“Calla… Calla, look at me,” Dr. Carter said, sitting on the bed in front of me.
I glanced up at her through my lashes, only meeting her eyes for a moment before looking away.
“Calla. It’s going to be okay,” she whispered as she patted my shoulder, and I flinched.
“Is that why I was tied down? Because everything is okay? Because everything is not okay,” I said, squeezing my tighter into a ball. “I want out of here.”
Dr. Carter sighed. “You weren’t tied do-” she paused, seeing my expression. “Okay, you were tied down, but not because anyone wanted to hurt you. They were afraid you were going to hurt yourself or someone else.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, frowning.
“Calla…”
“What?” I asked.
She looked away, and it was the first time I’d ever seen Dr. Carter look uncomfortable, like she was afraid to tell me something.
“Just tell me,” I insisted.
“You hurt someone, Calla. You were having nothing… episode, and when one of the other patients tried to help you, you lashed out. He’s in the hospital,” she said, and my heart stopped.
“What?”
“He has claw marks down his face and neck, deep enough to draw blood. One of your doctors has a bite mark in his arm that he had to get treated. You did some serious damage.”
I shook my head, pulse racing. “No, that’s not true. They were going to drug me. The doctor… That man, the one who kidnapped me is here. He’s pretending to be a doctor. He-”
“Calla, this has to stop. You need help before it gets worse,” she said, taking my hand in hers. “You need to let them in and work with them.”
“No. They were going to-”
“Calla. Listen to yourself. You’ve been having nightmares ever since you got back, and I feel for you, but they’ve only gotten worse. Now, you’re having night terrors during the day and the next step is going to be seriously injuring yourself or someone else. Is that what you want to happen?”
I flinched. “If I go home-”
She sighed, brushing a hand through her hair as she got up to pace the room. “I hate to be the one to say this, Calla, but you don’t have a home to go back to.”
“My dorm room-”
“They gave your room to somebody else. I’m sorry. The school just doesn’t feel it would be safe for the other students to let you back on campus in your current condition, and I have to agree with them,” she said.
My jaw dropped. “What about my stuff?” I asked, tears prickling in my eyes.
“They agreed to store it for you until you have a chance to come get it, but it doesn’t look like you’re going to be able to graduate this year. I am really, truly sorry, Calla. I wish there was more I could do for you, but I’m just not equipped to handle this, which is why I need you to listen to the doctors. I promise, they only want what’s best for you,” she said.
“It was a dream, wasn’t it?” I asked, and she nodded, giving me a sad smile. “I can’t even tell what’s real anymore.”
“That’s what the doctors are here for. Let them help you.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered. “Everywhere I look, I see him.”
Dr. Carter forehead wrinkled in concentration, considering my words, then she smiled. “Do you trust me?” she asked.
My brows lifted. “Yeah.”
“Good. Then why don’t you let me help you. Whenever you’re unsure of what’s real, you can ask me,” she said, grinning as if it was the smartest plan in the world.
“But you can’t stay here all the time, what if you’re not around, and I have another episode? How will I know if it’s real?” I asked, not mentioning that my dreams weren’t always about centered around those people. Sometimes they had people I knew and trusted - or thought I could trust.
She shrugged. “I guess you’re just going to have to trust yourself,” she said, matter of factly. “Sometimes that’s the best we can do.”
I sighed. That’s what I was afraid of.
Three days. That’s how long it had been since I’d been sent to this place, and so far, - aside from that first night - I hadn’t had any more episodes. Dr. Carter came to visit every day, but luckily, they were uneventful. Dr. Ross checked on me twice a day, and Miranda was there pretty much all day until the nurse on night shift relieved took over. They stopped having to sedate me after the first twenty-four hours. Honestly, I felt better than I had in weeks.
Walking into the activity room - a room full of activities, if that wasn’t clear - I spotted Courtney sitting at one of the small plastic, foldout tables in the corner of the room. She was shuffling a deck of cards, but didn’t appear interested in them more than just a brief distraction.
“Hey,” she said when she saw me and stood to give me a hug. “How are you doing?”
I smiled. “I’m good, I think.”
Laughing, she gestured for me to sit before doing the same. “Want to play?” she asked, holding up the deck.
“Sure. What are we playing?”
She shrugged. “War?”
I nodded, and she proceeded to deal the cards between us. “So, how have you been sleeping?” she asked, straightening her cards in a pile.
“I still struggle falling asleep, but I haven’t had any more nightmares, so that’s good I guess,” I said before laying down my top card.
“I would say that’s more than good,” she replied, laying down her next card. “Before you left, it looked like you hadn’t slept in a while, and those dreams…” she winced. “I’m glad you’re doing better, Calla.”
Not sure what to say, I asked, “How is school going?”
“It’s great! The drama department is putting on a reenactment of Hamilton the Musical. I auditioned, but I only got a small side part. It’s still a lot of fun though. I didn’t expect practicing for a play to be so much work, but it’s worth it. Jaelyn auditioned too, and she was amazing. I didn’t know she could-”
“Jaelyn?” I asked, freezing.
Courtney glanced at me with one brow raised, then gasped. “Oh! I must have forgotten to tell you. Jaelyn came back to school. She said she had to deal with a family emergency which is why she left, but now that it’s all settled, she’s back. She’s even still in your old dorm. I hope you get to come back soon; it’s kind of boring without you there. The three of us just worked together, you know?
”
I nodded, but I couldn’t get my mind to focus on anything other than Jaelyn being back at school. Did that mean Jordan was back too? No, that couldn’t be possible. He was in jail… wasn’t he? There was no way he would get away with killing two people in broad daylight. No, it had to just be a coincidence. Maybe she really was just back at school to finish and graduate like everybody else.
“Calla? Are you okay?” Courtney asked, pulling me out of my reverie, and I blinked.
“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about something,” I said. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in this again, not when I was finally getting back to normal.
She nodded. “It’s your go.”
“Did you know that Jaelyn was back at the school?” I asked Dr. Carter as she packed up her things. She’d spent the last few hours with me talking about how things were going and if she thought I’d be able to leave soon. Her decision that I should stay a few more days made my heart sink, but she agreed that if all went well, then I’d be back at school by the end of the week. She’d even talked to my professors about having Courtney bring me some of my assignments and notes so I could work on them in here.
“Jaelyn…” she hummed. “You mean the girl you said disappeared?”
I bit back my retort. It wouldn’t do any good arguing semantics with her. “Yes,” I answered. “Courtney told me today.”
She shook her head. “No, I wasn’t aware she’d returned. Is that going to be a problem for your recovery?”
“No,” I said, a little too quickly. “No, I just wondered if you knew.”
“Good.” She smiled, holstering her bag. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Is there anything you need before you go?”
I shook my head, and she wished me goodnight before leaving. The silence in the room was overwhelming so I turned on the small box fan in the corner. One of the nurses brought it in for me when I told them how the deafening the quiet was. Worried she would think me crazy, relief flooded through me when she just smiled, saying she completely understood. The next day, she brought it in.
You Could Have Saved Her Page 15