You Could Have Saved Her

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by Elizabeth Ballew


  Turning the lights off, I climbed under the covers and closed my eyes. Just three days and four nights. That’s how much longer I had to deal with being treated like a nut case. Granted I hadn’t done a good job disproving it, but when things finally returned to normal, everything would be better.

  SEVENTEEN

  I woke a few hours later with the sensation of someone running their fingers through my hair. Still half asleep, I smiled, imagining my mother lying in bed next to me. Then I remembered the fire, and all my memories of the last few months flashed through my mind.

  “Courtney really does have a big mouth.”

  Jerking awake, I shoved up from the bed so fast I stumbled, catching myself against the wall before I fell. Jaelyn laughed at my antics, and I had to force myself not to scream. Taking deep breaths, I closed my eyes and focused my mind - or tried to.

  “It’s not real. It’s just a dream. I’m dreaming right now because of what Courtney told me. It’s not real,” I repeated over and over again like a mantra just the way I practiced with Dr. Carter. I’d never had to actually use it before now though.

  Finally, I squinted, peering through my lashes and sighed when Jaelyn’s petit form wasn’t lying on my bed. I slumped against the wall and rested my hands on my knees in an attempt to slow my racing pulse.

  “I’m still here,” Jaelyn spoke directly in my ear, and I jumped, running to the opposite wall so the bed was between us. “I hate to be the one to tell you honey, but you’re not dreaming.”

  “You’re not real,” I whispered.

  She laughed. “Oh, I’m real alright. You can touch me if you don’t believe me.”

  “Stay away,” I said, backing away as she moved closer. “This is just my mind playing tricks on me. Any minute I’ll wake up, and you’ll be gone.”

  Jaelyn threw her head back, giving a boisterous laugh. “Do you really think it’s that easy to get rid of me? After what you did to my family?” she asked.

  Frowning, I backed up more until I couldn’t move any further. “I didn’t do anything to your family. You’re the ones who took me.”

  Her face morphed, switching from amused to enraged in less than a second. “You are the reason my family is destroyed. Because of you, Jordan is in jail, and my father left. That’s why I had to come back to school; I had nowhere else to go.” She came closer and leaned over the chair I had in front of me to block her advance. “But you don’t care about family, do you? After all, you left your sister alone to die.”

  My heart stopped, breath caught in my throat. “What are you talking about? The police searched your house, they didn’t find anything.”

  “And why do you think that is?” she asked, and I swallowed. “There’s only one sure fire way to get rid of evidence.”

  Picturing Lily sitting in that room all alone, to have even a shred of hope, stolen from her in a moment. My mind blurred, a red haze filled my vision, and I screamed.

  “What did you do to her!”

  I shoved the chair away and lunged. Jaelyn stepped out the way and grinned. She dodged me blow for blow as I threw anything I could get my hands on.

  “What is going on in here?” a man’s voice asked, and I turned to see him standing in the door. I froze, telephone, cords and all, in my hand. “Jaelyn, what are you doing here?”

  She smirked. “What did you expect me to do stuck in that dismal place all day? It’s so boring without my dolls.”

  He stomped over and grabbed her arm, marching her out the door. Glancing around for anything I could use to protect myself, I eyed something shining lying in the floor under the bed. Not one to question good luck, I rushed over and dove. My fingers barely brushed the handle of the knife when hands wrapped around my waist and yanked me to my feet.

  “No!” I screamed, beating my fists into the man’s chest.

  “Damn it. Jaelyn, bring me my bag out of the hall,” he said, holding me to his chest.

  “Stop! Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

  The man chuckled. “Now why would I do that? I’m here to help you remember. Your doctors know what’s best for you. I know what’s best for you.”

  I didn’t have time to say anything before something jabbed into my leg. The man yelled something at his daughter, but I was already too far gone to hear.

  “Let me out of here!” I screamed.

  My fists were bruised and bloody from banging on the heavy metal door of the confinement chamber, a room completely void of all objects and color. The walls were stark white with no windows, layered with thick, soft fabric. Even the door was covered with the stuff.

  The only contact with the outside world came in the form of a plastic tray with food slid through a small slot next to the door. The longer I sat in here, the more insane I became. I didn’t know what time of day it was, or if it even was day. My only measure of time at all came when my food was delivered, but I knew from experience being on someone else’s schedule didn’t mean much.

  “Argh.” Slamming my entire body against the wall, I grunted as it knocked the breath out of me.

  My voice was raw and scratchy from screaming, breaking through the unbearable silence. The last time I had something to drink had to be several hours ago, and even longer since I’d had anything to eat.

  Legs giving out, I slumped to the ground and tucked my knees into my chest. Why was I here? How did my life end up this way? Something had to give, or I would end up more than just bloody and bruised. I would be broken.

  A loud clang and the shift of air pressure signaled the opening of the door to the confinement chamber. Bright fluorescent light leaked in through as it was pushed wide and someone walked in.

  “Calla, how are you feeling today?” Miranda asked, smile as wide as ever.

  She leaned down and moved my hair to the side to wipe a cool cloth over my forehead. Setting aside a tray filled with gauze, alcohol wipes, and bandages, she got to work patching up my injured hands. I winced as she touched a particularly deep cut and pulled my hand away without thinking. Miranda tsked before taking my hand back so she could continue cleaning the wounds.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Miranda chuckled. “I’m just here to bandage your wounds. It’s actually quite impressive that you managed to do this much damage against these walls even though they’re padded to prevent that very thing from happening.”

  “So I don’t get to leave?” I asked, watching her practiced movements.

  She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “Do you think you’re ready to leave?” she asked instead of giving me an answer.

  Opening my mouth to respond in the affirmative, I paused. This was a trick, it had to be. Why else would she ask my opinion? If I said yes, then she would think I was lying and make me stay longer, but if I said no, then she would use that as an excuse to also make me stay longer.

  “That’s a trick question,” I said.

  Miranda clucked her tongue. “If that’s really what you think, then maybe you should stay-”

  “I knew it,” I whispered, backing away from her.

  Sighing, she clasped her hands in from of her. “Calla, despite what you seem to think, we’re not here to hurt you. We’re trying to work with you to help you recover, but you’re fighting us every step of the way.”

  I glared at her. “You’re working with me? Really? I don’t even know why the hell I’m in here. Doesn’t it make sense for me to know why I’m being punished if we’re supposedly in this together?” I asked. She opened her mouth to respond, but I continued before she could. “Before you try and tell me that I’m not being punished, why don’t you ask yourself this question. How would you feel if you thought you were being attacked, and instead of your doctors and nurses believing you, they drug you and lock you in a tiny room with no windows, no color, and no interaction of any kind? Because let me tell you something. Not once has my input been asked. Not once has anyone cared to know how I felt
or what I thought. So please, try to explain to me how you’re working with me.”

  “Point well made,” a male voice said from the door, and my heart picked up until Dr. Ross walked into the room. “Maybe we do need to rethink the way we do things. Why don’t we have a meeting and come up with a new treatment plan together.”

  Studying him, searching his face for any sign of deception. “Fine, but I want Dr. Carter to be there,” I said. He nodded, but I wasn’t finished. “I want my real doctor to be there too, the one who makes all the decisions, Dr. Foley.”

  His brows rose slightly before he hid his reaction. “Very well. I will let him know, but I can’t promise he will be available,” he said, but I nodded anyway. I had a feeling he would show up no matter what anyone said.

  Dr. Carter, Dr. Ross, Miranda, and I sat in one of the private rooms used for the patients to meet with their family members. It was small but contained plenty of seating options for our meeting. Dr. Foley hadn’t shown up yet, and even though Dr. Ross insisted he wouldn’t be there, I insisted on waiting for his arrival.

  “We really should go ahead and start the meeting, Calla. I’m sure your doctors don’t have time to-”

  “We’re waiting until he gets here,” I said. “If he doesn’t show up then I’m going home and none of you are going to stop me.”

  “Calla-”

  “No. You’re not going to talk me out of this. I know you think I should stay longer, but I haven’t had any nightmares. I’ve been sleeping every night, and I’m no longer dehydrated. There’s no reason for me to stay,” I argued, making Dr. Carter frown.

  “You just had another episode-”

  “No I didn’t, and you don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to, but it’s true. I was fully awake. I wasn’t confused or acting strangely. There is nothing wrong with me,” I said, and for the first time in a while, I actually believed it.

  Dr. Ross didn’t say anything, but I could tell from his expression that he wasn’t happy I insisted on waiting for Dr. Foley, or maybe he didn’t like the fact that I was so confident in myself and my memories of that night. I didn’t know what his problem was, but he was one of the reasons I was drowning in this place so I didn’t really care.

  “Calla,” Miranda said gently, still donning that creepy ass smile. “I really don’t think Dr. Foley is going to make it. Are you sure you don’t want to go ahead and start the meeting since the rest of us are here? I assure you, we will relay everything we talk about to him. We’re here for you, remember.”

  I nodded. “Yes, I do remember, which is why we are going to wait for him. This is about me, and if I’m going to be staying here any longer, he has to be a part of this conversation.”

  Dr. Carter sighed as Dr. Ross folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair as if he was settling in for a long day.

  We waited in that suffocating room for hours before I started to think that maybe they were right about Dr. Foley not showing up. After all, he was the one running the show. He wanted to keep me on edge and unprepared for whatever he had planned for me next. If he followed my lead, that meant relinquishing some of that control, and I should have realized that wouldn’t happen.

  Around dinner time, Miranda got up to leave. “I’m sorry, Calla, but my shift is almost over, and I need to make some final rounds before I leave. I really hope you don’t leave though. Like we’ve been telling you, we truly just want what’s best for you,” she said before excusing herself.

  Dr. Ross was the next to leave, taking Miranda’s cue, but he didn’t have any parting words, just a disappointed sigh.

  “I’m sorry about making you stay here,” I said as Dr. Carter stood to gather her things. “I know you took the day off for this.”

  “I’m sorry too, Calla,” Dr. Carter said as she started to stand. “I understand why you wanted to do things this way, but I hate that you threw away this opportunity. Do you realize how many other patients here would love to be able to give input on their treatment plan, but most of them are here because they have no other options left. I just wish that you actually gave it some thought before…” she sighed, shaking her head. “I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “You’re not coming back?” I asked.

  Pausing at the door, she turned back. “I don’t know. I had to reschedule a lot of my sessions for today. I’ll try to stop by if I have time. Good night, Calla.”

  “Good night,” I said, but she was already gone.

  Disappointed at this unfortunate turn of events and no longer as sure of myself as I thought, I sat in that small room thinking about the last few nights. It had felt so real. Jaelyn showing up in my room, stroking my hair, taunting me. I would have sworn on my life that it really happened. It felt so different from the other times I’d had one of my nightmares, but now I wasn’t so sure.

  Sighing, I pushed myself up from my seat and went to walk back to my room when the door opened, and a large body blocked the room. The man, Dr. Foley, stood in front of me.

  “I knew it,” I whispered before the gravity of my current situation registered.

  Dr. Foley grinned. “Congratulations. Should I get you a medal?” he asked, and my stomach dropped. “I heard from Dr. Ross that you were just dying to have an audience with me. Well, here I am. Shall we have that chat now?”

  EIGHTEEN

  Breath caught in my throat, I backed away from the man and stumbled as the chair hit the backs of my legs. He chuckled and advanced as I scrambled to the back of the chair, putting it between us. There wasn’t much farther I could go, and my panic started to rise, but he stopped advancing, and instead sat in one of the seats directly across from mine.

  “Please, there’s no need to stand on my account,” he said, chuckling at his own joke.

  Frowning, I didn’t move. I didn’t trust this man any farther than I could throw him, and, as you could imagine, that wasn’t very far. My fists clenched on the back of the chair as I stood my ground, never taking my eyes away from him.

  Dr. Foley sighed. “Very well. I can’t force you to sit, that is what this is all about isn’t it? You want to make your own decisions and whatnot. Have you considered that there’s a reason we haven’t let you before now?” he asked, and my frown deepened.

  “Because you’re a psychopath who’s into kidnapping people,” I snapped before I could stop myself.

  The silence in the room was deafening as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “I’m afraid I don’t know to what you are referring,” he said.

  A shiver ran through my body. His steady gaze pierced through me as if he could see to the very depths of my soul. Forcing myself not to waver, I clenched my jaw and held my shaky legs steady.

  “You kept me in that… box for days. Drugged me. Kept Lily for months. Then you…”

  He arched a brow. “Then I what?” he asked in a haughty tone. “Please, do go on. Tell me what it is you think I did?”

  “You killed her,” I bit out, fighting back the tears welling in my eyes.

  His expression didn’t so much as flicker. “So not only do you call me a kidnapper, but you accuse me of murder as well.”

  “You are a kidnapper and a murderer,” I spat.

  Leaning forward in his chair, Dr. Foley balanced his elbows against his knees and propped his head on his hands, staring at me. His eyes didn’t hold a single ounce of amusement.

  “If that is truly what you think, then it would be wise for you not to anger me, would it now? Shouldn’t you be more worried about your safety right now. According to your theory, you are currently trapped, alone in a room with a psychopath...” He paused, and a small smile formed. “Or did you think I wouldn’t do anything to you in a hospital? Maybe that’s why you wanted this meeting, so you would have someone here in case things went… bad,” he whispered, and chills spread up my arms, making my hair stand on end.

  I shook my head. “You won’t do anything,” I said.

  He sighed, l
eaning back once more, and some of the tension left my body. “Perhaps not, but you are forgetting one thing,” he said.

  Swallowing hard, I asked, “What?”

  “Everyone that works in this hospital work for me,” he said and grinned wide.

  He stood, and I couldn’t stop myself from moving away, gasping as my back hit the wall, but he didn’t come toward me, instead he moved back around the chair toward the door. My pulse raced, pounding in my ears as I held my breath. He turned, facing me.

  “One of these days you’re going to have to make a choice between your family and your pride,” he said, and my eyes widened. “When that day comes, I suggest you think long and hard before you decide.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

  The man smiled. “You’re a smart girl,” he said. “I think you’ll figure it out.”

  The next two days, nothing happened, and I stopped flinching every time a door slammed or someone spoke too loudly, even if my heart did skip a beat whenever I heard a man’s voice.

  The man, Dr. Foley, had stopped avoiding me. Now that I knew he was there, he no longer cared about hiding his presence. At least I now knew that I wasn’t crazy like everyone thought I was.

  As soon as I entered the activity room for my daily ‘free time,’ I knew something was wrong. Normally, the room was bustling with chaotic energy as the patients argued about who won, accusing each other of cheating. Usually, not a single chair in the room was empty, but today, only silence filled the massive space.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  Miranda, who’d walked with me into the room just smiled, ushering me to one of the chairs in the far back corner. It was one of the areas reserved for visitations when the patient couldn’t be trusted to be left alone in the private rooms.

  “Why is no one else here?” I asked, but again was met with silence. “Miranda.”

 

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