You Could Have Saved Her

by Elizabeth Ballew

  She just continued to smile and patted my back before walking out of the room. Looking around, I waited for something, anything, to happen, but the anticipation was the worst. The eerily empty room, unnerving as I sat alone in the silence. The motion-sensored lights flicked off twice before I huffed, and rose from my seat.

  This was ridiculous. Why was no one else here, and why did I have to sit here alone when there was obviously no one else coming. Annoyed with myself for putting up with this, I stomped out of the room, refusing to play a part in their little games any longer. I was done.

  Walking back to my room, I ignored the suspicious looks from the other nurses. It wasn’t normal for patients to be wandering the halls alone, but what did they expect when my nurse left me to fend for myself without any explanation.

  When I arrived back to my room, the door was slightly ajar, and I rolled my eyes. If they wanted me out so they could search my room, all they had to do was say so. There was no need to be so secretive and creepy about it. Sighing, I pushed it open and froze.

  “Lily?”

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, my sister gave me a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she mouthed, but no sound came out.

  “Wha-”

  Lily disappeared as the lights flicked on in the room. I turned and saw Miranda standing in the door wearing a frown. She walked up to me with a confused expression on her face as she stared into my eyes, searching for something.

  “What are you doing out of bed?” she asked.

  “I-”

  Glancing down, I saw I still wore my pale pink pajamas. My bare feet pressing against the cool ground sent chills up my legs.

  “I don’t know,” I said, forehead wrinkled. “I thought Lily was…” The imprint of my sister sitting on the bed slowly faded from my memory as if it never happened.

  “Were you sleep walking?” she asked.

  “Maybe?”

  Miranda sighed, shaking her head. “You haven’t done that since you got here,” she said. “Maybe we should check with Dr. Foley to make sure everything’s okay. It could be your medicine or dose needs to be changed.”

  Squinting, I tried to remember what the dream had been about.

  “Yeah… maybe,” I whispered, but Miranda had already left to get the doctor.

  NINETEEN

  Calla, Miranda tells me that you’ve been sleep walking again,” Dr. Ross said, and I frowned, but nodded.

  Honestly, I was just glad that he wasn’t here. Ever since our little confrontation, he’d made it his mission to make my time here as uncomfortable as possible. He showed up while I was out on my walks or meeting with Dr. Carter. His favorite thing to do was watch me while I slept. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d woken to see him through the window standing just on the other side of the door.

  “What do you think brought this on?” Dr. Carter asked.

  The two of them thought talking to me at the same time would keep me from panicking, plus Dr. Carter had promised to be here anytime I couldn’t tell reality from dreams, and she took her promises seriously.

  I shrugged.

  Sighing, Dr. Carter leaned forward as if she was trying to look as unthreatening as possible. “Calla, we’re only trying to help you. We can’t do that if you won’t let us.”

  “Dr. Carter is right. If it’s something simple that we can fix, then it shouldn’t affect your release date,” Dr. Ross said, and I forced myself not to react.

  Release. That was the term he chose to use. After all that talk and all their promises that I wasn’t a prisoner, that I could leave whenever I wanted, now is when the truth came out.

  “What was the dream about?” she asked.

  Glancing up, I focused on meeting her gaze. “Lily,” I answered.

  Her eyes widened. “What happened in the dream? With Lily?”

  Clenching my fists in my lap, I leaned back, trying to remember. Did anything happen? I remembered all of my dreams, especially the ones involving my sister, but now there was this big empty hole in my brain, and it was more terrifying than anything.

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Nothing?” Dr. Ross asked. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  I shrugged again.

  Dr. Carter leaned back and brushed a hand through her hair before pinching the bridge of her nose. She crossed her arms and sat her notebook down on the table next to her.

  “Calla, I don’t know what you expect to happen here. I know you want to get out of here as soon as possible, but you refusing to answer any of our questions or give us any information at all to work with is not conducive to that goal. All we want to do is help you, but in order for anything to work, you have to help yourself first, and I can’t do that for you,” she said.

  Dr. Ross nodded his agreement, and I frowned.

  “You want to help me? Really? Oh, wait, no you don’t. If you really wanted to help me, if you were really on my side, then you wouldn’t ignore everything I say. You wouldn’t immediately discount all of my thoughts and opinions because you think they’re false. Maybe you’re the reason I am the way I am,” I snapped. “Did you ever think of that?”

  Mouth opening and closing like a fish, Dr. Carter stood and gathered her things before leaving without so much as a backward glance. I sighed.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, looking at Dr. Ross. “I know that wasn’t fair.” Out of everyone in my life, Dr. Carter was the only person to stick with me through everything. She was the last person who would do me any harm, and I just pushed her away like I did with everyone else.

  Dr. Ross just shook his head. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” he said before standing. “I suggest you figure out what’s most important to you before you lose everything.”

  Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I sat there alone in the room, thinking about what he meant. Dr. Foley said something similar to me, that one day I would have to make a choice… was this what he was talking about?

  “Calla?” I looked up to see Miranda peeking her head in through the door. “You have a visitor. Would like me to have them wait a moment?” she asked.

  Opening my mouth to answer in the affirmative, I paused. A visitor? Who would be here this early in the morning? I shook my head and stood, following her to the activity room. Since the sleepwalking incident this morning, they hadn’t left me alone for more than five minutes at a time. It wasn’t surprising that my visitation would be supervised.

  Since it was still early, the room wasn’t as busy as it usually was. Only a few of the patients had made their way in to claim their chairs for the day. In the far corner of the room reserved for family meetings sat two people, neither of which I recognized from the backs of their heads.

  Miranda gave me a smile gesturing at the two, and I frowned as I slid into the seat across from them, and my breath caught in my throat.

  “I’ll be at the nurse’s station if you need me,” Miranda said before excusing herself, but I didn’t have the ability to respond in that moment.

  “You look like you swallowed a bug,” Jaelyn laughed, her newly dyed black hair cascading down back and shoulders. “What? Are you surprised to see us?”

  My attention wasn’t focused on Jaelyn, however, it was completely drawn to the girl sitting next to her. Hair freshly dyed dark brown, extensions, and new spray tan made it nearly impossible to identify her, but there was no doubt.

  “Lily?”

  Lily glanced up through her too full hair and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  “You look… good,” I said, then winced. Sure, she looked better than she had the last time I saw her, plus for the last few days, I thought she was dead, so seeing her like this, was great in my opinion.

  Jaelyn laughed. “She does, doesn’t she? You can thank my artistic and beauty skills for that one. She’s my lovely doll, of course I had to make sure she looked good. What kind of person would I be if I let my property look disheveled an
d uncared for?”

  Fists clenched, I glared at the girl across the table. “She is not your property,” I bit out through gritted teeth. “She is a human being.”

  Jaelyn leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table, and propped her head up in a great imitation of her father that sent chills down my spine.

  “Of course she is, that’s what makes owning her so much fun,” she said with a smirk, and I lost it.

  Standing, I lifted the edge of the table and huffed when it was bolted to the floor. Jaelyn laughed, and I screamed, snatching my hands across the surface to grab her arms and shove her off.

  Not expecting the movement, Jaelyn tipped back in her plastic chair and grunted as her back hit the floor. The other patients in the room saw the commotion and ran to get help while I stood and grabbed Lily’s hand, pulling her away from the psychotic female.

  Jaelyn snarled - the only way to describe the sound - and shoved herself up from the floor, advancing toward us. I picked up the closest thing I could reach, a deck of playing cards, and threw them in her direction. When she darted out of the way, momentarily distracted by the flying object, I took Lily’s hand and ran.

  We were almost to the exit when Lily stopped, pulling me up short. The sudden decline in momentum made me stumble, and I almost fell, yanking Lily down with me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. “We have to go, now!”

  Lily shook her head, but then I realized it wasn’t just her head that was shaking, it was her entire body. She was terrified.

  “Please,” she whispered, and I let go of her hand. She backed away, pushing up against the wall.

  “Are you afraid of me?” I asked, brow furrowed. I would never want anyone to be afraid of me, especially not her.

  “Oh no,” a man laughed as he approached them from behind. “She’s afraid of me.”

  “What did you do to her?” I asked, glaring at the man.

  Shaking his head, the man sighed. “Again, you’re blaming me for something you think I did. Please tell me, does it look like I did anything to her?” he asked, gesturing to Lily who refused to meet my eyes.

  He wasn’t wrong, she looked healthy, better than she did when I first saw her in that house, but that didn’t mean anything. Mental damage was something you couldn’t see with your eyes.

  “I don’t know what you did, but you did something, and I’m going to find out what it is,” I warned, and female laughter drew my attention back to Jaelyn who appeared to have calmed down after our scuffle in the activity room.

  “Did you hear that?” she asked, sauntering over to Lily. She placed her arm around my sister, and my hands clenched with the desire to pull them apart. “Your sister sounds like quite the bad girl, doesn’t she?”

  Lily shuddered in Jaelyn’s hold, but she didn’t move, didn’t fight. Instead, she looked at me with pleading, pity filled eyes, like she was more worried about what was going to happen to me than herself.

  “What do you want?” I asked, keeping a watchful eye on the pair as I addressed Dr. Foley. “Why did you bring her hear?”

  He raised a brow. “I’m afraid her presence was not my idea,” he said, eyeing his daughter.

  Jaelyn pointed her chin up in defiance. “You were taking too long. Jordan’s getting impatient. You know how difficult he is to handle when he doesn’t get his way,” she said, and my stomach recoiled.

  The man sighed. “That boy is going to be the death of me. Very well, let’s move this somewhere more private.”

  Nodding, Jaelyn started walking down the hallway back toward the private meeting rooms with Lily in tow, giving me no choice but to follow, but she didn’t stop there. She continued walking until we reached my room and walked inside without hesitation.

  “How did you know this was my room?” I asked.

  Jaelyn rolled her eyes. “Are you really that dumb or did you just forget?”

  “Jaelyn, that’s enough. Do you want to cost me my job? The one that pays for your education and all your pretty things, I might add,” the man warned, and Jaelyn snapped her lips shut.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, but Jaelyn just shook her head, glaring at me. “What is she talking about?”

  He ushered us forward into the room, and Lily immediately sat on the bed, giving me a serious case of dejá vu. If she didn’t look so different, I really would start to think I was going crazy.

  “I believe you asked why we brought Lily here,” the man said, obviously changing the subject.

  I nodded. “And you said it wasn’t your idea. How did Jaelyn know where my room was?” I asked again.

  “That is not entirely correct,” he said. “It is true that I hadn’t planned on her showing up here so soon, it was my intention to bring her here as a sort of reward.”

  “Why are you ignoring my question?” I asked, the paused, frowning. “Reward for what?”

  Jaelyn grinned. “What do you think?”

  I huffed. “None of this is making any sense. Stop talking in riddles and just tell me what the hell you want from me!”

  The man’s eyes narrowed, giving me a sense of danger and the need to tread carefully overwhelmed me. He watched me, waiting to see if I would catch his warning. Mimicking Jaelyn, I tucked my lips behind my teeth and crossed my arms. He lifted one brow - at least the serious look was gone - and gestured to Jaelyn, who in turn gestured to Lily.

  Lily glanced up at me from her spot on the bed, tears shining in her eyes, and said, “I want you to come back home with me.”

  My breath caught in my throat, stomach clenched, at her words. The tears fell from her eyes as she looked away, unable to meet my gaze any longer. What had they done to her to make her so fearful, so compliant? The tears told me she didn’t believe what she said, but there was something so terrifying that it had complete control over her.

  “Why?” I asked, still looking at her.

  Jaelyn nudged her arm, and Lily met my eyes once again. “Because I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she whispered, voice so low I almost missed it.

  “See,” the man said. “Your sister misses you. She couldn’t stand the thought of being without you any longer.”

  I watched Lily, watched her every breath, her every glance, every flick of emotion that ran across her face. There was no way this was her idea. They didn’t know anything about my sister. It killed her on the inside when I showed up in that room with her. She would have done anything to keep me away and keep me safe. This was different. It wasn’t her desire to be with me that had her here, it was fear, and I was going to do whatever it took to wipe that fear away.

  “Okay,” I said, and her gaze shot up to mine. “I’ll go home with you.”

  Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, mouth opening and closing in a way that suggested her desire to protest, but I shook my head. This was no longer about me, and it was no longer about her. This was about us.

  Lily’s jaw tightened as she fought back the urge to protest, and it made me feel a little better. She didn’t seem as broken as I originally thought. Nodding slightly, she looked away, letting her hair fall back over her face.

  “Did you hear that, Lily? Your sister is finally going to come back home with us? Aren’t you happy?” Jaelyn asked, and Lily’s hair bobbed as she nodded her assent.

  Dr. Foley eyed me suspiciously, studying me as if he was looking for a reason to disapprove. When he didn’t appear to find any, he smiled. “That is a wonderful thing. What a great decision you’re making, Calla. I’m sure Dr. Carter will be happy to hear that you two have finally reunited.”

  Giving the man a forced grin, I said, “Yes, I’m sure she will.”

  There wasn’t much in terms of personal belongings that I had to pack up at the hospital. Most of my things were still in storage at the college. I sighed. I’d probably never see any of that stuff again. If it was anything like the last time I was at the house, in that basement, I wouldn’t need any of it anyway. If I had to choose one positive to being ki
dnapped by this family, it was that all my needs were met - you know, besides being free and all.

  “Are you sure you want to go?” Dr. Carter asked. “I thought you were set on graduating from this college?”

  Clenching my jaw, I swallowed around the lump in my throat. Making sure to stay turned at an angle so she couldn’t see my face, I grunted in agreement.

  “I think it will be good for you both, but I don’t want you to give up on everything you wanted just because your sister finally came back to town,” she said, and I almost laughed at how far from the truth she was. “I’m just worried that you’re doing this to prove something or because you feel like it’s your duty to be there.” Okay, so maybe she wasn’t so far off from the truth after all.

  I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself before turning to face her. Dr. Carter was the closest thing I had to family right now, even closer than Lily, and lying to her in this moment was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I knew without a doubt that - whether she believed me or not - she would figure out a way to keep me from going if she knew the truth.

  “I’ll be fine. I can finish college anywhere. I have almost all the credits I need to graduate anyway. Maybe I’ll finish online or something,” I said. “Besides, you’re right. I’m not doing this just for me, but I’m not doing this just for Lily either. We both need this, to reconnect. When our mom died, it tore us apart, and I’m not going to lose the opportunity we’ve been given to fix that.”

  Dr. Carter sighed. “I understand. Just remember that no matter what, I’m here for you if you need me,” she said, and once again I found myself fighting back tears.

  I nodded. “I know.” She gave me a quick hug before she began gathering her things and walked toward the door for the last time. “Dr. Carter?”

  She turned, eyes expectant.

  “Thank you,” I said. “For everything.”

  She smiled. “You’re very welcome.”

  TWENTY

  The drive back to New Orleans, much to my disappointment, took a lot less time that I remembered. I sat in the front seat with Dr. Foley while Lily sat in the back with Jaelyn, the latter of whom spent the entire ride treating my sister like a doll. She braided her hair, applied and reapplied her makeup, and even made her change outfits once. It took everything I had in me not to climb between the seats and punch Jaelyn in the face. Luckily, Dr. Foley was focused on the road in front of him instead of the naked girl in the backseat.