You Could Have Saved Her

by Elizabeth Ballew

  “I’m the one who’s sorry,” I whispered.

  Standing, I tightened my grip around the knife’s hilt and faced Jaelyn. She took a step back, eyes wide as I glared. Pushing all the grief, sorrow, and anguish to the back of my mind, I focused all of my remaining strength and energy on this moment. I let anger and rage consumed me, my only thoughts ones of revenge. Escape no longer mattered to me. The only thing I cared about in that moment was seeing Jaelyn pay for Lily’s death.

  Looking around for a way out, her face paled as she realized the only way out of the room was through me. I stood between her and her only methods of escape. She was trapped, the same way she’d trapped Lily all these months. She finally felt the way we felt, and the joy and satisfaction those thoughts gave me should have worried me, but they didn’t. There was no turning back.

  My body, filled with the strength of pure adrenaline, lunged forward. Jaelyn turned to avoid me, but she was too late. The knife sliced across her arm, and she screamed, clutching the wound. Blood seeped between her fingers, but it wasn’t enough.

  “Wait!” she yelled as I swung again.

  This time, she managed to get out of the way before the knife could land, but she moved too fast and wasn’t watching where she was going. Her backward momentum came to a sudden halt as she ran into her father’s body on the ground. As she fell, she instinctively reached out for something to stop her fall, and found me instead. I let her grab my arm, and followed her to the floor, holding the knife in front of me like lifeline.

  Her scream after seeing the knife was cut off when it plunged into her stomach. She gasped, blood spewing out of her mouth. Rage still in control of my mind, I pulled it out and jabbed it back it. Her body convulsed, blood poured out of her body. She coughed, splattering blood on the front of my shirt and face.

  “Please,” she gasped.

  I smiled. “Didn’t you know; this is what happens to bad little girls. They get punished,” I said and stabbed her once more, directly in the heart.

  As soon as I called the police to let them know about the dead bodies lying in the living room, I went into the kitchen to gorge myself with food - pretty much anything I could find - and downed a gallon of water. Of course, it didn’t have immediate effects on my weakened state, so I went to lay down while I waited for them to arrive.

  I thought about going into one of the bedrooms, but I couldn’t bring myself to not have them in clear sight. Torn between not wanting to see my sister’s dead body and not wanting to risk one of the others might not actually be dead, I decided to stay in the kitchen.

  I must have fallen asleep at some point because a loud banging on the front door jerked me awake. Not bothering to get up from the table, I yelled at them to come in and waited while they surveyed the room. Police officers filled the house, and I just watched as people brought in long boards, medical equipment, crime scene tape, and a lot of other things that I didn’t recognize.

  They zipped Dr. Foley, Jaelyn, and my sister into long black bags and carried them outside before coming to me. Having informed them of my inability to walk, they had a couple of EMTs load me on a gurney and load me into the ambulance to take me to the hospital where some police officers would follow to question me.

  “Ma’am,” one of the EMTs said, and I glanced up at him. “Is there anyone we can call for you?”

  Shaking my head, I laid back on the gurney and shut my eyes, and for the first time in weeks, I had a completely dreamless sleep.

  TWENTY-THREE

  The nurses at the hospital were nice. They tried their best to connect with me and make me feel safe and relaxed, but it didn’t work. I kind of felt bad for them if I’m being honest. It wasn’t their fault that every time I saw one of them, all I could think about was my time in the mental institution.

  At some point during the night, the police officers must have shown up and done a background check of some sort, because when I woke, the doctors had all of my medical records, and I was informed that Dr. Carter was on her way.

  “She doesn’t need to come,” I said, feeling groggy.

  A tube in my left arm continuously pumped fluids into my dehydrated veins, and the nurses brought me an endless supply of nutrition shakes, energy bars, and vitamins. They even offered to bring me ice cream or anything else I wanted. Since I was so malnourished, pretty much anything would help, but I declined. The thought of filling my stomach with sugary foods did not sound appealing in the least.

  “Actually, she does. According to your chart, you were legally declared unable to take care of yourself. She was declared your emergency contact in case your legal guardian is unable to be contacted,” my doctor - whose name I already forgot - said, gesturing to a file I his hands.

  I sighed, dropping my head back on the pillow. “Who does it say my guardian is?” I asked.

  He frowned, forehead wrinkled, but answered, “A Dr. James Foley. Did I say something amusing?” he asked when I started laughing.

  Smiling, I shook my head. “No, sorry. I just thought of something funny.”

  Nodding, he hung my chart back on the bed before leaving. Time seemed to stand still as I waited for Dr. Carter to arrive and check me out. Several different nurses came in and out to refill my bags, check my temperature, give me food, and other random things I didn’t pay any attention to while my brain replayed everything that happened in the last day on a loop.

  I haven’t shed a single tear for my sister’s death, and I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me, if having the capacity to kill another human being canceled out my capacity to feel grief and sadness. Was that possible?

  “Calla, my goodness, what happened? The last thing I know is that you’re going to live with your sister and this morning I wake up to a voicemail saying you were brought into the hospital for dehydration and malnourishment. What happened?” she repeated.

  I smiled. “You already asked that.”

  “Then maybe you should give me an answer,” she said, dropping her bag onto one of the chairs used for visitors before coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

  “Lily’s dead,” I whispered. Averting my gaze, I swallowed around a lump in my throat. “They’re all dead.”

  “Oh, honey. I’m so sor- What do you mean they’re all dead?” she asked. “Who are you talking about?”

  I swallowed again, my mouth and throat dry. Dr. Carter handed me the cup of water sitting on the table next to me, and I gulped it down. I’d been so preoccupied in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice they had taken the tube for fluids out of my arm.

  “Calla, who’s dead?”

  Sitting the cup back down, I kneaded my hands in my lap, keeping my eyes focused on them instead of her sure to be disappointed expression.

  “All of them. Lily. Dr. Foley. Jaelyn. They’re all dead,” I whispered, and her gasp made me wince.

  “That doesn’t make any sense. What were you doing with James and his daughter? I thought you were living with your sister,” she said. “How did they all end up dead? And how did you end up in this condition like this? What happened, Calla?”

  “That’s what we would like to know,” an officer said as he walked into my room.

  His partner, a woman with long dark hair pulled up in a tight bun and piercing blue eyes, came forward, putting herself between the two of us. I couldn’t tell if it was on purpose because she felt my apprehension or if she naturally took the lead, but it did at least make me feel more comfortable.

  “Calla, do you mind if we speak with you for a moment, ask you some questions?” the female officer asked, and glanced at Dr. Carter, who nodded.

  “I’ll be right outside,” she said. “If you need anything, just holler.”

  I smiled but knew it probably looked as fake as it felt. The male officer closed the door behind her as she left, but made sure to open the window blinds so I could see Dr. Carter’s profile in the hall.

  “I’m Officer Kason, and this is my partner, Officer Bryant,” the
female officer said. “We need to ask you some questions about what happened at the Foley residence. I’m sure you understand that we only want to find out the truth. If you have nothing to hide, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

  Her smile, though it appeared genuine, sent chills up my spine. I had no doubt they’d already surmised the events that took place and just needed someone to take the blame. Since I was the only one left alive, it only made sense that I had something to do with it.

  I sighed. “Lily killed Dr. Foley, Jaelyn killed Lily, and I killed Jaelyn,” I said. “Is that what you wanted to know?”

  Their eyes widened as they shared a look that suggested they didn’t expect me to just come out and admit the truth. If they believed it to be the truth that is.

  Officer Bryant looked down at his notes. “So, Lily was-”

  “My sister.”

  He nodded. “If I’m not mistaken, she was your identical twin. It says here that she ran away from home after your mother died in a fire at your childhood home,” he said, glancing up at me for confirmation. “You reunited after she came to visit you at River Pines with a friend of hers.”

  “Jaelyn Foley, though I knew her as Jaelyn Summers.” When he looked at me with a raised brow, I explained. “We were roommates in college. She pretended to be somebody else so she could get close to me.”

  “And why would she do something like that?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. She didn’t seem to like me very much after she stopped pretending. Maybe she did it to help her brother.”

  “Brother? It says here that Jaelyn was an only child,” Officer Kason said, reading from the file in her hands.

  Frowning, I pushed up from my prone position, adjusting myself. “No, that’s not possible.”

  She confirmed her notes once more. “It says here that Jaelyn Foley had no brothers or sisters. Her only living relative was her father, James Foley.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “That has to be wrong. Maybe whoever put that file together missed something.”

  “Calla, I don’t think-”

  “No! It has to be wrong. I was kept as a prisoner for weeks because he was practically obsessed with me! He wouldn’t leave me alone. There has to be a mistake. He was real!”

  “Calla? Is everything alright?” Dr. Carter asked sticking her head in through the door.

  “No! They won’t believe me that Jaelyn had a brother. They think I’m making it up. Why would I do that? I didn’t spend all that time locked in a virtual cage because I thought it was fun. You have to believe me,” I said, breath panting in shallow gasps.

  “Okay, okay. We’ll check into it. What is his name?” Officer Kason asked.

  “Jordan… I don’t know his last name,” I said.

  “It wasn’t Foley?”

  “I don’t know… maybe? He could have gone by a different name, or changed it. Maybe that’s why he’s not in your file,” I suggested. They shared another glance, and I huffed. “I’m not crazy!”

  “Of course not,” Dr. Carter said, resting a hand on my shoulder. “And I’m sure these officers don’t think so either.”

  “He was arrested for stabbing a guy in a bar a few months ago,” I said then glanced at Dr. Carter. “You remember, don’t you? You had to pick me up from the police station. Don’t you remember? Don’t you?”

  “Why don’t we take a break,” Officer Bryant suggested. “We’ll look into this Jordan person and let you get some rest.”

  Dr. Carter smiled. “I think that’s a great idea,” she said.

  After seeing the two officers out, she returned to my side. She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair as my eyes drifted closed. I still wasn’t fully recovered, and that outburst of energy left me exhausted.

  “I’m not crazy,” I mumbled.

  “I know, sweetie.”

  A few days later, I finally had the strength back to walk a full three laps around the third floor of the hospital, and they released me into Dr. Carter’s care. As I waited for her to sign the paperwork so I could get out of here, I scoured the news channels for any information regarding the investigation. I hadn’t heard back about whether they found Jordan, but I guess it didn’t really matter. After all, what damage could he locked up in jail a hundred miles away?

  “Are you ready to go?” Dr. Carter asked as she gathered her things.

  I nodded and grabbed my single bag of belongings. She had been the best part of the last few days. Even though she had to work, she still managed to come visit for at least a couple of hours each day. As soon as we found out I would be here over night, she went to the store and bought me a change of clothes and some toiletries so I could feel somewhat human during my stay.

  When I grabbed the remote to turn off the television on the wall, she saw what was playing and sighed. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Calla. You’ll worry yourself sick,” she said.

  “They think I’m crazy and went on a murderous rampage,” I said.

  Dr. Carter rolled her eyes. “Now you’re just being overly dramatic. When did anyone say that they thought you were crazy?”

  “I just know they do,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  “At the very least they know I killed one person,” I said. “The only reason I’m not in jail is because I was sick, right? Now that I’m better they’ll come to arrest me any second. You might as well just take me straight there to save everyone some time.”

  She arched one brow. “Is that what you want me to do? Take you to jail?”

  Is that what I wanted? The guilt I felt from taking another person’s life was overshadowed by the anger that I hadn’t done so sooner. If I had fought back harder, faster, would Lily’s life have been saved? Would it change anything if I went to jail? Would it make me feel better?

  I sighed. “No, that’s not what I want.”

  Smiling, she nodded. “Good, then no more moping about. As for whether the police decide to charge you, we’ll deal with it when, and if, it comes. Now, let’s get out of here. I’m tired of constantly looking at white walls,” she said with a dramatic shudder, making me laugh. “There, that’s the smile I missed.”

  Shaking my head, I followed Dr. Carter out of the hospital. She led the way to her old convertible and popped the trunk so we could put our things inside without worrying about them getting blown away. After tossing my bag inside, I slid into the front passenger seat, and laid my head back against the headrest while I waited for her to join me.

  The hospital I was taken to was a good distance away from where she lived, so I shut my eyes and relaxed as the wind blew through my hair. Riding in a convertible on the interstate wasn’t exactly the more comfortable riding conditions, but the harsh wind gave me a rush of adrenaline and felt almost freeing in a way.

  Allowing myself to doze off, I forced myself to focus on something besides the past, because that’s what it was, the past. It wouldn’t do me any good to dwell on something I couldn’t change and not look forward to the future.

  The sudden halt to the wind jolted me out of my semi-conscious state. The car no longer moved at high speeds on the main highway, instead, it was parked in the middle of a lot behind a building the looked vaguely familiar, but in my drowsy state, I couldn’t put my finger on why.

  I pulled the handle inside the door, but it wouldn’t open. Thinking it was just stuck, I yanked on it a little harder, and the handle came clean off. I sucked in a breath, pulse racing over the fact that I broke Dr. Carter’s precious Mustang.

  Through the window, I watched with mounting anxiety as Dr. Carter approached with two giant men following close behind her. Looking around frantically for somewhere to possibly hide a large metal door handle, I dropped it between the seats just as Dr. Carter opened my door from the outside.

  “Is everything alright?” she asked, seeing my panicked face.

  I nodded, willing her not to look on the inside of the door. The men shared a
questioning glance, and I noticed that they were wearing blue medical scrubs.

  My heart thundered in my chest, sweaty palms clenched into fists as my mouth went dry. Now I knew why this building looked so familiar. We were parked at the back entrance of the River Pines.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked, swallowing hard around a lump in my throat.

  Giving the men behind her a pointed look, they backed away, but not so far that they wouldn’t be able to intervene if need be. Dr. Carter knelt on the ground in front of me and placed a gentle hand on my forearm.

  “Calla, I’m really concerned about your mental well-being. I think if you just take a few days here to-”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Calla-”

  “No. I won’t do it. I won’t stay here,” I said, voice increasing an octave.

  The men stepped closer, and I shot out of the car, shoving Dr. Carter out of the way as I ran past. As I reached the back end of the car, one of the men’s arms shot out like a whip and wrapped around my waist, hauling off my feet.

  “No! Let me go!” I screamed.

  He dragged me back, easily supporting my weight even while I kicked and jerked in his hold without so much as a grunt.

  Dr. Carter sighed, shaking her head. “I didn’t want it to be this way, Calla. I hope you believe me when I say I never wanted it to be this way.”

  “Please, don’t do this!” I begged as the man carried me into the building, but she disappeared as the doors closed behind us.

  A horrifying sense of dejá vu filled me as we passed white wall after white wall. Chaotic noise and laughter emanated from a large room full of games and people playing them. Nurses wearing obviously forced smiles roamed the halls, waiting for someone to need their assistance.

  By the time the man brought me to one of the rooms and sat me down, all the fight had drained out of me. My stomach recoiled, heart clenched in my chest. The feeling of betrayal coursed through me like ice water running through my veins. Neither of them spoke a word as they walked out, locking me in as they left.