by Erin Osborne
“I don’t know, Capone. It hurts. It’s too early,” she says, caring for the first time since she got pregnant. “I’m sorry. So sorry about everything. I’ll do what you want me to do.”
Raine comes into the room and helps me get NeNe changed into something dry. Satan and I get her to the SUV where the rest of the guys at the clubhouse are waiting on their bikes. They’re all going to follow us to the hospital. Even if they can’t stand the bitch, they’ll still make sure they’re there for me. And for my child.
I get her in the SUV and climb in next to her. Raine jumps in the front while Satan runs to his bike and climbs on. He pulls out with Gunner next to him and the rest of the guys will follow us. This way Axel can keep going if we get pulled over.
NeNe is screaming in pain as another contraction takes hold of her. Raine is looking at me with a worried expression on her face. Something is definitely not right here. Not only is she in labor early, but the pain racking her body seems to be worse than what Raine was going through and she was in labor with twins.
Worry and fear seep in my body as I realize this may not be a normal delivery. Fear my child will be okay fills me to the point I don’t think of anything else, including Hollie. This little life is the only thing I can think about and I won’t stop until I know for sure he or she is going to be okay and is as healthy as can be.
“Capone, it hurts so bad,” NeNe says as the contraction comes to an end.
Sweat is covering her face and chest while her hair is in disarray. Her breathing is labored and it looks as if her heart is beating frantically. I look to Raine to find out what to do. She looks at me and slightly shakes her head.
“NeNe, I need you to listen to me,” Raine says. “You need to take some deep breaths and try to slow down your breathing. If you don’t, you’re going to end up hyperventilating. Can you do that?”
NeNe nods her head and tries to calm her breathing down. She takes some deep breaths and holds them for a second before releasing them again. I watch as she tries to get calm and make sure she doesn’t hyperventilate. Her worried eyes turn to mine as another contraction hits her. NeNe reaches out and squeezes my hand as the pain rips through her.
I may not like this bitch, but I don’t like seeing women in pain. And she’s ultimately in pain because she’s carrying my baby. As the contraction ends, Axel lets me know we’re at the hospital. He pulls in faster than he should and stops right at the emergency room door.
“I’ll run in and get someone to help. Start trying to get her out of the back seat,” Raine says as she opens her door and runs inside.
I help NeNe sit up in the backseat and step outside the door after opening it. NeNe lets me help her get to the edge of the seat by the time a nurse is running back with Raine with a wheelchair.
She begins firing off all sorts of questions as I hand my phone to Raine so she can call NeNe’s doctor and let her know what’s going on. I’m not sure if she’ll be able to make it here in time to deliver the baby. I don’t even register all the guys pulling in behind us as we’re rushed into the hospital and directly up to the maternity ward. The entire time, NeNe’s trying to answer the questions she’s being asked.
We finally get in a room upstairs and they help NeNe change while Raine lets me know that doctor is on her way in. She’s going to reschedule all of her appointments and make sure she’s here as soon as possible. I walk out to the waiting room to let the guys know what’s going on while they get NeNe settled in her room. Raine is still in there with her. If they need me, she’ll make sure I’m there.
“You okay?” Satan asks.
“No. Somethin’ seems off between her bein’ early and all the pain she’s in. I’m scared for my child, Satan,” I tell him honestly.
“Everythin’ will be okay. We got her here quick and the doctors will monitor everythin’ until your baby is restin’ in your arms. You need me to do anythin’?” he asks.
“I need to get Jenkins here. He’s got all the paperwork she needs to sign for her to sign the rights away. I want it done as soon as the baby’s born,” I tell him.
“I’m on it. He’ll be here before you’re holdin’ your baby,” Satan tells me as Raine steps into the hallway again.
I walk back into the room and find out NeNe is almost ready to start pushing. This all seems to be happening much faster than I remember it going with Raine. Yeah, two different women and different pregnancies, but it all seems bad to me. There’s nothing I can do to comfort or help NeNe as her contractions keep coming. Raine counts her down as she looks at the markings on the paper printing out from the machines beside her. It all looks like gibberish to me and I have no clue how she knows what to say.
Within a half hour, NeNe’s doctor walks into the room and checks her again. She tells us it’s time to push. Within minutes, nurses flood the room and the bed is dismantled before my eyes. I’m on one side while Raine is on her other. I try to pay attention as the doctor tells NeNe what to do.
“NeNe, on your next contraction, I want you to push with everything you have in you. Do you understand me?” she asks, making sure NeNe’s paying attention to her.
“Yes. I’m so tired,” NeNe says.
“I know. You’re almost done now,” the doctor says. “Now, push to the count of ten.”
I watch as Raine lifts NeNe’s leg from behind her knee and I do the same on my side. The doctor counts to ten as she concentrates on the lower half of NeNe’s body. We do this again for what seems like endless hours. Finally, I hear the doctor tell NeNe to stop pushing.
Looking down, I watch as the doctor does something before I hear the loud cry of my child. The first tear slips down my cheek as I continue to watch the doctor make sure my child is brought into this world.
The moment seems so surreal as I watch the doctor deliver my baby and then hold it up so we can get our first glimpse.
“Congratulations, you have a little girl,” she says as I take in my daughter.
She’s covered in all sorts of stuff I don’t even want to think about. Her little body is red and she opens her mouth to let out another loud cry. A nurse comes over and takes the baby from the doctor while I watch on in order to ensure nothing happens to my little girl.
“Go, Capone. Go be with your daughter,” Raine tells me. “They’re going to clean her up and administer some tests. I know you don’t want her out of your sight.”
I nod my head and follow the nurse with my baby girl. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let her out of my sight anytime soon. Following the nurse to the other side of the room, I stand back as she does what she needs to do.
I’ve been with my daughter for a few hours now. She’s been held, fed, changed, and now she’s sleeping, for a little while longer at least. Jenkins was in with the paperwork and NeNe signed her rights away. I reminded her what will happen if she dares step foot back in Willow Creek.
Changing the baby’s diaper was an experience to say the least. I’ve never seen something as foul as her first shitty diaper. I live in a clubhouse full of grown ass men and my daughter has put them all to shame with the smell emitting from her. I got through it and only went through three diapers. The first one was put on backward and the second one I ripped the tabs off. Raine is in her glory watching me try to figure this shit out.
I’ve also been puked on. I wasn’t sure when to burp her and I must have fed her too much because I ended up with formula all over the front of my shirt. Thankfully, I had already taken my cut off and laid it over the back of the rocking chair. This is not going to be easy at all.
Jenkins made sure everyone at the hospital knows NeNe signed her rights away and is not allowed to see the baby or know anything about her. That’s my stipulation. They’ve been checking my little girl over because of her being born early, but so far everything is coming back good.
Now, it’s time to let the rest of the guys know about my daughter. They’re all still here and waiting on me. So, I leave the baby in the nursery w
hile I walk out to the common room.
“How’s the baby?” Wrath asks, standing up as he sees me walking toward them first.
“Man, she’s amazin’. I’ve never seen anythin’ like her in my entire life,” I say.
“You have a girl?” Gunner asks.
“Yeah. She’s so little and precious,” I tell him.
“Have you named her yet?” Raine asks.
“Yeah,” I answer, looking directly at her. “Her name is Amber Rose.”
“You did this for Hollie?” Raine asks on a sob.
“I did. Even though she’s not here, I want your sister to be a part of this. Please, don’t tell her yet. I don’t want her to hear this over the phone or through a message. She’ll be home soon and I’ll talk to her,” I tell her.
“I won’t say a word,” Raine says.
“We’re gonna head out. I’m gonna keep guys here around the clock until you and the baby come home. I don’t want to take any chances with NeNe still bein’ here,” Satan tells me.
“Thank you,” I say, giving him a man hug before heading back to my little Amber.
By the time I’m back in the nursery with her, she’s ready to eat again. The nurse has changed her diaper already and is holding her and the bottle for me. I take a seat in the rocking chair and take my daughter in my arms. I’m almost afraid to hold because she’s so small and I feel like I’m going to hurt her or something. Raine laughed and told me I’m being silly. Every man feels the same way when they first hold their child. I hope she’s right.
As I hold Amber in my arms, thoughts of Hollie fill my mind. I wish she was here with me, to help me through these first few days with our daughter. Yeah, Hollie is going to be the only mother my daughter ever knows. And I know Hollie will fill that role the way Raine has. She’ll be amazing and make sure she has all the love a child could ever need. My fingers itch to call her, just to hear her voice, but I refrain. Amber needs all my attention right now and that’s what she’s gonna get.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hollie
I’VE BEEN BACK in Willow Creek for two days and I haven’t seen Capone at all. Because NeNe had the baby, I got the books from Blazing Babes from Wrath and he made sure to hand everything over to me. I worked on all the books at Raine and Satan’s house while hanging out with my sister and the twins. I’ve had fun, but I missed Capone.
He didn’t even let me know when she had the baby. I thought I’d at least get a message or something from him, but it’s been radio silence since the morning I left here to move to Steel Mills. And I’ve been miserable. I want to message him and find out how he’s doing, but I get that he’s busy.
Raine told me he’s having a hard time getting used to being with his daughter full time. I still don’t know her name, but I know it’s a little girl. I’ve wanted to see her, but I refuse to go to the clubhouse and search him out. If he’s having a hard time, then he really needs this time to adjust to being a father and I’m going to give it to him.
For the last month or so, I’ve been going through the motions of living in Steel Mills. I work at the restaurant, go home and work on designing covers, and hang out with Raven. Instead of going out and exploring the town, I stay home because I’m so miserable. Even Raven’s made comments about it and he doesn’t understand why I just don’t go back to Willow Creek if I’m so unhappy.
Raven knows what happened to me now, we had a long talk about it one night. He gets I need to learn to stand on my own and fight my own battles and has stepped back as far as offering to do things for me. I’ve also told him I’m in love with Capone but he needs to learn how to be a father to his daughter before he can accept anyone else in his life because she’ll always be his number one. So, for now I’ll stay in Steel Mills and try to move on with my life.
“Holls!” Raine yells, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, in the bedroom,” I call out.
“I’m going shopping. You want to tag along?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’ll go. Get away from these books for a bit,” I tell her. “Let me get dressed and I’ll be ready to go.
Raine nods her head and closes my door behind her. I throw on a pair of jeans with rips down the legs and an oversize tee-shirt. Throwing my hair up in a messy bun, I put on my sunglasses, grab my purse, and leave the room. The only other thing I do is make sure the ledgers are put up so I can finish working on them once I get back. I’m almost done so it won’t take me long and I have to head back home tomorrow for work the next day.
Gloria has been amazing working with me to come back to Willow Creek once a month so I can continue working for the club. I don’t know she’d be as understanding if it weren’t for me working for Satan and the guys, but she loves them all. I’ve heard more stories about the men than I ever wanted to. Gloria seems to catch all their embarrassing moments and hasn’t forgotten a single one. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life as she tells me about members from both clubs.
Walking out to the living room, I see Raine give her husband a kiss and I’m instantly filled with jealousy. I’m happy as hell for her and Satan, but I want that for myself. It just seems that instead of keeping me close, Capone is pushing me further away. I may have to get used to living in Steel Mills because I’m not going to come back here if he’s changed his mind about not wanting me.
“Ready to go,” I say to let them know I’m in the room.
“Let’s head out. We’ll be back in a few hours,” she tells Satan, leaning down for one last kiss.
I walk outside while she’s still saying goodbye and tilt my face up to the warm sun. It warms me down to my soul and I relish the feeling as I stand waiting for my sister. It feels like I’ve been chilled to my bones lately. And I know why, I just haven’t said anything to anyone.
Whenever I’m in Steel Mills, I feel as if I’m being watched. When I look around, I don’t see anyone standing out or anything out of the ordinary. It doesn’t matter where I am though, I always feel like I’m being followed and watched. I hate the feeling because it makes me feel weak. But, I will figure it out one way or another.
Raine comes outside soon and wraps an arm around my shoulder. She knows something is off with me, but she hasn’t asked about it. I’m sure she will while we’re out alone today. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since I got here. Yeah, we have Axel following us, but he’s not going to go into the stores with us. He’ll wait outside as usual and give us our space. I’m not even sure why he’s still following my sister around when nothing has threatened her since the whole mess with a guy she went out on a date with turned bad.
“Ready?” she asks, dropping her arm and walking toward the SUV.
“Yeah. What are we shopping for?” I ask.
“I’m going to get Capone some stuff he needs for the baby,” she answers.
Ugh! Why couldn’t she have told me this before I agreed to go shopping with her? I’m not sure I want to go shopping for him. Not when my heart is breaking.
“Oh,” I say defeated.
“Holls, he’s trying. I know you’re always on his mind and he wants to get in touch with you. It just hasn’t been easy with the baby. She’s got her days and nights mixed up and she’s been really fussy. He’s taken her to the doctor to get checked out and they can’t find anything wrong with her. I’m not sure what’s going on with her. But, I know he’s trying his best to take care of her,” Raine says. “He’s so patient and loving when it comes to her. Instead of putting her off on the house bunnies, he does everything for her himself. No one seems to be good enough to take care of her. Only the guys and me are allowed to hold her.”
“Oh. Well, I get he needs time. It’s just hard when we go from telling one another we love each other to getting nothing but silence from him. Kind of fucks with my head. I didn’t even hear NeNe had the baby until you called and told me. He didn’t even message me to say a word about it,” I tell her. “I thought he’d at least let me know the baby was born and ok
ay.”
“Things will get better,” Raine says, giving me a sympathetic look.
“We’ll see. I’m still deciding if I’m going to come back here or not. I was planning on it once I got a few things in place, but now I’m not so sure. I’m not going to move back here to be pushed away even more than I feel I already am,” I tell my sister.
“Don’t let Capone run you from your home. There’s more people here who care about you than just him,” Raine says.
“I know that. But, it would hurt too much to see him on a regular basis and know everything we said to one another was a lie on his part. Or watch him meet someone and build what I want with him.”
Turning my attention out the window, I silently let my sister know I’m done with the conversation. It does nothing but hurt me to think of what could be with Capone and how I feel in the last month. It’s not what I was expecting to happen and it’s thrown me for a loop. I’ll get over it, I just need to figure out what to do.
I did message Capone when Raine told me the baby was born. In the message I told him congratulations and if he needs anything to let me know and I’d do what I can. He didn’t send anything back to me. Hell, I don’t even know if he got it.
“What happened with NeNe?” I ask Raine, needing to know the answer.
“I don’t know. She left the hospital when she got discharged and was put on a bus out of town. I’m not sure where she went or what she’s doing now. She’s not allowed to come back to Willow Creek or to contact Capone for any reason. It’s all in the papers she signed after the baby was born,” Raine answers.
“Well, I’m glad he got his plans in place and was able to get the baby from the manipulative bitch,” I tell her, forcing my attention back out the window.
We pull up on Main street and head into one of the baby stores. I walk up and down the aisles and even pick out a few things to buy the baby. One of the items is a large blanket with all sorts of fairies on it. Then there’s a little dress, some onesies with different sayings about being a ‘daddy’s girl’ on them, and a few other outfits. I also grab a box of diapers and some wipes so Capone has them and doesn’t need to run out anytime soon to grab more.