Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet seemed to be getting on very well. Darcy was now convinced that Bingley would ask Miss Bennet to ask him to marry him soon. Getting away for the next two weeks seemed to be even more desirable. He was thankful that he had the society of his sister to look forward to. On consideration Darcy realised that he was jealous of Bingley and Jane's happiness. Elizabeth, also seemed, to be watching Jane and Mr Bingley.
The ladies withdrew from the table, and the gentlemen sat around with their port and cigars. Darcy barely had any patience with the port and cigars. He had no conversation as Mr Bingley was happily talking about Jane to anyone who would listen. The other gentlemen were discussing the events of the last six months. By listening Darcy finally caught up with the news of all that had happened while he was ill. He could not tell them he didn’t know without revealing his illness. He was not willing to let anyone know how ill he had been – besides no one needed to know. His silence was not unknown in Hertfordshire, he was not forced into the conversation. Eventually, the conversation dried up. The gentlemen moved through to join the ladies. Immediately upon entering the drawing room, Darcy looked for Elizabeth. The ladies crowded around the coffee table. He could do nothing but collect his coffee and move to another part of the room, while leaving his heart with her. Having drunk his coffee, Darcy returned his coffee cup to her himself. Conversation did not progress much beyond the civilities. He was forced to move away once more. There was so much he wanted to say yet could not think of a single way to start the conversation.
Cards tables were nearly as bad as dancing in Darcy’s mind. Tonight, proved that more than anything else possibly could before. It had become ubiquitous to waste an evening playing cards. It was something that Darcy could not truly understand. Why waste time and money on something that made no substantial difference to your life? Yet, wherever he went he found himself pulled into wasting time on such pursuits. Tonight, was proving to be almost a complete waste of his time and energy. He wanted to spend time with Elizabeth but was thwarted in every attempt he had made. Had Elizabeth arranged it that way? No, he could not believe that she would do that. She had not rejected his friendship and acquaintance back in August. She had even confided in him about Lydia, why would she refuse his company now? It made no sense. She must know that he was only here for her.
It was with a degree of ill-humour, that Darcy sat down at Mrs Bennet’s whist table. He was reluctant to play, and lost money he didn’t want to lose. All because he could not keep his mind on the cards long enough to make any sensible decisions. He lost nearly every hand. Mr and Mrs Bennet seemed to be the only two who were concentrating on the game. It was no help that he was paired with Bingley, who was equally as distracted as he was. Bingley’s feelings and thoughts were evident for all to see. Jane was Bingley’s distraction. Darcy knew that the expectation of Bingley’s marriage to Jane had one more begun. It was almost the sole topic of conversation at the dinner table. The time for concern over such an expectation was gone. Darcy was not sure how much the general neighbourhood was aware of. His own knowledge of Jane and Bingley’s feelings gave him confidence in their happiness. It was time for Darcy to concentrate on his own unhappy affairs. He had to find his own happiness, either as a fixed bachelor or win Elizabeth’s hand in marriage.
Elizabeth. The woman haunted his dreams and his every waking moment. His attention now was solely on Elizabeth. She seemed to be just as distracted as he was. Surely that was just his imagination. He continued to look, it was clear that she was distracted and also seemed to be losing her hands. The logical and rational part of his mind told him that she was happy to see that her sister's happiness. The illogical part of his brain that had fallen in love with her hoped the he was the cause her distraction. Seeing that Elizabeth was also losing money made him feel a bit better about losing to her father.
The carriage arrived too soon for his liking. He would not get to talk to Elizabeth tonight. His aggravation at his lack of success this evening rose. It was time to take his leave with his friend. He wondered if he could have made better use of the opportunity that was afforded that night. He had noticed enough in Elizabeth to believe that she was not indifferent to him. Perhaps, she thought better enough of him, that she could be prevailed on to accept him now? It would have to wait until he returned from town, as he was due to leave on Friday morning. He would not see her again before he left.
The next morning a letter arrived from his sister:
Pemberley 25th September 1812
Dearest Fitzwilliam,
Mrs Annesley has been preparing me for my coming out ball. I am excited to think that I am coming out this season. I will be arriving on Thursday to my establishment in town and have sent word forward that I will there. Please call the minute you arrive. Your bandbox has been put in with mine, so the servants will not suspect anything. Remind me is it for Miss Elizabeth? I am happy to be an impartial witness although I am a bit confused why you do not ask Mr Bingley to be your eyes and ears. How is our cousin at Rosings? Have you received another letter from her?
See you on Friday,
Georgiana.
Reading his sister's letter Darcy smiled for he could not answer now even if he wanted to. She would already be on the road to town, and he would see her in two days’ time. Now, it only remained for him to tell Mr Bingley the full truth of what had been done by both his sisters and Darcy. Bingley knew most of the story now, but there were still parts that needed to be told. Darcy was uncomfortable. He thought that this could end their friendship forever. Bingley had been angry enough at Pemberley, and that had only be a partial confession.
It was not until Thursday evening that Darcy found the courage to make his full admission. He was determined that it should be done before he went to London. He needed to know if he would have a friend to return to or whether he would have to stay at the inn when he returned from town. Return he would regardless of the outcome. “Bingley, I have something to admit,” He said while they relaxed by the fire. “Well, actually you already know part of it, you now need to hear the full confession.”
“Darcy, you have been so strange this last year, I am beginning to wonder if I knew you at all.”
“I’m sorry Bingley, there is much that I have had much happen in the last year that I could not tell you about. What I am about to say will give you some pain. It has been such a constant source of pain and hurt to me that I must now make my confession. Tomorrow I will be going to town for ten days.”
“Well if it is to give us both pain why do it?!”
“Because you need to know this, as it will all come out soon anyway.”
“Go on, Darcy”
“I’m afraid, Bingley, I’ve interfered in your affairs rather more than was politic or fair. I told you last autumn that Miss Bennet was indifferent to you. As you know, I was allowed your sisters to sway me.” Darcy paused this was the easy part of the confession. Bingley already knew this and seemed ready to explode. Darcy shifted and continued
“I’m sorry, Bingley, but there is more. Your sisters had given me that information. Last January, Miss Bingley received two letters and then a morning visit from Miss Bennet. She was in town for three months to visit her aunt in Gracechurch Street. Your sister told me that much. We could see that you still loved Miss Bennet, we agreed that you should not know. Your sister returned Miss Bennet’s visit and from what I understand was so cold that Miss Bennet would not be expecting any more acquaintance between the families....”
“She had no right! You had no right! Why this is offensive behaviour! How dare you?!” Mr Bingley was so angry Darcy thought that he was about to be asked to leave that minute. Even if that were to be the outcome he had to continue.
“I’m sorry, Bingley. I thought at the time we were doing what was best. I have judged everything wrong this last year. I was wrong. We were wrong.” Darcy raked his hair with his hand. This was not going according to plan. He knew that Bingley was right to be angry, yet he
had not anticipated how Bingley’s anger would affect him. “Miss Bennet clearly cares about you very much, and it was clear to see when we visited these last few days. I’ve been arrogant, officious and selfish.” Darcy felt as if it had been more than only a year and a half since Georgiana’s intended elopement. He felt older than his eight and twenty years. Mr Bingley’s anger soon turned against his sisters, who he presumed had the greater share of the blame. Bingley knew that Darcy would not have deliberately caused pain. He could not be so sanguine about his sisters. He remembered Darcy’s words only a week ago when he had said that Miss Bingley had done enough to make him despise her.
“Darcy are you sure she loves me?”
Darcy smiled and replied, “Yes, Bingley, I have no doubt about it.”
“Then I will ask her to marry me as soon as may be.”
“Can you wait until I am in London as I leave for London tomorrow?”
“Of course, it seems you want to escape my happiness.”
“Perhaps I do.” Darcy gave his friend a wry grin. “Remember, I am not in a position to be as sure that I can share in such happiness.” Darcy wondered if he had ever covered his emotions as well as he had thought he did. Maybe he really had changed a lot more than he realised.
“So, why don’t you postpone your trip to London and come with me and ask Miss Elizabeth again?”
“I have to be in town on Friday, as I have instructed my sister to come down for a few days. Besides I do not yet know that Elizabeth would accept my hand. She was so clear that I was the last man in the world that she would marry last time I proposed. I must do this right, and it may take a long time or even be never.”
“Write and tell me all.”
“I will, and you make sure that you get your fair bride to write your letter to me. I want to know you are happy at having your marriage proposal accepted.”
“Come now, Darcy, you know I can write.”
“So carelessly that no one can ever read your letters.” This reminded both men of those four days that Miss Elizabeth spent at Netherfield. That second night, Elizabeth had dissected Bingley’s character in a light-hearted way. Both men smiled... Bingley’s worry over Jane’s illness faded away and the memory now seemed to be one of the happiest of their lives.
“This reminds me of another conversation last November,” Mr Bingley said.
“I was just thinking about that,” Darcy said. “You know, I actually for a brief amount of time forgot that she was more a guest than I am.”
“You were already in love with her, were you not?”
“No, but I was halfway there. Thinking about it, I’m not sure when I fell in love with her. She always affected me strongly. I guess I refused to admit the truth of my feelings.”
“How would you have felt if I had interfered in your affairs? If I had told you that she was impartial to you and that you should stay away from her?”
“I’d definitely have been angry. You might well have saved me from doing the stupid thing that I did last April.” At this Darcy went pale and was anxious to change the subject.
“Well...” This had not been the answer that Mr Bingley had been expecting. “What if I’d kept you away from her like you did myself and Jane?”
“I’d have been very upset. Given how little I depend on the opinions of others it would not have had the same effect that it had with you.”
“Well, I’ll likely have forgiven you in the morning, but right now, do not expect me to forgive you.”
“I’m glad to see you are angry.”
“What does that mean?” Bingley felt very offended.
“Why, that you are not quite as pliable and pushed about as I had thought you to be, and that you actually love Miss Bennet. I am truly sorry Bingley. I have mistaken your desire for advice and guidance for something that I should never have done so. It was very, very, wrong of me.”
“Yes, it was!”
“I have no excuse to make you know, I was arrogant and mean.”
“Arrogant? Yes! Mean? No! You only did what you did from concern for my welfare, and that of Miss Bennet. I Would say you were more misguided. As for my sisters, I believe they were the principal instigators. Their behaviour at Pemberley showed that they had no remorse. They do not care about the feelings of us or of the Miss Bennets. They are the ones that are petty and mean. I guess it is time that I must take Caroline in hand.”
“She won’t thank you for it, nor will it be an easy task. Her character is already set, and she is not as sweet and kind as Georgiana or Miss Bennet.”
“Good, it’ll do her good for me not to give in to her.”
“She always was spoilt.”
“Yes, she was”, Mr Bingley then recollected that Darcy was to leave early in the morning. “Darcy, you need to get up early if you are leaving for Town in the morning. I would suggest that you go to bed. We’ll talk more when you return. By which time I will probably have forgiven you. Whether I forgive you or not, do not think about staying anywhere else! I will know.”
How it was that Bingley knew that Darcy had planned to stay at the inn if Bingley did not forgive him, he was not sure. He was thankful for his friend’s foresight and knowledge of him. “Thank you, I will, please let me say once again that I am sorry for my ungenerous part in all this.”
“Think no more about it, Darcy.”
“Thank you, and good night” With that Darcy rose and had crossed the room before Mr Bingley replied.
“Good night, Darcy. Take my regards to your sister tomorrow.” Darcy left the room. He knew that once more he would not sleep. His mind was so full. Bingley, of course, had been angry, but Darcy had not expected the degree of Bingley's anger. It grieved Darcy to think that he had hurt his friend so much. This last year had been so painful for him, and it looked right now as if the pain would not end yet.
The next morning, Darcy rose early, and was going to slip out of the house without talking to Mr Bingley. When he entered the breakfast parlour Bingley was already waiting for him. “I’ve been thinking about what you said last night Darcy, and I was not satisfied. You didn’t know Jane like I did, and your interference was unwanted, but I know you wanted the best for me.” Darcy’s heart sank, knowing that his friend was thinking the best of him, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. “So, by the by, I am come to wish you luck in seeking Miss Elizabeth’s hand. Should I find out if there’s a chance for you?”
“No, Bingley, I do not wish you to do so. I want your happiness to be complete without worrying about mine.” They said no more over breakfast. Afterwards Darcy hurried to his carriage. HE had no wish to listen to Bingley's hopes and wishes. All night Darcy had tried to work Elizabeth out and had no success.
Loves quarrels oft in pleasing concord end.
John Milton
Upon arriving in London, Darcy found that his sister waiting on the front step of his townhouse. Hardly had his carriage come to a standstill but he was stepping out and embracing Georgiana. They then walked into his house. They chatted about Hertfordshire and Darcy’s hopes for the future. The week passed in morning visits and visits to the Bond Street milliners. Darcy had to restrain himself from buying, even more, presents for Elizabeth. Mrs Annesley was teaching Georgiana all the appropriate modes of behaviour. Georgiana seemed to be charming and happy. The following Friday was to bring an alteration to Darcy’s hopes and dreams. This was to come not in anything that Georgiana would say or do, but rather it came in the form of his aunt, from Kent.
“Fitzwilliam Darcy, my nephew! Where is he? I MUST see him!” He would know that voice and lack of breeding anywhere! His aunt had come and caught him at home. He sighed as he knew she would press Anne’s claims once more and try to force him to marry that pale, sickly girl. Something that ever since he was a child he had resolved never to do.
“My dear aunt,” he said coming into the drawing room “Whatever brings you here?”
“I have heard a rumour of an alarming nature,” she repl
ied.
“Since when did you listen to the idle chit chat and gossip of others?” He knew it was a mistake as soon as it had left his lips. However, it was the truth.
“Fitzwilliam Darcy, sit down and listen to me.” That is all I ever seem to do with you, Aunt! Darcy sat down and waited for Lady Catherine to begin. “I want to know, have you made an offer of marriage to Miss Elizabeth Bennet?”
“It is of little importance, but I did make her an offer once.”
“Then she did not tell me the truth. She is your betrothed.”
1812 How It All Began- Part 2 Page 12