The next day Bingley went about visiting and dealing with Netherfield. Darcy sat down and tried to compose in his mind how a letter to Lady Catherine could be accomplished. He still desired to bring about a reconciliation with his aunt. He had no success, every letter his mind composed was either too weak or would have made the breach wider. In the end he contented himself with writing to his cousin Anne.
Netherfield 11th October 1812
My Dearest Anne,
By now you will have heard from your mother about what passed between us on Friday night. I am sorry if any of it has hurt you. I did not mean it to hurt you. My only concern was to show your mother that I had never intended to go through with our marriage. Please forgive me if I have pained you. There is another matter, a matter of business that I write to you, and that is your inheritance of Rosings Park. When Sir Lewis died, Rosings Park went into a trust for you that you could take control when you came of age. Both Colonel Fitzwilliam and I knew this. It was our cousin Milton, who was chief executor of your father’s estate, he is older than us by a full ten years. Please take control of your inheritance now! Feel free to ask either our cousins or me for advice on running the estate. Put your mother in her place. She is looking at Rosings as being her property and a place where she can decide who can and cannot stay at your home. Who is and is not welcome, is your decision. Given what I have said and done, I fear we would not be. As I told your mother, it is you and not she who must decide on such matters. You, dear cousin, have all the advantages of birth and fortune. That means that you should not be without admirers in town. Put yourself out a bit and you would, in fact, be charming. I tell you these things as encouragement to take your place as mistress of Rosings Park.
Thank you for keeping my secret. Although your mother now knows of my unsuccessful proposal to Elizabeth from myself. I made her very angry by other things I told her that I hope she has not been too severe upon you.
Please write back and inform me of the situation.
Your cousin,
Fitzwilliam Darcy.
This letter was very hard for Darcy to write. He had written and burnt six copies of the letter before there was a copy he was happy to send. Darcy was so anxious that Anne should receive it, that he sent it express, that very afternoon. A few pieces of business had arrived to do with London and Pemberley, which he dealt with quickly. The Pemberley issue was not the tenant issue that had been brewing during the year. Once he finished dealing with his business, he settled down once more with the book that he was reading. He was now making his usual progress and hoped by the end of the week he would be starting the second volume. Thinking about the end of the week made him smile. He would see Elizabeth on Wednesday, by the end of the week he would know once and for all what his fate would be. He would know whether not he was getting married or going to be forever a bachelor. He chuckled to himself at the teasing Elizabeth would give him for not finishing his book, before now. Perhaps she wouldn’t laugh so much if she knew that he had been so ill last May. He didn’t want her to know he had been sick, so he settled it that he would prefer the teasing. He now had three full days to entertain himself. He wanted to finish his book before going over to visit Miss Elizabeth on Wednesday.
In Darcy’s impatience he felt that Wednesday could not come quick enough. To his feverish mind the time seemed to be taking double the time to come along. Wednesday finally arrived and the two men set out shortly after breakfast. Darcy had asked Bingley to make an excuse so that they could all walk out of the house that morning. Bingley played his part perfectly when they had taken their seats. Everything seemed to be going Darcy’s way this morning. That included Mrs Bennet not walking out with them. He could not wait now to know his fate. At the end of the morning his fate would sealed to either be happy or miserable for the rest of his life.
His luck continued to hold when Mary declined to walk. Catherine wished to visit the Lucas’s rather than chaperone her sisters. That meant that he was now alone with Elizabeth, Bingley and Jane having disappeared.
This time he had given a lot of thought into his proposal. Elizabeth caught him by surprise. Somehow, she had heard about his part in the Lydia and Wickham mess. How the hell did she find out about my part in the Wickham mess? I only did that for her. Please don’t let her accept my hand out of gratitude, I could not bear it!
He hoped that he gave a clear answer, but in his confusion, he was not sure of what he had said. It dawned on him that he had slightly tuned out of what Elizabeth was saying. He caught that it was Lydia who had betrayed his involvement rather than Mrs Gardiner. That makes me happy! Wickham’s choice in wife was questionable at best. Now I know that he will not be able to prey on others as he has Georgiana and Lydia. Our Lydia cannot keep a secret. Wickham won’t have a true confidante, but he does have a good companion for him in life. He’ll never have any secrets! He silently triumphed. As for Mrs Gardiner, of course, she must give an honest answer to you my dearest Elizabeth. I couldn’t care less if the scandal had hurt your mother or younger sisters! I did it because I love you. Also, because I should have exposed Wickham years ago, or held the purse strings a little tighter. He answered her as best as he could. He tried to convey the depth of what was in his heart, but the time had come for him to know the answer. The answer that the whole of the rest of his life now depended upon. Would she now give him the answer that his heart longed for? It was now time for him to ask her what his heart and mind most earnestly wanted an answer to. After a short pause, he added with some trepidation, for hope had not yet made him secure. “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.” Although it won’t quiet my heart, he thought.
Silence threatened to descend. He saw Elizabeth try to collect her thoughts and put them into words. Immediately she began, “I once more wish to thank you for the honour of your proposal.” here it comes, after all, she’s STILL going to reject me. “My own feelings since the time that you allude to have undergone so many shifts and reversals” Can it be? Will she now say yes? Am I dreaming? “That it is with great pleasure that I accept your proposal.” It took every ounce of self-control that Darcy had not to immediately take her into his arms and kiss her. The smile that spread across his face told all. “Dearest Elizabeth, I know it’s been said before, but I really do feel that you’ve made me the happiest of men. Just to hear those words from your lips, they make all the last few months, this last year all worth it.” Darcy carried on in this vein for a few minutes. Then Elizabeth took his arm, and they walked on. Neither of them knew what direction they walked, only paying attention to each other.
Darcy’s happiness was complete. He was to be the happiest of men. He had his heart’s desire. Looking back, he was not sure if his parents had returned to him during his illness. Most likely it was a product of his feverish mind. He did not care. He would be forever grateful to those apparitions that came to him throughout April and May. They had given him the strength to fight and get better. He shivered to think what might have been had he not recovered. Conversation between himself and Elizabeth seemed to be easy now. They conjectured who had informed Lady Catherine, of their ‘engagement’. There was a sense of poetic irony about it all. This was not lost on the young couple. The one person who wished most to prevent their engagement had been the one to bring them together.
How long they had been out? They had not noticed the fading of the light, until the gloom became pronounced. They looked at their watches and realised that they had stayed out the whole day. Much longer than they should have done. They would be late for dinner if they did not hurry along back to Longbourn. Darcy was anxious to speak to Elizabeth’s father. Such an interview would have to wait until tomorrow. He did not foresee any opportunities tonight to talk to Mr Bennet.
The moment they entered Longbourn, it was Jane’s curiosity that was nearly his
undoing. How it was that he did not break out into a wide grin, he was not sure. Elizabeth’s quick answer seemed to satisfy her sister. If only you knew that I am going to be your brother! That is what we were doing. I have no wish to tell you or anyone else tonight that I am the happiest man alive! I want to keep Elizabeth and my happiness to myself tonight. The feeling that you are on top of the world, and that anything is possible can be a potent drug. He felt giddy with happiness, every time that he reminded himself that was now an engaged man. Now as he sat next to her mother, at dinner, he did not hear more than one word in ten. He could not even notice her silliness and uninformed opinions. He spent most of dinner in his own head. He relived the moment he had gone from heartbroken to the happiest engaged man that had ever lived. In Darcy’s mind Bingley’s happiness could not compare. Bingley’s heartbreak over the previous winter and spring had been of his own making. Bingley had allowed others to influence him away from the woman he loved and believed loved him. No, Bingley had not felt the true sting of unrequited love. Bingley did not know what it was to have the woman you love tell you, that she despises you. Nor did Bingley know the pain of facing the truth that you are not the person that you think yourself to be. Would Bingley appreciate what it was to change and fight for the woman you love. What would happen in the years to come when Bingley and Jane face troubles in their relationship? Would they be able to fight to have the relationship that they should have? Darcy was not sure that they would. It would be his worst nightmare if Bingley's love sank into comfort bordering on contempt. All Darcy could do was hope that his friends marriage would not be such a marriage.
No one seemed to suspect the truth. How he and Elizabeth did not give away their secret, he was not sure. He wanted to shout from the roof tops that Elizabeth Bennet was going to become Elizabeth Darcy. For the rest of the evening, he had the time to reflect and smile and watch his friend and Elizabeth’s sister. They would soon be his brother and sister in law. They were laughing and talking about all sorts of subjects, while he and Elizabeth were quiet. He wondered what Elizabeth was thinking. If he had his way, he would announce it right then. Etiquette must be followed as well as Elizabeth be happy with when and how the revelation was made. For now he would follow her lead. She would know what was best with regards to her family. He had made too many assumptions over the last year, which had caused too many problems for them.
Darcy thought that he could see how happy Elizabeth was. Tonight, he was content sitting near to and observing her. Despite the lack of conversation. Everything he longed to say could not be stated in that drawing room. Not with her mother sitting so near as to hear every word. No every word he wanted to say whether it was of love or of more practical things was for Elizabeth’s ears only. He watched as Mrs Bennet spoke openly about his friend’s wealth. He was convinced she would flaunt his own wealth coming into the family. His confidence that Elizabeth would sort everything properly and discretely rose. She had proved time and time again how capable she was at keeping everything civil and elegant. Even when those around her let her down. Bingley never left Jane’s side, so Darcy had nobody that he could confide in at that moment. There was nothing that he desired more that to be able to share the biggest news of his life news with his best friend. Bingley was determined to torture Darcy as he chatted away with Jane nonstop. Bingley had known that morning that Darcy intended to ask Elizabeth again. Darcy saw him flick his eyes across the room, a few times. However, Darcy would not answer the question in his eyes. Since Bingley wished to converse with Jane to Darcy's exclusion, Darcy would not give any sign of success or failure. There was no conversation, so Darcy had nothing to do but sit and contemplate.
When they eventually returned to Netherfield, Darcy could wait no longer. He turned to his friend before they had even sat down. “Bingley, you must now congratulate me, for I find that you and I are to be brothers.” He announced without preamble.
Mr Bingley turned to Darcy incredulous, “Why Darcy, you sly thing! Jane and I spoke of it, and she seemed to think it impossible, are you totally sure about this? There is something you haven't told me.”
“Absolutely! I asked Elizabeth while we were walking this morning. She told me that her emotions had turned around so much, that she accepted me now with great pleasure.”
Bingley then walked over and gave Darcy a hug, “Congratulations.”
“And are you happy to have me as your brother?”
“Delighted! I did think earlier this year that you and my sister were trying to make me your brother by means of another young lady. Despite my disinclination towards her.”
At this Darcy coloured and said, “Well... Maybe we were, but I was a fool then.” He especially felt foolish when reminded how disinclined he was towards his cousin. Anne had been a match that had been forced on him. His sister should and will be given a chance to choose for herself. He still reserved the right of advising her on a proper choice, her heart must not and will not be denied.
“Anyway, I am delighted.”
Bingley and Darcy sat up half the night planning how Darcy could talk to Elizabeth. Darcy wanted everything settled. Including seeking her father’s permission the following evening. They also settled it between them that they were both to be the happiest of men. Neither of them would allow it that the other was to be happier than himself. Eventually they had to agree to be as happy as each other. Before they went to bed Darcy said: “Of course, you and Jane will come to us at Pemberley for Christmas?”
“As long as my dear Jane agrees, we will.”
“Have you and Jane set the date yet?”
“Not yet, but I’m hoping that it will not be long until we do. To be honest, I don’t really want to wait a long time, and you and Elizabeth?”
“I want to wait a long time even less than you do. This last year has been a torture for me.” At this Bingley merely laughed. At last, the gentlemen thought it more right than desirable that they should go to bed.
"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end."
Madame de Stael
The next morning, Bingley and Darcy arrived early at Longbourn. For a moment during the greetings, Darcy thought that Bingley was going to give his secret away. The warmth of Bingley's greeting to Elizabeth could have given them away. Bingley was true to his word and kept Darcy's secret. He only asked Mrs Bennet if there were more lanes for Darcy and Elizabeth to walk. Darcy blushed, but his happiness was such that he ignored how blatant his friend was about it.
“I advise Mr Darcy, Lizzy, and Kitty to walk to Oakham Mount this morning. It is a nice long walk and Mr Darcy has never seen the view.” No, Kitty is NOT allowed on this walk! I want Elizabeth to myself! Mrs Bennet seemed to be as agreed to Elizabeth walking with Darcy as the gentleman himself could be. Bingley, soon dismissed Kitty from the walk. As soon as they were out of the house Elizabeth took his arm.
“Elizabeth, I’ve been thinking, and I want to get your father’s permission tonight. Pemberley has been without a mistress for far too long. I do not want to wait a long time to take you to Pemberley as its new Mistress. So, what do you say about marrying by the end of November?”
“My father’s permission is the easy part. I do not expect that he will withhold his consent. When Mr Collins letter arrived, he teased me so much, because he still thinks that I don’t like you. He seems to think that you are indifferent, so he might well believe that you and I have been very sly.”
“Oh dear, your father is not going to be happy, then.” This is not going at all how I thought it would. How do I get over this hurdle?
“As long as he knows that this is not an overnight thing for either of us, he should be happy.”
“Should I wait and ask his permission next week, and pay a little more attention to you in public?” I cannot bear this! I need you, Elizabeth, more than I have needed anything in my entire life.
“No, no” laughed Elizabeth. “Please
, do ask him tonight. Make sure you tell him how long you have loved me, and then when I talk to him, I will say how much I love you. I may have to tell him what you did for Lydia.” That should be alright then, the task you have set is much easier than I feared it would be.
They walked on talking about the future. “When you were at Pemberley did you see anything that you would like to redecorate? I know that some of our state rooms are reaching the point of needing new furniture.”
“I wasn’t looking at it as my future home, but no, I didn’t see anything that I wanted to redecorate. Pemberley is so beautiful and so well decorated. If I were to do anything, it would only be to spoil it rather than enhance the beauty of that wonderful home.” replied Elizabeth.
“I want to show you my London home, but can think of no reason to take you to town right now.”
“Once you have my father’s permission, then we can start to plan an outing, or a London stay after that. Oh, and don’t forget my mother will want Jane and me to go to London for our wedding clothes. Uncle Gardiner always sources all the best materials.”
Darcy grinned, this would work out perfectly. “Could you stay at your Aunt and Uncle Gardiners for a couple of weeks next month.”
“Do you have business there next month?”
“I can contrive to have, in winter there’s always more business in town than I care for.”
“It’s also the Season there is it not?”
“It’s only starting, and generally won’t get going in earnest until December or January.” Darcy smiled, and then added: “Elizabeth, please say that you’ll be happy to come from Pemberley to Town in January. Georgiana should have her coming out this season.”
“My dear Fitzwilliam, I’ll be happy to be wherever you wish to be,” said Elizabeth.
1812 How It All Began- Part 2 Page 14