books 1 - 3

by Ella J. Smyth

  Adi moved her hands and stretched out her legs even though her eyes were still closed. He quickly put his shirt back on. Then he got up and crouched down in front of her. A low grumble and a wet tongue nuzzling his palm announced Ho’neo’s return. Relief flooded through him. He hadn’t been at all sure if the wolf was able to come back, given the way Honi had entered the spirit world. He ruffled the wolf’s head to show how happy he was to see him, then turned back to Adi. She was the key to all of this. His issues had to wait until she was taken care of.

  “Adi, are you back? Open your eyes, sweetheart, look at me,” he coaxed her. When she did, he couldn’t help but return her smile. She looked adorable, all hazy-eyed and happy to see him. Their eyes locked for a few moments and he felt like the question to all his answers lay in her honest, glowing gaze. He had nearly forgotten the pain from earlier when it hit him again. Her eyes widened in shock, when he screamed and his muscles locked again.

  An invisible hand slammed him into the ground and fire tortured his twitching limbs. His eyes rolled up into their sockets and his teeth ground together. He tasted blood and knew he’d bitten himself badly. Adi screamed, and her hands hovered over his face, not knowing how to help him. He must have passed out at some point, because when he opened his eyes again, his head was in Adi’s lap, and her tear-streaked face bent over him.

  “Oh my God, I thought I’d lost you! Your heart had stopped beating, and you weren’t breathing, but then you were…” Her panicked babbling hurt his ears, and he closed his eyes for another moment. He mentally checked his entirely body and wiggled his toes and fingers in turn. Everything still worked, but the pain on his chest had gotten worse. He sat up gingerly and pulled his shirt up again. No point hiding it from Adi now that she had witnessed the attack.

  There were four patches, looking as painful as they felt. Adi’s hand flew up to cover her mouth. She looked at his face, then back to his chest. “Honi, what the hell? They look like paddle burns from a defibrillator. What’s going on?”

  Huh. Now that she said it, that kinda made sense. The pain he’d suffered was like he imagined electrocution would feel. And the burn patches were too regular to have been caused by anything other than a man-made device. Damn. If he had to be resuscitated, that meant…

  Shit. Honi covered his eyes and groaned. Goddamn crap and… he’d overdosed. He’d fucking overdosed. Jesus. And not just that. His heart had stopped. He had no idea what shape his body was in. Maybe he was on life support. Maybe he was dying. He needed to get back.

  Except he couldn’t leave Adi alone. She’d done great. With a bunny. Progress, but not exactly a challenge. What if she encountered larger beasts, like his own wolf? He looked at Ho’neo, who had his large head on his paws and seemed to be taking another nap. As harmless as his spirit animal looked right now, when he stood up, his shoulder reached up to Honi’s waist. The wolf was huge, and his jaws would tear Adi’s head off her shoulders without any effort.

  Honi swallowed and shook his head to get rid of the disturbing image. He didn’t know if his presence would make much of a difference, but he was an experienced spirit-walker. He had learned meditation at an early age and practiced for years. If nothing else, he could offer Adi support and love, and maybe that was enough to carry her through. Honi had no idea, but he had a gut feeling that Adi wouldn’t make it all by herself.

  So in the end it came down to this: would he return to his physical body and abandon her? Or would he try his best to support her but risk dying in the real world? As he looked up into her face, her eyes blazing with a mix of worry and anger, he knew he couldn’t leave her behind. She was so worth it, and the thought of her being lost because of him, made him physically sick. He would stay as long as it took. Even if it cost him his own life.

  Adi sat with her legs crossed, hands resting palms up on her knees, and tried to settle down. Slipping into a trance had become easier and easier, but not this time. She worried about Honi. She had genuinely thought he was dying as he writhed in agony in front of her.

  When she’d rushed over to do something, anything, he’d made this strange sound, like a groan, but drawn out, with clenched teeth. Then his eyes had rolled into his head, and he’d stopped moving. He’d been so still, foam in the corners of his mouth, his skin pale and cold. When she’d felt for his pulse, there was none. For a terrible moment she had been convinced that he was dead. She’d had no idea what else to do, so she’d shaken him, then thumped his chest. He’d inhaled in an almighty gasp, thrown his head back and stared into the sky.

  Later, when he’d pulled his shirt off, she had recognized the paddle burns straight away. She’d had a fascination with medical dramas for years and had even considered becoming a doctor. There wasn’t enough money for med school though, and besides, her grades weren’t good enough anyway, so she’d dropped the thought quickly. Being able to change direction so easily was confirmation enough that it had been the right decision.

  Her mind wouldn’t calm down. Honi’s terrified face, then when his breathing had stopped… she couldn’t get the images out of her memory. She took another deep, slightly shaky inhale. This wasn’t working. She needed to work out what had happened to him first. Adi’d been injured in real life after her nightmare attack. It wouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination to assume that it also worked the other way around. So if Honi was injured in the spirit world, his body had been hurt in the real world.

  Defibrillator paddle-shaped burns. His heart stopping. Him being here in the first place, and for such a long time. For God’s sake, that stupid idiot! Her eyes flew open and found Honi sitting next to her, his head hanging low as he gingerly poked at the raised blisters on his chest. “You’re the most stupid person I’ve ever met! When were you going to tell me?”

  His eyes flew up to hers in a deer-in-the-headlights impression. “Ehm, what?” he managed to say before Adi jumped up, her eyes blazing at him.

  “You had to be resuscitated! Your heart stopped! You died!”

  Honi hung his head between his shoulders. He looked guilty as hell.

  “You lied to me about sleeping pills, didn’t you? So what did you do? If you’d cut your wrists, I would see it, right? So what, alcohol poisoning? Overdose? What?”

  He answered so quietly she could barely hear it.

  “Louder, what did you do?”

  “A bit of both? I took some sleeping tablets with a whiskey chaser, that’s all. I didn’t overdose though, just took enough to let me sleep for a day.” He smiled at her sheepishly. She was not charmed by it at all.

  “Bullshit. Do you not get it? You died of an overdose, and they brought you back. You have no idea what shape you’re in. You could be lying in a coma, on life support, maybe brain-damaged.”

  Honi flinched. “Probably not brain-damaged. You would know if I were.” Adi stood, hands pushed into her waist, glaring down at him.

  “Don’t joke about it, Honi. Why would you pull such a stupid stunt? Risking your life like that?”

  He glared back at her. Good, he was losing his temper. Maybe she had gotten through to him how stupid he was!

  “Do you think I did it just for the fun of it? There was no other way! Dammit Adi, don’t you know how much you mean to me? I would risk a lot more to make sure you’re safe!” Honi shouted the last words, and his eyes flashed at her angrily. For a moment their gazes were locked in a battle of wills. Then he took a deep breath and visibly calmed himself down.

  “Look, I’m sorry for shouting at you. It’s not that bad, I swear. I took a couple of sleeping pills—not too many,” he added quickly after another glare from Adi. “I probably shouldn’t have downed them with whiskey but if I have paddle burns, I’m in a hospital and in the best hands, right? People only die when they choke on their own vomit. I’ve been found, and I’m being treated. They’re probably being super-careful and keeping me there overnight.”

  Adi didn’t know what to say. Resuscitating a patient meant that the person’s heart h
ad stopped. Hearts didn’t just stop for no reason. Honi was probably right that he was being treated and that he’d be okay. At least, that was what Adi hoped with all her heart. There was no point belly-aching over something she couldn’t change now. But now she knew that she had to get him back sooner rather than later. While he was trapped in this world, he couldn’t wake up in hospital, and she knew he wouldn’t return until he was sure she was safe.

  Honi had fallen back again, his arms spread wide, his eyes closed. He smiled a little as the wind picked up his long black hair and blew it over his face. He looked so peaceful, her heart went out to him. Thinking about losing him, even for a few seconds, was too much. The very idea cut through her deeply, and she was winded with the panic that hit her.

  There he was, long-limbed, all relaxed while risking his life to save hers. She couldn’t help herself. She dropped to her knees, bent over his face and placed a kiss, sweet and light, onto his full lips. He opened his eyes and she felt the corners of his mouth lift in amusement.

  “What’s that for?” he mumbled against her lips. She smiled and kissed him harder while her heart ached for him. She had to get him back, she just had to. If she didn’t, they would both be dead. The thought of his death hurt a lot more than her own.

  Adi sat up and turned back to Honi. “So I suppose we really don’t have that much time left. Let’s plan. Where would be a good place to call the spirit animals to?”

  Honi considered the question. “A safe place we could retreat to if you lose control. We don’t know though, what’s going to come at you. So water is out, because how would we defend a lake or a river if fish creatures attack you?”

  Adi nodded. That made sense. She had no intention of getting dragged down into deep water by God knew what. She shuddered. Inhaling dark, cold water, struggling to reach the surface, with something holding on to her, was not how she saw herself going.

  “What about a cave?” she asked quickly.

  Honi agreed. “We’d have to find one first. Ideally with a back exit in case we get overrun, and a narrow entrance so that the animals can only get in a few at a time.”

  Adi sighed. With their luck, they wouldn’t find one in time. Then she remembered her night in the tree.

  “How about the forest? If we climb up high enough, most of the larger predators can’t follow. You could protect me from smaller birds and the larger ones can’t get through the foliage.” The longer she thought this through, the better she liked the idea. It would hold back most of the really dangerous creatures, and she was pretty sure she could deal with mice and other vermin.

  “Not a bad idea,” Honi replied. “Wouldn’t it be too uncomfortable to go under as deep as you need to?”

  “Well, that’s why I’ve got you.” Adi smiled brightly. “If I start to slip, you’ll catch me. I know I can trust you.” Wow, that sounded cheesy. She quickly punched him in the arm and grinned at him widely. He frowned and rubbed his arm for show. She doubted her fists would have made much on an impact on his solid frame but appreciated the gesture anyway. There was nothing but fondness in his eyes, so she didn’t feel bad for hurting him. Much.

  Pretty soon the seriousness of their situation reminded them to get moving. They turned towards the forest and began walking. As before, the trees looked like a solid mass of black far on the horizon. Adi tentatively grabbed his hand, and when Honi didn’t pull his back, held on tight. Not because she was scared. It felt nice to feel his rough skin against her soft fingers.

  Why did he have calluses? He was a student, like her. He didn’t work physically. She lifted his hand and curiously studied his palm. There were quite a few hard patches of skin, mainly on his palm, just where his fingers started. She turned his hand over and looked at him questioningly.

  Honi chuckled. “The calluses?” When Adi nodded, he continued, “I’m not a lumberjack, in case you’re wondering. I lift heavy weights in the gym and do some sparring. Wanna come along sometime when we’re back?”

  That made sense, looking at his chest and arms. He gripped her hand tight and lifted it to his mouth. Adi shivered as she felt his lips brush the back of her hand. Then he dropped their hands, still holding on to hers, and smiled at her. He didn’t have to say much, and she already felt better.

  The dimensions here were so screwy. Their interaction could only have lasted a few minutes, but when she looked up again, the forest was nearly upon them. The trees stood like the buttresses of an ancient cathedral and blocked out all the light. Entering the forest felt like walking into a hallowed space, the crunch of their feet on loose gravel outside swallowed up by dense layers of moss and needles inside.

  Adi took a deep breath, and the slightly damp cooler air soothed the membranes of her nose. She hadn’t realized how dehydrated she had become. She felt no hunger and only a little thirst, but her body suffered from the lack of liquids over the last however many hours. Another reason to get back as soon as possible. For now, she savored the intense flavor of sap in her nostrils, biting and astringent. She could nearly taste it on her tongue.

  Last time she was here, the wood had felt alien and terrifying. She had run for her life, and that kind of experience tended to linger. She looked around, trying to make out any movements that might indicate danger, but there was nothing. Only the sound of their feet hitting the soft ground, occasionally tripping over a large branch or getting caught in a tangle of thicket. She forced her gaze back on the ground. The last thing she needed was another injury.

  Honi stopped after a little while. He looked up at a huge oak tree, looming over them like a benevolent giant. The circular spread of sturdy branches, as thick as her thighs, promised shelter to both of them. Where the branches connected to the trunk, they formed a little platform, big enough to seat them comfortably. Honi reached up, and his outstretched fingers barely brushed the first limb.

  He turned around. “Hey, if I give you a boost up, you think you could get up there?”

  Adi lifted her eyes. It didn’t seem that high, but out of reach of any larger predators. She put her hand on the rough bark and enjoyed the texture on her fingertips. She nodded, and Honi bent down, lacing his fingers together. Adi stepped close and rested her hand on his shoulder.

  Every time she got close to him, her heart sped up, and this time was no different. On impulse, she leaned closer and brushed her lips against his. He smiled in pleased surprise, and she placed her good foot in the cradle he’d made for her. With a grunt he lifted. She rolled her eyes a little—surely she wasn’t that heavy for a big strong guy like Honi—and grabbed the tree. With some effort, she pulled herself up onto her perch. Then she watched appreciatively as he jumped, grabbing hold of the branch, and executed a perfect pull-up, arm muscles bulging. Damn, he looked good. Her face grew hot as he shuffled into position next to her.

  He grinned at her. “That was fun. We should be okay up here, what do you think?”

  She poked his chest with her forefinger, just to see how he would react. “Yeah, as long as I don’t fall off during meditation. Looks safe enough.” He grabbed her finger and took it into his mouth. Then he winked as he sucked a little, his smooth tongue and the wet sensation sending more shivers down her spine. She pulled her finger back sharply, trying to get her mind back on the job. That boy was really distracting.

  “You know, there’s a whole lot of things I want to do to you with my tongue when we get back.” Her eyes widened, and her thoughts came to a sudden halt. The bastard smugly continued, “Just saying. I’m good at motivational talk.” Some motivation. She sighed, a little dreamily, before snapping back to reality.

  “Okay then,” she said, clearing her throat. “No time like right now. Let’s do this.”

  “You know I trust you, right?” This time he looked at her with so much fondness that her breath caught again. Whatever it was that had sparked between them, it had moved from purely physical to a deeper understanding. Adi was looking forward to exploring this for real. But for now, she had a j
ob to do.

  With one last look at his beautiful face, she wiggled her butt to get comfortable and closed her eyes. She immediately felt like something was different. Instead of sinking into the blissful dark calm of her mind, her consciousness was pulled from her. She slipped into a deep trance, so deep that she panicked for a moment before letting go. There was no point fighting the draw, and she surrendered herself to it. Again there was a dark figure at the edge of her mind. The pull emanated from the looming presence, and Adi knew all of a sudden that she had to fight. If her mind was sucked towards the blackness, she wouldn’t return.

  With every fiber of her being, she tried to reverse the motion towards this… this thing that fascinated and repulsed her in equal measure. A slick, an oiliness coated her mind. She knew this would get worse the closer she got, and her breathing turned labored as she imagined the tarnish covering her mouth and nose.

  Adi’s body tensed up. She wasn’t in a trance anymore and had lost control of her mind. She tried so hard to resist when she felt something so incongruous, it made her stop struggling for a moment. Lust crept inside her belly, making her ache and want to writhe. This was so wrong. This was nothing like being with Honi, who played her body with a smile and a wink. No, this made her feel violated. She moaned in protest but couldn’t open her mouth to scream.

  With clinical detachment, she observed her limbs convulse while she fought the terrible rise of sexual excitement she hadn’t asked for or wanted. The only thing breaking through the fog was a warm pressure on her arms, just below her shoulders. It grew tighter and warmer, and she latched onto it in desperation. She was being torn in two, oily heat pushing between her legs, hot pressure on her arms. One promised despair and regret, the other salvation.

  With a huge effort, Adi concentrated on her arms, and slowly, ever so slowly, the cloud of lust tinged with despair lifted. As she drew strength from the touch on her body, she managed to open her eyes and look straight into the horrified gaze of Honi. The spirit-walker had somehow managed to pull her away from the terrifying figure that was still on the edge of her perception but losing its grip on her mind bit by bit.