books 1 - 3

by Ella J. Smyth

  Adi joined him, flabbergasted. “What the hell? How’s this going to work?”

  Florice laughed when he saw her face. “They have speakers out here. I’ve also got a friend inside who’s recording the lecture. We take turns, so there’s always somebody here an hour before it starts. Makes more sense than all of us having to get up super early.”

  Adi’s eyes had gone wide. Great. She was new and hadn’t made any friends yet that she’d be comfortable asking for help.

  “Don’t worry, Adi. The more the merrier—isn’t that what you say in English? I’ll add you to the rotation, okay?”

  Florice still smiled at her, and she cringed a little on the inside. He was being so nice, and she didn’t want to lead him on. While she still looked at him, thoughts whirling in her mind, he reached out and took her hand. She jumped and would have pulled back if Florice hadn’t held on tight. Where their skin connected, a charge like being touched with an icicle shocked her. Quickly the feeling turned to a pleasant heat, warming up her whole body. Adi looked at Florice with big eyes, her heart beating faster. He smiled at her.

  “Are you okay? You seem a little pale,” he asked, still holding her hand. Like a quick-acting infection, calm spread through her mind and body. His eyes held her gaze unwaveringly. By the time he released her hand, she smiled back. He did have the most amazing green eyes, she thought dreamily. Maybe she’d been too quick to dismiss him. He’d already proven himself to be a friend, and maybe he could become more.

  For the rest of the lecture, she leaned against the young man. He didn’t put his arm around her shoulder or try to hold her hand. This is nice, peaceful. Florice’s green eyes were riveted to her face, pinning her with his gaze. And every time her thoughts drifted to her old life, to Honi, Florice brushed against her arm, and the thoughts went away.

  11

  Adi juggled two full paper bags. Another thing to get used to over here. When she was a child, German grocery stores had charged for plastic bags, but recently, they’d switched to paper bags only. Not a problem, unless you had to open the door with a key, and setting down your vegetables in suspicious puddles wasn’t an option.

  Adi shuddered, remembering the two drunks underneath her window only this morning. God knew what was in that liquid, pooling on the black asphalt. A floating layer of grease, mixed with the faint odor of vomit, made her stomach heave a little.

  Finally her fingers brushed against the small key ring in her pants pocket. The two bags were beginning to cut off circulation to her fingers. Once inside, Adi sighed with relief.

  Two hours of droning, monotonous German channeled through ancient speakers, interspersed with earsplitting crackles. Ugh. She’d nearly passed out, and she hadn’t been the only one. As the temperature had risen in that hallway stuffed with dozens of students, her eyes had drooped and her head fallen against Florice’s shoulder a few times. She’d been mortified, but he’d only smiled. She couldn’t really remember much else.

  The sun was reaching its highest point outside, beating off the old walls, reflecting onto the narrow passages between houses, and raising the temperature of the city center. Once she’d cleared away her groceries, Adi planned on having a quick lunch and then sorting out her paperwork. Germany had a reputation for being a bureaucratic nightmare, and there sure were plenty of rules. Everybody living in Germany had to register within a few days of arrival.

  Adi groaned at the thought of all the hoops she’d have to jump through. At least the local town council was open until late, same as the university administration. She might even get a chance to sign up for some elective courses. There was a drawing course on the list she’d picked up last night. It might make sitting through boring lectures more bearable if she could do some sketching, she thought, dragging her groceries up the stairs.

  By the second floor, she was cursing the temperature that gradually increased the higher she climbed. By the time she pushed open the apartment door with her shoulder, her face was hot, and sweat snaked down her spine. With a final effort, she entered the kitchen and lifted the bags onto the table. Then she dropped into a chair, panting and out of breath.

  She hadn’t even noticed her flatmate until Gerard placed a glass of tap water in front of her. She jumped a little before gratefully sipping some of the cold liquid.

  “Sorry for missing you this morning.” Lukas walked into the room. “Did you do anything interesting?” Before she could answer, he continued, “Can I offer you a cup of tea?”

  Adi smiled gratefully. Then her face fell. She’d forgotten to pick up a piece of gateau. Before she could say anything, Lukas opened the fridge door and pulled out a paper-covered plate.

  “We thought you traveling all the way from America is a good reason for a treat, yes?”

  While Gerard fetched three plates from the cupboard above the sink, Lukas turned on the water kettle and poured two cups of coffee from a shiny silver coffeemaker next to the stove. While Adi was still wondering what treat Lukas was talking about, he had picked up her grocery bags and stored the various containers in the small fridge. Then he sat down next to her.

  “So, how do you like Heidelberg?”

  Adi smiled gratefully at Gerard as he placed a cup of tea in front of her. She shook her head when he offered milk and sugar.

  “Thanks, I’ll have it black.”

  She waited until Gerard unwrapped the mystery plate, revealing three slices of cream-cheese gateau, the filling three inches high and sprinkled with powdered sugar. He carefully placed the slices on their plates, and while the boys dug in, she told them about her day. When she mentioned Florice, Lukas’s eyebrow rose.

  “You haven’t even been here forty-eight hours and have already found a boyfriend?” he said with a grin.

  Gerard chuckled and nudged Lukas with his shoulder. “You wanted to be my boyfriend the next day, remember?”

  Adi tried not to smile at his pronunciation. She was going to have to help him so he stopped sounding like Hans Gruber, the Die Hard villain. Then her tired brain homed in on the word boyfriend. She really didn’t want to think of Florice in those terms.

  While she sipped some more of the fragrant brew, she thought hard. What was it about that guy? When she spent time with him, she felt all mellow and a little turned on, but now, sitting in this brightly lit kitchen, with her two new friends, she couldn’t care less if she ever saw him again.

  “I’ve just come out of a bad relationship,” she finally explained. It was true. She wasn’t over Honi, not by a long stretch. Gerard took her hand.

  “Hey, sorry, we didn’t mean to make you sad,” he said softly. Adi pushed down the hurt and dejection. These guys were just adorable. She’d never met anybody before who’d been so concerned about a virtual stranger. She picked up her fork and carefully balanced a large chunk of pale yellow cheesecake on the tines.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not,” she said brightly before putting the sweet, creamy morsel into her mouth. Then she moaned. Oh my God, that was delicious. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sweet creaminess, tasting a hint of cinnamon and clove as she chewed. Then, mid-bite, she remembered that she’d agreed to go out tonight with Florice.

  How had she forgotten until just now? That jet lag was surely still messing with her. She couldn’t remember the exact conversation, but she must have agreed for him to pick her up, hadn’t she? He would be waiting for her downstairs at ten o’clock tonight.

  Best not to tell the boys now, she thought regretfully. She didn’t want to be teased anymore or answer any questions. She’d tell them on the way out tonight. Germany was a much safer place than the US, but she wanted to make sure that somebody knew where she was going, just in case.

  12

  The driving rhythm of an old Cure tune thumped in Adi’s stomach. She widened her stance a little, wanting to feel the solid floor under her feet. Disoriented by the flashing lighting, the loud music and the hundreds of people crammed into the underground dive bar, she needed to ground her
self.

  The dance area was maybe ten by ten feet, but its size was irrelevant. Clubgoers pushed against the bar, the walls, against each other, gyrating and rubbing their bodies in rhythm to the music. Adi’s mood soared, watching young students and older regulars flirting, laughing, kissing, grinding. Conversation was impossible, but then words weren’t needed when body language was far more powerful.

  After she’d told her flatmates where she was going, they’d decided to come along. Adi had barely been able to hide her relief and made them promise to wake her in time to get ready. She’d managed to get a few hours’ sleep before Gerald had knocked on her door. By the time Florice had rung the doorbell, she’d showered and been ready to go.

  The four of them had walked the few hundred yards to the club. No need for cars in this town. Cave 69 was well disguised in another dark alleyway. A small yellow light above a black wooden door, a square hole in the top protected by metal bars, was the only giveaway to the club’s location.

  A bouncer with a handlebar mustache, gray ponytail, and black leather vest had greeted the boys like old friends before issuing Adi a temporary membership card. When he’d stamped her hand, he’d grinned and held on a little longer than strictly necessary. Adi had flirted back, smiling expectantly when she heard the music travel up the narrow staircase leading to the underground cavern.

  Lukas told her that due to fire regulations, Cave 69 was one of the few places that always had had a smoking ban, even before the rules had changed in Germany some years ago. Adi held on to the metal handrail and watched her footing, glad for the lack of cigarette stink.

  The further down she went, the louder the bass and the brighter the flashlights, strobing in sync with the beat. The sixties-style wall and ceiling lamps contrasted with the grungy black interior. Metal squares delineated the dance floor, reflecting the bright spots of light between the writhing bodies.

  While Lukas ordered drinks for them all, Adi’s body moved without her conscious input. When a familiar dirty guitar riff cut through the noise, followed by Kurt Cobain’s haunting wail, Adi had no choice but to jump up and down with the rest of the crowd. God, it felt so good being part of the heaving mass of dancers. Her brain shut off completely. Her body reacted to the vibrations, and she closed her eyes. The music was red-hot, pulsing with the beat. Her mind was consumed by the song, by the instruments, by the connection she felt with all around her.

  She barely took time to drink the glasses of mineral water Lukas kept putting in front of her. At some stage, she handed some money to him to pay for her share, but he waved her off, laughing. The next time she checked, Lukas had his arm around Gerald’s waist and they were screaming the chorus of a German song from the eighties at the top of their lungs. Shaking her head in amusement, Adi took another sip from her glass. She’d lost all track of time. It could have been midnight, it could have been four o’clock. She didn’t know and didn’t care. She’d lost track of Florice a while ago. He was still around, and last she saw, he was screaming into a goth girl’s ear while gesticulating wildly.

  Unexpectedly, a Scorpions’ ballad started playing. One moment, Adi was jumping and wriggling her hips, holding hands with Gerald, the next she stepped back, and the grin dropped off her face. The wall between the two Germanys had come down before she was born, but “Wind of Change” had been a staple on German radio throughout her childhood. And just like that, images crashed through her tired brain.

  Her mom, kissing her forehead before tucking her in. Her dad, walking her to school before going off to work. Honi, black hair pulled back from his face. Honi, so strong, dependable, yet so vulnerable and ready to love her. Adi gasped with the pain of the memory. Her arms wrapped around her midriff, her shoulders hunched, she closed her eyes, trying to fight back tears. After a moment, she lifted her head and looked for her friends. They were slow-dancing to the ballad, Lukas’s head pressed against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

  Adi turned away and pushed through the throng towards the staircase. She needed to go home, right now. The feeling of release, of abandon in this underground space had turned into claustrophobia squeezing her. There were still so many people between her and the exit! Her breath sped up, and Adi felt her heartbeat in her throat. She knew what was happening, that she was inching towards an anxiety attack, but there was nothing she could do about it. The loud music pressed into her eardrums and wouldn’t allow her to hold on to any coherent thought other than “I need to get out!”

  A hand grabbed her shoulder and forced her to stop. Adi screamed in frustration and swung around, ready to push whoever dared to get in her way. Florice’s handsome face smiled at her, but when he took one look at her expression, his face fell. He bent close to her ear and shouted, “Are you okay?”

  Adi looked at him, aware that her eyes were shiny with tears, and shook her head. Florice’s hand slid off her shoulder until he touched her fingers. The second his skin brushed over hers, a tingle raced up her arm, and her panic disappeared as if it had never happened. The corners of her mouth lifted in response to his tentative grin. All feelings of anxiety left her body like a flood of warm water, leaving her weak and depleted.

  Florice put his hand on the back of her neck, pulled her closer, and brushed his lips over hers. Adi opened her mouth in a breathy inhale, and his tongue dipped in briefly as if he were tasting her. Without conscious thought, Adi pressed closer into his comforting embrace, returning his kiss without hesitation. Florice pulled away after a few seconds. “Wanna get out of here?” he murmured in her ear.

  She could barely make out the words over the music, but the vibrations of his voice tickled her ear and made her knees weak. She nodded wordlessly, clutching onto his arms to steady herself. He took her hand and pulled her up the narrow staircase into the cool night air.

  Adi didn’t remember much of the walk home. Her entire focus was on the man walking next to her. Every time he turned his head, his green eyes pulled her in until she forgot why she hadn’t felt any attraction for him just the day before. There was a reason, but when his thumb slowly drew circles on the back of her hand as he pulled her along, she couldn’t think of anything but Florice’s strong arms and his wide shoulders.

  They stumbled up the stairs together, a strange intensity subduing Adi’s desire to talk or even giggle when she tripped and nearly brained herself on the apartment door. When Florice let go of her hand so that she could find her keys and open the lock, her mind cleared for a moment. What was she doing? Had she not decided just a few hours ago that she didn’t want to get involved with anybody else? She stepped back and opened her mouth to tell Florice that he better leave.

  As if he felt that she was changing her mind, his mouth descended on hers with such ferocity that she stumbled back. She would have fallen down the stairs, had Florice not held her with iron strength and pulled her against his chest. His tongue invaded her mouth, and with every moan and gasp he pulled from her, her resolve melted away.

  In a tiny corner of her mind, she noticed that he had taken the key from her and somehow opened the door while kissing her to within an inch of her life. Before she could wonder how he had found the way to her bedroom, he pushed her down on the soft surface of her bed. His body lay heavily on hers while he continued kissing her, sucking on her tongue as if she were made of sugar and lemon.

  The last strands of conscious thought left her under the onslaught. She’d lost all track of time—he could have kissed her for minutes or hours, she didn’t know. All she knew was that every slick stroke of his tongue ratcheted up her excitement further.

  Tinder glowed in her abdomen, just above her pelvic bone. Her body was shaking, her moans louder and louder in her tiny room. At a particularly loud sob, Florice pulled back and looked at her face. His eyes shone as if illuminated from within, a fluorescent green like the reflection of animal eyes. Adi blinked, and the illusion disappeared. His generous mouth stretched around a smile at her confusion.

  “You’re way overdressed.
”

  He slid down her body, the friction of his arms spreading heat in their path as they slid down her sides. His thumbs brushed past her nipples, and a delicious pulse of sensation made her arch her back. He pushed up the hem of her tight halter-top. Where he exposed skin, his mouth dropped tiny kisses and licks. Adi writhed whenever his lips touched a particularly sensitive spot.

  She vaguely remembered doing this before, but it had felt different. Dark eyes, black hair, laughter, giggling, lightness. The cloud of lust and want that had descended on her lifted for a moment and she thought, Honi! She raised her head and stared at the blond head working on her tummy, at white shoulders covering her lower body. This was wrong, she didn’t want him. Did she? She wasn’t sure, she couldn’t think.

  Just as she opened her mouth to put an end to this, strong fingers pinched the nipple of her right breast hard. Her head flew back of its own accord, and a long, drawn-out groan made her forget what she wanted to say. Somehow Florice had slipped his hands behind her back and opened her bra. After he pushed up the piece of fabric, his lips got busy again, alternately sucking and nipping her breasts. Her mind laser-focused on the sensation of his mouth playing her body like an instrument.

  It was so obvious that this wasn’t the first time he’d done this. He seemed to have a telepathic link to her limbic system, playing and tickling her skin until her arousal gave way to physical contentment. But just when she thought this was it, and she managed to take a deep breath to center herself, he would lick his fingertip and drew circles on her nipple until she was gasping and writhing again.

  She didn’t get a chance to reciprocate—he was in charge, and he knew it. Eventually he slid back up to her face, his body once again weighing her down, pressing her deliciously into the mattress, leg wedged against her groin, his tongue moving forcefully in and out of her mouth. Her mind was blank, buzzing with white noise. All that existed was the feeling of him everywhere, stroking, stimulating, pushing, pushing, pushing, until her skin felt too tight with the need to take this further.