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by J N Wood

  I tried my best to tell him to fuck off with my eyes.

  When he was half way down the aisle he slowed his pace down by half, pointed at us, and started to thrust his groin backwards and forwards.

  Even at the best of times, seeing him gyrating like that wouldn’t have been pleasant, but because he was just wearing a towel the sight was even more horrendous.

  He stopped dead when he was a bit closer to us, frozen mid thrust. He must have heard Ali’s sobbing because he raised his hands and mouthed the words, ‘Really sorry,’ then slowly backed away a few paces before turning and briskly walking away.

  Jack had just rounded the corner and was out of sight, when Ali backed away from me.

  She reached up and used both her hands to wipe away her tears. ‘Oh shit, I’m really sorry, it all just got the better of me then.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to apologise for.’

  ‘Don’t get me wrong, I love my family but I don’t want to spend every minute with them. Now you are going to leave and I’m stuck with them again.’ A sad little laugh escaped her mouth.

  What do I do here? Do I ask her to come with us? Was she so unhappy she’d want to come with us two idiots?

  ‘You’ll be fine, hopefully Dale and Sophia will turn up in the next few days and you can all get to safety.’

  I took the easy way out.

  ‘Yes I know.’ She took in a long slow breath. ‘We’ll be okay.’ She smiled up at me. ‘So, are you getting straight off? I guess Jack wants to get to his wife as soon as possible.’

  She had regained control of her emotions remarkably quickly, seemingly back to herself.

  ‘Yeah I expect so, we weren’t expecting it to take this long already, so I’m sure he’ll want to get moving soon.’

  ‘Well it’s getting dark out there, so you should go soon. I’m afraid Pete isn’t too happy there are two strangers under our roof, so you’ve got another Rodriguez that hates you. Sandra was just telling me he really didn’t want to let Jack in here.’

  ‘Rodriguez? Steve’s second name is Rodriguez?’

  Ali nodded.

  ‘Ramrododriguez, shit I can’t even say it, hang on.’ I tried to wrap my mouth around the syllables. ‘Ram rod Rod ri guez, well I suppose it’s got a certain ring to it, when you can actually say it.’

  She just laughed.

  Surprisingly enough only Ali, Gilberto, and Sandra, came to see us off. I was surprised to see Gilberto there to be honest. After shaking Gilberto’s and Sandra’s hands and thanking them for their hospitality, I asked them if they needed anything in return, but they politely declined. To be honest I wasn’t sure what I could have offered them anyway.

  I hugged Ali and told her to take care of herself and her family, while Jack stood behind her with that same smirk on his face. Behind Ali’s back I stuck my middle finger up at him and he laughed.

  Ali heard Jack’s laugh and turned around to look at him. She noticed me smiling as well. ‘Hey what’s up?’ she asked.

  ‘Don’t worry about it, just Jack being a childish dick,’ I replied.

  ‘You’ve got a child’s dick,’ Jack murmured, laughing at his own joke.

  I didn’t know if he meant for the others to hear that but they did. Gilberto was glaring at Jack, giving him one of the most disgusted looks I’d ever seen. I think he might have hated Jack more than he hated me.

  I climbed over the fence first, as ungainly as ever. Jack followed, even more ungainly than me, if that were possible. When he was stood next to me we both waved and headed towards our truck.

  ‘Hopefully the last impression isn’t as important as the first, because that was a pretty shit last impression we just left. Thanks Jack.’

  ‘They hated you, I could see that and I was only with them for an hour. I could have pissed in that old guy’s hat and it wouldn’t have made it any worse.’

  ‘Well yeah, that’s true.’

  Blue was still waiting for us so we climbed in. Jack was in the driver’s seat and looking at the map.

  ‘Hey, how old do you reckon the baldy fat guy was?’ I asked.

  ‘Erm…don’t know, early forties maybe.’

  ‘Nope, nineteen.’

  ‘Fuck off!’

  ‘Yep, I had exactly the same reaction.’

  ‘Is he Robin Williams in Jack?’

  ‘The film? Never seen it,’ I said.

  ‘Robin Williams plays a guy called Jack, just ages quicker than normal.’

  ‘Well this guy was called Ramrod Rodriguez.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yep, that was his name, bet you can’t say it quickly ten times.’

  ‘Not even going to try it once. Anyway, less of the frivolity Christopher, we need to sort our route out.’

  ‘What are you thinking?’ I asked.

  ‘The usual, try to avoid all the large cities.’

  I twisted around and reached to the back seat to get a drink.

  ‘Sounds like a plan.’

  ‘Drive through the rest of Utah, then Nevada, and we’re in California,’ Jack said. ‘There’s no point in planning too much, it’s not done us much good so far. Lights on or off, what do you think?’

  ‘Definitely on. We don’t want to crash into anything. Don’t rev the engine loads or screech to a halt. Or anything like that, and try not to accidentally press the foghorn button.’

  We were soon back on the freeway and leaving Payson behind us. I was worried about Ali and her family. I hoped they would find Dale and Sophia sooner rather than later, otherwise I couldn’t see them ever leaving.

  ‘So you were under that pink sofa all night?’ Jack asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  ‘Well yeah, but in a hole under the sofa.’

  ‘I didn’t see a Chris size hole in there when I looked in, it was only a small sofa, in fact it was only a small room.’

  ‘The hole wasn’t big, I had to squeeze myself in, and then pull the sofa over me so I was hidden.’

  ‘Bet that was a bit claustrophobic wasn’t it?’ Jack asked.

  ‘Yeah, it really fucking was.’ A shiver ran all the way down my spine. ‘Anyway, let’s change the subject. Talking about it is giving me flashbacks.’

  ‘You going to tell Joanne about Ali?’ That smile was slowly spreading across his face again.

  ‘Yes I expect so, I’ll tell Jo a very nice woman and her family really helped us both out when we needed it. And that’s all there is to tell.’

  ‘Who would win in a fight?’ Jack asked.

  ‘Between Jo and Ali?’

  Jack laughed. ‘No, you and Ali?’

  ‘Ali would, she’d beat the shit out of me.’

  ‘Very fit though,’ Jack said.

  ‘She was. I won’t be telling Joanne that little detail.’

  Talking with Ali on the fire escape popped into my mind. ‘Do you think the virus was man made?’ I asked.

  ‘Don’t know. I’ve considered it but it just doesn’t make sense. It would be too easy for it to accidentally infect the whole world.’

  ‘Unless they’ve got an antidote. Do you think it has infected the rest of the world?’

  ‘I hope not, I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.’

  ‘Do you think the zombies were a mistake? A kind of by product?’ I asked.

  I didn’t think Ali would mind that I stole her idea.

  ‘Yeah maybe, if it was created,’ Jack replied. ‘Are you expecting the North Koreans to parachute in?’ He leaned forward to look up at the sky. ‘I can’t see any yet.’

  ‘I doubt they will now there’s zombies knocking about. They’ll no doubt postpone the invasion until the dead have died again.’

  The Interstate-15 had served us well since leaving Payson, always skirting around towns and cities. One of the options was to stay on this road but it would eventually take us right through the middle of Las Vegas. Even if we tried to drive around the heavily populated city we decided the risk would be
too great. Just too many people. Or zombies. So we agreed to turn off at a place called Nephi, and join the US-50. That would take us almost all the way to the California state line. It had taken so long just to get to this point I didn’t dare think about actually getting to our final destination.

  It was very strange driving at night. It would normally be quieter at this time but it was a lot more eerie doing it during the zombie apocalypse. Some of the street lights were still on as we passed through towns, so the main electric grid must still have been going.

  There were lots of human shaped silhouettes in the towns. Most of them were just doing their sinister dormant state thing, but occasionally one would catch us by surprise and give chase. We made sure not to let them get anywhere near us.

  We saw a few orange flickering glows on the horizon, reminiscent of the huge fires we got caught up in a couple of days ago.

  We’d been driving for about five hours and were approaching a city called Ely. We both got very excited when we crossed over the state line into Nevada, one step closer to Mountain View. The roads had been a bit heavy with abandoned cars, so it was still taking us longer than Jack would have liked.

  ‘I reckon go another two…maybe three hours tops,’ I suggested. ‘We don’t want to still be out when the sun comes up.’

  Jack looked and sounded disappointed. ‘Yes I suppose so. We’re getting so close though.’

  ‘Exactly, we don’t want to fuck it up now do we? I need a shit by the way. Can you pull over soon?’

  ‘I’m having bottom issues at the moment. I think it’s the stress,’ Jack said.

  ‘That must be a pain in the arse.’

  ‘Hilarious,’ he replied, with a straight face. ‘I was really having issues on top of the gun shop. My arse was hanging out over the edge of the building for at least an hour.’

  ‘Lovely, I really don’t need to know that. It’s a good job Sandra and Pete weren’t passing at that point. I don’t think they would have stopped for you. That reminds me, have we got any toilet roll left?’

  I had a look in the back and spotted a few rolls.

  The fear of being attacked by a zombie does not help when trying to have a comfortable bowel movement. I was pretty sure I’d have piles before this was over. I wished I was also suffering from Jack’s bottom issues if it meant shitting less.

  When I climbed back into the truck I was out of breath. ‘If shitting ever gets to the Olympics I’d definitely win gold for the fastest time.’

  Jack looked at me. ‘I can tell. You’re struggling to breathe.’

  ‘That’s because I sprinted back here, it’s fucking terrifying out there. I’m only dropping my trousers when I’ve got four walls around me from now on. Actually, there has to be a roof above me as well.’

  ‘I’d be happy if I could squeeze one out anywhere at the moment,’ Jack said.

  ‘Would you rather live to be ninety years old but you have to eat a spoonful of my shit every day?’ I asked. ‘Or…only live for one more year but you don’t have to eat my shit?’

  ‘First one,’ Jack replied. ‘I’d just make you eat stuff I like.’

  ‘I don’t think shit works like that. It’s not like chicken’s eggs.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Jack asked.

  ‘If you eat apples all the time it doesn’t mean your shit will taste of apples,’ I replied.

  ‘No not that, the chicken’s eggs thing.’

  ‘Chicken’s eggs will taste of whatever you feed them. I keep asking my Dad to feed his chickens Cadbury’s Crème Eggs but he won't do it.’

  ‘Bollocks,’ Jack said.

  ‘No it’s true, honestly…’ Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jack was staring at me. I turned my head to see his eyes fixed on my chin.

  ‘What’s up with you?’ I asked. ‘Maybe you should be looking at the road.’

  ‘How long have you had white hairs in your beard?’

  ‘I dunno,’ I said, sighing. ‘I think it’s the stress. I suppose it affects us all differently.’

  ‘You’re getting old Chris.’

  ‘Thanks mate. You’ll soon catch me up.’

  Three hours later and we were parked on the outskirts of Austin, Nevada.

  ‘I think we should sleep in Blue today, just here will do us,’ Jack said.

  ‘Yeah it’s probably best, it’s gonna be light soon and I don’t really want to go and find some zombie free accommodation right now.’

  Jack drove the truck off the road into some kind of RV Park. If we stayed on the road we could get incredibly unlucky, and the only lorry left on the road might fly around the corner and crash into the back of us. Thinking about it, we had seen a tank smash through a church, so one of them could very easily have driven around the corner.

  We fully reclined the front seats and laid our sleeping bags on top of us, this was as comfortable as it was going to get.

  ‘Try not to fart in this small enclosed space please Jacqueline.’

  ‘I’ll try, but only if you don’t snore.’

  ‘Okay, fart away then,’ I said.

  DAY SEVEN

  Jo was trying to kick me out of bed

  What is the matter with her?

  I tried to roll onto my side to see if it was more comfortable. She’ll give up and leave me to sleep eventually.

  Nope, that was even more uncomfortable.

  My whole bed then started to rock, what the fuck was she trying to do to me?

  I heard the squeaking noise of something being dragged along the surface of a window, the window in the truck’s door.

  Shite, I’m sleeping in the truck.

  Doing it very slowly, I pulled the sleeping bag down to just below my eyes. There were dead faces being dragged across the window next to me. Blood was being smeared on the glass. Bits of rotting flesh were being left behind.

  ‘Jack, wake up,’ I whispered. ‘Jack.’

  ‘What’s the matter?’ he groaned.

  That’s too fucking loud.

  ‘Quiet Jackie Boy. Zombies, here, now.’

  The truck was then violently shunted a few inches, the tyres scraped across the rough gravelled ground.

  ‘What the fuck was that?’ Jack whispered.

  My side of the truck was completely covered. The faces weren’t being pushed along any more. They were slowly being crushed against the glass. A zombie’s head suddenly exploded, quickly followed by another, just like giant zits being popped. New faces replaced them, slowly being squashed into the blood and bone dripping down the window.

  ‘Oh for fuck’s sake,’ I murmured. It looked disgusting. ‘What do we do Jack? Drive away?’

  ‘No fucking way, there’s too many, let them pass,’ Jack replied.

  The truck moved again, this time by a couple of feet.

  ‘What the fuck?’ I murmured.

  The truck’s slide had allowed the zombies being squashed against the side of our truck to drop away, only to be immediately replaced by a new set of decaying faces. They were now slowly being crushed into a gruesome mess.

  The truck started moving again, this time we didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I very slowly put my seatbelt on, Jack did the same.

  ‘I think we should try and go,’ I said.

  ‘Just wait Chris. They’ll push us into a building or something.’

  We carried on being pushed inexorably along with the swarm, until we stopped with a sudden jolt. I heard a series of loud and repulsive cracking noises, swiftly followed by the splattering of blood, as more zombies’ heads were crushed into the side of the truck.

  ‘What are we up against?’ I asked.

  ‘Don’t know, there’s nothing next to us, can you see anything?’

  All I could see on Jack’s side was a cloudy sky.

  ‘Can’t see any—.’ I stopped because my side of the truck started to leave the ground.

  Fuck, we were being flipped over.

  Jack took off his seatbelt and started to lean over to
wards me.

  ‘Jack, put your seatbelt back on!’

  ‘We need more weight on your side!’ he said.

  ‘I don’t think—,’ I started to say, but with a sudden rush we were pushed over fully onto our side. With a loud thump Jack slid back down and came to rest on the inside of the driver’s door. My seatbelt was painfully digging into my side. I was trying to use my legs in the foot well to take the pressure off.

  We teetered in that position for a couple of seconds, long enough to make me think we might stay there. But then we rolled.

  It seemed to take an eternity to first roll onto our roof, like it was in slow motion.

  ‘Hold on Jack!’ I shouted.

  We carried on rolling, down a hill.

  Everything in the truck was being thrown around like it was in a washing machine, including all of our food in the back. More importantly, Jack was spinning as well. I felt things crashing into me, mostly tinned food but occasionally a part of Jack would collide with me. At some point I tried to cover my head with my arms.

  I lost count of the times we rolled. When we finally stopped we were upside down. My seatbelt was cutting even deeper into me.

  I opened my eyes and saw Jack, lying in an unnatural looking position, directly beneath me. His upper body was facing me but he was twisted so his legs were almost the other way. There was a lot of blood on his face.

  Fuck, he looked dead.

  ‘Jack! Jack, are you alright, say something Jack.’

  He didn’t reply. He didn’t make any sounds at all.

  I braced myself with my legs and placed one hand on the floor, or the roof. Unclipping my seat belt I slowly lowered myself down. It was incredibly painful to move. There wasn’t any part of me that didn’t hurt. I twisted around in the cramped space being careful not to disturb Jack’s prone body too much.

  I heard and felt the zombies above me. They were on top of us walking on the bottom of the truck. It sounded like the cab of the truck was starting to buckle. Cracks started to appear in the door windows, like spider’s webs spreading across the glass. I leant over Jack to feel for a pulse on his neck and he groaned at my touch.

  Thank fuck for that!

  We needed to get the fuck out of there before we were crushed. I couldn’t see anything out of the side windows, just black, so I peered out through the heavily cracked windscreen. It was like looking into a tunnel, and there was a literal light at the end of it. It was only about three foot high but that was definitely a tunnel, and our way out. We’d just have to crawl through it.