The Shell Collector

by Nancy Naigle

  I’d give anything to know what you’re thinking, baby girl.

  Jesse swayed to the music every time they got up to sing a hymn. Once he learned some songs, he’d enjoy it even more. Hailey picked up on the chorus, singing along with her. The words came back, and when the pastor spoke the benediction, Amanda found she wasn’t ready for the service to be over.

  The first few notes from the organ filled the air, almost vibrating as everyone stood and edged toward the center aisle to leave. The postlude song carried familiar tones that comforted her.

  Most of the people offered a few words to the ushers as they left. Her stomach churned, causing an acrid taste at the back of her tongue. Her sweaty palms slipped against the tiny hands that clung to her.

  Please don’t ask me anything.

  “Welcome. It’s so nice to have you here with us,” the pastor said.

  “Thank you.” She braced herself for the questions, but they never came. Just a kind smile. And that was it.

  Why do I expect the worst?

  Hailey waited by the car door for her to unlock it when a little boy walked over to her. In his light-blue button-down shirt and glasses, his hair slicked over to one side, he looked like a miniature financial adviser. All he lacked was a calculator.

  “Hi. I’m Matt.” He lifted his hand in an awkward hello, his feet shuffling as he spoke.

  “I’m Hailey, and that’s my brother, Jesse.”

  Amanda turned, noticing the proud mother and father who stood watching from across the way. She smiled at the couple, resisting the urge to rush her kids into the car and speed away.

  “Are you going to elementary school this year?” the accountant continued. “I’m gonna be in the first grade.”

  “Me too,” Hailey offered eagerly.

  Matt dropped the backpack from his shoulder to the ground and unzipped it. “I brought this in to show everyone at children’s church today. I got it when I was on vacation at my grandma’s house last week.” He pulled out a huge shell. The twisted shape with the tall spire and knobs around the top looked very similar to the one they’d found. “If you put this to your ear, you can hear the ocean no matter where you are.”

  Hailey hesitated as she reached for the shell, then held it to her ear. Her eyes lit up. “No way.”

  Amanda wished she’d been the one to show Hailey that. Why hadn’t she thought to do that with the one they’d found?

  “It’s pretty cool.” Matt seemed pleased with himself.

  Just then his mother and father walked over.

  Oh no! Amanda had relaxed too soon, but she pasted a smile on her face as she tried to decide how to answer questions about Jack. Lie and tell them she’s divorced? That had been the plan all along, but then she’d been unable to live with the lie to Maeve. And she was in the church parking lot, for goodness’ sake.

  “Hi. We’re Matt’s folks. I’m Matthew, and this is my wife, Nikki.” He extended his hand.

  “So nice to meet you. I’m Amanda.”

  “Did I hear your daughter say she’d be going in the first grade too?” Nikki asked.

  “You did. At Whelk’s Elementary.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Nikki said. “I’m a teacher there.”

  What were the odds? “Well, it’s a small world. I’ll be teaching there this fall too. Fourth graders.”

  “Oh, fourth grade is so fun. I’ve got the second graders. This will be great. How old is your youngest?”

  “Jesse is four. I’d hoped there’d be a pre-K session at the school, but I guess I’ll need to find a day-care program for him. I’ve been putting it off.”

  “I did the same thing. It was so hard to let go of Matt at that age.” She grimaced. “I don’t envy that. I cried for a solid week.”

  Amanda wondered who the adjustment would be harder for: Her or Jesse?

  “You know, we have an outstanding pre-K and day care right here at the church. Remind me next Sunday and I’ll introduce you to Anna. She can tell you all about it. They are really wonderful. Plus, they do some evening activities for all the youth. It gives us a night off.”

  “We do love that.” Matthew playfully bumped Nikki’s shoulder.

  Amanda ached for when she’d been part of a couple like that, with their teasing jabs and knowing looks. “Thank you. That would be really helpful.”

  “Do y’all live right around here too? We’re over on Wake Forest Drive.”

  “Yes.” Amanda recognized the name. “One street over. At the end of Bayberry Drive.”

  “Did you happen to buy the bungalow at the dune line?”

  “We did.”

  “That place has so many possibilities.” Nikki beamed. “That’s great! We’re neighbors. The kids can play.”

  “I’m sure I’ll see you over on the beach.” Although she was surprised she hadn’t seen them yet. Not even once. She’d have remembered someone with a child Hailey’s age. Maybe Nikki worked a summer job too. Many teachers did.

  Matthew clapped his hands. “Okay, let’s load up. We’ve got things to do.”

  Young Matt spun away from Hailey and ran to his dad’s side. “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.” He turned to Amanda. “Really nice meeting you, Amanda. We’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

  “That would be nice.” She stood there and watched them walk away before she loaded up Jesse and helped Hailey get buckled into her booster seat.

  Okay. No questions. No lies. That worked out fine. Until next time anyway. She climbed into the car and breathed a sigh of relief as she started the engine. She’d planned to go check out Paws Town Square after church today, but right now she just needed to slide into home. Safe.

  The short drive to their house wasn’t even long enough to get her heart rate back down.

  Hailey and Jesse unbuckled and were out of the car as soon as she parked. They ran ahead of her to let Denali out in the yard and start a whirling game of chase. As she passed them, she wasn’t entirely sure who was chasing whom, they were all in such a clump, but the giggles made her happy.

  She went inside and slipped off her dress. She hung it up, then slid the outfits she hadn’t worn in a long while out from the corner of the closet. She pulled out her favorite blue shirt and shook out the wrinkles before putting it back on the rack. She’d wear it to teach. She’d have to start getting presentable for work, and the summer was moving quickly. They were already six weeks in.

  Orientation at the school was only a month away. At least she’d know someone there now, and she had a lead on pre-K for Jesse too.

  She changed into shorts and a T-shirt, then picked up the shell from her dresser. She held it to her ear just as Hailey had. The whooshing sound mutated as she changed the distance from her ear, getting louder as she pulled it farther away.

  A chill chased down her spine.

  She pictured Jack looking into her eyes, saying “I do” on their wedding day there on the beach.

  Jack was in her heart. Always. Forever. Their love, as vast as the ocean, was tucked inside her soul for eternity.

  The children ran and played in the yard, a mingling of pounding sneakers and squeals. Instead of turning on the radio or television for company, she purposefully let the quiet cloak her. She noticed that her heartbeat squelched the flurry of thoughts that usually assailed her. Concentrating on a deep eight-count breath, then letting it out, she repeated that until she felt more at peace.

  She got up and walked into the kitchen, ready to embrace the rest of the day. She filled a stockpot with water and began working on a big batch of spaghetti. She had three burners going: one with the ground beef; another with a garden mixture of tomatoes, celery, and onion; and boiling water that was about ready for the noodles to be dropped in. The sizzling and bubbling water made its own melody.

 
I’m going to do better. I’ll ask for help. I’m saying it. I need help. “I need help.” Her voice sounded unrecognizable, and that caught her off guard.

  “I need help.” Pushing back the guilt and just saying it was somehow freeing. She turned to be sure the kids were still outside and couldn’t overhear. “I need help with the kids. With…things around here.” She lifted her hands as she looked around the kitchen. It was tidy, but there were some things that needed a skilled touch, like the leak around the faucet handle and the wobbly cabinet door next to the sink.

  Why was it she hadn’t asked for help all this time? “I’m being strong for you, Jack. For us. For the kids. Being strong doesn’t mean having to do it alone, though, does it? I need help, and that’s okay. Right?”

  The wooden spoon that was balanced across the boiling spaghetti fell into the pot, sending her skittering backward.

  Her hand on her heart, she laughed as she realized what had happened and fished the spoon out of the pot and set it aside.

  The kids seemed happy enough playing in the sandbox in the backyard today, so she left them to their own imaginations while she cooked a family-size batch of baked spaghetti to split between them and Maeve. It wouldn’t be right to have tempted her with the mention of it and never deliver on it. Who didn’t love spaghetti? The best part was it got better each time it was reheated.

  It was nice to have an excuse to use her fresh herbs. She pulled down an Italian blend she’d dried last week and sprinkled it over the pot of simmering vegetables. The herbs changed the aroma in the kitchen.

  She lowered the temperature on the stove to let the sauce bubble and padded to the living room, where she sat at the end of the couch. Tucking her feet beneath her, she reached for the journal Maeve had given her. There was an ink pen inside. She pulled it from the leather loop and clicked it. With slow, intentional movements, she wrote her name at the top of the second page.

  Amanda Whittier

  She closed the journal and reached up to tuck it on top of the row of paperback novels on the shelf behind her. At the last moment, she pulled it back, opened it, and wrote:

  I will not be afraid to ask for help.

  15

  Amanda lifted her hand to knock on Maeve’s front door. Popping in on Maeve had seemed like a wonderful thing to do when she was cooking. Now as she stood there with the casserole dish—a dreaded casserole dish—with Jesse and Hailey at her side, she hoped the visit would play out like it had in her mind.

  She knocked, hoping for the best but feeling more awkward the longer she stood there. A cheerful flip-flop wind sock rippled in the air. On a really breezy day, it probably looked like a giant ready to step on the awning of the huge house.

  A wind chime made from shells hung by the handrail.

  Jesse and Hailey played on the stairs. “You two be careful.”

  The door opened, and Maeve’s face lit up. “What a wonderful surprise!” She clapped her hands.

  “I made that spaghetti I was talking about.” She waved the kids to hurry up.

  “You are too sweet. Hello, Hailey and Jesse. Thanks for visiting.”

  “Don’t kill me. I brought food, but I promise it’s not a nine-by-thirteen casserole dish of it.” She held it up in front of her. “See? Just an eight-inch. And you can freeze it if it’s too much for this week.”

  “No worries. We know all about those, don’t we?”

  Amanda held out the pan wrapped in a dish towel.

  Maeve took it and lifted the foil from the corner. “My favorite. Spaghetti. This smells good. And to think I was going to eat tuna and crackers tonight. Not anymore.” She motioned Amanda and the kids inside.

  “This is for you too,” Hailey said, raising the muslin-wrapped lavender and salts to Maeve.

  “Thank you. What a beautiful gift.” Maeve balanced them on top of the covered dish. “Come on in.”

  “I would’ve called,” Amanda explained, “but I never got your last name or asked for your phone number. I hope we didn’t interrupt anything.”

  “Not a thing. My last name is Lindsay, by the way. Come meet Methuselah.” The kids hurried to catch up with Maeve, who had disappeared into the kitchen with the spaghetti but was now sweeping through the living room toward the full wall of windows and doors.

  Amanda stopped. “Wow! This is a million-dollar view.”

  Maeve paused, as if she’d never noticed. “Well, I guess it is. Thanks for reminding me. I should appreciate it more.” She stepped outside and Methuselah leaped to his feet, his tail wagging against the rocking chair. His nose sniffed the air.

  “He’s friendly,” she said, sitting down in the rocker.

  The kids dropped to their knees to play with him.

  “Isn’t he cute?” Hailey said.

  “He’s a mess,” said Maeve. “Needs his nails cut. Be careful. Don’t let him scratch you.”

  “Methuselah is a weird name,” Hailey said.

  “I’m going to call him Lala.” Jesse had a way of making things work to his liking with no apologies. “Come on, Lala.” He walked up and down the balcony, and the dog followed. “Sit. Stay.”

  “I see your children are quite the dog trainers.”

  “We got Denali when he was eight weeks old.”

  “He took forever to train,” Hailey said.

  Methuselah got up and lapped from the big ceramic bowl next to Maeve’s chair, then wiped his chin on her skirt as he turned. “He likes to pretend that’s an accident. I know better.” Maeve flipped her hand in the air as if it were nothing. “You look very pretty today, Hailey.”

  Hailey half curtsied, pulling her sundress up on one side as she did. “We went to church today. I made another friend.”

  Maeve tilted her head back to Amanda. “The church up the street here?”

  Amanda nodded.

  “I went there when I was Hailey’s age. It’s a beautiful church.” Maeve reached over and squeezed Amanda’s hand. “That’s great. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “I don’t know how it all fell into place, but I’m pretty sure I have you to thank for it.”

  “Me?” She shook her head. “No.”

  “Yes. There’s something special about you. I’m very thankful for whatever it is.”

  “I’m just an old lady living my life the best way I know how.”

  “Well, you’ve touched mine.”

  “Well…” Maeve took in a breath. “Then I suppose it’s what you needed. That’s how life works. The right things at the right time.”

  “I thought we’d do a ride by the Paws Town Square you were talking about. Would you like to come with us?”

  Maeve’s shoulders drooped. “As much as I’ve wanted to go, I’m feeling tired this afternoon. The man who owns the place is an absolute doll. Please let me have a rain check.”

  “Absolutely. Anytime. We love field trips, don’t we, kids?”

  “Yep.” They both nodded.

  “I’m hungry. It’s time for spaghetti,” Jesse announced.

  “No, Jesse, we’ll eat when we get home. That was for Maeve.” She chuckled. “Jesse was born hungry, but I guess it’s time I get these two home and feed them.”

  “You won’t stay and join me?”

  “Can we, Mom?” Hailey rose on her toes.

  Amanda hadn’t even considered that more than the meal, the company might be better appreciated. Where are my manners? She hadn’t meant to impose themselves on the old lady. “Are you sure? I didn’t bring this over to take up your entire day.”

  Maeve got up and gestured toward the house. “Don’t be silly. It’ll be nice. Hailey, you can help me dish it up.” Hailey raced to catch up with Maeve in the kitchen.

  So it was decided. Amanda stood there for an awkward moment, unsure of how to help or stay out of the way, when H
ailey came back with napkins and utensils in her hands.

  “Miss Maeve said we can eat out here on the patio.”

  “That will be nice.” Amanda held the door open for Hailey, then went in the kitchen to gather plates.

  “I thought we could use these heavy-duty plastic plates. Nothing to clean up.”

  “Works for us. What can I do?”

  “Not a thing. Hailey and I can handle this.”

  Hailey returned, ready to be of service.

  Maeve handed her a plate of baked spaghetti. “Take this one out for your mom, and then come back for Jesse’s. I’ll get ours.”

  “Okay.” Hailey delivered the plate and came right back.

  Maeve handed her Jesse’s spaghetti. “I’ve got the rest.”

  When all the plates were delivered, Amanda and the kids gathered around the table and sat. Maeve went back into the kitchen for drinks.

  “I love spaghetti,” Jesse said.

  “Let’s use our good manners, okay, you two?”

  “Yes ma’am.” Hailey’s and Jesse’s voices blended like a song that touched her heart, their sweet faces beaming.

  Maeve stepped through the doorway, carrying a dated golden-colored glass pitcher and a stack of paper cups. The pitcher sloshed, ice tinkling against the sides as she set it down.

  Amanda folded her hands, and Hailey and Jesse began singing the blessing.

  She couldn’t help but notice Maeve’s eyes tearing as they sang. She knew that feeling. Their purity touched her in these moments.

  What have I done keeping our life so small?

  * * *

  —

  Amanda pulled her car out onto the old beach road. It was only a short distance to the new four-lane highway. Paws Town Square sat off to the left. She was glad to see something being revived. Maybe if it was a success, more people would start repurposing the old places rather than starting from scratch.