by Nancy Naigle
Amanda set their things down and jogged down to join them. “Is it fun?”
Jesse picked up dissolving handfuls and flung them in the air.
Hailey cupped her hands, blowing the foam like it was a fluffy dandelion.
“What a surprise! I’ve never seen anything like this.” Amanda chased and played with them at the edge of the surf line until they were all out of breath.
“Snow is good anywhere and any day.” Hailey sat in the sand, sweeping her hands through it. “Too bad you can’t make a snowman out of this kind.”
“You could make one out of sand and cover it in the sea foam.”
Hailey’s mouth dropped open. “Yeah. Jesse, come help.”
Jesse came over and flopped down next to Hailey and started to dig. Amanda watched the two of them pile and slap together the sand into something that looked more like a bowling pin than a snowman, but she gave them an A for effort. Getting the foam to stay on their creation was another story. The more they patted it, the quicker it dissolved. Finally, Hailey added shells for eyes. “I think he’s done.”
“This is Frank.” Jesse put his hands on his hips. “Frank Beach Snow.”
“Hi, Frank.” Amanda loved how much happiness they found on this beach each day, and it was free for the taking. “Come on, kids. Let’s get some sunscreen on before we get sunburned.” The rain that had come through this morning had given way to bright sunshine.
They followed her and stood like soldiers, spinning as she sprayed them.
“Ready to roll,” she said, spreading the excess over her own face and arms.
Jesse picked up his toy bag and dumped three small trucks and a tractor out into the sand. “Let’s make a race.”
Hailey took the big lime-green tire truck and carried it off to the side, where she made long sweeping movements. “I’m making the big turns.”
With a truck in one hand and a tractor in the other, Jesse rushed to her side and started creating a mound of dirt.
Amanda sat and closed her eyes, satisfied with their purring motor noises and collaboration nearby. Every time Jesse made the beeping sound imitating the backup alarm on his truck, she shook her head. How did he even know that?
“Back it up, bub.” His voice was gruff and insistent. “Hurry along.”
Amanda loved how creative they were. They could entertain themselves for hours.
She was just beginning to exhale when a scream pulled Amanda out of her zone.
Hailey? Her eyes popped open. Her heart pounded as she scanned the water. She’d only taken her eyes off them for a moment. The ocean was dangerous. Frantic, she jumped to her feet.
Another scream. Another high-pitched pulsing sound.
Jesse stood at the water’s edge with his trucks in his hands, staring back toward the beach. His tummy poked out as he watched, stunned.
Hailey ran, her feet pushing sand with each step, her arms out and fingers splayed as she moved.
Amanda raised her hand over her eyes. The silhouette of a man in an easy jog down the beach made her heart catch in her throat.
“Hailey!” Amanda spun, tripping in the twisting sheet beneath her. “Wait!” She struggled to her feet, trying to get traction in the deep sand. “What happened, Jesse?”
His mouth was in a soft O.
Amanda realized that it was Hailey screaming, and then it registered. She was screaming “Daddy” and running toward a man on the beach.
“Hailey!” The harder Amanda tried to hotfoot it down to the water’s edge, the farther Hailey seemed to slip away from her. Amanda’s chest burned, her eyes stung. Daddy? “No. It’s not…” She ran harder. “Hailey, stop.”
The sun beat down in long streaming rays, hot and bright. Her breath caught. If she didn’t know better…but it couldn’t be. Jack was gone. “It’s not him.” She slowed, trying to catch her breath.
Hailey screamed for him again. “Daddy!” Not a panicked scream, but a squeal of delight.
“No! Hailey, stop. Please stop.” She watched as Hailey flung herself at the stranger. Her arms wrapped around his waist, her face against him as if she were clinging for life.
“I’m so sorry.” Amanda uttered the words, but her brain couldn’t keep up.
“Daddy, I’ve been waiting,” Hailey said.
The man squatted down, his knees dipping into the water as he put his hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “Hailey?”
Hailey wrapped her arms around his neck. “I knew you would come back.”
He placed his large hand across her back, raising the other with his palm up.
Don’t you touch my daughter. Her breath seemed to solidify in her chest.
The man’s eyes locked with hers.
She stumbled to a stop as the familiar face registered. She took a step back.
“Amanda.” He stood, with Hailey still hanging on him. “It’s you?”
She stood there, confused and trying to grasp what just happened. She knew it wasn’t Jack, but she clung to his name, his familiar face.
Just then Maeve came up to them, her hand tightly holding Jesse’s. “What’s happening?” Alarm etched her face. “I was coming up the beach from the house when—”
“I don’t…” Amanda closed her eyes. Tears streamed down her face as she huffed, trying to catch her breath. She stepped back, shaking her head.
Paul Grant stood there looking at her.
“Oh my gosh.” They were the only words she could string together. He looked the same. The hair, the tan. Wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him in just shorts and sweaty hundreds of times before. They’d been inseparable: her, Paul, and Jack.
“Amanda, I didn’t know—”
Amanda snatched Hailey from him. She wrapped her arms around her, rocking her. “You scared me to death. Hailey, that’s not Daddy.” She breathed in the familiar scent of her baby’s hair. “Don’t ever run from me again. You’re okay. Shh.”
Hailey cried quiet tears. “I thought…” Her body lay against Amanda, soft like a rag doll.
“I know, baby. It’s okay.”
She could feel him still watching them. “You’re okay. It’s Paul. Do you remember? You were so little.”
“What is going on?” Maeve demanded an answer.
“I was a friend. Am a friend of theirs…hers—”
“He was the best man in our wedding.” Amanda stared at him, still hardly able to blink.
“Thank goodness.” Maeve let go of Jesse’s hand. “What a small world. You can’t be too careful these days. Are we okay here?”
“Yeah.” Amanda nodded, swallowing hard. “Hailey, honey, it’s Paul. See?”
Her daughter slid off her and stood, facing Paul. “I thought it was Daddy. I’ve been praying so hard for him to come home so we can be happy again.”
Amanda’s heart froze right there. In that moment, it seemed to fall into a thousand shards around her. Hailey wasn’t doing okay. She felt Jack’s absence, her sorrow. For all the efforts to protect them from the grief she was trying to survive herself, they still had to go through it too.
“Hailey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you all excited…” He held his hand to his heart. “Amanda, I had no idea. I didn’t know you were…”
“How could you? I didn’t tell anyone.” She inhaled and then threw her arms around his neck. “Paul, I can’t believe it’s you.”
He looked confused. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“I live here now.”
“It’s so good to see you,” he said.
“It’s really you.” She’d wondered what she’d say to him if she ever saw him again, how she could apologize for her behavior. “I’m so sorry I was unkind. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I wanted to call you a hundred times.”
�
�I don’t blame you for not calling. I told you not to. How can you ever forgive me?”
“Please don’t push me away again.” He held his arms out to Hailey. “Hailey, do you remember me? You were my little Lightning Bug. Remember?”
Hailey nodded slowly but inched over and clung to Amanda’s legs.
“I can’t believe how big Jesse has gotten. He’s the spitting image of Jack.”
“He is.” Amanda looked at Jesse standing there next to Maeve. “I’m sorry. Paul, this is my friend Maeve. She lives up the beach from here.” Amanda gestured between the two. “Maeve. Paul.”
Maeve gave him a nod. “I know Paul. That was quite an entrance.”
“Not intentional. I promise.”
Amanda shook her head, then explained to Maeve. “Between the two of them, Paul and Jack, Paul was always the quiet one. They were best friends when I met them.”
Paul looked concerned. “Hailey, are you okay? Jesse, do you remember me?”
Jesse shook his head.
Amanda held out her hand. “Come here, Jesse.” She took her son’s hand in her own, then turned back to Maeve. “There was a time when the three of us—Paul, Jack, and me—were always together. We’ve shared a lot of memories.”
“We have.”
“You looked like Jack jogging up that beach.” She lifted her other hand, gracefully outlining the shape she could still see so vividly in her mind. “The silhouette. The way you move. I mean, the sun was behind you, but yeah. I thought…I mean, for a second…” She stood there blinking, not a single word coming to her, just that image. So much like Jack.
Maeve broke the silence. “Would you two like to catch up? I could take the kids back to my house or sit with them at yours. I’d be happy to do that. Hailey and Jesse, would you like to spend some time with me so your momma can visit with Paul?”
Hailey walked from Amanda to Maeve, never turning her back on Paul, as if she thought he might disappear. “Yes ma’am.” She took Maeve’s hand and then grabbed Jesse’s with her other.
“Thank you, Maeve.” She let go of Jesse’s grip. “Take them to our house. It’s closer. They can show you where everything is. I promise we won’t be long.”
“You take what time you need. We’ll make do. I bet they have a thousand things to show me.”
Amanda watched Maeve walk Hailey and Jesse over the dune. As soon as they cleared it, she sobbed. “I don’t know what I’d have done if something happened to Hailey.”
Paul lifted her into his arms. “It’s okay. Everyone is all right. Come on. I’m sorry. I had no idea. Wow. You were the last person I ever expected to see again.”
His shoulder bore the same tattoo that had been on Jack’s shoulder. She’d always hated that he’d marked his body like that, but it was a Marine thing. Something she’d never understand or be a part of, but it made Jack the man he was, and she had loved every single thing about him. And he and Paul had done it all together. Two of a kind.
He guided her to the sand. “Sit down.” His voice was so calming.
“No, I have some water and a beach blanket over here.” She led him to their pile of stuff and sat. She took out two bottles and handed him one. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I’m sorry I’m not Jack.”
“Stop.” It was hard to look at him again. They’d once been so close. He was like the other half of Jack. “Don’t say that.”
“I’ve asked a million times why I came back and he didn’t. He had you, the kids, so much to come home to. I had nothing. It wasn’t fair.”
“No one ever promised us fair. There’s not an answer to why. It took me a long time to accept that.”
“Poor Hailey.”
“We know he’s not coming back. It was high hopes or dreams, adrenaline that got the best of us in the shadows. It’s nothing you did.”
He sat next to her and pulled his sunglasses from his face. He ran his hand over his eyes and then set his glasses on his knee. “When I found out that Jack died over there…” A glazed look of despair shadowed his expression. “If I hadn’t taken the opportunity to work with the MP dogs, I’d have been there with him. That was the plan when we went in. That we’d be together.” He clenched his fist.
“You couldn’t have known what would happen.”
He wore the pain in his blue eyes.
“It was a promise. I promised you on your wedding day I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”
“Stop. He made his own decisions, and he could take care of himself. He could’ve taken a different assignment too. But he decided a six-month deployment was best. And if you’d been there with him, you’d have probably not come back either.”
“Better than being back without him.” He dropped his chin to his chest. “I regret it every day.”
“I feel that too. It’s hard to shake.” Her lips trembled, making the words feel awkward. “Grief is so powerful. It’ll drag you under.”
“I’m still in shock that I’m sitting here with you.” His eyes scanned hers. “You look like you’re doing well.”
She shook her head.
“How are you?”
“Surprised. Kind of wondering if I’m going to wake up.” She pulled her legs underneath her. “I’m doing good now. Amazing in comparison to how I was two years ago. Last year was the worst.” She pressed her hands together. “But now, most days I’m pretty good.”
“We’ve been through a lot.”
“Yeah. How are you, Paul?”
“Healing. Still kind of a work in progress.”
She chuckled. “You always were.”
“Ha. True.”
“Sorry. Just playing.”
“No. It’s nice. Yeah, I just take it a day at a time. I struggled for a while. Really struggled. Got some help.”
“That’s hard to picture. You’ve always been so together. Controlled. Just like Jack.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was, though. I shifted my focus from my loss to a way to help others. That’s when I finally found some relief.”
“That’s good.”
“My sadness kind of turned out to be a gift.”
There’s that talk of gifts again. Why is it so easy for everyone else to realize theirs?
She rubbed her hands together. She wondered if he’d noticed she didn’t wear her ring anymore. “I don’t know how I’d have gotten through it if I hadn’t had Hailey and Jesse. They were the only thing that kept me getting out of bed every morning and putting my feet on the ground.”
“So you live here now?”
“We moved here a couple months ago. I bought the house right on the other side of the dune.”
His eyebrow lifted. “The tiny one tucked in the trees, next to the mega-mansion?”
“That’s the one.”
He shook his head. “You’re not going to believe this. I put an offer on that house too.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. They told me there were other offers coming, so I made a full-offer bid, but they accepted another one. I guess it was you.”
“That’s so crazy that we were trying to buy the same house. What do you think the odds are of that happening?”
“About a million to one. Especially since neither of us ever lived in this town before. But that place felt so right.”
“You felt it too?” She’d thought she’d been grasping at straws.
“Did you notice the Marine sticker on the surfboard?”
“Saw it. Yep.” She laughed. “There was a postcard with Denali on it too. It was so strange.”
“I didn’t see that, but I did feel a connection when I walked inside. It wasn’t the decor.”
“No. Heavens, no. The place was a dump. But even so, I knew we could be okay there. I mean, it was at
the top of my budget and still needs a ton of work. Upgrades have to wait, but I like it. It’s turned into a cozy home for the three of us, and Denali, of course.”
“I bet Denali has gotten big,” said Paul.
“Oh yeah, and a handful, but Jack was right. We needed him. As much as I hated the idea of a dog, it turned out to be the best thing he could’ve left us with. Especially, well, you know…”
“All he ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I know. I let him down for a while, but the kids and I are doing better now. We spend a lot of time out here on the beach. Maeve has been a great friend. We even went back to church.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“So, I bought this house from under you. Are you living nearby?”
“Yes, I am. I rented a house on the sound side.” He twisted his sunglasses between his fingers. The silence lengthened between them. Finally he looked up. “Amanda, you mean the world to me. I want to be there for you, and the kids. Please let me.”
“It’s really good to see you again. I’ve missed you.” She placed her hands over her heart. “I’d like to be friends again.”
“I can’t wait to catch up. I want to know everything.” He pulled her into his arms.
She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling toward the heavens.
When I asked for help, I never expected this.
17
Paul walked with Maeve back down to her house. “I can’t believe you know Amanda,” he said.
“I could say the same thing.” Maeve nodded, her eyes twinkling. “Incredibly tiny world we live in. Everything is so connected if you look close enough.”
Thoughts were bumping through his mind. Amanda was here. He thought any hope of ever seeing her again was gone. “How’d you meet her?”
“Met her on the beach, through Hailey and Jesse a few weeks ago. Such sweet children.”
“I was with Jack when I met her.” Paul looked out toward the water. “I remember it as clear as if it were today.”
“How long ago was that?” Maeve asked.
“Gosh, eleven years ago. They would’ve been married seven years now. You know her husband died about two years ago, right?”