by Nancy Naigle
“Wow, that would be great! Are you sure? You aren’t too busy with the new stores and all?”
“Absolutely sure.”
Jesse marched over to Paul and slung his arm around Paul’s waist. “Me and Paul can do boy stuff while Hailey does ballet.” Jesse put his finger on top of his head and did a ditzy spin. “Girl stuff.”
“Oh, I see. Is that how it is?”
Jesse nodded. “We have to do boy stuff, Mom. You can’t do boy stuff. You’re still a girl.”
“Oh. I always forget about that.”
“Yeah, Mom,” Paul teased. “You’re totally all girl. A very, very, very pretty one.”
“Well, thank you, sir.” She felt heat rush into her cheeks.
“I had an idea,” Paul said. “I thought you might want to get out and do something tonight since you’ve been working so hard.”
“I’d love to, but I planned to try out a new herb-salt recipe tonight.” That sounds like a lame excuse. Worse than I’m washing my hair tonight. She really did want to spend time with him. “It won’t take all night, though. Can you keep these two monkeys busy for an hour or so? Then we could do something. Would that work?”
“Yes, please!” Jesse said.
Hailey ran over to the kitchen table. “Look! I can buy ice cream for us. I have coupon money.”
Paul seemed to like that idea too. “Yeah. We could do that. Let’s leave so Mommy can do her thing.” On their way out the door, Hailey continued to talk nonstop about ice cream and what flavors everyone should get.
Amanda took a moment to enjoy the quiet in the house. Just like that, Paul had rescued her again.
She stood, relishing the idea of a little solitude with her herbs. It wasn’t often she had quiet time to do whatever she wanted. A peace fell over her as she collected jars and ingredients to work on the new blend she’d thought of while watering her plants yesterday. Nothing compared to the aroma and taste of fresh herbs.
Washing them, she removed any discolored leaves and coarse stems. There was something about handling the still living plants like this that nurtured her.
She tamped a clean flour-sack towel over them to remove the moisture, then spread the variety across her favorite cutting board. Rosemary, parsley, sage, garlic, and thyme—all special in their own right, but adjusting them brought altogether new scents that were vital and fresh.
Chopping, she found a rhythm in the process. It only took about a half cup of salt for every three cups of loosely chopped herbs to get the right consistency. Some people used a food processor, but she preferred to use a knife. It took longer, but she had control of the size of the pieces and got to enjoy the wonderful smell while she worked.
With her eyes closed, she inhaled the aroma of the new recipe. Reducing the garlic and adding some sweetness from the pineapple sage she’d started growing changed the mix completely.
She spread the herbal mixture out in a shallow pan. Later tonight when the kids were tucked in bed, she’d give it another stir, then cover and refrigerate for a few days to let the flavors really marry.
The dream of spending her days creating like this reignited. She promised herself she’d be sure to give these herbs and this dream a priority, if only for a short time, each week.
Outside, the party lights on the tent came on. She went to see what Paul and the kids were doing.
Paul pulled back the mosquito netting, letting it drape from the corner. “Surprise!”
“What are y’all up to?” Amanda stepped closer to the tent.
“We’ve got a secret plan,” Jesse said. His dimple showed up the most when he was trying to keep a secret.
Paul walked over and placed his hands under her elbows. “Did you get everything done that you wanted to? We’re fine out here if you need more time.”
“No, I got more done than I thought I would. Thank you for giving me that time. It may not seem like much to you, but to me…” Her nose tickled. “It means a lot.”
“Happy to do it.” He slapped his hands together. “So, while you were busy, we came up with a plan.”
“Uh-oh.” Amanda made a frightened face.
“Don’t be scared, Mom. It’s a good plan,” Hailey reassured her.
“Whew.”
“Tug has agreed to stay with Hailey and Jesse while I whisk you away,” Paul said. “Just an hour or so. Two, tops. If you say yes, I’ll take them down there right now. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, looking to Hailey. “What do you think?”
Hailey looked at her like she was crazy. “I think it’s the best idea ever.”
“Then I do too.” She turned to Paul. “Do I have time for a quick shower?”
“Sure. No hurry. I’ll take these guys to Tug’s. When you get done, I’ll be right here waiting.”
Waiting. Butterflies fluttered in her belly. “Okay. I’ll be quick.”
She showered and changed into a casual sundress, then pulled her hair into an easy side braid. She twisted in the mirror and fussed with her dress, then froze.
Am I primping? Her insides swirled. Stop overthinking it.
She slipped on her shoes and walked outside.
“You look beautiful tonight.” Paul came over and slid his arm around her waist. “Are you ready?”
The compliment chased a blush to her cheeks. She lifted her hand to her heart, hoping he hadn’t noticed.
Paul escorted Amanda to the truck and helped her in.
“Where are we going?” she asked as she buckled her seat belt.
“It’s a surprise.”
She grunted. “I hate it when you do that.” Only he hadn’t done that in years. It was like time had stopped, rewound, and dropped her back into an old scene. But this time, Jack wasn’t with them.
“It’s not far.” He drove up the road and crossed the highway. He pulled into the back parking lot of Paws Town Square.
“This is the big secret?”
“Yep. I wanted to show you my office, and I have a picnic for us.”
“Oh, that sounds fun!” She started for the handle, but he put his hand on her arm. “I’ll get that.” She sat back while he came around and opened the door for her. She was enjoying being treated like a lady.
Inside the building, a few people were still working, taking care of the animals and cleaning the grounds. Paul took her up to his office. Decorated in warm colors and lots of leather and wood, it was masculine. Paul turned on music and then opened the blinds of the second-floor windows overlooking the massive space. “This is the best view.”
He walked over to the window and she joined him.
She stood there, looking out over everything. Paws Town Square was impressive at ground level, but from here she realized just how big it was. “This really is an awesome view. It’s got to boggle your mind that you designed this. It’s beautiful. The landscaping, the flowers. The way you’ve put every space to good use. You’ve got to be so proud.” She turned and looked at him. “I’m so proud of you.”
“It’s been a labor of love. I get so much satisfaction from the help we’re able to give through this company.”
She walked over to his desk and sat in his chair, spinning around in a circle. “What’s all this?” She pointed to the different colors on the sheets printed out on his desk.
“My meeting schedule. The colors are the different cities where new stores will be located. All are at different phases of the project.”
“Wow! That’s a huge responsibility.”
“It’s worth it.” Paul lit two candles on the table, then opened a cooler holding some of the biggest shrimp Amanda had ever seen. “I made the cocktail sauce myself. I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will. This is so nice. You really went to a lot of trouble.”
“Amanda, I’d do
anything for you.”
The words washed over her.
Paul set out the shrimp and a tray of crunchy fresh vegetables. They noshed and laughed about old times until they couldn’t eat another thing. “You spoil me. This has been so nice.”
The first three chords of “What’s Your Name” played, and they both recognized them immediately.
“I love this song,” she said.
“It was playing the first time we met.”
He pulled her to her feet and spun her around. As they danced around the room, they belted out the words. She laughed so hard she could barely breathe. She hadn’t danced in years, probably not since Jesse was born at least. Paul whipped her around, and the old moves came right back. He crossed hands and she skidded to a stop. “Don’t flip me!”
“Come on. We’ve done it a hundred times.”
It was true. They did that move all the time, and they were good at it, but that was then. “That was two babies ago. No, I’ll fall on my head.”
He laughed and they moved back to safer steps to the rhythm of the song. After he spun her twice in a row, she fell into his arms and he dipped her, holding her there.
“Don’t drop me,” she whispered.
“You’re always safe with me.” He leaned and kissed her, and she kissed him back. There was nothing in her heart or mind but that very moment.
She traced her finger across his chest, then laid her cheek against it. His heartbeat was strong. Comforting.
He wrapped his arms around her and brought them both back to standing. They stood that way, face to face, arms around each other.
Then he leaned close and kissed her again. On the forehead.
Something clicked inside her. She pushed away and stepped back, plopping down into his desk chair. “Paul, this is moving so fast.”
“It might seem like that, but, Amanda, I’ve always loved you.”
She shook her head. “You said that. I love having you back in my life, but this is hard for me to wrap my head around. I’ve got two kids.” She got up and walked to the window. “And you have all this. You’re building new locations, and you have so much responsibility. Paul, you don’t have to stretch your time thin for me. I’m doing okay.”
“Amanda, this isn’t some kind of guilt mission. My feelings for you are genuine. How can I prove that?”
She turned to him. “There’s more than just my heart at stake here. Hailey and Jesse are finally getting their feet beneath them. What if you wake up and realize it’s a mistake?”
“I won’t.”
“How do you know? What if it’s too much? A family is a lot of work. You’ve got all those meetings set up across the country, and this work…it’s important. Meaningful.”
“Okay, I don’t have any firsthand experience, but I was there with you and Jack. I remember how that was. I’ll make the family work. I want that with you…more than anything.”
“When I meet Jack in heaven, what will he think? I loved him. One hundred percent loved him. I don’t want to take anything from that.”
“Me neither.” Paul dropped his head. “I wish you’d trust me. Tell me what to do. I’ll do it.”
“I need time. I need to know that if we need you, you’ll be there. That we’d be the priority.”
“We’ll slow down.” He brushed a tear from her cheek. “Oh, Amanda, I never want to be the reason for your tears. Never.”
Amanda’s chest tightened. “You don’t understand. I promised myself I’d find a way to take care of us. I already messed up once.”
“Messed up? What do you mean?”
“My plan had been to start the salt business. You know about that.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I thought I’d do it from the house, but apparently you can’t if a dog is on the property. Not even if you keep him completely out of the kitchen. I should’ve made sure before I pulled the trigger on the house.”
“No. Then I’d have bought that house and we might never have found each other again.”
He was right. “So many little things, all connected. One change and it all tumbles.”
“Or it all comes together,” Paul said. “I can set you up with space here. Heck, in every Paws Town Square location if you want it. Problem solved.”
“No, Jack, it’s not, because you solved it, not me.”
He flinched, then stood there with a somber look on his face.
“Paul? What’s wrong?”
His jaw pulsed. “You called me Jack.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.” She turned away from him. How could I have done that? Why? “Would you please take me home?”
She couldn’t even look at him the whole ride home. She’d been so worried that he was with her because of misplaced guilt, and maybe he never was the problem. Was she the one with misplaced feelings? Am I trying to recreate the past with Jack through Paul?
25
The next morning, Hailey and Jesse crawled into bed with Amanda. She couldn’t make herself get up. There were too many things going through her mind, and as much as she didn’t want to worry the kids, she felt unsteady and unable today.
“We’re hungry, Mom.” Hailey laid a hand on Amanda’s back. “Can we have yogurt?”
“Yes, baby.” Self-pity practically drowned her. I can’t do this. “Hang on, Hailey. Come on. I’m going to take you guys to breakfast.”
Wearing sweatpants and a tank top, she drove to Tug’s Diner. She went inside and straight to the counter. “Tug, I need a favor. Can I leave these guys with you? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
“You can leave them with me anytime. They aren’t an ounce of trouble.” He came around the counter. “You two, get up on these very special stools.” They climbed up and he spun them around. “Are you ready for breakfast?”
“We’re starving,” said Hailey.
Jesse groaned melodramatically.
“Not for long.” He turned them toward the counter and waved Amanda out.
“Thank you!” She ran outside and drove straight over to Maeve’s. She meant to stop by yesterday, but then Paul came over. Now she couldn’t put it off another minute. Upstairs, she knocked on the door and waited.
The television was on. Footsteps inside plodded, too heavy to be Methuselah. As if on cue, he barked from the backyard.
Finally a middle-aged woman wearing royal-blue hospital scrubs answered the door.
That set Amanda back on her heels. “Um, I’m here to see Maeve.”
“May I tell her who is here?”
“Amanda. Is everything okay?”
“Just a second,” the woman said without answering the question. A moment later, she was back at the door and leading Amanda into the sunroom.
Maeve sat in a white chair, looking out toward the water. She looked pale dressed in a soft-blue bathrobe. Amanda had never seen Maeve wearing anything other than gem tones.
“Maeve, I was worried. I haven’t seen you, and Tug said you hadn’t been feeling well. What’s going on?” Amanda glanced over her shoulder. The woman in the scrubs was nowhere in sight. “And who is that?”
A pang of jealousy hit Amanda because the stranger knew more about what was going on with her new best friend. “You can always call on me for anything.”
“Now, Amanda, don’t be silly. You’re busy. You have Hailey and Jesse, and school is getting ready to start.” She motioned to the only other chair in the room. “Sit.”
Maeve’s speech rang oddly similar to the one Amanda had given Paul last night. She balanced at the front edge of the cushion of the small chair.
Maeve’s color seemed off, and she was quieter than usual.
“I’m worried about you.” Amanda folded her hands in her lap.
Maeve leaned in. “I’ll be fine until I
’m not.”
Sounded just like something Maeve would say. “What does that even mean?”
“When Jarvis first died, I felt lifeless, and then I became so mad at him. But it all changed except the love. The love is always there. I’ve missed him for so many years, but my life has been very good. I’m not complaining. You’ve heard all this.”
She gripped Amanda’s hand. “My sweet friend, when I met you and saw that pain in your eyes…When I learned your story, it was like I was rescuing myself all over again. I didn’t handle losing my husband with the grace that you did.”
“I didn’t,” Amanda said, feeling ashamed. “I was a mess, but knowing you has helped—”
“You have managed this horrible hand with the ultimate grace, honey, and now you are beginning to live again.” Maeve’s head bobbed. “I once shut out the world. I really didn’t even know what to do with myself. My life was void of meaning without Jarvis.”
“I know that feeling.” Amanda fought back the tears. She knew the sentiment too well. How helpless it made her feel. How broken she’d been. Even just this morning.
“Meeting you has been so wonderful. It’s like a big finale with fireworks. You’ve brought real joy to my heart. And your children…oh gosh, they’ve filled a void I’d forgotten was there.”
“I feel the same way. I love our friendship, and you’ve reached that special spot that my mom doesn’t.” Amanda recalled a missed message from her mom this morning. If only Mom were as comforting as Maeve.
“That works both ways, Amanda. You have a part in fixing that relationship with your mother. I stand firm on that advice. I hope you’ll act on it.”
Amanda laughed. “I hear you.”
“Sweetie, I’m dying.”
It was like a sucker punch, leaving her off-balance. Amanda never saw it coming.
“I’ve been sick for a very long time. Fought for years, treatments and all that, and now the fighting is over.”
“How? What?”
“Does it matter? Cancer takes us all. Even old age is usually tattered with some cancer in the mix along the way, unless a fool doesn’t go to the doctor and just isn’t aware of it. I promised my sister, Judy, I’d come to her house when I got to this point. It’s time.”