The Angel's Song

by Roberta Kagan

  “Well, we’ll talk it all out. It’s been a long time so we have a lot of catching up to do. Listen, please don’t cry, all right? Come on now,” Caroline said, taking her thumb and wiping away May’s tears, comforting May as she always had since they were small children.

  May nodded.

  “I’ll make a pot of coffee unless you want to take a nap. Have you been traveling all night?”

  “Yes, I have. But I’d rather stay awake and visit with you than sleep.”

  “You sure? We can talk after you get a little rest.”

  “I’m sure. Put on that pot of coffee,” May said.

  “Will do.”

  Caroline smiled but she wasn’t feeling as joyful as May was. Caroline was feeling a little nervous about how May and Tommy would get along. May never had to share Caroline with anyone before and she had always demanded all of Caroline’s attention. Now there was another person whom Caroline loved as much as she loved May, and she was worried.

  After Caroline put up water to boil for coffee, she went into the bathroom and washed her face. She dressed in a floral cotton summer frock with cap sleeves. When she walked back out into the living room, she asked May if she was hungry.

  “Starving,” May said. “Do you have anything to eat?

  “Just leftover mac and cheese from last night’s dinner.”

  “Too early in the morning for mac and cheese,” May said.

  “How about this … I’ll go to the corner and get us some cinnamon buns. I know how much you love sweet rolls. How does that sound?”

  “Great! I’ve been so depressed, Caroline. I’ve been despondent. So many terrible things have happened. But being here with you … I feel better already.”

  Caroline nodded and tried to smile. She took her purse off the hook of the used coat rack that she and Tommy purchased the day before. “I’ll be right back,” she said. “Make yourself at home.”

  Caroline couldn’t let May know that she and Tommy were living in sin. It could easily destroy May’s respect for her. After all, their parents were very adamant about abstinence from sex until marriage. And although they shared their curiosity about sex, both Caroline and May agreed that they would wait until they were legally wed. This wonderful, terrible, frightening, life-changing relationship with Tommy had fallen into her lap but it was the best thing she ever knew.

  Now she was running as fast as she could to the coffee shop to tell Tommy that he could not stay at their apartment until May went home. He would have to find friends to stay with for a week or two.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  May was sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed under her. It was the best she’d felt in months. While she was on the train on the way to Nashville, she was nervous about leaving Mudwater Creek. It was the first time she was ever away from home. In fact, throughout the entire train ride, she had an upset stomach in anticipation of what might lie ahead. When she went to Caroline’s original apartment and the landlord said Caroline had moved, she walked back outside and vomited in the back of the building. Then she asked strangers for directions and they gave her that terrible look that she had come to know so well, a look of pity and sometimes fear.

  Most of them didn’t answer her when she asked them how to find the Maxwell House. She almost burst into tears when an old woman dressed in a very fine silk dress with professionally styled hair walked up to her.

  “Are you lost?” she asked.

  “Yes,” May answered. “I’m looking for the Maxwell House hotel?”

  “Of course.” The woman smiled, not seeming to be aware of May’s short stature. “Let me direct you.”

  It was a two-block walk, but once Caroline opened the door and May saw her cousin’s familiar face, she knew that everything would be all right. She was so excited to see Caroline again that she felt like singing. It was as if she had been lying dormant, half alive, since Caroline left. Seeing her cousin made her feel whole again.

  While May was waiting for Caroline to return, she began to wipe down the kitchen counters.

  Caroline has never been obsessed with cleanliness, May thought, smiling to herself with the great affection one has for someone she had known all her life and understood very well. In fact, although I love her beyond words, Caroline’s a bit of a slob. Well, no matter, she thought smiling as she envisioned Caroline. I can make myself useful by cleaning up. Then tomorrow I will go down to the front desk of this hotel and apply for any job that they might have open. I don’t care what kind of job I have to do. I want to pay my half of the rent. I know Caroline won’t say anything if I don’t give her any money, but if I am going to live here it’s only fair that I pay my share.

  It took longer than May expected for Caroline to return. By the time the front door opened and Caroline walked in, the kitchen was spotless.

  “You cleaned my kitchen?” Caroline noticed immediately. “You washed the floor too?”

  “Yep. I did,” May said.

  “That was awfully nice of you,” Caroline said. She wondered if May had looked in the closets in the bedroom. If she had, she would have seen Tommy’s clothes. Caroline would have to make up some kind of story about why she would have a man’s clothing in her bedroom.

  “Did you have a chance to look through the whole apartment?”

  “No. Actually, I was busy cleaning,” May said.

  “Come on then, let me show you,” Caroline said, carefully avoiding the closet.

  “Is someone else living here?” May asked, eyeing the two toothbrushes on the bathroom counter.

  “No,” Caroline lied. “I have a boyfriend who is my music partner. We sometimes get dressed for jobs or auditions here so he leaves his stuff. He even has some clothes here that he wears when we perform.” The lie came so easily that Caroline felt relieved. Now she wouldn’t have to worry about May finding Tommy’s things.

  “This is a really nice place,” May said.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “I do. I like it very much.”

  “So … are you planning to go off to college in the fall?”

  “Nope. I am planning to get a job in Nashville and stay right here with you.”

  Caroline was stunned. She had no idea what to say. She was silent for several moments. She tried not to sound disappointed that May wanted to stay, but she said, “You don’t want to go to a university? That has always been your dream. You’ve wanted to explore a career in medicine or science since we were really young. What happened?”

  “I just don’t want to do that anymore. I want to stay here with you.”

  “Did something happen?”

  “Yes,” May said. She sighed and sat down on the sofa. “Sit down with me, Carol. I want to tell you something.”

  Caroline sat beside May and waited. May took a deep breath. Her face crinkled but she didn’t cry as she told Caroline all about the science fair. Caroline listened quietly. When May was finished, Caroline stood up and poured them both a cup of coffee.

  “Come, eat your sweet roll,” Caroline said patting May’s hair as if she were a child. May began munching and sipping the hot coffee but Caroline couldn’t touch the sweet roll. She had lost her appetite. As she watched her adorable, childlike cousin, she was lost in thought.

  It isn’t that I don’t love her, I do. I’m happy to see her. But I don’t want her to stay forever. I like the independence that moving away from my family and all of Mudwater Creek has given me. And sadly, I hate to admit it, but I like having a little place of my own away from May. All of our lives she’s been so dependent on me. She’s needed me for everything. And … well … is it so terribly wrong that I want a husband and children and maybe even a little bit of distance from May? I am selfish. That’s what it is. I am a selfish, self-centered girl. I don’t deserve a devoted cousin who is as close to me as a sister. I just don’t deserve the likes of May.

  “Did you say that you have a boyfriend and he is your music partner?” May asked.

  “Yes
. His name is Tommy Terry and he should be here later this afternoon. He has to come over to pick up some of his things. You’ll meet him then.”

  “I can’t wait. You’ve never actually had a real boyfriend before. Is it serious? I mean, like maybe marriage?” May asked.

  “Maybe. We like each other a lot.”

  “You haven’t told your folks, have you?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Well, don’t rush into anything. Take your time,” May said, crossing her short legs under her. “I’m here now and we can have a lot of fun in Nashville together. It will be like old times when we were in high school.”

  “Yes, just like high school,” Caroline sighed.

  “You sound unhappy.”

  “No, no … not at all.”

  Caroline forced a smile, hiding her true feelings as best as she could.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  After he left work, Tommy went directly to the apartment he shared with Caroline. He planned to make an effort to be upbeat and friendly but he wasn’t happy being forced to find a place to stay until May left.

  Still, he thought, family is family, and I can understand how Caroline feels. She can’t just throw her cousin out. And she doesn’t want her folks to find out that we are living together. So what else can she do? I’ll have to stay with a couple of my buddies. It’ll be crowded but at least it will only be for a couple of weeks.

  Tommy didn’t use his key. Instead, he knocked on the door as if he were a visitor and not a live-in resident. Caroline opened it. After planting a kiss on Caroline’s lips, he walked over to May who was cooking in the kitchen. She tensed up when he gave her a big hug.

  “I’ve heard so much about you,” he said with an effort at exuberance.

  May had never been hugged by a man other than her father or her uncle and so Tommy’s hug left her flustered.

  “Hi! You heard good things I hope?” she said.

  “Of course, all good. Caroline says you are very smart and that you always get the best grades in school.”

  May looked at the ground and smiled. “I try.”

  “And I’ll tell you what, May. You share your cousin’s good looks too,” Tommy offered. “I guess good looks must just run in the family.”

  Now May blushed but she didn’t speak.

  “He can be so charming, can’t you Tommy?” Caroline teased. “So, what are we going to do for dinner?”

  “Why don’t we take your pretty cousin to one of the clubs on Club Row so she can get a feel for the Nashville sound? We’ll all get some food and listen for a while.”

  “Okay,” Caroline said. “Is it okay with you, May?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Let’s go to Johnny R’s. They have an open mike tonight. Maybe you and me can do a song or two after dinner,” Tommy said. “I don’t know if Caroline told you yet, but she and I work as a musical duo. I thought you might want to hear us play.”

  “Sure, I’d love to. Let me get cleaned up and dressed,” May said.

  “Go ahead, May. Tommy and I will get ready too,” Caroline said.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  From her room, May could hear Tommy and Caroline whispering. She heard Caroline tell Tommy that May was not leaving in two weeks and that he would have to move out until May decided to leave. May had no idea that they were living together. She couldn’t understand what Tommy was saying but his tone of voice sounded angry. Caroline’s words were muffled and her tone sounded defensive.

  If Caroline and Tommy get married then she and I will never be the same as we were back in Mudwater. She will live with him and I will be lonely. So terribly lonely forever. The rest of my life will be like the past year has been. Horrible. I wish I was the kind of person who would do something to break them up. But I can’t. I can’t hurt Caroline that way, but I dread losing her too. I’ve spent this past year with a hole in my gut that has been growing deeper by the minute. I’ve felt so empty and alone. Until I got here I thought about dying, about committing suicide, every day. Now that I can see a future living here with Caroline, I don’t want to let go of that little possibility of joy. I won’t tell her that I know that she and Tommy were living here together in sin. I’ll just let him move out. I’ll find a job and help with the expenses. Once Caroline remembers how much fun it is when she and I are together, hopefully she won’t be in a hurry to get married. We are both still so young …

  There was a knock on the door.

  “You almost ready?” Caroline asked.

  “Yes, but come in. I want to know if this dress looks all right for the club where we are going.”

  Caroline walked into the bedroom she had shared with Tommy only the night before. May’s suitcase was open on the bed. She’d changed into a red and white checked dress with white kitten heel shoes.

  “You look very pretty,” Caroline said, trying not to think about the problems May was causing in her life. “Let’s get going.”

  Caroline and Tommy carried their guitars and May walked alongside them. It was hard for her to keep up. When she and Caroline walked alone, Caroline slowed down to keep pace with May. But Tommy had long legs and he didn’t seem to notice how difficult it was for May not to fall behind. When they arrived at the club, May was out of breath. As they sat down at a table in the back of the room, Caroline and Tommy were greeted by other musicians who knew them. May felt a little lost and out of place. She wanted more than anything to fit in, to be a part of her cousin’s life again.

  They ordered burgers, fries, and milkshakes.

  “Let me treat you both,” May said.

  “No, honey, we are both working,” Caroline said. “You hold onto your money.”

  “I insist.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Very sure, Caroline.”

  Tommy gave Caroline a look. “I don’t mind paying,” he said and his voice sounded uncomfortable.

  “You always pay, Tom. Take a night off,” Caroline nodded at Tommy.

  “It feels awful strange to have a girl pay for me,” he grumbled.

  Then the music started and May was swept away by the sheer joy of the rhythm. The audience was clapping along and before she knew it, May was clapping too.

  After they finished eating, Tommy stood up and motioned to a young fellow with a crew cut who was coordinating the open mike.

  “Can we get on the list?” he yelled across the room.

  “Yeah, sure,” the guy replied. “You wanna go next? There ain’t nobody in line. You’re up if you wanna be.”

  “Okay with you, Carol?” Tommy asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Sure, we’ll go next.”

  “Then come on up.”

  Tommy and Caroline took their guitars out of their cases and walked up on the stage. The crowd applauded. May could see that Caroline was beaming.

  She’s really in her element here, May thought. Tommy began picking while Caroline played the melody. They sang together in harmony. There were hoots and hollers from the audience and everyone was clapping along. But May was not feeling the way she felt when the other musicians were playing. She was feeling alienated. Watching Caroline on stage with Tommy and seeing the way they looked at each other, May realized that this was an aspect of Caroline’s life that she would never be a part of.

  Suddenly, she felt ill and got up and ran to the bathroom. Caroline stopped playing and Tommy followed her lead. The room was quiet; the music had stopped. May ran into a stall and began vomiting. It was only a few moments before she heard Caroline’s voice outside the bathroom stall.

  “May, are you all right?”

  “I’m sick,” May managed to say. “It must have been the food.”

  “Oh my, can I come in?”

  May opened the door to the stall. “I think I’ll be all right now. I’m sorry for ruining this night for you.”

  “NO, please, don’t worry. Come here, let me wash your face with some cool water.”

  May did as Caroline as
ked. “Thank you. I feel much better.”

  “Let’s get you home,” Caroline said.

  They walked back to the table where Tommy was waiting.

  “Are you all right?” he asked

  May nodded.

  “We’re going home, Tommy. May is probably tired from the train ride to Nashville. Can you take my guitar home with you?” Caroline asked.

  “Yeah, sure,” Tommy said.

  “I’ll see you at work in the morning.” Caroline tried to smile.

  Tommy nodded. His eyes met Caroline’s, and for a moment, they just stared at each other. Something had changed; they could both feel it. Something they both knew would be crucial to their future and to their relationship. There was someone between them now. Both of them wanted to stop it but they didn’t know how. Then Caroline took May’s arm and led her out of the club.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  The following day, May went down to the front desk at the Maxwell House to apply for a job as a desk clerk. She was told there were no openings. So she walked up the street and went into two other hotels. The first one told her that there were no openings but the second one had a sign in the window that said, “Help Wanted, front desk clerk.” May filled out the application, but when she went into the personnel office to be interviewed she saw the look on the woman’s face and she knew she wouldn’t get the job.

  “Honey, I’d love to hire you. You’re cute as a little doll. But the fact is that you’re too short to see above the counter. You’re just too short,” said a slender, bleached-blonde woman in a black dress.

  “But I need a job. And I can’t help my height,” May said.

  The blonde lit a cigarette. She was a pretty woman, even with the wrinkles around her eyes and lips.

  “Well,” she said, biting her lower lip. “I could offer you a job with housekeeping but I am not sure you could reach all the way to the back of the counters in the bathrooms. They might be too high for you. I’d offer you a position waiting tables but that would pose a problem for you too.” The woman took a puff of her cigarette and then put it down in the ashtray. “I want to help you,” she said, drumming her fingers on the desk.