The Angel's Song

by Roberta Kagan

  Chapter Seventy-Three

  The hospital smelled of rubbing alcohol and illness. Even though May worked in the medical field and she smelled these scents every day, it was different today. Today, the odors made her tremble. She came to the hospital knowing that her cousin and the closest friend she ever had during her childhood lay dying. A mix of emotions fought inside her. She harbored such terrible anger towards Caroline for eight years, and now she was confused. It was as if all the anger was gone and all that was left were the memories and the love she felt for Caroline her entire life.

  Jeff was not only her husband, but he was her best friend now. She told him everything about her childhood and her life. He knew all about May and Caroline. He knew everything that had happened. He was with her now, her support system as always, and he held May’s hand as they walked together towards the emergency room. She trembled as she heard the overhead operator call a code blue on the overhead PA system.

  “I’m May Langston,” May said to the girl at the desk. She caught the girl’s expression of slight disgust when she looked at May. But May had long since gotten over caring what people thought about her dwarfism. Jeff had helped her to see herself as worthy. He loved her just as she was. And even though sometimes people still judged her, May no longer judged herself.

  “I’m here to see my cousin, Caroline Henson.”

  “She’s in room two in the ER. But the doctors are in the process of transferring her upstairs to ICU.”

  “Can I see her?”

  “She will be upstairs in ten minutes. You can go up and see her there. However, her mother is in the waiting room. If you want to go in there and wait with her until Mrs. Henson is in her room.”

  “Thank you,” May said and she went to find Ashlyn.

  “She’s bad,” Ashlyn said. “But I know she’ll be glad to see you.”

  “Hi? You must be Bonnie,” May said, her voice filled with emotion as she saw Bonnie for the first time. The child was gripping her teddy bear and leaning against Ashlyn.

  “Hi,” Bonnie said, eyeing May suspiciously. She had never seen anyone else who was a dwarf. Until now, she thought she was the only one. Bonnie stared at May in disbelief and thought, Another person like me? And she’s an adult too?

  She has it, May thought. She’s a dwarf, like me. Oh my God! I wish I would have known. I might have been able to make these past eight years easier for this poor child. But of course, I closed the door on Caroline ever calling me for help. So what did I expect?”

  May turned to Ashlyn. “My mother told me everything. I’m here to get my bone marrow tested to see if I’m a match.”

  “The doctor will get you tested right away. Go to the nurse’s desk and have him paged.”

  May nodded. Then with a very gentle voice she said to Bonnie, “I’ll be right back.”

  Bonnie put her thumb in her mouth and snuggled closer to her grandmother.

  She’s scared. That’s why she’s acting like a toddler even though she’s eight. Poor kid, May thought. Her mother is very sick and she knows it. It’s been just the two of them all of her life and now there is a very real threat of Caroline dying. Oh dear God, no. Please let Caroline make it. Please let me be a match for her bone marrow. Let me save her.

  Caroline’s doctor greeted May in the lab. “Before we begin testing to determine if you are a match,” he said, his voice serious. “There are a few things that you should know.”

  May nodded.

  “If you do turn out to be a match, the procedure is not a painless one. And … there are risks to the donor as well.”

  May nodded. “I understand,” she murmured.

  “Now, are you sure you want to go through with this?”

  “Yes.”

  “All right then. I have to ask you some questions. Are you on any medications?” he began.

  “No.”

  “Do you have any illnesses?”

  “Would my condition be considered an illness?”

  “You mean dwarfism? No.”

  “Then no, I don’t.”

  “And did you say that you are related to the patient? Caroline told me she had no relatives.”

  “Yes, I am. There’s a long story behind why she told you that. Can we please get on with the testing? This is unnerving.”

  “Of course.”

  “How long will it take until we know if I am a match?”

  “We should have the results within three weeks. But remember, please, even if you are a match and you go through the surgical procedure to extract your bone marrow there is still no guarantee that it will save Caroline’s life.”

  “I realize this. But we have to try,” May said.

  Once the testing was complete, May was sent up to Caroline’s room where she could visit with her cousin. The whole hospital had a smell, but the ICU not only smelled of alcohol and illness, but of a lingering, noxious odor of fear and death that could poison anyone’s attempt at courage.

  For a moment, May stood in the hallway. She could see that Caroline was connected to all kinds of machines. As she watched the scene in front of her like a horror film on a movie screen, the past began to come back to her in heaving waves like the ocean. She remembered all of the times Caroline came to her defense when the other children were making fun of her. May recalled how Caroline gave her best dress to Viola and asked her to shorten it and fit it to May. May had complimented her on the dress and said, “They don’t make dresses like that for people like me.”

  Yes, it was true, Caroline had hurt her, but she forgave her everything. Everything. If she could have, May would have traded places with Caroline. After all, Bonnie needed her mother, and May did not have children. It wasn’t because she hadn’t wanted them. It was because she was afraid that they would inherit her condition. Before she and Jeff got married, she made him agree that they would not have any children. She went so far as to have her tubes tied so she wouldn’t become pregnant by accident.

  I was so worried that I would have a child who was a dwarf. I went to such measures to prevent it. And look, Caroline had a little girl with the same condition as me. My heart goes out to little Bonnie. There is so much I want to tell her, but she is too young. I know that she is probably suffering at the hands of the other children at school. And she probably believes that she will never meet anyone who will love her. But I want to hold her little hands and say, here, look at me, Bonnie. Look at me, I have a wonderful husband and a great career that I love. Just because you are a dwarf doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good life.

  “May, why don’t you come in?” Ashlyn said from her seat at Caroline’s bedside.

  “Yes, of course. Of course, I will. Where is Bonnie?”

  “They wouldn’t let her come up to ICU. She’s with a nurse downstairs. Maybe you can stay with Caroline while I go and take care of Bonnie. It will give you girls a chance to catch up,” Ashlyn said.

  “Yes, that sounds like a good idea,” May nodded.

  Caroline’s eyes were open, but May couldn’t be sure that Caroline saw her.

  “Carol,” she whispered. “It’s me, May.”

  “You came?”

  “Of course I came. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

  Caroline started to cry.

  “Shhh,” May said.

  May took Caroline’s hand.

  “I’m glad you’re here. And…I’m sorry….I’m so sorry,” Caroline said. “I made so many mistakes…”

  “It’s okay. Shhh. It’s okay.”

  “Did you see Bonnie?”

  “Yes.”

  “You know then? You know that she has dwarfism?”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “I am worried about her. Only you would understand how hard life is for her. Bonnie needs you, May. Promise me that if I die you’ll take her. You’ll raise her and take care of her. I was going to ask my mom but you would understand her far better than Mom would. You could help her…”

  “You aren’t going to die, fo
r God’s sake.”

  “If I do…if I do…”

  “Stop talking that way, it’s bad luck. I just took some lab tests to see if I am able to donate bone marrow for you.”

  “You know the whole story about Cyrus being my father and your grandfather then?”

  “I know.” May squeezed Caroline’s hand. “Don’t worry about anything. Just relax. I’m here now. I’m with you.”

  “May, I want to tell you something.”

  “Go on. Tell me anything.”

  “I wrote a song for you after you left on that horrid night when I married Leo. I felt so bad about what I did. But I was weak, and I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t face society’s disapproval. You were always the stronger one, May. I never had your courage. Life was too easy for me and so I never developed any gumption. Anyway, about the song I wrote for you. I named it “The Angel’s Song.” Whenever I thought of you but didn’t have the courage to try and contact you, I would take out my guitar and play it. I’d pretend I was singing it to you.”

  “Oh gosh,” May sighed, trying not to break down and weep.

  “After I am gone you’ll find the sheet music to your song in the top drawer of my dresser. You know, May, you have always been my best friend. And whenever I needed you, you were always like an angel to me. Even now, after all that I did to you, you came here to this hospital to try and give me your bone marrow. I know how dangerous it is for a bone marrow donor and how painful. But you did it anyway …”

  “That’s because I love you, silly.”

  “Then promise me that you’ll be my angel now when I need it most.”

  “Sure. Anything you want.”

  “Seriously, I want you to seriously promise me that if I don’t make it, you’ll take Bonnie. She’ll need your support to get by in this world. You and I both know how hard it was for you growing up. No one else will understand her the way you do. Only you will be able to give her the advice she’ll need so desperately to succeed in spite of how people might treat her. Look at you, look at all that you’ve done. Mom told me that you’re a veterinarian. She said you are married to a great guy, and that you have a nice fancy apartment in New York. May… I am so proud of you. And, well … if I’m not here to help Bonnie …”

  “Stop it right now. You’ll be here.”

  “But if I am not … promise me … promise me, May, that you’ll take her, and you’ll raise her …”

  “I promise.”

  Caroline squeezed May’s hand. “I love you,” she whispered as a tear ran down her cheek. Then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. May never left her side. She stayed the entire night.

  Chapter Seventy-Four

  Caroline never regained consciousness. She died peacefully the following morning with May’s hand in hers.

  With a heavy heart, May went to talk to Bonnie.

  Bonnie and Ashlyn were sitting outside the ICU in a small waiting room.

  “The doctor came and told me and Grandma that my mother passed away. It’s true, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, honey. I’m sorry, but it is.”

  “Were you with her when it happened?”

  “Yes, I was.”

  “Did it hurt her?” Bonnie’s face was contorted in pain.

  “No, she just fell asleep peacefully.”

  Bonnie nodded as if that was all she needed to know.

  “Your mother and I were very close,” May said.

  “Then why weren’t you ever around? Why is this the first time I am ever meeting you?”

  “Stupid adult things kept us apart. If I could go back in time and do things differently, I would. But I can’t,” May said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

  “You mean you would have come to see us and I would have met you before my mom got sick?”

  “Yes, I would have come all the time.”

  Bonnie nodded, putting her thumb in her mouth.

  “Bonnie, your mother was hoping you would come and live with me and my husband Jeff. We are both veterinarians. We have two dogs and a cat. I think you would like living with us.”

  “I would rather go with Grandma.”

  “You can do that if you want. But you and I have a lot in common.”

  “You mean cause you’re too short to be normal, like I am?”

  “Yes, that’s what I mean. So why don’t you come and spend the summer with me? We’ll get to know one another. And then if you still want to go to live in Mudwater Creek with Grandma, I’ll take you there myself.”

  Bonnie shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m really going to miss my mom. I miss her already.”

  “I know. I will miss her too.”

  “So where do you live anyway?”

  “New York City, right across the street from Central Park. And you know what? There is a zoo in Central Park. They have all kinds of animals.”

  “I went to a zoo once with my class at school. We saw bears.”

  “Well, if you are living with me you and I could walk right over to the zoo in Central Park anytime you want.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “You promise?”

  “I promise.”

  AUTHORS NOTE

  First and foremost, I want to thank you for reading my novel and for your continued interest in my work. From time to time, I receive emails from my readers that contest the accuracy of my events. When you pick up a novel you are entering the authors’ world where sometimes we take artistic license and ask you to suspend your disbelief. I always try to keep as true to history as possible, however, sometimes there are discrepancies within my novels. This happens sometimes to keep the drama of the story. Thank you for indulging me.

  Many Blessings,

  Roberta

  Thank you for taking the time to read my novel. I always enjoy hearing from my readers. Your feelings about my work are very important to me. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends or posting a short review on Amazon. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend. Also, please feel free to contact me via Facebook or at www.RobertaKagan.com. All emails are answered personally, and I would love to hear from you.

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