Better as Friends

by Liliana Rhodes

  "Okay, but if you need anything, just call me," I said.

  "I will. Love you!"

  "Love you too."

  I put the phone down on the end table and picked up Gideon's ring. It was heavy and a little tarnished, but it made me feel like I was holding an important piece of him.

  Gideon once told me how it was his grandfather's ring and even though he never met the man, every photo he had ever seen of him showed him wearing that ring. It made him feel like he had a family even though the only family he ever really knew was his brother Gabriel.

  I sighed as I tried the ring on each of my fingers. Even on my thumb it was loose. I picked up my phone to let him know I had his ring, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I made a mental note to bring the ring to work with me and give it back to him then.

  Things with Gideon were incredible last night, but I didn't want to lose my friend. Having him as a friend was the most important thing to me. But even as I thought that, a memory of our night together flashed in my mind.

  Could we be something more?

  Chapter Nine

  Becca

  The next night as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I wondered how things had changed so much in just a couple of days. I rolled over and looked at the clock on my nightstand. 1:45 a.m. I had been tossing and turning for two hours. I couldn't sleep.

  All I could think about was him, Gideon, my best friend. But this time I wasn't thinking about him as a best friend, I was thinking about what happened two nights ago.

  I reached for my phone and clicked to get it to light up. Still no text from him. For months, he had texted me every night before we went to sleep. And now that he hadn't, I couldn't sleep.

  I yanked the blankets out from underneath Cinder, who was snoring beside me. Somehow that dog always managed to steal all the covers.

  I opened up a new text to Gideon, but I didn't know what to say. Everything that popped into my head just didn't sound right. Our sleeping together became exactly what I was afraid of, and I couldn't stop replaying that night in my mind. I hated to admit that as much as I was obsessing over it, I enjoyed thinking about it even more.

  The next day I was a zombie. I was thankful for it being Sunday so I didn't have to go to work. I barely slept, and I knew it was because of Gideon. It wasn't his fault, I couldn't blame him for my being so used to texting him before bed that I couldn't sleep without it anymore.

  I kept thinking that I should text him. Or maybe I should just call him. But I couldn't. I felt ridiculous. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I felt like some silly teenager obsessing over her first boyfriend. Why was I being like this? Was it the sex? It's not like I hadn't had no-strings-attached sex before. What was so different with this time?

  I didn't want to admit it, but I knew the problem wasn't that it was a one-night stand with my best friend. The problem was that I wanted more than just one night.

  I spent the day running errands, trying to keep myself preoccupied. I did everything imaginable to try to keep my mind from going back to Gideon, but nothing helped.

  As I lay in bed that night, wide awake, I reached for my phone. I had to text him. I knew I was a bitch for how I threw him out on New Year's Day. I was surprised he didn't call me out on it, but I knew it had to be weird for him too. Just as I was about to text him, my phone buzzed with a new text message.

  Gideon: Sorry I didn't text you last night. I wasn't sure if I should or not.

  Becca: It's okay, I didn't text you either. And I should have.

  Gideon: Just let me say something. I don't want what happened to ruin what we had together. You're my best friend, Becca. I don't want to lose that.

  Becca: Me neither! I don't know what to think though.

  As soon as I hit send, I groaned as I re-read what I wrote to him. I didn't want him jumping to conclusions about what I was saying, but I didn't know what I was saying myself.

  Gideon: What do you mean?

  Becca: I don't know.

  Too many things were swimming around in my head, making me dizzy. This was the kind of thing that I wanted to talk to a friend about, but the only friend I really wanted to talk to was him. I couldn't tell Sandra, she had enough problems of her own. And I knew if I told Cassie, she would tell me I was crazy for thinking of Gideon as just a friend to begin with.

  Becca: This is ridiculous so I'm just going to put this out there. I can't stop thinking about the other night.

  Gideon: Me neither. I hope you're thinking about it the same way I am.

  Becca: I think I am.

  Gideon: That night was like nothing I have ever experienced before. It was like everything was new. Each sensation, each feeling, everything was perfect. You are perfect, Becca. And us together, that was amazing.

  I couldn't believe he was saying all the right things. I wanted to convince myself that this was how he treated all of the women he dated, but I knew that wasn't true. I pushed aside those worries. I knew Gideon. He was being sincere.

  Becca: It was amazing! But I can't help but worry about our friendship. We've talked about this before. We've talked about how neither one of us want any kind of relationship with anyone. They're too complicated.

  Gideon: Yeah, but maybe that's because deep down we knew no one could compare to each other.

  Becca: What are you trying to say?

  Gideon: I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

  Please Gideon, figure it out. Repeat what you said the other night, tell me you love me again. Tell me you think this could be better than our friendship because I'm so afraid of losing everything we had, I thought.

  Becca: I don't want to lose our friendship.

  Gideon: I don't either, but maybe we don't have to. You know, some people have friends with benefits.

  As the reality of friends with benefits sank into my head, I couldn't believe we never seriously considered that before.

  Becca: You mean sex? That kind of benefit? Like what happened the other night?

  Gideon: You know what I mean. You said you've been thinking about it since it happened.

  Becca: But don't you think that'll complicate things?

  Gideon: Aren't things already complicated?

  In another situation, I would have told the guy talking to me about this to fuck off. But I knew Gideon. I knew he wasn't just saying these things to mess with my head or get in my pants. He'd already been there anyway.

  The thought of having a friendship like this was refreshing. It was like walking into a relationship with all your cards on the table. There weren't any questions, we knew where we stood and what it all meant. We knew exactly what we both wanted. Sure, it could get complicated, but it didn't have to be. We were friends, great friends, so why couldn't we also have this?

  Becca: You're right.

  Gideon: So what are you doing right now?

  Becca: Nothing, I'm in bed.

  Gideon: Mind if I come over?

  Becca: I think I'd like that a lot.

  Gideon: Then open your door. I'm right outside.

  I rushed to the front door and unlocked it. As it swung open, Gideon stepped in, cupped my face, and kissed me as if his life depended on it. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let him carry me up to the bedroom.

  Chapter Ten

  Gideon

  I was sitting at the head of a long conference table in one of the rooms of my brother's headquarters. Sitting along one side of the table were the Slaters, three brothers with a growing business they planned to move to Canyon Cove.

  Working on Mason Abernathy's eco ranch became much more high profile than I expected. I was getting calls from so many different companies with an eye on relocating to the area that I had my pick of who I wanted to work with. It made my time at City Hall with Becca more difficult, but I loved being with her so much that I couldn't stop going.

  The Slaters were one of the people who reached out to me based on Mason's ranch. They created a new type of engine technology I didn't fu
lly understand, but I was looking forward to learning more about it from them. They were down to earth guys who grew up in a poor neighborhood, very similar to Gabriel and I. We were all dressed in jeans and kept the meeting more casual than my other presentations.

  I kept my phone muted but on the table just in case I got an important phone call or text. At least that was what I kept telling myself. Every few minutes, I checked the phone to see if Becca had texted me what time I should come by. She was the only important call I wanted.

  It had been a week since we changed from just friends to friends with benefits. To me, the only thing different about our relationship was that instead of texting each other every night, I was now spending the night with her. It was a great arrangement, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to wanting more.

  Things with Becca were different than anyone else. I wasn't lying when I told her I didn't want a relationship. I had had enough of them. I was tired of being that guy who was falling in and out of love faster than most people changed their underwear. Becca didn't deserve to be on that list.

  She was different. She was a change from every other woman I had ever been with before. I didn't want to destroy what we had. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But every night, I wondered how things would change between us if we only admitted to ourselves that we weren't just friends anymore.

  "You haven't heard a word I said, have you?" Jake asked.

  I glanced up and found Jake looking at me with a knowing smile. In his mid-thirties, he was the oldest of the brothers. I laughed, feeling embarrassed for a moment. I shook my head and pushed the phone a little farther away from me.

  "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm expecting an important text."

  "Oh, I bet I've had important texts like that before," he said. "What's her name?"

  I cleared my throat as I looked away. I was buying myself a little time to recover. I couldn't believe I was so transparent.

  "It's not like that at all," I said. "It's work related. I have a lot of things going on right now."

  "That's fine, Gideon. I can respect that."

  As much as I imagined becoming friends with Jake and his brothers, I didn't need to tell him anything about my personal life. Right now I needed to focus on why we were here.

  "I already have a few ideas in mind for what you want," I said. "If you have some time tomorrow, I can take you to look at several locations that have all the space you're looking for."

  As I rose from my seat, I couldn't help but glance over at my cell phone. Still no text message, but I didn't need one. I knew I would see her later. I'd make sure of it.

  "How about we meet tomorrow at 10 a.m.?" I asked. "We can take a drive out towards Canyon Road where there's a lot of open space. I know a couple of parcels of land that would be perfect for your manufacturing plant and corporate offices."

  They rose to their feet and we shook hands before they left. I needed to get a hold of myself better. I thought about Becca constantly and we were still only friends. That needed to change. I was going to tell her tonight.

  With a pizza in my hand, I waited for Becca to open the door. I had a key that she had given me when I was doing work there, but I didn't want to take advantage of it.

  She opened the door, wearing sweats, her hair up in a messy bun. While seeing her dressed up months ago at the fundraiser was what originally caught my eye, this version of Becca was my favorite. She looked healthy and vibrant, plus I loved seeing all her freckles.

  "Hey beautiful," I said before kissing her lips.

  "How'd you know I wanted pizza?" she asked.

  "I know everything about you, hon. You haven't figured that out yet?"

  As I carried the pizza into the kitchen, she gave me an odd look from the corner of her eye and I knew something was wrong.

  "What's going on?" I asked.

  "I don't know. It's just…this isn't right. I know we're just friends and I love that. I'll even admit I love the benefits and having you around at night, but I guess I'm confused. This doesn't feel like we're just friends. It feels like it's something more.”

  "Is that what you want?" I asked. "Because I've told you, I'm leaving this all up to you. I love this arrangement, but Becca, I love you. I want more."

  She shook her head as she wrapped her arms around herself.

  "No, don't say that, Gideon," she said. "That's exactly the problem. You're always falling in love. You fall in love and you barely even know the girl's name. I can't do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be just another girl to you."

  "But you're not. You're nothing like any of the women I was with before. None of them mattered to me, none of them even compare to you."

  "Don't say that. You do this. You say just the right things and it's confusing. I don't know what to believe anymore. We were better off just being friends, Gideon, no benefits, no grey areas. This arrangement isn't right."

  "But it can be right. I can make it right," I said. "Just give me a chance."

  "No, you don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying."

  I didn't know what was going on with her, but I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand there and tell her the truth of how I felt while she pushed me away.

  "I've had enough," I said. "I can't keep doing this. If you want to just be friends, then that's fine. I get it. I'll stop telling you how much I love you. I'll treat you like I do all of my friends. I told you from the beginning, Becca, you call the shots."

  Before she could say anything else, I turned towards the door and walked out.

  Chapter Eleven

  Becca

  After our fight in my home, it was a week before I saw Gideon again. I came back to City Hall early after a day of checking on various projects in the South End and noticed him leaving through the side door.

  "Gideon, wait!"

  He turned around and his expression hardened. I slowed down as the guilt from pushing him out of my home sank into my belly. I couldn't help but think he was avoiding me. There was no other reason for his not showing up at work when he was usually there every day.

  Gideon looked at his watch as I finally caught up to him.

  "Are you in a rush?" I asked.

  "I have a meeting to get to."

  "Oh? Is it something I should be at?"

  "It has nothing to do with the South End. You know I was only here for my licensing hours. I finished those months ago."

  I winced from the angry force his words carried. He closed his eyes and shook his head before letting out a long sigh.

  "I'm sorry," he said. "I…"

  His eyes locked onto mine and my breath caught in my throat. He was going to say something big. I knew him well enough to tell, I just didn't know what he was going to say.

  "What? Tell me," I said. "What is it?"

  I searched his eyes. He was going to say something about that first night together on New Year's Eve. I knew it, I could tell. He was going to say something about us.

  His eyes filled with pain before he turned away.

  "I miss my friend," he said.

  That wasn't what he was going to say.

  He turned back towards the door but stopped as I reached out for his arm.

  "You left this," I said, his ring in my hand. "You know, on New Year's Eve."

  He nodded as he plucked the ring from my hand and slipped it on his finger. Without another word, he stepped out the door.

  "I'm sorry," I called out.

  He turned back towards me with a huge grin. Despite his smile, his eyes looked sad.

  "Sorry for what, beautiful? It was just another good time for Gideon Kohl. We both had fun and now we can go back to being friends, just like you always wanted."

  He leaned close but instead of kissing my cheek quickly like he used to, he inhaled before his lips touched my skin. As he backed away from me, he still had the same big smile, but his eyes kept telling me a different story.

  He's lying, I thought.

  Anoth
er week had gone by with Gideon hardly showing up at City Hall. He had been so involved with the revitalization that I expected him to always be there. But my feelings had nothing to do with work. I missed having him around.

  As I walked down the long empty hall towards my office, a woman's footsteps quickly approached from behind. I turned around to find Janice Oliver, the mayor's assistant, smiling as she caught up to me.

  Janice was short, under five feet tall easily. She always smelled like cinnamon, and I never saw her with anything but a smile on her face. She wore her brown and grey hair in a braid twisted around the crown of her head.

  "I'm so glad you came in today," she said. "I need to talk to you."

  "Is something wrong? I thought the mayor approved the last round of changes."

  "Oh no, dear. This is something more personal. Let's go into your office."

  As we entered my office, Janice closed my door behind her.

  "I hope you don't mind my asking, but I haven't seen Gideon around much lately. Is everything okay between the two of you?"

  "Gideon? Of course, he's just busy."

  "So you're still dating?"

  "Dating? Oh no, we never dated, we're just friends."

  "Mmm hmm," she said as she nodded knowingly. "That's a shame. I always thought you were perfect together. So does that mean you're available?"

  I looked at her suspiciously as my nose scrunched involuntarily.