Gideon: You're in luck, I got a better offer tonight. Enjoy your date.
"Was that him?" Taylor asked. "He's not coming, is he?"
"It was him and no, he's not coming. How did you know?"
"You look disappointed."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, feeling bad. "He's my best friend and lately…" I shook my head. "I don't know. Anyway, we haven't been spending much time together lately. You don't want to hear about this. Let's talk about something else. We are on a date after all. What kind of stuff do you usually talk about on dates?"
"Just whatever comes up really. I hate to say that as many of these dates that I've been set up on, none of them are ever the same."
"So you just keep going on blind dates?"
"I do. My mother is relentless. Every few months she starts pushing for me to meet someone." He shrugged. "I can't say no. But that's enough about me, I want to hear more about you."
"You've got to be kidding me," Sandra said. "You're telling me you were on a date with a gorgeous doctor last night and you ended up talking about Gideon?"
"Yes," I said as I squeezed some lemon into my tea. "I couldn't help myself. Taylor was so nice but whatever we talked about, it brought me back to Gideon."
"Oh, you're just a great date. He didn't mind you talking about another guy?"
"I really don't think he did. I don't think he was serious about it being a date. It was more like meeting a new friend."
"Something's not right then. What guy doesn't mind you talking about someone else and doesn't make a move? You said he didn't even try to kiss you."
"He didn't. But like I said, I did spend the evening talking about Gideon," I said with a laugh. "Anyway, I don't think it mattered. He asked me out again."
"No way! Maybe you found the secret to getting the second date - by talking about someone else. Are you going to go?"
"I don't know. I mean I did have a good time and Taylor seems so nice, but I didn't feel that, you know."
"The 'ah ooo ga?’"
I laughed imagining a cartoon character's eyes popping out with hearts.
"That's exactly it," I said.
"And when you're with Gideon?"
I sighed. It was something I had avoided admitting to myself.
"I don't know," I said. "When we were friends, we were friends. I seriously never thought of him as anything more. But something happened." I paused to think, and Gideon's voice ran through my head, giving me that 'ah ooo ga' feeling. "I think it was the day of the benefit. You know, that fundraiser at the Boone Art Gallery. He didn't recognize me from behind because I was dressed up and geez, his voice." I sighed as I thought about it again. "But it doesn't matter. He texted me he got a better offer. I guess the girl he was taking on the date was too hot for him to show up on my blind date."
"You don't know that. Maybe he realized he was acting like an ass. You've told me he can be a bit unpredictable," she said. "Why don't you call him? Have you spoken to him lately?"
"Of course I have."
"I mean really talked. It just seems a shame to let this go."
"I'm not letting it go, it's just complicated," I said.
"Oh trust me, I know complicated."
"What's going on with Billy?"
"They released him. He told them he was fine and they let him go in the middle of the night. He was walking back to the old house when he realized he had no place to live."
"Did he call you?"
"Yes, not at first, but he got lost and I guess he thought he had no choice. I picked him up and I brought him to a hotel near the house."
"So is he okay? I mean he knows you're still broken up, right?"
"He does. He's not happy about it, but he knows he screwed up. He's looking for a new place but hasn't had much luck. I told him to give it a couple more days and then I might let him move in."
"Are you crazy?" I asked. "You were scared shitless of him just a couple of weeks ago."
"I know, trust me, I know. But it's different now. I know that's hard to understand, but when he's sober, he's great."
"And what if he starts drinking again?"
"Well, I already told him he still needs to find a place. And he's not staying in my room, he can sleep in the spare bedroom. If he even takes a sip of something alcoholic, he's gone. I will call the police this time."
I sighed, feeling worried for her, but I had to trust that she knew what she was doing.
"Alright, but if something happens or if you need me for anything, just call."
"I will," she said. "When are you going on a second date with Doctor Taylor?"
I laughed. "I never said I was going on a second date."
"I know you didn't, but I really think you should. If you're not going to talk to Gideon, then you might as well give this guy a try. It's better than staying home alone all the time."
I never minded being alone. Being alone didn't mean I was lonely. But since I lost Gideon as my friend, I did feel empty. I'd have to give going on a second date with Taylor a little more consideration.
As soon as I got to work on Monday, Janice popped her head into my office.
"He told me he asked you out on a second date," she said. "See, I knew it. I knew you'd be perfect for each other. You're going to go, right?"
Great, now I have to let her down.
"I'm really not sure yet," I said. "I'm really busy and have a lot going on right now."
"Okay, okay, I know I can be pushy. Just promise me you'll think about it. He's never asked one of his blind dates out for a second date."
"I promise I'll think about it," I said as my nose scrunched from the lie. Luckily she didn't know my tell like Gideon did. "How was your weekend?"
Gideon. Somehow everything led back to him. It didn't matter what I thought about, I now had the ability to connect everything to him.
As Janice babbled about tending the tomatoes in her garden, I nodded to pretend I was listening.
Tomatoes. Tomatoes are used to make ketchup. Gideon puts ketchup on everything.
Sigh. Pathetic.
I missed him. I missed everything about him. I was stupid to think we could see each other every day and just stay friends. And when I thought about his texts and the things he said over the past several months, I realized I was an idiot for ignoring it all.
Our friendship was over because of me. I never wanted that to happen at all. I needed to talk to him. We needed to talk about everything that happened, and it needed to happen face to face. No hiding behind texts or a phone.
"Janice, do you know if Gideon has any meetings here this week?" I asked.
"Oh dear," she said with a worried look. "I thought he would've told you. He's not coming back. He finished his hours a while back and had been donating his time to us. He called me over the weekend and he said he's taking some time off. I believe he's heading to his friend's shore house in New Jersey. After that, he said some other developments occurred in his personal project so he was going to be traveling for that. He said he wasn't sure when he'd be back in Canyon Cove."
The news punched me in the gut. Had our friendship deteriorated that much that he couldn't tell me he was leaving? Or had I hurt him so badly that he needed to get away from me?
As Janice left, my phone vibrated with a text. I rushed to get it, hoping it was Gideon.
Taylor: I know you said you'd think about dinner, but what about lunch? I've been thinking a lot about our date Friday night and I'd really like to talk.
I pushed the phone away. Dating was the last thing I wanted to think about.
Taylor: No strings, I promise. I won't even tell my mother. lol!
I laughed at his second text. We did have a good time Friday night, even if I felt like all I did was talk about Gideon. Maybe lunch with Taylor would help get Gideon off my mind. Why should I sit around when he couldn't even text me that he was leaving?
Becca: I think lunch is just what the doctor ordered. How's noon at Mirabella's?
Ta
ylor: Great choice! I'll see you then.
Chapter Fifteen
Gideon
When Navarro and I arrived at his mother's New Jersey shore home, it was already dark. The house faced the ocean and had a wide wraparound porch with several white rocking chairs. The cold air whipped through us as we climbed the steps to the front door.
"Remember I'm Grayson here," Navarro said. "Mom hates when you call me by my last name."
"I know, I remember the death stare," I said.
As Navarro looked in his luggage for the house key, I watched the white crests of the waves beat against the sand. The loud aggressive bark of a dog came from inside the house.
"Where's your key?" Annalise Navarro said as she opened the door. "You scared the crap out of me."
Annalise pulled Grayson into a hug as we entered the house. The source of the barking pushed past them and charged towards me. Benny was a one-hundred-pound, black, long-haired mutt that Annalise loved as much as her sons. Sometimes she joked that she loved the dog more.
Benny barked at me, baring his teeth viciously. I knew Benny since he was a puppy, but that didn't matter to him. He was very protective of his home.
He eyed me as he stepped closer, a low growl coming from deep within his barrel chest. Once he was inches from me, he shoved his head against my thigh.
"There are nicer ways to get your head scratched, Benny," I said, petting him.
"That dog has no manners," Grayson said.
"He has better manners than you and your brothers," Annalise said. "He's a sweetheart, he's just misunderstood. Kind of like Gideon here."
Annalise was in her early fifties but looked younger. She was curvy and soft with dark wavy hair that reached the middle of her back. Strands of silver randomly ran through her hair with a larger clump just above her right almond-shaped eye.
Her eyes were always what drew me to her. They were a strange light-brown color, and they spoke volumes. Annalise could give a look and everyone understood what she was thinking.
She reached out her arms and pulled me into a hug. With her just over five feet tall, I had to lean down to hug her. I held onto her for a moment and felt myself relax as I let out a long breath.
"You've got a lot of stress in you, Gideon," she said. "You're too young for that."
"That's why I brought him along," Grayson said. "I told him he needed to get away."
"Who is she?" Annalise asked, then quickly put her hands up. "Wait, don't tell me. Let me guess. It's that friend of yours, isn't it? The one you swear there's nothing else there. What's her name again?"
"Becca," Grayson said.
"That's right, Becca with the freckles. It happened, didn't it? Just like I said it would, right? You saw her one day and she looked different to you."
Annalise led us into the large kitchen where a rectangular wood table took up most of a corner of the room. A fresh pot of coffee was already brewing on the counter.
Benny quietly followed us, keeping himself close to Annalise. As I sat down, Benny sat on the floor next to me and rested his large block head on my lap. He looked up at me with his expressive brown eyes until I started petting him.
"That's exactly what happened," I said. "It was months ago at the South End fundraiser at the Boone Art Gallery. I saw this beautiful woman standing at the bar with her back towards me and, excuse me for saying this, but I had to have her. I didn't recognize her until she turned around."
Annalise laughed. "That's just sad," she said. "Have you ever thought that maybe you did know it was her? I mean you'd been working together for months at that point and spending time together outside of work too, how could you not recognize her?"
I shook my head. "Maybe you're right, maybe I didn't want to recognize her so that I could see her differently. I don't know," I said. "All I know is that after that, things changed for me. I tried to keep thinking of her as my best friend still, but it didn't change that I wanted more than just her friendship. I let it go for months until that day Navarro and I—" Annalise's eyes squinted at me like an Old West gunslinger. "I mean Grayson and I went out with the guys last month. I think watching them made me realize what I really want."
"And what is that?" she asked.
"My own family."
A couple of days later, I was on the phone with Mason Abernathy about a new project for him in Canyon Cove. He heard about my involvement with a small manufacturing company dedicated to creating more environmentally friendly building materials, and he wanted me to use his ranch as a prototype and build a state-of-the-art building dedicated to training horses.
It was a great opportunity for me, but it would take me months before we could break ground. I didn't want to make any promises in regards to materials if I didn't have enough resources. I was excited to get the ball rolling on it but knew it was better if I was patient.
As I hung up with Mason, Grayson joined me on the porch. We rocked in the chairs as we let the ocean hypnotize us. Annalise stepped onto the porch in a heavy sweatshirt and wrapped her arms around herself as she tried to stay warm.
"It's so sunny out, I was hoping to sit out here with you," she said.
Grayson slid to one side of the oversized rocker and patted the seat next to him. As his mother squeezed in beside him, they wrapped their arms around each other instinctively.
That was what I missed about having a mom. It took me years to stop expecting my mother to be something that she wasn't. It didn't matter that most of my memories of her involved her leaving the apartment, I had thought one day that would change. It didn't.
Between being abandoned by my dad before I was even born, to my mother abandoning me too, I didn't think I was family man material. But seeing Becca on that date with Taylor changed that.
I could be the damaged man I believed myself to be, or I could be the man Becca saw me as. She believed in me and supported me from day one. It was because of her that I had the confidence to create my environmental architecture firm. And it's because of her encouragement that I will return.
I realized that no matter what, I would never be like my parents. I had a good role model in Gabriel, who took on the father role despite our close age. I had needed that and I would forever be in debt to him.
But seeing Taylor on that date with Becca made me realize I didn't have my shit together. I imagined that one day, Becca and I would get married and have children. I couldn't do that until things with my company were stable enough that I could support Becca in whatever she wanted to do.
I walked away from Becca so that I could be the man who deserved her. I promised myself the next time we saw each other, I would be that man.
Part Two
Chapter Sixteen
Becca
Three Months Later
The bell chimed and I turned around to see who was entering Mirabella's, then turned back to Sandra, who was seated across from me.
Mirabella's was empty except for one other table. While the dark-colored walls helped the place feel cozy, I was so anxious to see Gideon that I jumped every time a new person entered. It wasn't just this restaurant that made me crazy like this, it was everywhere in Canyon Cove.
Sandra's blonde hair was cut in a long bob that she pushed behind her ears. She had heard me mention Mirabella's so many times from my lunches with Cassie and other girls that she wanted to try it herself.
"He's not going to walk in, you know," she said.
I sighed as my shoulders drooped.
"I know," I said. "I guess I just keep hoping I'll see him. It's been months since he left. I can't believe he hasn't even texted me."
"I'm sure it's hard on you. You two were really close."
"And then he just vanished. Sometimes I feel like I made up the entire friendship. Like maybe I missed something and we weren't as close as I thought we were."
"You know that's ridiculous, right?"
"Of course I do," I said. "But that's how I feel."
"Have you tried calling him? Or maybe
asking Cassie's husband about him? Isn't Gabriel Gideon's older brother?"
"He is, but I can't pull them into my drama, they have enough going on," I said. "Anything new with Billy?"
"I'm guessing you're putting that in the drama folder?" she said sarcastically.
"No, and don't say stuff like that. You know I don't think of your life as just drama."
"Thanks, Becca, but trust me, for a while it was nothing but drama. I'm just glad that's over."
"Are you sticking to your guns about not getting back together?"
She nodded, but she didn't have the same conviction that she used to.
"It's complicated," she said. "I don't have another word for it. He's still living with me, but nothing is happening between us. Nothing has happened between us in years, and there's no way I'm starting now. He has his own room and he'll be moving next month anyway. It just took him a while to find a place.”
"How's he doing?"
"Billy's doing great," she said. "He's focused on getting back to work and keeping himself sober. I'm glad he's finally decided to get his life together, but it would take a lot for me to let him come back. I still love him, but I don't know. Love shouldn't be so hard."
After lunch, Sandra and I went into the bookstore next door. As I stopped to breathe in the scent of books, Gideon caught my eye. He was on the cover of a magazine.
Gideon's eyes looked more blue than I remembered. I flipped the magazine open and found his cover story. I could hear his words as I read them, and that made me miss him even more.
I didn't have a reason anymore to not call him, but the truth was I never had much of a reason to begin with. We were friends, close friends, best friends even, and I threw that away. There was no way I could forget that. Once we were friends again, we could figure out how to deal with what happened between us.
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