Brutal: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World)

by S. Valentine

  “How do you feel about reaching out to her parents? Getting some sort of closure?”

  I link my hands together. I’ve needed closure for a long time, to be at peace with them, but if they start passing the blame I might spiral out of control, reach for the bottle, anything to kill my emotions. I know I can’t hide away forever though. I need to face them head on. “I’ll reach out to them,” I tell her, my voice croaky.

  For the next half an hour I reveal things I’ve never told anyone before. It’s confusing how I can confess to a complete stranger. Is it because I don’t know her, that I won’t care if she judges me, that I’ve nothing to lose? When I relive the scene of me beating that man to protect myself, I have to pause to keep my emotions in check. It’s just as hard discussing Kaley. The remorse I have is unsettling, but at least I have empathy. What kind of monster would I be if I didn’t?

  When the session is over, and I’ve booked more weekly in advance, I meet DeShawn in the gym. His light banter and jokes transform my dull day to a pleasing one. The stories he tells of his clients has me doubling over in hysterics. It’s a good thing they all made him sign None Disclosure Agreements, because he knows way more than he should. Walking in on them whilst in the middle of sex acts, catching them cheating, doing something embarrassing are only some of his tales.

  “Enough about me anyway.” He punches me lightly. “How’s things going with Thomas and Maverick?”

  “All good,” I lie. I can’t go into it regarding Thomas. I can’t put Amara in any more danger.

  “I might have a little secret.” A mischievous grin crosses his face and my heartbeat speeds up in panic. I hope he doesn’t know my secrets, that I lost my job and practically stole my ex-client’s girlfriend. “You know Elizabeth Sanders?”

  I nod. She’s one of his richest clients. An actress. Demanding but beautiful.

  “We hooked up.” DeShawn cackles. “She’s going through a divorce but no-one knows.”

  I shake my head. “Why am I surprised?”

  “She’s kinky as fuck!” He reels off all the things she’s into in the bedroom, and he has no filter whatsoever. It’s entertaining.

  After we’ve completed a gruelling workout, I invite Amara to dinner at my parents’ place which she agrees to. It doesn’t take long to collect her and then we’re all sitting around the table eating a vegetarian meal my mom prepared. She put in a lot of effort and is doing everything in her power to ensure Amara is comfortable. Afterwards Amara helps her wash the dishes and I leave them to it, to chill with my dad.

  Only when I hear a sob do I reenter the kitchen. My mom has Amara in a tight hug, and is stroking her back. I ask what’s going on and my mom gives us some privacy.

  “What’s wrong?” I hold Amara against my chest, my arms keeping her secure.

  “I told your mom everything.”

  “What?” I peer down at her, fazed. “Why?”

  She wipes tears away. “She makes me feel like part of the family, and I didn’t want to lie.”

  I tighten my hold on her again. “What did she say?” I’m wary to ask. Does my mom think I’ve invited further complications into my life? I bet she’s sick with worry, her mind taunting her something bad will happen to me and Amara.

  “She was glad I was open. She knows we have to be careful though.”

  This sad, frightened side of Amara is new to me. Worrying. I want her normal feistiness back. I need to be patient right now though. I’ve no idea what this woman has experienced.

  It seems like forever us in the kitchen, me squeezing her, silently telling her I’m here. She finally wipes her eyes and smooths her clothes down, telling me we should try to enjoy the rest of the evening.

  I kiss her on the forehead and lead her into the living room. Within ten minutes she’s regained her normal composure. She almost seems more relaxed, as if relieved she’s let everything out.

  As Amara and my mom discuss cooking and Amara’s wishes of opening a bakery one day, I watch in admiration. I should be with sick with dread, fearful I’ve put my parents in danger too, but I’m strangely at ease right now. It’s been so long since I’ve had dinner with my parents, with a woman I love present. The dark part of our lives I’ve blocked out somehow, if only for the moment. I’m content until my mobile pings with a text message. My whole world crashes around me and my blood chills. I must have underestimated Thomas Dawson. I stare long and hard at his message. ‘Take extra care of Aisha Hamed. If you can.’

  I know exactly what he’s done. With trembling fingers, the anger erupting inside me, I type in her name online. There it is clear as day, Amara dangerously exposed to the whole world. Thomas has plastered her photo all over social media, pretending he’s looking for her whereabouts and is worried, when in reality he wants her family to know he knows her, and to contact him.

  I should get Amara out of London, but I’ve ran and hid for so long of my life and so has she. She’ll be found eventually, so I may as well handle it as best as I can. I need to form a plan and quick. If it goes wrong I’ll end up in prison and Amara will be deported and most likely killed.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  AMARA

  Elias is at work, at some private party with Maverick. I’m alone in the bedroom, and I can’t concentrate on the TV, my language books, or even interesting fiction. I hate living like this. The slightest noise has me on my feet, gripping the knife which is beside me. Thomas is the devil. How he plastered my photo and personal details all over the Internet is sickening. He can’t have loved me. Not when he knows what my fate could be. He’s thrown me to a pack of wolves.

  I hate the Internet, but Elias bought me a new mobile, so I can keep an eye on the online comments and try to prepare myself. So far no-one has been of much help. But they soon will. Many people around London must have recognised me out and about. It’s only a matter of time before people reveal I was seen in The Shard, Hyde Park, in restaurants etc. I wonder if my family have contacted Thomas yet. He’ll tell them where I am, I know it, which is why I’m leaving Lori’s place tonight. Elias has invited me to stay with him. Thomas doesn’t know where he lives which is a good thing.

  I’ve packed almost everything when the front door slams shut. Lori calls my name and I brace myself for full disclosure. I believe I can trust Lori and I doubt she’ll relay anything this important to Kyle.

  “Hi,” I greet her in the kitchen and slide onto a stool at the table.

  “Thought you’d be asleep,” she says, shrugging off her jacket. She’s been on a date with Kyle. Her flawless makeup and glamorous dress indicates so. “Want a cup of tea?”

  “Sure.” I’m not particularly fussed about tea, but if she’s busy doing something, the less pressure I’ll feel. “Lor.” I cough to clear my throat.

  “Yeah, babe?” She places two cups on the counter.

  “I’m moving in with Elias tonight.”

  “What?” Her brows shoot up, then her features fall in disappointment. “One minute you’re moving up north, the next with Elias. Why? Don’t you like it here?”

  “I love it here, and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “Why does this feel like you’re saying goodbye?” She rests a hand on her hip.

  “You might want to sit down for this,” I warn her.

  She eyes the cups. “Shall I pour something stronger?”

  How little Lori knows of me, how much I’ve kept hidden. I tell her tea will be fine and she prepares it before joining me at the table. I fill her in on my life, and then show her the information Thomas posted online.

  Lori blows out air when I finally shut up, and she takes a second to process it all.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.”

  “I understand,” she responds immediately. “I’ll feel much better if you’re with Elias. I hope he can keep you safe.” Tears shimmer in her eyes and she comes around the table to hug me. “If they come for you, surely there’s a way out? You can claim asylu
m here, right?”

  I shrug. “If I can prove I’ll be persecuted in my own country, perhaps. My family are very convincing though.” I’ve never tried to claim asylum before, preferring to hide out. I’ve always feared I’ll be unsuccessful and deported. Maybe if I had someone to help me such as Lori or Elias, I’d be brave to take that risk. Thomas never offered to help. It suited him having something to blackmail me with.

  “I’m worried about you,” Lori confesses.

  I don’t know what to say. I wish I could convince her everything will be fine, but I’d be lying.

  ***

  Later that night I’m at Elias’s place. He’s preparing a dessert for us and it’s nice me not having to do everything for once. Now I think about it I was practically Thomas’s cook and cleaner. God forbid he ever lift a finger.

  Elias hands me a slice of strawberry cheesecake with vanilla ice-cream. I get comfy on the sofa and dig in, transfixed on the movie playing on TV. Elias and I share a little grin and if a stranger was watching, they’d never guess the torture and fear strumming through us.

  If life was normal I’d be content here with Elias. We could build our lives together, support one another, chase our dreams. If only.

  “I’m going to see Thomas tomorrow,” he tells me, causing my spine to stiffen.

  “It’s not a good idea.”

  “Amara.” He holds his spoon in mid-air and shoots me with a stern look. “He must have been in contact with your family by now. I need to know what’s happening.”

  I swallow my food and all of a sudden it no longer tastes sweet. I have a sour taste in my mouth, and I want to curl up into a ball and sleep until it’s all over. But it’ll never be over.

  “I know you’re scared, but we need to deal with this.”

  I love how he says ‘we.’ It decreases my anxiety a little knowing I’m not alone. I force down my dessert, not wanting to waste it. Afterwards I take his plate and wash up in the kitchen.

  “Maverick’s introduced me to his friend who needs a bodyguard.”

  “That’s good news,” I respond. When he’s quiet I wonder if he worries about money. “I can pay you for letting me stay here. Lori said she’ll come here to do the cakes with me.”

  “You won’t do any such thing.” He joins me in the kitchen and leans against the counter. “I told you I’d look after you.”

  Butterflies form in my stomach. It’s refreshing being looked after by a man and not being controlled. He listens when I speak, and allows me to share different opinions. I’m able to do what I want when I want without having to explain. I feel like his equal.

  “When all this is over, we’ll get you sorted with a driving instructor.”

  Hope perks me up. “Really?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “But I can’t stay here. I’m in England illegally.”

  “We’ll sort it,” he says as if it’s simple. I know it’s not but the idea is warming.

  I dry my hands on a tea-towel. “I could get a legitimate job in a bakery. Go shopping on my own, to restaurants and cafes.” I beam.

  “And we can go on holidays,” he promises. “The World’s your oyster.”

  I tuck my hair behind my ear, coming to my senses and being a realist. “It all seems impossible. So faraway and out of reach.”

  “You don’t know that.” He grabs my hand and yanks me into him. “Let’s think positive.”

  “Elias.” I look him squarely in the eye. “My family are ruthless.”

  “And like I told you before, so I am.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder and allow him to embrace me. The thought of surviving all this keeps me going. Elias keeps me going. I’m so lucky to have met him.

  “Shall we go to bed?” he asks, and there’s no telling signs on his face he wants to do anything other than sleep. This makes me want to do so much more. I truly love this man and every day I get with him is a blessing.

  After we’ve made love and he’s sound asleep snoring, I lie in the dark room, the moonlight seeping in, and I stare up at the ceiling. If it wasn’t for Elias and Lori I’d have no-one in this world. I’d be alone. Not having my mom, dad, sister, friends...it’s sad. I didn’t deserve it. I was a good girl. I didn’t ask for a lot, just some freedom, independence and to make my own decisions here and there.

  I roll onto my side, not wanting Elias to wake and see me upset. All I want is to feel like my old self again. This dark cloud looming over me needs to move and let in the sunshine. I need a new beginning, a fresh start, an actual life. Elias really believes I can remain in the UK legally, that everything will work out. Perhaps if I believe it too, I can manifest a normal life.

  My mobile lights up on the night stand and I reach for it. Thomas. ‘Abdul and Faheem seem like nice people. I’ll look forward to meeting them.’ I drop my mobile, all hope drifting away. So he must have spoken to my dad and uncle. I lie on my back and stare at Elias’s gorgeous features, his bare chest rising and falling calmly. If I return to Thomas maybe he’ll stop this threat. Maybe losing Elias, the man I love, is better than him getting hurt. Better than me getting hurt.

  I shuffle closer to him, rest my head on his chest, and wrap my arm around his warm nakedness.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper past the lump in my throat.

  This will be our last night together. I have to surrender myself to Thomas, to put all of this to an end. It’s Thomas or face the wrath of my family. I choose a miserable life with Thomas.

  Chapter Forty

  ELIAS

  As soon as I feel the absence of Amara I sit upright and scan the room. I’m usually a light sleeper, but last night I was so comfortable holding her, I could have slept through a bomb going off. I crane my neck and peer out the window noticing it’s still quite dark outside. Where is she? I’m guessing she went to get a drink or go to the bathroom. Checking the nightstand my hackles rise when I find her mobile missing. Tell me she hasn’t left. It’s not safe.

  I bolt out of bed and search all the rooms. She’s nowhere to be seen. Fuck. I grab my mobile and attempt to call her, but reach voicemail. She’s switched it off. What’s going on? Worry plagues me, devastation making my legs weak and I drop onto the bed, unable to hold myself up. She could be anywhere. Is she surrendering herself to her parents? Thomas, even? Would she do that to me?

  I quickly yank on some jogging bottoms and a T-shirt. I don’t bother with a jacket, simply slide on my trainers, grab my car keys, and leave. Scanning the streets, she’s nowhere in sight. How am I meant to drive around London looking for her? She could be anywhere. Probably on the tube. Probably long gone by now. I should have hidden the door keys so she couldn’t get out. I told her to stay in my apartment for the foreseeable future. Another woman that has to go against my wishes! This is unbelievable and it’s killing me.

  I try to call her again and again, but get the same result, voicemail. I try Lori and she answers sleepily.

  “Have you heard from Amara? She left without saying anything.”

  The silence that follows leaves me unsettled. It’s like she’s thinking what to say, whether it be the truth or a lie.

  “She could be in danger,” I remind her.

  With a heavy sigh, she responds, “She told me not to say.”

  “Please.” My tone is sharp and demanding.

  “She’s getting back with Thomas.”

  “What?” I blink, stunned, unable to believe what I’ve just heard.

  “She just wants this all over with. She believes Thomas can protect her to an extent.”

  “How?”

  “If she gets back with him, he’ll cut communication with her parents. And he has money. He can put her up somewhere safe and comfortable for a while.”

  I’m bewildered. How could she do this to me? Why didn’t she just stay with Thomas in the first place? This woman is hurting me and I’m going to get sick of fighting for her. My guard will come up and my heart will harden.

  I can’t
go to Thomas’s place. If she’s made up her mind there’s no point. Now in my car I sit there for a moment, unsure of where to go or what to do. I took her around my parents, invited her into my life, confided in her. She’s betrayed me.

  Staring at my mobile, I contemplate calling Thomas for confirmation, to check she’s there and safe. Then she’ll be his problem and I’ll never talk to her again. I rub my forehead, uncomfortable with it. I’d hate to not have her in my life.

  Clueless, I return to my apartment. I stop dead in my tracks when I find Amara sitting on the ground by my front door. There are dark circles under her eyes indicating she didn’t sleep as well as I did. She slowly stands when I saunter toward her, assessing the situation. What’s happening here? Has she returned for her belongings? Realised I deserve an explanation? Changed her mind and came to her senses?

  “Where have you been?” I dare to ask, and shove the key in the door.

  “I got scared and almost made a bad decision,” she admits.

  I go into the living room and sit and she follows me, but hovers in the doorway. I link my hands together, giving her time to come clean. I need Amara to make her decisions alone. Never will I persuade someone to stay, to love me.

  “Thomas has been speaking to my parents. He text me last night.” She comes and sits on the sofa, keeping some distance. “I was thinking of getting back with him, so you’re not dragged into this, and to end it all.”

  “We’ve had this talk before. I told you we were in this together.” I study her. “Is that what you want? To get back with him?”