Beyond The Lies

by Abbi Cook

  “Stop. I’m not one of your fucking lackeys you can brush off with that bullshit.”

  “I thought you’d be happy to see her, to be honest, Kane.”

  Fuck. He says that like any part of Sophie and me could ever end up anywhere close to happy. This is what happens when men fall in love. They think others should too, even if it’s the worst idea they’ve ever had.

  “You should have told me she was coming.”

  With a shrug, he asks, “Why? So you could come up with some reason why you need to suddenly be somewhere else? No, I need you here.”

  “That isn’t the reason and you know it,” I say through gritted teeth, barely controlling my anger at this whole fucking thing he’s done.

  Ryker lets out a heavy sigh and nods before dropping his arms from his chest. “You’re closer to me than nearly anyone in the world. Only Kaia is closer, and in many ways, she doesn’t know me like you do. You’re like my right hand. I’d be lost without you, Kane. In the same vein, though, that means I know what you’ve been going through like no one else. You can’t stay like you’ve been for the past few weeks.”

  I don’t bother saying anything to that. Either he’s got his head filled with joy from the birth of his son, or he’s trying to get back at me for that time I said I wanted Kaia when he was falling in love with her and thought nobody was noticing. It doesn’t matter what he’s thinking. It won’t work.

  Happiness and I don’t go well together. We never have. We won’t this time.

  The problem is he’s set Sophie up for nothing but disappointment.

  Standing, I try to keep my emotions in check as they begin to spiral out of control. “You must not like this girl much, Ryker. I never thought of you as a dick like this, but whatever. I told you what she went through, and still you brought her here. You know who I am and you did this, so when it all fucking falls apart, I hope you have the right words to say to her.”

  Ryker sighs again. “Kane, say the word and I’ll send her away. The family has other houses where she can go to be safe and still not have to deal with Victor and her parents hovering over her like some broken fucking bird. Say the word and she’s gone.”

  God, I want to say that word. I want to use that card that someone who’s more like a brother than merely a friend after all we’ve been through gets and tell him to send her away. To make him see that my past and all he knows about me should have stopped him from ever thinking she should be anywhere near me.

  But I can’t. Everything I want to say gets trapped in my throat, caught in emotion I hate and know will do nothing but hurt everyone involved.

  “Not everyone gets the kind of happiness you have, Ryker. It’s a mistake to think someone like me will.”

  “Do you remember the first time you saved my life?” he asks in a low voice. “Do you remember what I said that night?”

  I don’t have to think back to that night to remember. That moment in time remains frozen in my mind like some still picture that never leaves me.

  “That you’d owe me for the rest of your life.”

  “And I do for that time and all the other times after that. You are the closest thing I have to someone who knows everything about me, and that includes Kaia. You’re nothing less than my blood brother, Kane. I’d give my life for you, and now that I have a son, I know you understand what those words mean. But I would because you’ve been the one constant in my life since that night when I was sixteen. I love my brothers and my family, but no one has been there for me like you have. We weren’t born brothers, but you are that to me. And because of that, I can’t help but want to see you happy. Can you honestly say that you didn’t feel some real happiness with her?”

  I shake my head at that description of what happened between Sophie and me at that fucking place. If that’s happiness, I don’t know why anyone would ever wish for it.

  “Nothing that happened to her was anything close to happy, Ryker.”

  “You protected her.”

  “I protected her because she’s a Varens and I committed myself to protecting you and all your family that first night.”

  Ryker shakes his head and abruptly stands from his chair. Glaring at me, he barks, “You protected her before you even fucking told me they’d grabbed her. By the time I heard about it, she was already in your apartment, safe and sound.”

  “I don’t need a fucking order to do what I’m supposed to, Ryker. I’ve been working for you long enough that I know what to do. Stop trying to make this something it wasn’t.”

  “And stop acting like you were just doing your job, Kane. I know why you keep this whole suffering lonely guy thing going, but isn’t it time to stop? Don’t you think you’ve done enough penance for one moment in an entire lifetime?”

  With one question, he cuts to the heart of what’s wrong about having Sophie here.

  Pacing across his office, I stare him down as my emotions unspool inside me. “Some mistakes don’t ever get to be forgiven! You know that as well as I do. Just because you’re walking on air and living the fucking dream with Kaia and your new baby doesn’t mean you don’t know reality, does it?”

  “I know no one deserves a life sentence simply for something that went horribly wrong. I knew that before Kaia and Maxim too, so don’t blame my wanting some fucking happiness for you on them. Not that you should be ungrateful for them making me think I should do something to bring it about, for fuck’s sake!”

  Hanging my head, I try to find some sense of calm in the middle of this. Fuck, I miss life before we all decided happiness was a thing bad men got to have.

  “This won’t turn out well for her, and you know it,” I quietly say as I stare at the floor.

  “She thinks everyone died that day, you know that? Her father told me Victor just fucking announced what you did when he had them over and she nearly passed out at hearing the news.”

  I look up at him and say the most honest words I’ve ever had to. “It would be better off if she believed I was dead.”

  He and I stare at one another for a long moment before he asks, “Is there something you didn’t tell me about what happened there?”

  Ryker has no idea what he’s asking. Yes, I told him everything I found out at Duke’s the months I was there. That was what I was sent there to do. And I told him the truth about why I killed Tap and the rest of them, something I wasn’t ordered to do but did anyway.

  Well, almost the truth. He knows about what that fuck did to her and how much I hated the rest of them, enough to kill every single one of them that day.

  But he doesn’t know what happened between Sophie and me. Ryker is that blood brother he called me. I’ve put my life on the line for him countless times and will again because it’s my duty to him. Sophie and how she made me feel is something else, though. Something sweet I want to keep to myself.

  “Don’t make this something it isn’t. You know me better than anyone in the world. If you care at all for her, you should hope she and I never see one another while she’s here.”

  He sits down behind his desk and lets out a heavy sigh. “You decide how you want to handle things. She’s in the east wing and has free run of the estate, so I suspect you’ll run into her at some point.”

  I take a deep breath in and blow the air out of my lungs. “Tell me you have some job for me that will mean I can be gone from here, Ryker.”

  With a shake of his head, he says what I already know. “You’re needed here. What I don’t understand is why you want to avoid someone you risked your life to protect. I’m wondering what you left out when you told me about your time at Duke’s.”

  If she was anyone else, I’d tell him every last detail. But she’s a Varens, a member of his family, and even more, she’s the only woman I ever let in.

  The only one I’ve ever wished I was someone else for.

  Staring up at the ceiling above me, I try to think of anything but her. The same as every night since I returned here. Is she okay? Fuck, how the hel
l could she be?

  My mind fills with the image of those cuts on her arms from when that fuck Tap carved into her skin. I clench my hands into fists and struggle not to jump out of bed and beat the hell out of something.

  Anything.

  Anyone.

  This is who I am. A violent fucking monster. Instead of thinking of the good moments between us back there, all I can think of doing is hurting someone whenever I remember how broken she looked sitting in that bathroom while I bandaged up her arms.

  I try to go back to how she felt next to me or how she made me feel like maybe life wasn’t all pain and hurt. I want to relive all of that goodness, but the man I am crowds out all of it, leaving nothing but anger.

  Anger at Tap.

  Anger at how she was hurt by him.

  Anger at how she’ll be hurt by me if I don’t stay away from her.

  Fucking Ryker. Why couldn’t he just leave her safe where she was? He knows there’s no reason for her to have to be here. Keep her out of danger? Who’s going to hurt her? The guy who killed everyone at Duke’s is me.

  I’m the fucking danger.

  Pulling my arm over my eyes, I try to push all of it out of my mind. If I can just get to sleep, maybe I won’t have to think about her and how much I fucking miss her.

  That won’t happen. She got under my skin, and now nothing is the same without her.

  I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. East wing, Ryker said. No, I can’t do that. I can’t get to sleep either, so I may as well go down to the office and do some work since I know he didn’t get it done with all the baby watching he’s been doing.

  On my way out of my room, I grab a black T-shirt and slip it over my head. I glance down the hallway at where Sophie probably sleeps and shake my head.

  Bad men don’t get to be happy. Not like that.

  I head for Ryker’s office and correct myself. Bad men like me don’t get to be happy like that.

  The door is closed, and when I open it, I see the room’s dark. Once upon a time, he spent nearly every minute of the day and night in here. How the fuck he plans to move on Victor keeping bankers’ fucking hours is beyond me.

  Then again, who can blame him? A beautiful woman to share his bed and a new son make wanting to spend endless time dealing with business the last thing on a man’s mind.

  All the better that he left so much undone today since I won’t be sleeping any tonight. I search through the stack of papers next to the laptop as an idea about how to avoid Sophie hits me like a bolt of lightning. I can just work all night and sleep during the day. It’s not like Ryker will need me to do much while the sun’s up anyway. Jaxon and Cason handle much of the part of the business that requires day work, and if I need to be available before nightfall, it can be arranged.

  Problem solved.

  A noise outside in the hallway catches my attention, pulling me from the surveillance photos of Victor and his newest girlfriend, and when I look up, I know nothing’s been solved. If anything, life just got a hundred times more difficult.

  “King?”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sophie

  My feet won’t move, like they’re encased in concrete, forcing me to stand there in the doorway to Ryker’s office as I stare in at the man seated behind his desk and question whether I’m seeing a ghost or just losing my mind.

  “Is it you?” I ask, my voice shaky as my emotions begin to overwhelm me.

  His hair is shorter, and the beard is gone, but with every second that passes, I know it’s him even before he answers. I want to touch him, to feel his arms around me so I know he’s real and not just some wishful figment of my imagination, but I can’t move until he speaks.

  And then I hear his voice and he’s there with me again.

  “Sophie…”

  I stumble into the office shaking my head in disbelief that he’s right here in front of me. “You didn’t die. My uncle told me everyone was massacred at Duke’s. How did you get away?”

  He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t get up when I stop in front of the desk either. Why is he acting like this? He knows my name. He said it. This is King. Why doesn’t he stand up and take me into his arms?

  Staring down into his eyes, I see no hint of the green that enchanted me so much. Was I mistaken? Does this man just look like the person I haven’t been able to forget since my time at that terrible place?

  “Are you him?” I ask as a sob threatens to make speaking impossible. “You look like him. Are you? If you are, why are you acting like this?”

  The room falls silent as our gazes lock. I wait so long for him to answer that I question if this is real, if it’s happening or if I’m dreaming, but finally he nods and says the words that make my heart soar.

  “It’s me, Sophie.”

  “How? Why are you sitting in my uncle’s office like you belong here? How did you get out while everyone else died?”

  He stands and walks around the side of the desk away from me, like he needs to put some kind of barrier between us. What’s happened to make him act like this toward me?

  When he turns to face me, I see the unhappiness in his expression and can’t understand. Why wouldn’t he be as happy to see me as I am to see him?

  “Sophie, my name is Kane. I’ve worked for Ryker for years. I was sent to work for Duke by him.”

  I hear the words coming out of his mouth, but I can’t process them. “So your name isn’t King? You work for Ryker?”

  “Yes. I’ve worked for your family since I was fifteen,” he says in a low voice. “I couldn’t tell you my real name when we were at Duke’s.”

  A million questions swirl around in my head, but one surges to the forefront. “Why don’t you seem happy to see me?”

  His face twists into a look of pure anguish before he shakes his head. “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what’s it like?” I ask as I begin walking toward where he stands on the other side of the desk.

  He backs away from me, but a leather chair stops him. I reach out to touch his arm, needing to feel him against my skin again, and he reacts by wincing, like I’m causing him pain.

  “Why are you acting like this, King?”

  His dark gaze meets mine, and he answers, “Kane.”

  “Fine! Why are you acting this way, Kane? Why are you acting like you don’t even know me? Like you haven’t thought of me not even once since that day you took me home from that horrible place? Because I’ve thought of you. When I heard everyone there had been killed, I felt like someone tightened their fist around my heart and squeezed so hard that my chest hurt. Now I see you alive and well and you don’t even want to be near me. Why?”

  I wait to hear his answer, but he stays silent. Hurt and anger twist inside me, but I can’t keep them inside anymore and lash out at him.

  “Say something! What happened to the man who held me in his arms and cared for me? Or is that your job you do here for Ryker? Is that it, Kane? Do you have the job of rescuing women on my uncle’s order and then you don’t give a fuck once they’re safe? Tell me, do you include as part of your knight in shining armor service fucking them, or was I special? No, I guess I wasn’t special since you can’t even stand the idea of being next to me, much less showing me you gave one fucking damn about me!”

  My words fly out of my mouth like bullets, each attack hitting him just like I want. I watch him wince once and then twice just before I finish, but still he says nothing.

  I want to hit him. To hurt him like he’s hurting me. I thought he cared during those days he kept me. Kept me safe. Kept me his.

  Tears burn my eyes, but I won’t let him see me cry. Fuck him. He can’t have my tears now. I’m not that captive girl in this house. Here, I’m free to do as I want, so I run out of Ryker’s office away from the man I’ve missed for weeks.

  By the time I reach my room, I can’t keep up the pretense of being strong anymore. My emotions take over, and I collapse into a heap onto the bed. I’ve wished to
see him, thought about what it would be like if I ever could and then silently mourned his death, and now that I see he’s alive but doesn’t want me like I want him, all I have left is humiliation and sadness.

  The door flies open, startling me, and the next thing I know, there he is standing in front of me. Gone is the tortured expression he wore just a minute ago. Now it’s replaced by that look I remember all too well from those hours we spent together.

  But still he has no words for me.

  “Go away, whatever your name is.”

  “Sophie…”

  I leap up from the bed and rush at him, pressing my flattened palms against his muscular chest to force him to go. I want the man who cared for me standing here, not this person who seems like a hollowed out version of him.

  “Go away! Stop saying my name and then nothing else! I get it. You lied. For whatever reason, you lied when you made me believe I meant something to you. Joke’s on me. I get it. Just go.”

  His gaze drifts down over my arms to where my hands sit on his chest. “I didn’t lie.”

  He says those three words so quietly I almost don’t hear them. I stop pushing against him and take a deep breath in, trying to control my emotions as they continue to unravel.

  “Then why do you act like I’m some stranger you don’t know?”

  I hate how weak I sound when I ask that, but I need to know. Was I the only one who felt something in those days we spent together?

  “You don’t know me, Sophie. I’m not that man here,” he says flatly, like he has no emotion to spend on his answer.

  Or is he trying to contain how he feels like I am?

  I move my right hand so it’s covering his heart and feel it beating beneath my touch. “Why would you be anyone other than the man you were at that place? Why aren’t you that man here?”

  “Because I can’t be.”

  I don’t understand anything he’s saying. God, all I want is to feel his arms around me again.

  “Don’t you miss me?”

  He winces again, like I’m hurting him. “We can’t be, Sophie. We just can’t. I’m not the man I was before. Here I’m someone else.”