by Abbi Cook
Before I know it, he’s marching over to where I stand and grabbing my wrists. I look up in horror as he pulls up the white fabric covering my forearms and stares down at them. The scars from the words Tap carved into my skin have begun to fade, but the S in SLUT and N in CUNT are still clearly visible.
Kane’s gaze moves back and forth from one arm to the other, and then he looks up at me. “This is why we can’t talk. It’s why you shouldn’t be here in this house. Why you should be safe in your own house away from all of this, Sophie.”
His deep voice breaks when he says my name, and in his eyes, I see the same look of hurt and anger I saw that night he crouched down in front of me and cleaned me up after rescuing me from Tap’s basement. If what happened bothers him so much, why won’t he show me an ounce of kindness like he did that night?
I open my mouth to ask him that very question, but the words get stuck in my throat when he tenderly runs his thumb over my ruined skin. My emotions are on the verge of unraveling all over the place at the very touch of his hand on me, a touch so filled with love and care.
“Please talk to me, Kane.”
But he doesn’t. Instead, he dips his head and presses his lips to those scars on my right arm, kissing them softly. I watch with tears in my eyes for how gentle he can be.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Sophie,” he whispers before lightly kissing the scar on my left arm.
“Yes, there is,” I insist, unable to control my emotions anymore as I tear my arms from his hold. “Please, just talk to me. Is it that you’re angry that I said I wished you died last night? I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t blame you for saying that. You should hate me and everyone else at that fucking place for what happened to you.”
I reach out to grab his arm, afraid if I don’t he’ll walk away again. His skin is warm and instantly I’m transported back to the time we spent together in his apartment so far from this house.
“But I don’t hate you! Why won’t you listen to me? I keep trying to tell you I miss you. I love you. My heart was broken when I thought you were dead, and then it was like it fused back together and began beating again when I saw you in Ryker’s office.”
In his eyes, I see how he truly feels, even if he won’t admit it. He misses me like I miss him.
“Why aren’t your eyes green at all now?”
My question catches him off guard. “Contacts. I had to look different enough, so my hair was longer and I had green contacts,” he explains with a sigh, like he’s exhausted from being someone he truly isn’t.
“Did you feel anything for me, or was that fake too?” I ask, even as the real fear that he’ll finally admit it was all an act settles inside me.
Kane doesn’t answer at first, and with every second that ticks by, the hurt grows more and more. Finally, he shakes his head and frowns. “Don’t do this, Sophie.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t ruin what we were by thinking it wasn’t real. It was.”
“Then why can’t it be that way now? You say you’re different here, but how could that be a bad thing? You’re accepted here for who you are. Is it that you think Ryker wouldn’t approve of us being together? Because he was the one who told me where your room was.”
Shaking his head, Kane steps back away from me. “Ryker needs to stop thinking everyone gets what he has.”
“What do you mean? Like someone who loves him even though when she first got here he was just a man in a mask holding her against her will? If they can be happy, why can’t we?”
Kane rolls his eyes. “Christ, it must be something in the Varens blood. You and I aren’t like Ryker and Kaia. That was completely different.”
I can’t go on fighting him like this. All I want is to have his arms around me holding me tightly to him.
Pressing my hand to his chest, I let myself revel in how incredible he feels. Closing my eyes, I say the one thing I need him to know. “Kane, I love you.”
He takes me into his arms, and for the first time since that last night we spent together, happiness fills me. I open my eyes and look at him and see he feels the same way.
“Sophie, I love you, but we can’t be together here or anywhere. I can’t put you in danger like that. You mean too much to me.”
And with those words, my sadness rushes back.
“Why? Doesn’t it matter that we love each other?”
He kisses me softly on the forehead and sighs. “That’s why we can’t. I love you too much to do that to you.”
As much as I want to stay there in his arms, I push him away and shake my head. “We have a chance to be happy, and you won’t take it. All your talk about loving me and then you say you don’t want to be with me? No. You don’t get to have it both ways.”
He hangs his head and sighs. “That’s the only way it can be.”
Before my tears overwhelm me, I run out of his room and down the hall toward mine. I can’t do this anymore. I have to leave this place or I’ll never be able to get over him.
Even if I’ll never stop loving him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kane
For three days, I’ve been successful in avoiding Sophie. It’s all for the best. My sleep schedule is fucked up, but once she leaves, everything will go back to normal.
I roll over in bed and look at my phone. 8:50. A little late, but nothing too bad. If Ryker needed me, he would have called, so it’ll be fine. Even better, getting to the office at nine will probably mean I won’t have to deal with anyone tonight since there’s nothing planned.
A quick shower and I’m ready for work, so I throw on jeans and a T-shirt, another benefit of working at night since unlike everyone else, I have no interest in wearing a fucking suit all the damn time. Everyone else can act like we’re in some remake of Reservoir Dogs, but I’ll stick to clothes I like.
By nine o’clock, I head down the stairs and make my way to Ryker’s office, expecting to find it dark. Before I even reach the doorway, I know that isn’t the case, though. Who the fuck is working this late?
I spy Ryker sitting behind his desk and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe we’re back to doing our jobs like we’re supposed to?
“What’s going on? Did Kaia throw you out of the nursery?” I ask with a chuckle.
He laughs, which is good since we’ve been on edge with one another way too much lately. “No, and fuck you. Just wait until you have a child. Then you’ll understand why I want to be around him all the time.”
Sitting down hard on the leather chair in front of him, I lean back and relax. “Okay, well then why are you still here at this time of night? If you haven’t been expelled from Maxim gazing, why aren’t you upstairs with him and Kaia?”
“I had some things to finish up, and I waited to talk to you. I have something I need you to do tonight.”
Curious, I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. “I’m all ears. I don’t remember seeing we had anything planned for tonight. What’s up?”
“Well, I haven’t seen much of you since you decided to be exclusively a nocturnal creature, so I didn’t have a chance to tell you Sophie’s leaving.”
Just hearing her name makes my heart skip a beat, but I don’t want him or anyone else to know the effect even talking about her has on me, so I work to keep my reaction as subdued as possible. With a shrug, I say, “Okay. What does that have to do with what we’re doing tonight?”
“Not we. You. I want you to take her home. She’s all packed and ready to go.”
I hang my head and sigh. “Have Jaxon do it. Have Ivan do it. I’m not her personal driver.”
“You drive me around all the time, Kane. What’s the difference?” Ryker asks with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Why he’s enjoying this I have no idea.
My gaze meets his and I see the skin around his eyes creasing from a smile that’s hidden by his skull mask. “That’s different, and you know it. I’m sure Jaxon would lik
e to spend some time with her. They’re cousins, so I bet they have a lot to catch up on.”
“No,” Ryker says flatly as he shakes his head. “You’re the one I want to drive her. Victor’s going to have someone watching her house from now on, but I want to make sure she arrives home safely. After you get back, feel free to take the night off.”
“Safe from who? I fucking killed them all, Ryker.”
“You didn’t get that one guy, so you didn’t get them all.”
My mouth drops open in shock. “Stills? That old fuck isn’t giving anyone payback. He’s probably holed up in his house shitting his pants and wondering if I’m coming back to get him. You and Victor don’t have to worry about Stills, although I owe him for messing up my leg when he stitched me up, that asshole.”
“This is how Victor wants to play it, so humor me. Drive her home, make sure she gets into her house safely, and then you can have the night off.”
“Since when do we give a fuck about how Victor wants to play things anyway? Aren’t you hard at work consolidating your power against him, or has that plan been tossed out the window now?”
I stop myself from saying now that you have everything you’ve ever wanted in life with Kaia and Maxim. It would only sound jealous, and that isn’t how I want it to come off.
Ryker folds his arms behind him and tilts his head back to stare up at the ceiling, almost as if he’s looking up toward the two most important people in his world now, before leveling his gaze on me. “Nothing’s changed. Victor’s days as the head of this family are numbered. I just haven’t decided what that number is yet.”
“So this placating thing with him isn’t something you believe in? Because you can trust me, Ryker. She’s not in any danger from Stills.”
“I do trust you, Kane. Never more than I do right now. But this is how he wants to run this thing with Sophie, so take her home and make sure she’s tucked into bed and all her doors are locked, okay? I figured you’d be happy that she’s leaving. At least then you don’t have to live like a fucking vampire anymore.”
As much as I’m pissed he’s forcing me to drive Sophie back to her house, I have to laugh. I should have known he wouldn’t have missed the real reason why I changed my schedule.
“Fuck you, and maybe I like nights better.”
“Well, I like you around during the day, so enough of this Kane after dark shit, okay? Take the night off when you return and be back here in the morning.”
“Fine. Have her down at the car in ten,” I say as I head toward the door.
“Cheer up, Kane. It’s not like I’m ordering you to kill anyone, for Christ’s sake. It’s just a car ride.”
I don’t bother responding to any of that. I’m not interested in cheering up, and I’d rather kill someone than have to do this.
Fuck. The last thing I want to do is spend an hour alone with Sophie. Why the hell is Ryker continuing to play fucking Cupid like this?
Checking the clock in the SUV, I see it’s been nearly fifteen minutes since I left Ryker’s office. I feel like some kind of fucking chauffeur. Forget about all I do for this goddamned organization. Tonight, I’ve been relegated to driver for anyone who wants to go for a fucking joyride.
The passenger side back door opens, and without even a hello, Sophie climbs in with her suitcase. I guess it might have been nice if I waited outside to help her with that. She struggles with the bag, grunting and groaning until she finally sets it down hard on the seat next to her.
I watch all of this in the rearview mirror and don’t look away fast enough when she gets settled. With a simple glance, she flashes me her hatred and then follows it up by mumbling, “You’re a real great guy, Kane. Maybe you’d like it if I was forced to run beside the car all the way home. You’re probably the kind of guy who ties dogs to the back bumper and then drives away.”
As that horrifying thought crosses my mind, I shake my head. “I love animals, so no, I would never do that to a dog.”
Sophie quickly picks up on how I never said anything about her running beside the car, something I also would never do. Huffing in disgust, she mumbles, “Real humanitarian.”
When I start the car, she screams, “Stop! I forgot something!” and throws the car door open to jump out. I watch her run back toward the house and disappear as my irritation grows by the second.
She didn’t forget anything. This is just her way to grate on my nerves. Reason number 8577 why women don’t belong in my world.
Three minutes later, she climbs back into the SUV and says sweetly, “Okay. You can drive now.”
I glance back at her in the rearview mirror and see a smug look on her face, like I’m merely some hired hand who works for her family and she’s deigned to be kind to me, the help. I put the car in gear and press on the gas, just wanting to get this over with.
“I’m not your personal chauffeur, Sophie. I’m just doing this as a favor to Ryker. Don’t get this confused in your head.”
Why I say any of that I have no idea. Maybe if she hadn’t treated me like some mere driver I wouldn’t have.
Her response only serves to make things worse, though.
“A, you do seem to be my personal chauffeur, Kane, since you’re the man driving me as I sit in the back seat, and B, don’t you worry about my head one bit. I know exactly what you are, so there’s not an ounce of confusion with me. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to be relaxing back here with my headphones, so you don’t have to bother saying another word because I won’t hear you.”
I open my mouth to snap back at her, but nothing comes out. When was the last time anyone—male or female—put me in my place like that? I can’t remember. At least I can’t remember the last time I let something like that happen without pulling my gun on the person. Leave it to Sophie to make me speechless even as I want to stop this car and show her exactly who the hell she’s dealing with.
Just drive. What the fuck do I care about her not wanting to talk to me or treating me like some help her family employs to cart her sweet ass around? After tonight, we’ll both be back where we belong in the world and things will go back to normal.
As much as I wish they didn’t have to.
Shaking my head, I try to push that thought out of my mind. It doesn’t matter that Ryker has Kaia and Maxim and Cason has Lily and Lukas. I still don’t think this life we all lead has room for women and love and kids, no matter what those two seem to think. Our world is full of danger and death. Adding to those protecting a woman or kids means we lose focus. I can’t afford that.
Not that it doesn’t seem nice to have someone who cares for you at the end of the day. And to have someone who helps you forget all the ugly and terrible shit we see in this job wouldn’t be bad. I get that.
I watch as a car passes by and glance back at Sophie sitting there with her eyes closed listening to music. She looks just like she did when I’d wake up in the middle of the night and see her sleeping next to me in my bed at Duke’s. There in the moonlight streaming through the window, she was like an angel beside me. As much as I protected her, she made me feel like my existence wasn’t merely that death that surrounds me so often.
She made me wish I could have more.
But I can’t. Some people don’t get that kind of life. Karma or whatever the fuck it is that shows you the truth of what you’ve done makes that known, even to those of us who wonder if someone like Sophie might be something we could have.
Anyone who gets close to me has to be strong. Those who aren’t suffer or die. That’s what my history shows. My family found that out too late. Ryker knows that, despite the fact that he seems to want to play matchmaker.
Sophie shouldn’t have to be that strong to be loved. She deserves a man who will spoil her so she forgets that time she spent at Duke’s. Not that I wouldn’t try to do that. I’d give her anything she wanted. I’d fucking kill for her. Again. But it’s not the same as what she could have with a man who doesn’t live the life I do.
Some nice guy who has a normal job. Who wants to go to the movies with her. Some nice guy who doesn’t face the threat of dying at the end of some enemy’s gun more often than he’d like.
An audible groan escapes my throat as I think about this nice guy. I fucking hate that guy. He better treat her right when she lets him into her life or I swear to God I’m going to fucking rip him apart.
I look up toward the rearview mirror and see her looking at me, those dark eyes of hers full of the sadness I saw in one form or another for those ten days we spent together. My chest contracts at seeing it, but it’s just proof that I’m right.
She and I can’t be together because she’d have that sadness more than any kind of happiness I could try to give her. Better for her to go home tonight and forget me.
Even if I’ll never be able to do that with her.
By the time I reach her house, I’m exhausted from thinking. Thinking of how much I wish things were different. How much I wish I wasn’t the man I am. How much I can’t change the way life is.
How much I’m going to miss her. Again.
I stop the car and turn the engine off, ready to be the good guy as she leaves that I should have been back at the estate. Turning in my seat to tell her I’ll get her bag, I see her jump out and slam the door.
And there goes my chance to say goodbye. It’s probably better off this way.
Yet as I watch her walk up the sidewalk to her front door, I can’t help but wish there was any way we could be together.
I wait for her to turn around so I can wave and smile like a normal person seeing someone they love walking away, but she doesn’t give me that either. The front door slams behind her, and with it, the last chance for Sophie and me.
Just like the last time I watched her walk out of my life, I feel lost as soon as she’s gone. My chest feels like whoever was carving out my heart with that dull knife finally finished the job, leaving me hollow.
And just like that time, I say the same thing to myself this time. “It’s better off this way.”