Talk to Me

by D K Sutton

  “Was being the important word there.” I loved the smile on his face. I wished I could keep it there forever. “Then he turned and looked at me like he wanted to slit my throat. Or stomp me with his little black boots.”

  “You remember the shoes I wore that day?”

  “I remember everything.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “You had on slim-fitting black pants and a purple button-down shirt with tiny birds on them. And never once did I think you were a woman.”

  “But he let me think that. We didn’t like each other very much, at first.”

  “What changed?” Penny leaned into her arms on the table.

  “Max is very persistent.” Everyone nodded in agreement, and Chase laughed. “Finally, he just wore me down.”

  Greta and Penny smiled like it was the greatest story they’d ever heard.

  The conversation moved around them. My dad talked about his recent trips to the doctor. They were monitoring his blood pressure. Carole engaged the girls in talking about a new movie they both wanted to see. I was happy to stay on the sidelines, sneaking glances at Chase and wanting to lick the barbecue sauce off his chin.

  “This girl has been driving me crazy,” Penny said. “I don’t know what her problem is, but I finally had enough and stopped her after gym class on Friday.”

  “You confronted her?” Chase asked. “I’m impressed. I could never have done that at your age.”

  “It’s the Hernandez way,” Howard said.

  The noise continued around them, but Chase sat perfectly still. Shit.

  “What did you say?” he asked.

  “The Hernandez way. We come from a long line of fighters. Tact is not our strong suit.”

  “Your name is Howard Hernandez?”

  “Yes.”

  “From Hudson Lane.”

  “Yes.” He drew the word out in question.

  “Chase,” I said. He was putting two and two together, and I wanted to do something. Anything. He held up his hand for me to stop, not even glancing my way.

  “Do you have problems with your Internet, Howard?”

  Now it was Howard’s turn to look confused. “No. Not really.”

  “So, you haven’t called the call center?”

  “No.” He thought for a second. “Oh, wait,” he said. “I remember now.”

  Chase glanced at Howard and turned to look at Carole. I could tell what he was thinking. This guy had hit on him. Had asked him out and yet he was married.

  “Chase,” I said again. But this time I was interrupted by my brother-in-law.

  “Max called, using my account.” No one said a word or moved. Everyone was quiet.

  Chase’s face was slashed red, and I wanted to reach out to him. “I don’t understand,” he said.

  Howard laughed, not catching on to the serious mood. “Me either. Max was pulling a prank or something on some guy.”

  “A prank.” Chase sounded broken.

  “Not a prank,” I said, trying to touch him, but he pulled away.

  “Right,” Howard agreed. “It was some stuck-up guy Max didn’t like. Ice Princess. I think that’s what they called him. He wanted to take him down a peg.”

  “Howard.” Carole grabbed his arm. “Shut up.”

  Chase stood up suddenly, his chair scraping on the dining room tile. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I have to go.”

  I tried to rush after him, but my family had other ideas. “What’s going on, Max?” my mom asked.

  “It’s him.” Carole looked at me with pity in her eyes. “Chase is the guy you pranked.”

  “Maxwell.” My mom opened her mouth to tell me off, but I didn’t have time for this.

  I raced out the front door. I had to catch him. I couldn’t lose him.

  Chase stood on the curb of my mom’s suburban home, his arms wrapped protectively around him. He wiped at his eyes.

  “Chase. Let me explain.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t talk to you right now.”

  “I know you’re upset. Let me drive you home.” I moved closer, trying not to crowd him. I just wanted to hug him. To explain. But what could I say really?

  “I called an Uber.”

  “You hate being alone with strangers. Especially in a confined space.”

  He turned to me; his eyes sparked with rage. “And yet it’s preferable to being alone with you right now.”

  I wanted to erase the pain in his eyes. It hurt knowing I put it there.

  The Uber driver arrived and without a backward glance, Chase got in the back seat and the car sped away. I wanted to rush after them, but the only thing I could do was let him go. When he calmed down, I could talk to him. It took everything I had to go back inside the house.

  “I’m sorry, man,” Howard said. “I didn’t realize that was the guy. Seriously, you should have just told me.”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. All of this is my fault.” I glanced around at all the worried faces of my family.

  “Is Chase coming back?” Carole asked.

  “No. He took an Uber home.” I kissed my mom’s cheek and hugged my dad goodbye. “Thanks for everything, guys. Sorry for the drama,” I said, turning to leave.

  “Max?”

  I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t bear the pity in their eyes.

  “Just give him some time.”

  I snuggled on the couch with Toby. If he knew what I’d done, he would be mad at me, too. Good thing dogs loved unconditionally, even when you did asshole things. The TV was on in the background, but I wasn’t listening to it. I replayed the scene over and over in my mind, wondering how Chase was doing. He must feel horrible right now.

  I had always been afraid of commitment. Afraid of getting hurt. It never really made sense. My parents had been happily together for more than thirty years. I’d seen my friends go through relationship after relationship, but I didn’t think that was it. I hated failing at anything, and I didn’t like not being the one in control. When you loved someone as much as my parents loved each other, you definitely gave up control.

  It hit me then. I loved Chase. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of, and yet I wouldn’t trade any moment I’d had with him to erase the pain. The only thing I could think about was how to get him back.

  CHAPTER 16

  CHASE

  THE RIDE HOME WAS AWFUL BUT NOT for the reason I expected. I hated riding in an Uber, with a total stranger, by myself. I usually either stressed about making small talk or worried the guy was an ax murderer. Those things never crossed my mind. I was too busy nursing my broken heart. It had all been a game to him. A prank. It certainly wasn’t the first prank Max had played on me.

  It never crossed my mind that it wasn’t real. That wasn’t true. I’d wondered if it was real. It had been too good to be true. The worry that Max was just playing me had been my greatest fear. Somehow, he worked his way past my defenses, and I had believed him.

  No wonder Max hadn’t wanted to have sex with me. It was all a game. And I threw myself at him. Was he even attracted to me?

  But a part of me still had a hard time believing it. There was no way Max could have faked everything. Sure, he could have imagined someone else when we’d had sex, but those little moments when I’d catch Max watching me. The soft touches. The sweet words.

  It didn’t matter. Even if part of it had been real, which I wasn’t ready to believe, Max had lied to me. He’d pretended to be someone else for a prank. His goal? Wasn’t it obvious? He wanted to be number one again. And he got everything he wanted. He distracted me. I even flirted with a customer. All he had to do was send my boss an anonymous tip, and I would be sacked.

  The whole office was probably in on it. Were they all laughing at me behind my back? Dylan and Sadie? Everyone?

  While my heart was breaking in two, part of me rejected the notion. Why would Max bring me to meet his family when it could expose him? Why did he go to meet my family?

  Max wasn’t honest
with me, and he had plenty of chances. Even if at some point his feelings changed, I couldn’t trust him. And I wasn’t going through that again. Never knowing what was real and what was not.

  I made it home in one piece. I usually cleaned to help me focus, but I was too exhausted for even that. I curled up in my bed in my favorite pajamas. I turned my phone off. If Max called, I didn’t want to talk to him. I might never be ready to talk to him. Or he might not call. That might just be worse. Whatever happened, I could deal with it tomorrow. I gave myself permission to cry myself to sleep. Just this once. After that, I would toughen my heart. Pull myself together. If I had to act like Max didn’t exist, I could do it. I’ve done it before.

  The next day I felt like I’d been hit with a sledgehammer. Everything hurt, but mostly my heart. It would take more than one night to get over Max. It didn’t help that I had a dozen missed calls and texts from him. I didn’t even read them. What was the point? I couldn’t believe anything he said. I also had a missed call from my sister. I wasn’t ready to talk to her either. I put the pillow back over my head. What was the point of even getting out of bed?

  I also had a message from Amica. It was short, just asking how I was doing and offering to talk. Max must have called her and told her what had happened. Heat burned through my cheeks. I was so humiliated. I didn’t want to go to work. Everyone probably already knew.

  I needed to get my act together. I’d survived before. Cameron wanted me to be something I wasn’t. Now here was Max pretending to be something he wasn’t. I was done with men. I refused to let another one stomp all over my heart. My inner circle was small for a reason. People sucked. And I was tired of being hurt.

  In the end, I went in to work. No way would I give Max that satisfaction. I retreated back into my old self, before Max. That was the way it had to be. I’d let Max into my circle, my bubble, my heart and look at what happened. Max crushed it. Would I ever feel safe enough to let someone else in?

  Most people didn’t even notice the change. They went about their day as if the world hadn’t ended. As if my world hadn’t ended. But there were a few who noticed. As I was getting my morning coffee, Amica cornered me in the lounge.

  “Hey, Chase. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, not looking her in the eyes. I couldn’t stand to see the pity there. I didn’t need to be reminded of the poor decisions I’d made.

  “Max called me.”

  I sighed. “I’m not surprised.”

  “Do you want to talk about it? This has to be hard for you.”

  “No,” I said, putting sugar in my coffee and stirring. I tried not to look at my Yoda cup. It reminded me of Max. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over. The end.”

  “Is it?” Amica touched my hand, violating my don’t-touch-me rule, but I let it slide. She was just trying to help.

  I turned toward her, finally meeting her eyes. There was sadness there but also a spark of anger. At Max? She’d always been protective of me.

  “Is it, Chase?” she asked again. “Is it over?”

  “I think so.” I tried to keep the tears at bay. I was not going to cry over Maxwell Sloan. “How can I trust him? Everything he said and did was suspect. Was I supposed to believe he became so enamored, he forgot about his prank? His quest to be number one?”

  “Max is a jackass,” she said. “But I think you should give him a chance to explain, Chase.”

  “Why? Give me one good reason.”

  “Because I’ve never seen you that happy before.”

  The tears threatened again, and I blinked them away. “It wasn’t real,” I said. “None of it was real.”

  “I don’t think that’s true.”

  I pulled my hand away. “Amica,” I said, not unkindly, “I have to get through today without crying. You could help with that by not talking to me about Max.”

  The walk back to my cubicle took forever. Was everyone watching me? But when I chanced a look at them, no one was paying attention. While I was glad, so glad, that everyone at work wasn’t focused on my life, my world had shifted. I was devastated and no one noticed. God, I was a mess. I shook off the melancholy that threatened to overwhelm me. I had a job to do. People to help. I would do it and damn Max for making me think otherwise.

  Work was a relief. I was good at fixing people’s problems. I helped them get what they needed and made their life better in the process. It was the distraction I needed, and it helped me feel better about myself. I wasn’t a complete failure. I wasn’t a complete idiot. Yes, I fell for Max and all his promises, all his lies, just like I did with Cameron, but I also learned something. People weren’t to be trusted after all. I would just have to be more careful.

  I stayed in my cubicle for lunch. We weren’t really supposed to do that, but Gina did it all the time and no one said anything to her. I didn’t really eat anyway. I wasn’t hungry, so I just had a few bites of a sandwich I’d brought from home. I couldn’t face anyone, most of all Max. Part of it was because I hated him. I hated how he made me doubt myself. And a part of me worried that Max would tell me what I wanted to hear and fool me all over again. I couldn’t go through it again. I had been in too deep already, letting myself believe there was a future for us.

  It was already so hard. We’d only been apart one day, and I already missed him. Missed the way he smelled. The way he liked to run his fingers through my hair. I’d felt so lucky to be with Max. Finished with my sandwich, I threw my trash away. I had to throw those thoughts of Max away, too. My heart couldn’t take any more. If I let Max back in, it could destroy me.

  I was making copies for the next day’s presentation, when I realized my mistake. Max must have been watching me because he was suddenly right there behind me. My body reacted before my brain caught up. It was the way he smelled. The way he sounded when he walked.

  “Chase? Please talk to me.”

  “I’m busy,” I said, finally turning to face him. “I have a presentation to prepare for.”

  “We’re doing that presentation together,” Max reminded me.

  I kept my cool. Not giving an inch. “Is it about the presentation?”

  “We should probably talk about it…”

  “Fine. Email me.”

  “Chase, please.” He touched my hand.

  I pulled back, afraid of the sparks I always felt when Max touched me. Today was no different. Didn’t my body get the memo that Max was bad news? “Don’t.”

  “I want to explain.”

  I didn’t want to hear it, but he would never leave it alone. “Fine.”

  Max’s eyes went wide and for the first time since I’d known him, he didn’t say anything.

  “Well?”

  “I…I didn’t expect you to agree.”

  “I shouldn’t have.” I gathered my papers and turned to leave. Max’s hand brushed mine before I yanked it back.

  “It wasn’t a prank,” he said.

  “Then what was it? You were so enamored that you had to talk to me?”

  “Not exactly.”

  That hurt more than I expected.

  “I couldn’t figure you out. Customers loved you but were bitchy to everyone else.”

  “That’s what you’re going with?” I said. I willed back the tears and reached for the anger instead. “You have a chance and that’s what you tell me?”

  “I want to be honest with you.”

  “It’s a little late for that.” I crossed my arms, holding tightly to my copies.

  “I wanted to understand you. You were always at the top in customer service.”

  “You wanted to bring me down a peg or two?” This time I couldn’t stop my eyes from welling up. Great.

  “No. Honestly. I told Howard that because I was too embarrassed to admit you were better than me. I wanted to know how you did it. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “Well,” I said. “Thanks for being honest.” I reached the door when Max was once again behind me. “You were a challenge at
first. But that changed when I talked to you.”

  I stopped but I didn’t turn around. I cursed myself for wanting to hear the rest. “And?”

  “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I still can’t. I need you, Chase.”

  “You only need yourself, Max,” I said, turning on him. “You are honestly the most self-centered person I’ve ever met.”

  “That’s rich coming from you.” Max didn’t wait for me to leave. He stormed past me. Max was angry? At me? That bothered me way more than it should.

  CHAPTER 17

  MAX

  WELL, THAT WENT WELL. I thought talking to Chase, being close to him, having the chance to explain my actions would make everything better. But in some ways, it made it worse. I just wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him the truth. And the truth was I acted like an ass, thinking only of myself. But in the end, I lost my temper. I was self-centered, I could admit that, but hearing it from Chase pissed me off. Not that Chase didn’t think of other people, because he did. But Chase made his world small and it absolutely revolved around him. Understandably, so. Point was, I could have handled that better. And now I probably wouldn’t get another chance.

  I was lost without Chase. I hadn’t realized how much I’d fallen until I no longer had him in my life. Everything reminded me of Chase. Absolutely everything. Hell, I couldn’t make copies without wanting to cry. I sat in the breakroom for lunch and breaks, mostly hoping to get a chance to see Chase. My friends sat with me, mostly ignoring my moods, as the conversations swirled around me. No one seemed to mind that I didn’t participate.

  Dylan smacked me on the arm. “Dude, you have to snap out of it.”

  “You’re right,” I said, then continued moping. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to snap out of it. I just wanted to nurse my hurt feelings a little longer. Not that I blamed Chase for being mad. What I did was horrible and unfeeling. But the fact that Chase could throw away what we had so easily made my chest hurt. Did he really believe that everything was a lie when I was more truthful in every word, in every touch I shared with Chase, than I had been my whole life? In the past I wore a mask. I charmed people, saying what they wanted to hear. I was good at reading people. Except for Chase. But the thing was with Chase, I didn’t have to be that way. I let my guard down, and I was able to be myself, something people rarely saw. I’d let a few in. Dylan and Sadie, my family, and most recently Amica. But never had I let anyone in that I’d slept with. Except for Chase. I’d given so much of myself to him, and he threw it away. He couldn’t see past the mistakes I’d made.