by Karen Ferry
His eyes bore into mine, filled with bravery and determination. “I was knocking madly on the door to our neighbors, and just as it opened, I heard a shot. For a few seconds, I was frozen, until another shot burst from my house. I begged the old lady to call the police.” Then I ran back to my house and I found Mom lying on the floor, blood spilling everywhere. He’d shot her right in her heart.”
“Good God,” I cried. “I’m so sorry.”
“Dad was slumped to the side, leaning against the stove with a gun in his hand. His eyes were glassy, devoid of emotion…As if ending her life had snuffed his own life force,” Ethan murmured, a frown between his eyes. “Everything was a daze. I don’t remember much of what happened next, except some police officer had to pry my hands away from my mom’s body. I kicked and screamed…I couldn’t stand to leave her, but I wasn’t strong enough. The police called Social Services and the lady who responded then took me away.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, trying my best to get my emotions under control so that I could be what I’d promised I would: strong for him.
“Is he still alive?” I whispered.
Ethan gritted his teeth. “Yeah, the bastard lives. His lawyer spun a tale of addiction and mental illness, so he’d spend the rest of his life in prison instead of getting the needle.” He sighed and turned to lie on his back, but pulled me with him, and my body sunk down into his. “After that, I spent some time in a group home until your mom and dad became my foster parents.”
I moved my legs until I was astride him and caressed his chest. “You don’t believe that he was mentally ill at the time?”
His eyes turned hard. “No, I don’t. I don’t ever think about him if I can avoid it.”
I nodded, understanding that part. Who’d want to think back on such horrible memories?
“I don’t know what to say, other than thank you for trusting in me,” I smiled softly at him. “I can’t imagine what you must’ve gone through, baby, and I’m sorrier than I can say that you lost your mom…but I can never be anything less but thankful that you came into my home and became a part of my family.”
He raised his hand, tucking strands of my hair behind my ear. “Thank you for listening.”
“Always.”
His lips tipped up at the corners. “That was quite the mood breaker, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe, but I want to know everything about you, Ethan. Nothing is going to scare me away, and it’s time you realize that.” I leaned down and kissed him. “Got it?”
His lips stretched in a wide smile. “Yeah. I’ve got it.”
“Good.”
20
Sanity Has Left The Building
Saturday morning arrived, and it was time I left Ethan’s apartment. I’d been dodging my mom’s inquisitive texts all week, but I couldn’t stand keeping secrets from her, and I knew it was time I went home. That it was time I spent some quality time with them and Gramps.
Ethan also had to work all weekend. Dread the likes of which I’d never experienced had settled in my stomach like lead because he still hadn’t told me about this second job of his, and it bothered me, probably more than it should. While I knew he wasn’t in any trouble or doing anything illegal, it irked me that he didn’t feel comfortable with me and plain out told me what he was doing.
It was irrational, I knew that. But I was a woman madly in love.
These five days with him had been amazing, but it had also felt like we were tucked away from the world – as if we were hiding away in our own little bubble, not ready or willing to face reality. But I hoped that time spent apart would cure him of his unwillingness to share more of himself with me. I had to believe that was the case, because if not? There would be no future for us.
So, I’d give him time while I secretly hoped he’d miss me so much, the next time I saw him, he’d be bursting to tell me.
“I need to go,” I chuckled against his lips, wrapped up in his arms outside the front door to the apartment complex. We’d been standing here, saying goodbye, for almost twenty minutes. “And you need to go to work, or you’ll be late.”
He groaned. “Fuck my job. I need you again.”
I barely suppressed a whimper when I felt his big hands squeezing my ass. “No,” I murmured. “This girl needs a break from all the sex,” I tried to explain. “Or my lady bits do, anyway.”
Chuckling, he raised his head and kissed my forehead. “Fine, fine. I get it, or I think I do.” The boyish grin that shined down on me almost weakened my resolve. It was so carefree and combined with the dark blue color of his eyes, he’d never looked more delectable as he did right now.
“Text me tonight?” he asked.
I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Sure.”
“Say hi to your parents from me.”
“I will.”
“Look,” he sighed as he stepped away from me, “next week is going to be pretty busy, but we’ll carve out time for us. How about I’ll take you out one evening, take you on a real date?”
Warmth danced in my tummy. “I’d love that. Plus, I want to hear all about how Freya and Thor are adjusting in your home.”
“Freya and Thor?”
“Yeah, your dogs, baby.”
The confusion cleared from his eyes. “You’ve named them?”
I winked at him and slung my overnight bag over my shoulder. “Sure have. We can’t keep calling them Mutt 1 and Mutt 2, now can we? Besides, they’re good names – strong, traditional.”
He framed my face, pulling me closer for another kiss. His eyes danced with mirth. “A little obsessed with Nordic mythology, are we?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Nope. Freya was the goddess of love, and I have no doubt that sweet girl will give you plenty of that. And Thor?” I grinned cheekily at him. “Every time I see that adorable dog, I’ll automatically think of Chris Hemsworth, and that’s never a bad thing.”
The smile fled his face at once. “Veto on Thor, darlin’.”
I grinned at him. “Too late for that.”
“And why is that?”
“Just a feeling I have, that’s all.”
He shook his head at me. “All right, now I do need to go. We’ll talk later.”
“Sounds good to me.”
I gave him a quick hug before we went our separate ways. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket and pulled it out. When I saw it was another text from my mom, guilt clawed its way through me and I swiped the screen to read it.
Mama: Your dad and I decided to come visit you and Frederik instead. Where are you, baby girl?
“Damn it,” I muttered.
Me: Just out. I’ll be home soon. xo
No longer in a love daze, I hurried to see them, but as I came closer and closer to the old building, I became increasingly worried that I’d have to lie about Ethan and me, and that was the last thing I wanted. While part of me understood that Ethan wanted to lay low for a while, another part hated that he’d put that on me. It wasn’t what I wanted, and I cursed inwardly at my own fault for agreeing to it. Just as I rounded the street corner and saw the big, old building in front of me, I sent him a text.
Me: I don’t want to lie to my parents, so if they ask me if we’re together, I have to be honest with them. Hope you understand, baby. xo
I didn’t wait for his reply, but I was not about to be reduced to his dirty little secret, so if it ended up being a real problem for Ethan, I’d just have to deal with it then. But if push came to shove, I had to make him understand why it was so important to me to be straight with my mom and dad.
They’d always been straight with me, and I owed them to be the same.
“Thank goodness you’re here,” Eliza caught my arms as I walked in the front door. “Your mum has been asking questions since she got here.” She tossed a thumb over her shoulder. “We’re all in the living room, trying to ignore the huge, pink elephant in the room.”
Alarmed at the frown between her eye
brows, I glanced to the living room and lowered my voice. “What kinds of questions?”
She took my overnight bag and shuffled it behind the low table next to the door. “Hugo let it slip that you’ve been spending some time with Ethan, so she’s been asking what you’ve been up to, if you’re seeing each other…” she blew out a breath. “Things like that.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, and your dad…he doesn’t look too happy about this at all. I’m sorry, lovely, but I didn’t know what to tell them.”
“Great,” I muttered. “It’s not your fault, so please don’t worry.” I looked into the mirror hanging on the wall. Thankfully, my lips weren’t swollen, but that didn’t stop me from wondering if my mom would notice something different about me.
Eliza hugged me from behind. “You look gorgeous like always. Don’t worry, nobody will be able to tell you’ve spent all week shagging a hot bloke.”
I snorted when she winked at me. “Thanks, doll.”
“You’ll be fine.” She grinned at me. “If it makes you feel better, your grandfather is looking like the cat who got the cream, so at least someone seems happy with your relationship status.”
I shook my head and turned around. “Right, let’s get this over with.”
Eliza fell into step beside me and warmed by her support, I squared my shoulders and went to the living room.
“Mama, Dad,” I greeted them, trying to ignore the unhappy frown my dad aimed my way from his place on the couch. Mama sat next to him and smiled at me.
“Baby girl, there you are.”
I went to her and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “It’s lovely to see you.” I glanced at Dad, unnerved by the steely glint in his eyes and I averted my eyes. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around this week. Things have been a little…hectic.”
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Eliza asked. I almost laughed at her very British attempt of soothing me. But I doubted tea would do the trick this time and shook my head. I went to hug Gramps who sat in his wheelchair next to the love seat by the window. The smirk on his lips almost made me roll my eyes, but instead, I chose to ignore it.
“So, how’s Ethan?” Mama asked. “Hugo told us you’ve been spending a lot of time with him since you came home.”
I couldn’t ignore her curious stare, or the secretive way her lips tilted up at the corners when I blushed at her question. For the millionth time, I wished I was able to control my body’s reactions when it came to Ethan. Even though he wasn’t even in the same room as me, he had that effect on me.
Dang it.
I sat down next to Gramps, needing to put some distance to my parents. “He’s good. Busy, but good.”
“Not too busy to kidnap you for almost a week,” Dad grumbled.
“Dad!”
He shook his head as he stood up. “Don’t act as if we don’t know what’s going on between you two, sweetheart. We’re not that old – and we’re not blind, either.” He placed his hands on his hips and started to pace in front of me. “What I wanna know is, how long has it been going on?”
Before I could get a word in, Mama stood up.
“Henry, please…” She reached for his arm, making him stop his pacing. “We both know that Pen and Ethan have had a special connection since they met. This new development can’t come as a surprise, surely?”
He sighed. “But there’s so much she doesn’t know…”
“If you’re referring to what happened to his mom,” I interrupted and went to his side, “I do know.”
He blinked at me, the surprise in his eyes as clear as glass.
“That’s right,” I nodded, “I know, Dad. I know about his father abusing his mom and him. I know that he murdered his mom, and I know he’s been in prison ever since that horrible day.”
“How long have you known, baby girl?” Mama asked, her voice quiet.
“Only since last night.” I let go of my dad’s gaze and met hers instead. The compassion that I found soothed me, and I smiled. “He told me his story last night,” I soldiered on, “but even if he hadn’t, it wouldn’t matter. We’re…” I placed a hand on my stomach, trying to will the nervous butterflies away. “Well, I guess there’s no reason to keep it a secret. We’re dating, and that’s it.”
“And you’re okay with his past?”
I looked back at Dad and shook my head. “I doubt anyone would be okay with something like that, Dad, but if Ethan is strong enough to live with it, then so am I.”
“Poor bloke,” Hugo muttered. I hadn’t even noticed he was in the room until now, leaning against a book shelf. “What a bloody way to grow up, knowing your father is responsible for your mother’s death.” The sigh that fell from his lips was heavy.
“I know,” I answered. “It’s a scar that’ll never fade, but he won’t have to carry it on his own anymore.”
“Pen, are you really sure you want to get romantically involved with him?” Dad’s voice made me snap my head back his way, ready to go to battle if I had to.
He raised his hands. “Now, don’t get your hackles up, just hear me out.” He cleared his throat and resumed pacing. “Ethan is like a son to me and your mom, you know that. We couldn’t be prouder of him, of the man he’s become, but, yes, he has scars and he’s not an easy man to love, so…”
“Oh, Dad, of course he is,” I interrupted him. “Loving him is as easy as breathing for me. It always has been. Do you really want me to deny my heart?”
“I only want what’s best for you,” he grumbled.
I smiled at Mama when she took my hand, offering her support in silence. “Then trust me when I tell you that Ethan is that man for me.”
“Aah, young love,” Gramps’ voice drew all our gazes to him. “Come now, Henry, let the young people be. Trust that they know themselves – have faith in your daughter.”
“Thank you, Gramps.” Love bloomed in my heart at his support.
Dad sighed. “Fine, fine. I trust you, sweetheart. But you can’t ask me to stop worrying about you.” He came closer and engulfed me in his big arms and I hugged him back. “You’re our baby girl. We’ll always worry.”
“Speak for yourself, Henry,” Mama chuckled. “Pen is strong. And she’s an adult now,” she added. “She can handle herself.”
“Hush, woman,” Dad rumbled.
I giggled at their banter. “I’m fine, Dad,” I whispered into his chest. “Please trust me.”
“I promise I’ll try,” he answered and pulled away. The worry hadn’t completely cleared from his eyes, but at least it had subsided. “That’s all I can do for now.”
“Fine. Enough talking about my love life for one day,” I grinned up at him. “Why don’t I take you and Mama out for lunch?”
“That would be lovely.” My mom grabbed her purse from the couch and slung it over her shoulder. “But you’re not paying.”
“Mama, please,” I started, but she held her hand up.
“No, Penelope, and that’s final.”
Whenever Mama gave me The Look – the one every mother had practiced to perfection, the one that brooked no arguments – I realized I had to give in.
“All right. Lead the way, then.”
Dad put his hand on my shoulder and led me away, but I managed to turn my head and mouth Thank you to Gramps for standing up for me. He winked at me, the familiar smirk back in place.
Clever old man, I mused. Nothing went past his eagle eyes, not even Ethan and me.
I nibbled on my lower lip. The secret was out – I should probably text Ethan and warn him – but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Now that I knew I had the support of my family, I felt more settled and at ease than I had all week.
I only hoped that Ethan would feel the same when I told him.
IV
Ethan
The old saying said,
“The truth shall set you free.”
But I didn’t know if I could do that.
If I could tell Penelope the whole truth.
Loving her was the e
asy part.
Trusting her with all that I was, all my fears?
I wasn’t so sure.
21
The Future Is A Scary Entity
It was my last photo shoot at Privé, and the room was filled to the brim with different people, mostly performers. I recognized them from having worked with a few of them in the past. My eyes caught Astrid in the crowd, and I gritted my teeth at the seductive smile she aimed at me. This was not good. It was a fucking disaster waiting to happen.
The nervous energy made me feel on edge, but I forced my tense shoulders to relax. Callum was busy setting the stage, and I went to the adjacent locker room; I needed to get a shower and to groom certain areas on my body, especially around my groin. I didn’t know exactly what my scene was today, only that it was a solo performance, but that told me enough to make sure that the camera had as clear a view as possible. I hadn’t expected the crowd, and it unsettled me. I knew I needed to speak with Callum about it before we got started.
And I needed to make sure to steer clear of Astrid.
I went to my locker and undressed, trying to get into the right frame of mind, but it didn’t come as easily as it used to. Whenever I worked here, I pushed the real world away and focused on the here and now. I didn’t worry about my past or the future – that last part was paramount, and even more so now.
I only had to think about Penelope and her tempting body, and my dick got hard.
“Hey, man, you decent?” Callum’s voice stopped me from undressing, and I looked over my shoulder and frowned at him.
“What’s with the crowd?” I asked.
His lips pulled down. “I’m not sure, but don’t worry. I’ll have the room cleared before we start.”
“Thanks, man.”
“So,” he leaned against the locker next to me and crossed his arms. “You sure you don’t want to resign the contract?”