Lovestrung: A friends to lovers romance

by Karen Ferry

  Her lips pulled up in a small smile. “You’ve got it.”

  I kept staring into her eyes, and the air around us filled with sexual tension. Blood heated my veins, making me more than aware of the semi I’d sported for her all night. So far, I’d managed to ignore it, but now, with the dim lights of the club shimmering over her features in a luminescent dance, it became fucking impossible.

  For the millionth time, I wondered if I was living one hell of a dream. If I’d somehow fallen into a world of fantasy or make-believe, because a part of me couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have her.

  To call her mine.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asked and leaned closer.

  I took a deep breath and glanced at her inviting lips when her tongue peeked out to wet them.

  “Because I can’t not stare at you. Some days, it feels so unreal that we’re together, and I have to drink you in every chance I get in case I wake up and have no choice but to admit the truth…”

  “What truth?”

  I took in the confusion in her eyes and hardly dared to breathe.

  “That what we have has only been a dream.”

  Her eyes gentled as she pulled her hand out of mine and instead framed my face, caressing my jaw.

  “Baby, maybe it’s a dream, but it’s one we’ll never wake up from. I promise.”

  At her promise, I reached breaking point. This was it; I knew it as much as I knew anything, and that was that I couldn’t hold the words back anymore.

  “I love you.”

  Her fingers tightened on my face.

  “What did you just say?”

  The music was so loud that I could hardly hear her.

  “I love you. Please love me back?”

  She shook her head, and the hope that had grown in my chest mere moments ago died a slow, agonizing death.

  “Ethan Collins, you own me, heart and soul.” I stopped breathing at the fierce words. “Asking me to love you is pointless, because I’ve always loved you. Don’t you see?” Her eyes turned misty, and I had to swallow the sudden tightness in my throat. “I’m yours.”

  That’s all I needed to hear, and I found myself able to breathe again.

  “How did I get to be so lucky?” I perused her face again, needing to remember this exact moment forever.

  Her hands flexed, and I pulled her flush to my chest. “I’m the lucky one, baby. You’re like my very own book boyfriend come to life, and all girls want that.”

  Guilt at keeping my secret life from her lingered, but once again, I pushed it away. Tonight wasn’t the right time to tell her about it. Tomorrow was soon enough.

  I was burning up with desire for her, and I needed to get her home, so I could worship her all night. I cleared my scratchy throat and kissed her nose.

  “Let’s go home.”

  Her smile gave me the answer I wanted, and the craving in my chest tightened so much, it was almost painful.

  One more day, I promised myself. I could give us one more day before I had to come clean and tell her the last of my secrets. If she ran afterward, I’d run after her.

  I only hoped she wouldn’t, but even if she did, I’d never let her go. Even if I had to go to the ends of the world to make her understand that, I would do it, because she was worth it.

  She was worth everything, and I would risk it all to keep her mine.

  I just needed one more day.

  25

  Timing Is Everything

  After we’d come home from the club, I’d vowed to take my time with Penelope – to make sweet love to her – but she’d had other plans, egging me on with her mouth around my dick. We’d ended up fucking like there was no tomorrow on the floor, practically short circuiting my brain, until we’d stumbled up to bed.

  I used to dread Saturdays, but not anymore. It was midmorning, and we’d been enjoying each other’s company mostly in silence, the dogs snoring away at our feet. I fucking loved that we could still be silent together, not feeling the need to fill the air with chatter. That life could consist of simple tasks yet never get boring.

  I could see us like this years from now, and what had once been an intangible dream was no longer only that – it was where we were headed, and even though I knew it was too soon to get down on my knees, begging her to marry me, I longed for that life.

  There was no doubt in my mind that she felt the same way.

  But there was still the matter of coming clean to her. I’d been pretending to read my book while thinking about the right way to approach the subject of my side job.

  Oh, by the way, I used to make porn. No biggie, just, you know, have sex for money.

  Yeah. That was the worst conversation starter if there ever was one.

  I sighed and opened my mouth, sick of myself and ready to just blurt it out.

  “Baby, when did you start wearing glasses?”

  I looked up from the book in my hand and squinted at her. She was sitting across from me on the couch, her legs tangled with mine. She’d been reading a magazine but now it lay forgotten in her lap and she was frowning at me.

  I shrugged as I thought about it. “About two years ago, I guess. I only use them when I’m reading.”

  A slow smile spread on her lips. “You look very handsome.”

  I grinned at her. “I thought I always looked handsome?”

  “You do, but those black frames?” She tapped a finger against her lips. “They kinda make me hot.”

  I rubbed her bare calf with my foot and cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah.” She tossed the magazine on the floor and pushed up on her knees. My eyes fell on the satin robe she was wearing as it slipped down her shoulders, revealing the top of her phenomenal breasts and a low fire danced in my belly when she crawled toward me.

  Was it possible to combust from lust? Even though it had only been an hour since I’d taken her up against the wall in my shower, my dick swelled in my sweat pants, and impatience simmered in my blood.

  “Mmm,” she sighed as she came closer. I closed the book, marking my spot with my finger and widened my legs to make room for her. When she was firmly planted on my lap, she opened her robe, and my breath hitched at the sight of her naked body. I loved that I was free to let my hunger for her show in my eyes, but I relished in the fact that she only got more turned on by my gaze. That she didn’t hide that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

  No, we craved each other on equal terms, and I prayed we’d never stop feeling this way.

  “Why don’t I show you how irresistible I think you are?”

  I wet my lips at the sight of her darkened pupils. “Why don’t you?”

  Her mouth brushed against mine in a featherlight touch. The sweetness made me groan, and the book slipped from my fingers only to land with a soft thump on the hardwood floors. I didn’t care about missing my spot. I wasn’t thinking about anything but the feel of her hard nipples as I brushed my thumbs against them. I reveled in her quickening breath, her crotch bearing down on my dick tenting my pants, but as always, I needed more than sweet kisses.

  I needed to ravish her. To consume her every waking thought. To permeate her senses with all of me until she was so far gone, all she could think about was us. Us and the love we had for each other.

  Just as I closed my mouth over her nipple, her hands burrowed in my hair, my phone started ringing.

  “Don’t answer that,” she pleaded, but the ring tone was like a douse of ice water as I knew right away who the caller was.

  It was Luke calling from his office, which could only mean one thing.

  Trouble.

  I rested my head against her collarbone. “I have to. But I’ll make it brief, darlin’. I promise.”

  Silently, she lifted her leg and shifted away, and I sat up and grabbed my phone on the coffee table.

  “What?!” I barked.

  “Shit has hit the fan, man.”

  Frowning, I looked up at Penelope as
she shrugged on her robe and tied the sash, her eyes turning unsure. I hated that look on her.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I’m sorry.” His words were tinged with regret, but I didn’t give a damn about that. I tightened my hand around my phone and tried to school my voice so as not to alarm the woman in front of me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It means that I knew she’s a damn fine reporter, but I didn’t think she was that good. She hacked into my laptop while I was in the shower this morning and found everything.”

  “And? What did you tell her?”

  “I had to tell her about Privé. I’m sorry, Ethan, but it was either that or lose her, and the latter is not an option” He sighed in my ear. “Even though she is a pain in my fucking ass,” he muttered.

  “What now?”

  “I don’t know. She stormed out of here, calling me a slug, I might add, and I would’ve chased after her if it weren’t for the fact that you’re my friend and I felt it was best to warn you.”

  “Appreciate it,” I answered drily.

  Pen’s phone started to vibrate, and my eyes landed on the display showing it was Ella calling her, and it felt like my heart stopped beating.

  “Ethan, listen to me.”

  But I couldn’t hear Luke anymore. I raised my eyes to the love of my life as she picked up her phone and went to pick it up in the kitchen. My eyes trailed after her, my body tense as I saw her eyes turn from unsure to disbelieving. She raised her head in my direction, and I gritted my teeth as hers started to simmer with hurt. The guilt clawed at my insides, urging me to go to her, so that’s what I did, and I sprang from my seat. But the minute I took a step in her direction, she held her palm up, and all I could do was to obey. I’d do whatever she needed me to as long as it meant she’d stay and hear me out.

  “Pen,” I choked her name, begging her with my eyes to stay, but she shook her head and walked past me, almost running, in the direction of my bedroom.

  “Ethan, are you there?”

  Luke’s raised voice made me remember I was still holding my phone to my ear. My body was on edge, jumpy even, and it itched in my entire being to get rid of him.

  “I’ve gotta go,” I told him.

  “Wait!”

  “Better make this fast, Luke.”

  “This means my secret’s out. Yours, too, which also means I’m guessing you’ve got about thirty seconds to tell your woman everything, or your hide is going to get skinned.”

  “Too late,” I murmured and ran a hand through my hair.

  “What?”

  “She’s on the phone with Ella now.”

  “Fuck. Look, I’m really sorry.”

  “Yeah, so am I. Gotta go.”

  This time, I didn’t wait for his reply before I ended the call and tossed my cell on the couch and went to go in search for my girl. When I found her standing next to my bed, her phone raised to her eyes, as still as a statue, I stopped in the doorway.

  “Ella told you,” I whispered, almost afraid to talk any louder for fear that would make her spring into action and leave.

  She nodded and still refused to look at me.

  “Darlin’, I…”

  “Please don’t.”

  I took a deep breath and took a step closer. “Pen, you have to let me explain.”

  She let out a humorless laugh and finally looked at me. Disbelief was written all over her face; disbelief and anger. “I suppose I should consider myself lucky, shouldn’t I?”

  I frowned. “I don’t follow you.” The air was so thick with tension, you could cut through it with a knife, but there was an eerie calmness surrounding her, I was afraid to make any sudden movements.

  “Having a porn star for a boyfriend. I should feel lucky, right? Knowing that all the things you do to me when we’re fucking, you’ve perfected to a fine art with countless others before me.”

  Sighing, I shook my head. “Ex-porn star.”

  “Semantics.”

  “No,” I started slowly and dared to take a step closer, “not semantics. That’s the part you should remember: that I’m not doing it anymore.”

  Before my words had left my mouth, she’d taken the steps that separated us and held her phone up to my face. I looked at the unedited photo of me and Astrid from our last photo shoot.

  “Look at the date, Pen. That’s the day you came home from traveling.”

  “Oh, I know. But I guess now it’s obvious where the two of you know each other from. Thanks a lot.” She swiped the screen again. “Oh, and what do we have here?”

  She kept swiping her thumb across the screen, revealing more and more photos I’d done with different women. All raw footage, and every one of them showed every-fucking-thing.

  “This is from the day before our first date, you fucking idiot. Oh, and this?” She swiped at the screen over and over again. “All of them are taken after that first week we spent together.”

  “That was my last job. You’ve got to believe me.”

  “I don’t know what to believe.”

  Quickly, I pried the cell from her fingers and tossed it on the bed behind her. “Stop raving at me and please listen.”

  “No, you cheating son of a bitch, I won’t!”

  The tears on her cheeks almost brought me to my knees. “I haven’t cheated on you, darlin’. It was my job. I had a contract to fulfill, and I couldn’t get out of it. I didn’t think…”

  “No, you didn’t think, Ethan, and that’s the problem.”

  The need to touch her overrode her desire for me to keep my distance and I got as close to her as I could possibly get without touching her. I peered into her eyes. The tears kept coming, tearing my insides apart. This felt like a goodbye…as if both our hearts were on the brink of breaking, and I couldn’t bear it.

  I cupped her cheeks, trying to catch the drops. “Please…”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she sobbed, her body slumping against mine. “Why?”

  “Darlin’, I…I don’t know.”

  The realization hit me in my heart like a giant mallet. It was the truth, but I still didn’t have the answer. I wanted to ram my fist against the nearest wall and inflict as much pain on myself as possible; I could take my own pain, but I couldn’t stomach being the cause of hers.

  I bent my head until our faces were so close, our noses were touching.

  “I’m madly in love with you, Pen. I love you. Please remember that you’re the only woman who’s ever had my heart.”

  She swallowed, hard. “Then why the secrecy, Ethan? Why didn’t you trust me? Why start something with me, knowing you still had to fuck other women?”

  “The only woman I’ve been truly intimate with since you came back is you.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can believe you.”

  Tremors shot through my body.

  “I’m not a liar.”

  “Omitting something as important as this is a lie,” she sniffed and dashed at my hands.

  I moved them to her shoulder, but I couldn’t let go entirely. I rested my cheek against hers, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry I hurt you. Please believe me.”

  We stood there for a long time as I racked my brain for anything – something – I could say that would make her see things my way. That what I’d done wasn’t cheating.

  “I love you.”

  She nodded, her eyes downcast as she hugged her middle. “I believe you do, but I can’t…I can’t be here with you right now. I need to think.”

  “Don’t do this,” I begged. “Don’t leave. Don’t shut me out.”

  “Ethan, please…” Her eyes met mine then, and I balked at the utter blankness I saw shining at me behind the veil of tears. “Let me go for a while. I need to come to terms with this on my own.”

  “I…” Grasping at straws, I pulled her flush against me and took her lips in the sweetest, most heartfelt kiss I could give her, but she didn’t respond. She didn’t kiss me back and that wa
s when I knew I’d lost her.

  Slowly, I released her and backed away. Her eyes weren’t blank anymore, but I didn’t know which I hated the most – the blankness from before, or the dull, almost bleak way she looked now.

  “I need to pack my things.”

  I flexed my hands hanging like lead at my sides.

  “Can I at least call you later?”

  She shook her head. “Please don’t. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but you still withheld it from me, and…” She blew out a shaky breath. “I’m not sure I can trust you again, Ethan. I really don’t. I need to sort this out in my head before we talk again.”

  I winced as each word cut me.

  “You’re breaking my heart, darlin’.

  She wet her lips. “And you’ve broken mine.”

  With that, she turned away, and there was nothing more to say. For the first time in my life, I wished I had a bar filled to the brim with whiskey, ready for me to drown my sorrows once she’d left. Slowly, I walked back to the living room and my eyes caught the book on the floor. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since we’d been sitting opposite each other, about to make love, and then everything had changed.

  I couldn’t watch her leave, so I grabbed a shirt from the floor and quickly pulled it on before I turned to the dogs. They sat at my front door, heads cocked, and if I didn’t know any better, there was an accusing glint in their eyes as they followed my every move.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I muttered.

  When I went to get their leashes hanging on top of my coat, their ears perked up, and with them both whining at me, I put them on and left my apartment. Knowing that Penelope wouldn’t be here when I came back tore at my insides, but what could I do but accept she needed time and space?

  At a loss, I trotted down the stairs, the dogs doing their best to tear my arms from my sockets. I hoped I’d have an answer when I came back from my run. The alternative wasn’t an option.

  I already knew I had to fight to gain back her trust in me. I just didn’t know how. Only that I wouldn’t let my own happiness slip through my fingers like grains of sand.

  V