Move the Stars

by Jessica Hawkins

  It was so cute, I almost picked her up right there and took her back to bed.

  “Also,” she added, “you’re the only important guest I’ve had.”

  I kissed the top of her head. The plates were hard plastic with flowers, nothing special, but to me they indicated she’d been thinking of me when I wasn’t around and that was definitely something I’d hold on to while I was away.

  “Manning?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Want to learn how to make the Lake Special?” she asked.

  “Won’t you always be around to make it for me?”

  “Mhm, that’s the plan.”

  As I watched her smile to herself, my lungs constricted. Lake had always been part of me, tangled with my insides in ways I’d often wished she weren’t. I held her as close to the chest as Maddy’s death or my time in SHU. But in only two and a half days, she’d become my world. And in another two and a half days, I’d be separated from her again. How long would I be gone? I didn’t know. I didn’t care how to make the damn sandwich, but I would take an excuse to watch and listen to her do anything. “Teach me.”

  “Wash these.” She slid over a cutting board with lettuce and a tomato. I indulged her, sneaking glances at her bare legs when I could. Once I’d cleaned and sliced, I washed my hands and without drying them, slipped them inside her robe, hugging her from behind.

  She inhaled a breath. “Your hands are wet.”

  “Mmm.” I ran them over her stomach then held her back to my front as she worked at the counter.

  She put out four slices of bread and spread mayonnaise on each of them. “Be generous with the mayo, but don’t overdo it or it’ll get soggy.”

  “Uh-huh.” I put my nose in her hair. What I would’ve given over the years to smell her shampoo. Feel her voice vibrate against my body as she spoke. Get a taste of the heaven I’d come close to before I’d been hauled off to prison. “Do you still have that watermelon lip stuff?”

  “Huh?”

  “That Chapstick you wore a long time ago.”

  “I could probably find some,” she said distractedly.

  “Find some.”

  “Are you listening?” she asked, picking up an avocado.

  “I’m trying.” I took it from her, cutting into the gnarled skin and slicing it onto both sandwiches.

  “The ratio of meat to cheese to condiments is very important.”

  “Tell me more about that.” I kissed her neck. Pinned her to the counter with my hips. Returned my hands under her robe, this time lowering them between her legs.

  “Oh,” she moaned, squirting barbecue sauce on the counter.

  “You’re making a mess,” I scolded.

  “What?”

  I caressed her, feeling an undeniable ownership over a body I’d only gotten command of a couple days ago. I wasn’t as familiar with her as I wanted to be, though, not by a long shot. I looked forward to learning everything that made her knees give out the way they were now. “How’s that feel, Birdy?” I murmured in her ear, holding her upright, rubbing her.

  “This isn’t sanitary,” she whispered back. “For the sandwiches.”

  “I’m not the one making them. Doesn’t matter if my hands get dirty.”

  She bit her bottom lip while I lazily determined if she was wet enough now or if I should find a way to get her there. I needed to be inside her. Her teeth dug into her lip harder as I fingered her. She gripped the bottle of sauce and failed to keep her little squeaks inside. I urged her onto her toes, lifted her robe, and bent my knees enough to pull down my underwear and slide inside her.

  “Don’t stop on my account,” I said, pushing deeper. She still couldn’t take all of me in one go, and easing in was a sweet kind of torture. “I guarantee you we’ll be hungry when we’re done.”

  Breathlessly, she slapped ham onto both sandwiches. “The order of the meats matters . . .” She gulped, her fist curling around a deli bag of medium cheddar. “And the cheese, too . . .”

  I laughed to myself, wondering how long she’d last, then squeezed my arm between her and the counter. “What next?” I asked as I circled her clit.

  “I don’t know.” She fell forward and her hair parted, exposing the top of her spine to me. “I forget.”

  I kissed the nape of her neck. Even that was sexy, the light freckles that hid under her blonde hair. I moved in and out of her until she had to grip the counter. I covered her hands with mine, interlacing our fingers as I held on with her and took her faster and faster until I was hanging by a thread, doing everything I could to make her come. She climaxed with her entire body, her shoulder blades jutting out and her hair shimmering like a golden waterfall.

  I pulled out not a second too soon and came on the counter, right next to the sandwiches.

  “Manning,” she scolded.

  I had to chuckle as I massaged her slender shoulders, blowing on her damp hairline. “It was either there or your pretty robe,” I said, still catching my breath. “Come here.”

  She turned her head, giving me her mouth. Kissing her was such a natural thing, but I’d been unable to do it so long, it felt exceptional. I needed it, and that was a first. I’d been satisfied after sex, but I’d never needed to feel close to anyone like Lake, to touch her, to know she was also sated and comfortable. As I kissed her, I realized what I loved about her in this moment wasn’t just her vulnerability, but that she’d brought it out in me, too.

  When she tried to pull away, I kept her to me with a hand on her throat. “Not done with you yet.”

  “I really should try to make the second part of my shift,” she murmured. “I need the money.”

  Money. Lake wasn’t supposed to want for anything. For someone like her, the basics should be covered so she could be free to do and be what she wanted. That was the vision I’d had for her, the one my stubbornness had ruined.

  “I mean, don’t you have work to do anyway?” she asked, wiping down the counter. She checked to make sure the sandwiches had been spared and resumed making them.

  Work was a reality I couldn’t ignore. I hadn’t missed another meeting since we’d slept the day away, but only because I’d been rescheduling them to make room for her. The truth was, I needed to work while I was here. I was going to lose these clients once I left Ainsley-Bushner, but I couldn’t pass up the commission I would need to get me through the next few months. And not only that, but I hadn’t mentioned to Lake I was due a sizeable bonus at the new year. Anxious as I was about leaving my job without a replacement, I wasn’t sure I could walk away from that, but it would mean not initiating the divorce until after the holidays.

  I wiped my brow, tucking myself back in my boxer-briefs, and leaned back against the sink. “Yeah, I actually do need to run to Beth Israel for an appointment, but that’s ten minutes from here and I liked the idea of you waiting for me here until I returned.”

  “It’s twenty minutes,” she said, “and you can come back here after your meeting. I won’t be home until after ten, though.”

  “After ten?” I tried to get her to look at me, but she focused on slicing the sandwiches down the middle. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  Her head shot up. “What?”

  “You were going to work a ten-hour shift? Isn’t there a law against that or something?”

  She laughed a little, plating the sandwiches. “I haven’t been arrested yet.”

  I thought of Lake on her feet all day, leaving after dark, when the streets were quiet. She wouldn’t be doing that alone tonight, but I couldn’t always be here to walk her home.

  She held out the plate to me, but I kept my eyes on her. Not even a monster sandwich could dislodge the pit in my gut. “I really wish you’d quit,” I said.

  “Can’t. The tips are—well, they aren’t great, but they’re tips.”

  “Can’t you pick up more hours at the animal shelter?” I asked.

  “If I could, I would. They cut back during winter so I’m only there one day a
week right now. I don’t make tips there anyway.”

  “Lake.” I took the plate and put it on the counter. “You’re my girl now. I have big plans for us. I can’t go back to California knowing you’re working that late at night, that you’re living in a place a step down from the shed in my backyard.”

  “I resent that,” she said. “I was doing fine without you, and I’ll be fine when you go.”

  “You’ll be fine?” I asked.

  “Financially, yes.”

  I took her waist and brought her close. “And in a non-financial capacity?” I asked, hugging her.

  She looked at my chest but thawed a little. “I need this job. Not just for the money, but if I don’t keep busy day and night, even when the rest of the city sleeps . . . the minute I stop, I’ll think about you there with her.”

  “I’m coming back for you, Lake.”

  Our eyes met again. “But when? I won’t feel like I have you until all that is finished.”

  I wanted to lie to her and say it would be quick, that I’d be on a return flight in no time. I worried Lake wasn’t facing the truth of our situation, and though I’d bent over backward in the past to protect her from this kind of pain, I was beginning to see how that could ultimately hurt her. “It might be months,” I said. “Tiffany and I own a home together. I’m leaving a job with a salary I probably won’t be able to command again. I’ll do everything in my power to get back to you as soon as possible, but I’m untangling two lives—”

  “I get it.” She tried to push out of my grasp, avoiding my gaze. “I have to keep waiting. It wasn’t enough that I saved myself for you and thought of you every single day we were apart.”

  “Lake.” I held her in place.

  “I have to get to work.”

  “I’ll cover your rent while I’m gone. Instead of working the diner, you can focus on auditioning.”

  This time she pushed hard enough that I let her go. She carried the dishes to a folding table so rickety, I’d flatten it out if I sat on it. “You know I can’t accept that,” she said, her back to me.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not some mistress you can stash away.”

  “Come on—mistress?” I asked. “You know that’s not what this is. I’m doing my best to fix my mistakes. If I go back and rip the carpet out from under my life without worrying about the details, it’s going to hurt all of us even more. Especially Tiffany.”

  Lake paused. “What makes you think I don’t want to hurt her as much as possible?”

  “I know you don’t. No matter how she’s treated you, you’ve never been vengeful or nasty.” I walked up next to her, moving the curtain her hair made away from her face. “It’s one of the first things I noticed about you that day on the lot, then at the fair, and it’s one of the things I love about you.” I kissed her temple. “You’re generous and kind and patient.”

  “No I’m not.” She pinched the bridge of her nose as if holding in tears. “I’m ruining her life. If you’d married someone else, I’d feel awful enough about breaking up a marriage, but this is my own sister. I don’t know how I can do it.”

  “You aren’t. I am. I’m leaving her for you. I’m coming for you, whether you tell me to or not.” I didn’t let Lake see that I’d be going home to the person I’d spent the last six years trying to fall in love with. Maybe my heart didn’t beat for Tiffany, but I had slept next to her for years in a bed we’d picked out together. I’d gotten to know her tastes inside and out. Tiffany wasn’t always easy, but she was my friend, my partner, someone I’d one day assumed I’d have a child with. I knew Lake felt guilty about this—she and Tiffany were blood, after all—but this would undoubtedly be the worst thing I’d ever done. My father had hurt people intentionally and had later had the nerve to ask for forgiveness. While my marriage was no accident, it was a mistake, and gutting Tiffany was something I’d always regret. The only comfort I had was understanding for the first time that staying with Tiffany for the wrong reasons would be worse in the long run than leaving her now. Lake was my star in the sky, but Tiffany needed to be the star of the show, and I couldn’t give her that.

  “I’ve felt disconnected from her for so long,” Lake said. “It felt personal when she took you from me. All of this makes me sick . . . just not enough for me to let you go.”

  “You can’t let me go, Lake.” I kept my nose in her hair, inhaling her. “I won’t be let go.”

  14

  Manning

  Lake got fired from the restaurant. She’d missed too many days and then when she finally had shown up, she was hours late. While she wasn’t happy about it, it did mean we got more time together before I left—or so I’d thought.

  The day after she’d been let go, she had to work the shelter’s front desk, and no amount of sweet talk on my part could convince her to call in. To top it off, the place was in Brooklyn, an area I’d never taken the time to research. Since I couldn’t spend the morning with her, I jammed as many appointments into our time apart as I could. I turned on the charm and sold the shit out of Ainsley-Bushner pharmaceuticals. I wanted to leave Lake with money, and return to her with it, so she wouldn’t ever have to worry about our situation.

  While she was finishing up at the animal shelter, I worked on repairs throughout her apartment—and there were plenty to choose from. Between loose floorboards, a faulty flush valve, mold, and a backed-up shower drain, I’d already been to the hardware store twice.

  With half my torso under her kitchen sink, I tried to come to terms with the fact that this time tomorrow, I’d be leaving for the airport. Five days hadn’t been enough time. A thousand days wouldn’t be. Every minute I spent without her, my body ached. My mind wandered too far away. Was Brooklyn as dangerous as I’d heard? What if leaving her tomorrow would be too hard? What if she was held up at the shelter, and they needed her another hour of the twenty-four I had left with her?

  I heard the door and glanced up as Lake came into the kitchen, a spring in her step. “I told my boss all about you, and she let me off a little early,” she said, grinning. “What’re you doing?”

  “Replacing corroded nuts and traps,” I said, trying not to sound as relieved to see her as I felt.

  She laughed. “Have you been at it all day?”

  “I tried to get as much done as I could before I go.” I used my sleeve to wipe sweat from my upper lip since my hands were greasy. “And I needed somewhere to take out my sexual frustration. You went for a run this morning and left me all alone in bed.”

  “I’m sorry.” She set her purse on the kitchen table. “It calms me down.”

  “You’re not calm?”

  “You’re leaving,” she said. “And I’m scared. It feels . . .”

  She was scared—she didn’t know the meaning of the fucking word. I had no idea how I was going to get by once I returned to California. I was already on edge being away from her.

  I put down the pliers to slide out from under the sink. “How’s it feel, Lake?”

  She crossed the kitchen, stepped one foot over my torso and looked down at me. Would’ve been nice if she were wearing a skirt, but she had jeans on. After seeming to think, she lowered her ass onto my chest. “This is how it feels,” she said. “Like I can’t breathe, and when I do, it hurts.”

  She could’ve crossed her legs and given me all hundred and ten pounds of her, it wouldn’t matter. “This doesn’t hurt,” I said.

  “If I sit here long enough it will,” she said.

  “I don’t think so. I think the longer you sit here, the better it will feel.”

  I didn’t want her to waste time being sad. The clock was running down, and I hadn’t felt this content since before she’d left me in California. I wasn’t ready to let go of it. “Look, if the divorce is going to take awhile,” I told her, “I’ll fly out to visit. Even if it’s for a day or two. How about next time I’m here, we paint this place? Any color you want. I’ll build you furniture that matches and instal
l some lighting. You won’t even recognize the place when I’m done with it.”

  She smiled and moved her ass into my lap, right where I wanted it. “What if I want hot-pink walls?” she asked.

  “Then you’re going about it the right way. But wait until you hear what else I did today.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “What?”

  “Caught two mice, set them free, and sealed all the holes in the walls.”

  She gasped. “Are you serious? You didn’t kill them?”

  “Against my better judgement, no.”

  “Oh my God. You’re my hero.” She wiggled on my lap—that alone was worth all the extra effort it’d taken me to spare the lives of fucking rodents—and said, “You deserve a reward.”

  I took her hips as my balls tightened up. “That so?”

  “Manning?” she asked, leaning her hands on my chest.

  “Yeah, Birdy.”

  “The other day, when I did that . . .”

  “Did what?”

  “You know.” Slowly, she ran her tongue along the edges of her teeth. Not to be sexy, but to say what she couldn’t with words. My cock stirred anyway. “Was it okay? Could I do it better?”

  I watched her mouth, remembering the pure ecstasy of having it on me for the first time. It’d be impossible to describe that feeling with words. “You’re asking if it felt good when you gave me head? Did you like it when I did it to you?”

  She blushed, curling her hands into my t-shirt. “Yes.”

  “How much did you like it?” I asked.

  She thought it over. “I never imagined sex could be that good. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been, having sex with you.”

  I swallowed painfully, suddenly overcome. I knew it wasn’t the sex that made her so happy, but the intimacy of it, because the same was true for me. “Lake, I’d venture a guess that however good it felt for you, it was ten times better for me.”

  “But isn’t it always like that, with all the girls?”

  There was something about getting your dick sucked by the one you’d fantasized about for so long—it wasn’t the same as any other girl. Technique, capability, experience . . . it all went out the window. “You remember that night in the truck?” I asked.