99% Faking It

by Chris Cannon

  …

  Tuesday morning, Lisa acted normal at her locker and at lunch. I didn’t mention anything about any of the drama from yesterday and neither did she. Good. I’d been worried about nothing. Our fake dating plans were still on track.

  Wednesday on the way into the building my grand plan went right off the rails when I saw what Lisa was wearing. It was just a dress with some crazy pattern, but it emphasized her curves and had me thinking non-friend thoughts. And damn it all if Trey wasn’t standing there next to her car talking to her and leaning in a little too close to a girl who was supposed to have a boyfriend. What did she see in that guy besides his weird hair? And why did I want to punch him? I had no reason to be mad. This was a good thing. Maybe I wanted to punch him because of his stupid hair.

  As I approached, Lisa glanced up and spotted me. She didn’t acknowledge me, just went back to her conversation. I wanted to stop and interrupt them, but that wasn’t part of the plan, so I cut between rows of cars and headed toward the front entrance.

  Nina and West were already at her locker.

  “Why do you look so annoyed?” Nina asked.

  “It’s morning and I’m awake.”

  “There’s this fabulous thing called caffeine,” Nina said. “It comes in convenient tea and coffee form.”

  I didn’t bother responding.

  Right before the bell rang, Lisa came down the hall with a big grin on her face. “Good morning.”

  “Morning,” I shot back. So far there hadn’t been much good about it.

  “Thanks for not interrupting when I was talking to Trey.”

  “How’d that go?” I asked, pretending I cared. See? I can be a good friend.

  “Pretty good. I think there’s a fifty percent chance he’ll ask me out when we break up.”

  I nodded like that was a good thing.

  “Any news on the Jane front?”

  “No.”

  “As a friend, I’m going to suggest that it might be time to concentrate on someone else. I know she’s who you really want, but she might never be available. There are a lot of nice, cool girls out there. Maybe you should look for a new one.”

  At lunch West said, “Don’t forget that it’s my mom’s birthday this weekend, and I expect both of you to be there.”

  “You’re having a party at your house?” Lisa said. “I didn’t think your dad was a people person.”

  “He’s not. But he likes to have family over for birthdays…outside in the backyard,” West said. “Matt is family. You’re his girlfriend. So you get to enjoy an awkward gathering in our yard.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said to Lisa. “You’re not going.”

  “Oh,” Lisa said. “Okay.”

  Crap. “I mean you can come if you want.”

  “Remember when you agreed to stop doing weird things that annoyed me? You’re not holding up your end of the bargain.”

  I laughed. “Believe me, you don’t want to go. This party won’t be fun. I was trying to save you the trouble.”

  “Wow,” Nina said. “Rude much?”

  I pointed at West. “Do you think your mom’s birthday party is going to be fun or will it be stressful and awkward for everyone?”

  “I’m going with the second answer,” West said.

  “So there’s no reason for you to go,” I told Lisa. “Plus if I don’t take a date I can leave earlier. It’s a win-win. Understand?”

  She nodded, but she didn’t look happy about it.

  The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. I watched as Lisa stood and walked off. Why did it feel like I was suddenly in a lose-lose situation?

  For the rest of the day, I tried to forget about Lisa and focus on Jane. There was one major flaw with this plan. Whenever I saw Jane she was with her perfect boyfriend. Maybe I was an idiot. Maybe Lisa was right. Maybe I did need to find a new girl to concentrate on. What kind of girl did I want?

  I kept my eyes open for any possible candidates. There wasn’t a shortage of cute girls but there did seem to be a shortage of girls who were interesting. And it’s not like I could flirt with other girls while I was fake dating Lisa because that would make me look like a jerk.

  …

  After school, I stacked bags of mulch for my dad, staggering them at right angles to make a zig zag pattern in front of the checkout area by the decorative planters.

  My dad came up from the greenhouses to check on my progress. “Huh.” He rubbed his chin. “Looks a lot better than the way I would have done it.”

  “Interesting is always better,” I said.

  “Like Jane?” my dad said.

  I stopped mid-stride. “What?”

  “I’m not blind,” he said. “But Lisa seems interesting, too.”

  I set the bag of mulch down. “Has Charlie been running his mouth?”

  He grinned. “A little bit. So, about Lisa?”

  I wiped sweat off my forehead. “She’s interesting, too.”

  “Then you need to figure out what you want.”

  “That’s the problem.” I grabbed a bag of mulch and started another stack. “I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I’m not sure.”

  “When it’s right, you’ll know.”

  “How’d you know?” As far as I knew, he and my mom got together in high school and that was it.

  “You can’t repeat this,” my dad said. “Women go on and on about soul mates or finding that one person you can’t live without. For guys it’s not about finding someone you can’t live without. It’s more like you can’t live with the idea of her with anyone else. The idea of your mom with anyone else made me crazy, so I knew she was the one.”

  That made sense, sort of.

  He grinned. “You’ve seen Jane with someone else and it’s bothered you, but not like I’m talking about. If you saw Lisa with someone, how would you feel?”

  Huh. I’d seen Lisa with Trey. “I’ve seen her with someone else, and it’s pissed me off.”

  “Maybe that’s a sign.” My dad smacked me on the shoulder. “Those are all the words of wisdom I have to share.”

  I nodded and went back to stacking the mulch. If Lisa and Trey got together, how would I feel about it? My stomach twisted. Then again, it was almost time for dinner. I was probably just hungry.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lisa

  Wednesday morning I stared into my closet at my limited options and yawned. I should’ve done some laundry last night.

  My mom came into my room and laughed. “I just spent ten minutes making that exact same face at the clothes hanging in my closet.” She peered over my shoulder. “We need a house elf.”

  I laughed. “An emancipated house elf who works because he wants to, right?”

  “Of course.” She reached into my closet and grabbed a black sweater. “I’m stealing this. Feel free to raid my closet.”

  “Okay.” I headed for her room and flipped through a couple of button-down blouses I had no desire to wear. There was a black and white flannel shirt that looked comfortable. I reached for it and hesitated. And that was ridiculous. I would not base my wardrobe on what some guy might like. I’d be myself and wear what I wanted to be happy and comfortable and hope that I came off looking cute in the process. It’s not like Trey would stop talking to me because I wore something he didn’t like.

  I ended up wearing leggings and combat boots with the flannel shirt. Comfortable and sort of stylish. Maybe I’d start a new trend, call it nerd-girl chic.

  My mom was filling a blue travel cup with coffee when I walked into the kitchen. I yawned and grabbed the bag of wheat bread from the pantry and slid two slices into the toaster. “Why are weeks so long and weekends so short?”

  “Good question.”

  “Can we talk to someone about making three-day weekends the norm?”

  “When I am queen, all weekends shall be three days long. Until then, we’ll just have to deal.” She grabbed her keys off the counter. “I’ll see you tonight. Tony is joining us
for dinner.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I made it to school a little later than normal. Matt stood at my locker staring off into space. Nina and West were holding hands and talking with their faces close together. Were they being romantic or were they plotting something? When it came to my best friend, it was hard to tell.

  I waved my arms when I was within a foot of Matt, causing him to tune back into the world. He blinked and gave a slight smile. “Hello.”

  “Hey.” I yawned wide enough for him to see my molars.

  He grinned. “That’s exactly how I feel right now.”

  I leaned against the lockers and smiled up at him. “I’m telling myself the weekend isn’t that far away. The day after tomorrow is Friday.”

  “That’s normally how weeks work,” Matt said. “Let me guess. You’re already plotting what books you want to hunt for with Nina.”

  “Of course I am. It’s a sacred nerd-girl tradition. You could join us if you like. I could explain the best way to stalk the clearance section.”

  “Hard to resist such an exciting offer, but no.”

  “Your loss.” I wondered if Matt would mention the birthday party at West’s house because despite what he said, I kind of wanted to go. Minutes ticked by, and he didn’t bring it up. Then again he didn’t say much of anything. I couldn’t figure out if I should be annoyed or grateful.

  After school, Nina and I went to hang out at Great Grounds for coffee and a cookie.

  “How much longer are you and Matt going to keep doing this?” Nina asked.

  I stirred French vanilla creamer into my coffee. “I don’t know. I told him I’d give him three weeks, and then we’d re-evaluate the situation. So if we stick with that plan, our deal ends a week from next Saturday.”

  “And then?”

  “That is the million-dollar question,” I said. “Trey is talking to me, but he talks to a lot of other girls, too.”

  “Next question. Is part of you hoping that Matt will ask you to the birthday party?” Nina broke the flower-shaped sugar cookie in half and passed me my portion.

  “It’s not like I’m dying to stand around in West’s backyard making awkward small talk with his mom.” According to Nina, the woman was a hoarder and practically a shut-in. She came outside and sat at the patio table in their backyard, but that was about it. “No matter how bad the party might be, having someone there that you like and had fun with would make it more tolerable. Right?”

  Nina nodded. “That’s how I see it.”

  “I guess Matt would rather leave early than make the best of a bad situation. Is it me, or does his answer to everything seem to be bailing?”

  “He does seem to take the easy way out. Since that’s the case, are you still interested in him?”

  I took a bite of the cookie while I considered her question. Was I still interested? “I’m not sure. When I needed him, he was there for me, but he also does things that piss me off on a regular basis.”

  “Maybe you should aim for a seventy to thirty percent ratio of good versus annoying behavior.”

  “Why can’t I aim for zero annoying behavior?”

  “I don’t think life works that way. Enough talk about guys. There’s a fundraiser for the library coming up. Do you want to help me figure out what we can donate?”

  “Sure.” Anything to do with books was always a worthy cause. Our local library had closed because the building was falling apart and there wasn’t enough money to fix it. The town was in the process of raising funds to build a new one. In the meantime, we had a tiny free library that West had helped set up as a gift to Nina. It had been a great romantic gesture. I needed a guy like that. Someone who would go out of his way to show he liked me. Not that I needed a giant romantic gesture, but it would be nice to know someone actually wanted to be with me. Not that he wanted me because he couldn’t have his first choice or because I was the nearest available female.

  “With Easter coming up,” Nina said, “I think we could make some book-themed baskets.”

  “Will there be chocolate in the baskets? Because anything that claims to be Easter-related should have some form of candy.”

  “Chocolate could get on the books. We’d be better off going with jelly beans.”

  “Sad but true.” I wasn’t a fan of jelly beans. I hated the feeling of biting into the sugar coating. “I can see if Crazy Crafts will donate some baskets and ribbons.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that. You’re my craft connection.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Matt

  Friday morning, I woke up with a start when the alarm on my cell went off. I reached up to rub the back of my neck. Why did I feel like crap?

  And then it came back to me. I’d had weird dreams all night. I was trying to pick Lisa up for a date. When I went to start the truck, the key broke off in the ignition. After I finally dug the half-key out with some needle nose pliers, I couldn’t find another set of keys because Charlie had them. I tracked him down at Clarissa’s house. He gave me the keys and I was able to start the truck except I only made it to the end of the driveway before it sputtered and died because the gas gauge was on empty. When I tried to fill the tank with gas we kept on hand for the lawn mower, I somehow set the truck on fire. My dad and Charlie stood off to the side, watching as the truck burned. My dad said, “You did this to yourself. No point in regretting it now.”

  I’d grabbed a hose and tried to put out the fire, but wherever the water hit, the flames grew brighter, like I was spraying kerosene instead of water. The flames crawled toward the house. And then Trey showed up with Lisa. With a flip of his magic hair, he put out the fire and then he rode off into the sunset with Lisa on a freaking horse.

  What in the hell was my brain trying to do to me? Magic hair? A horse? I would have called in sick and stayed home to sleep if I wasn’t scared about what my brain would throw at me next.

  “What’s your problem?” Charlie asked at breakfast.

  I relayed the dream to him, including all the weird details.

  He laughed. “Dude, that’s funny.”

  It hadn’t felt funny at the time. “What do you think it means?”

  “It means you should ask Lisa out for real before she breaks up with you and moves on to the dude with the magic hair.”

  Maybe he wasn’t wrong. I poured more Cap’n Crunch into my cereal bowl. “I’m thinking about it.”

  “What do you mean ask Lisa out for real?” our sister Haley said as she walked into the kitchen.

  Shit. I needed to say something but my brain wasn’t up to speed. I sighed and rubbed my temples. “It means we’re kind of dating to see if it works.”

  “Isn’t that how everyone dates?” Haley asked.

  “Smart. Ass. When I asked her out, we talked about how we wanted to stay friends if it didn’t work. So we agreed to date for a while and then if it didn’t work we’d go back to the friend zone.”

  “That makes sense,” Haley said. “It doesn’t have a chance in hell of working, but it makes sense.”

  “Why wouldn’t it work?”

  “If only one of you wants to go back to being friends, how do you think the other person is going to feel?”

  “Not happy, and I get that. But listen, don’t tell anyone about this. Not even Jane.” Especially not Jane. “I promised Lisa I wouldn’t tell.”

  “Fine, I’ll just make a mental note in case I need blackmailing material later.” She grabbed a granola bar and headed back upstairs.

  Well, shit. “Do you think she’ll tell Jane?”

  Charlie shrugged. “Not sure that it will matter if she does, since Jane is dating Mr. Perfect.”

  Like I needed him to throw that in my face. “Shut up.”

  “Just stating the obvious,” he said.

  I met up with Lisa at our lockers. Maybe we needed to talk this out.

  “We made it through our first week,” Lisa said like she was happy about that fact.

  Was she happ
y that we’d been able to keep up the pretense of dating, or happy that one week was over and she’d be free to move on soon? I said what I knew she wanted to hear. “Two more to go, and then we’ll see how things are going for you and Trey.”

  “What about you and you-know-who?” she whispered like she was some sort of undercover spy.

  “Voldemort isn’t really my type,” I joked.

  She laughed and then in an unexpected move, she hugged me. I hugged her back. “What was that for?”

  “You made a Harry Potter joke. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you do that.”

  “Oh no,” I said. “You must have infected me with nerd-girl germs.”

  “Maybe.” She rocked forward on the balls of her feet. “Or you could be evolving into a Harry Potter fan.”

  “I saw the movie,” I said. “I didn’t read the book.”

  “You left plural endings off of both of those words”

  “What?”

  “Movies and books. More than one in both series.”

  “Well I’ve seen the first movie, so I have the basics down.”

  “You realize now that it’s my duty, as a member of the Harry Potter fandom, to make sure you watch the other movies. I mean the books are better, but I can’t see you committing to reading that many pages, so we’ll start with the movies.”

  Her eyes were bright and she seemed to be radiating enthusiasm. “Sure. I’d love to do that. But, darn it, the movies aren’t playing in the theaters anymore.”

  “I own all of them,” she said. “I think that’s what we should do Saturday night. Have a Harry Potter movie marathon.”

  “Uhm…” I had no real desire to watch those movies, but Lisa looked so excited about it. “Okay, but I expect popcorn.”

  “I can handle that.” And then her smile faded. “Crap, you’re supposed to go to West’s mom’s party on Saturday.”

  That was at one. I’d have plenty of time to go over to Lisa’s house afterward. But I could see the way she was looking at me…sort of hopeful. I knew what I needed to do. “We could go to West’s together and then go watch movies…if you want.”

  Her face brightened. “Sure. That sounds good.”