by Jenny Frame
Penny turned back to the water and laughed as Dougal and Princess splashed around. She took a deep breath of fresh country air and felt a kind of peace.
“This place is beautiful, Sammy.”
Quade took a step closer to her. “I’m glad you think so. It’s a special place to live.”
“You were right last night,” Penny said while still looking out at the water.
“Right about what?” Quade said.
Penny turned to Quade. “About life passing me by while I look at my screens, and through lenses. It’s nice to stop and live. I’ve never done it before.”
Quade held out her hand, as she had a few times. Never forcing or taking but offering. “There’s a life waiting for you, if you want it.”
Did Quade mean with her? Or was she reading too much into it? Could she live a rural life with Quade? She didn’t know if she was capable, but maybe, just maybe, she could try.
She took Quade’s hand and smiled. “Thank you for showing me.”
Penny felt the urge to open up. She wanted Quade to understand her, what made her the damaged, stubborn woman she was.
“I know you think I’m stubborn and slightly crazy,” Penny said out of the blue.
Quade turned and looked at her with surprise. “I don’t think that.”
“No, you do. Everyone does, but I can’t help it. It’s ingrained in me and difficult to change.”
“Do you want to change?” Quade asked.
Penny nodded and squeezed Quade’s hand even harder. It felt like she gained some of Quade’s strength when she did it.
“I want a life that’s more than through a lens,” Penny said.
Quade smiled. “There’s lots more life for you to see, come on.” Quade never let go of her hand but shouted to the dogs, and they set off again on their walk.
After walking for another five minutes, they stopped at a run-down walled area, with big iron gates on the front.
Penny walked up to the gates and peered through. There were lots of mini gravestones covered in vines, some broken in half or crumbled away.
“What is this place? It looks so creepy,” Penny asked.
Quade walked to her side and whispered in her ear, “It’s the old pet cemetery.”
Penny squealed and hid behind Quade’s back. Quade laughed at her reaction. “What’s wrong? There’s nothing to be scared about. It’s just where the Knight family buried their pets, favourite hunting dogs, things like that.”
Quade loved the feeling of Penny wrapped around her back.
“That’s so creepy. It’s like something from a horror film.”
Quade put her arm around Penny and ushered her to her side. “No, it’s not. The family loved their pets. That’s a nice thing, like we do for Dougal and Princess. Let’s go in. It’s really interesting.”
“No way am I going in there, Sammy.” Penny took a few steps back.
Quade took her hand and opened the gate. “Anyone who’s brave enough to drink nut milk can walk into a graveyard. Come on.”
Penny followed Quade reluctantly. She walked carefully around the little graves, frightened to walk over them.
“Look,” said Quade. “Read the inscriptions.”
Penny looked down at the nearest stone and read, “Here lies Winston. Born 1918, died 1925. Faithful friend of Lord James Knight, Earl of Axedale. He was only a dog but was human enough to give comfort in hours of loneliness and pain.” Penny grasped Quade’s arm. “That’s so touching. He sounds like he really loved Winston.”
“Yeah, there’s quite a few like that. Harry told me the story. James was Harry’s grandfather’s older brother. He came back from serving in World War I, with shell shock. They’d call it post-traumatic stress these days. He was gay and had watched his lover killed. When he came home, he tried to kill himself, but the family rallied around, and his sister got him the dog as a puppy, to try to help him cope, and he did. They went everywhere together, and Winston was a kind of service dog, before anyone had ever coined that term.”
Penny reached down and touched the stone with reverence. “That’s such an amazing story. What happened to James, do you know?”
“He lived until his fifties I think but never married or had children, so the title and lands passed to his younger brother, Harry’s grandfather.”
“You’re right. This isn’t creepy. I’m glad you brought me here.” Penny smiled at Quade.
As Penny started to walk around the other stones, Quade said, “I’ve always found this graveyard a really nice place to come. Despite how horrible human beings can be to each other, animals always find a way to make things better.”
“I wish I had brought my camera now. I’d love to take some pictures,” Penny said.
“Can you not use your phone?” Quade asked.
Penny sighed. “I didn’t bring it.”
“Wait, are you really Penelope Huntingdon-Stewart? You never have that thing out of your hand.”
Penny strolled back up to Quade and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her poncho. “I was trying to live life, like you said, and spend time with you, without the internet being with us.”
Quade shook her head and laughed, then took her own phone out of her pocket and handed it over to Penny. “I only meant look up now and again, to see life, but I appreciate the sentiment. Take some pictures and I’ll send them to you.”
Penny went around all of the stones taking pictures, her head full of possibilities for vlogs. Axedale was just full of material, and someone who was changing her outlook on life.
* * *
“Are you sure she’ll be all right?” Penny said to Quade.
Bridge watched the interaction between Quade and Penny with interest across the pub table.
They had arrived for the pub quiz that evening, and there was a new closeness to them. Bridge and Annie both thought they would be perfect for each other. She could see a vulnerability in Penny, and Quade was the sort of person who was looking for someone to take care of. Quade was kind, generous, and selfless. She had so much to give a woman, and Annie and Bridge weren’t going to let Quade’s chance at a happy ever after pass her by.
Quade replied to Penny, “Yeah. They’ll be fine. The dogs would just have been bored sitting under the pub table. At your house they’ll be warm, have toys to play with and food, and you know Dougal will take care of Princess.”
“Yes, I know,” Penny replied with a dreamy look upon her face.
Bridge nudged Annie to check out the way the pair were looking at each other adoringly, and Annie winked. Time to put operation magic potion into effect.
At the break during the pub quiz, Harry arrived back at the table with a tray of drinks. “Here we are. Campari for you, Vicar, orange juice for Pen, vodka and tonic for you, darling, and two pints, for Quade and me.”
“Thanks, mate,” Quade said.
When Harry sat down, Annie turned to Bridge and said, “When’s Finn home, Bridge?”
Bridge smiled inwardly. This was how they planned to start casting the magic potion. She took a sip of her drink and said, “Saturday. Her last show is on Friday in Glasgow.”
She couldn’t wait to get Finn to herself again. It was too long since she’d touched her, and run her hands though her gorgeous hair.
“Isn’t that sweet?” Annie leaned into Harry. “And then we look forward to your wedding. Quade, are you bringing anyone to the wedding?”
Quade looked at Annie in panic. The woman she wanted to ask was sitting right beside her, but she couldn’t just ask her on the spot. It would be too awkward.
“Um…no.” Quade stumbled.
Penny stared down at the table, clearly feeling as awkward as she did.
“You know, Quade, I think it’s time you started looking for Ms. Right, unless you think she’s just going to fall into your lap,” Bridge said.
Please don’t do this to me, Bridge. She gazed at Penny, but she looked away quickly.
“Give me your phone.”
Bridge held out her hand.
Quade pulled it out of her pocket and gave it to Bridge warily. “What are you doing?”
“Annie and I are going to make you a profile on a dating app. Those little lesbian hearts will be all of a flutter when they see you,” Bridge said.
“Yes.” Annie added, “You have to get yourself out there, Quade. Now, what are you looking for, blond, brunette, redhead?”
Quade closed her eyes and wished the ground would open up and swallow her.
* * *
Quade and Penny shared an uncomfortable silence as they walked back to Penny’s cottage. Bridge and Annie asked her all these questions about her perfect woman, to set her up on the dating app, and the perfect woman had been sitting beside her the whole time.
What Bridge and Annie had meant as a bit of fun had caused embarrassment for Quade and made Penny go extremely quiet, with what Quade thought was annoyance. Could Penny be jealous? How could Penny be jealous? She could have anyone she wanted. But if it was the other way around, Quade would be jealous. She was jealous when the estate workers were drooling over Penny’s magazine photos, or when she looked at Penny’s social media pages and saw her attending parties with women who could never love and take care of her the way she should.
Did she actually just say love? She sighed inwardly. She was falling for the unattainable Penelope Huntingdon-Stewart. Brilliant.
As they walked along, Quade’s phone started to beep, and with each beep, Penny started to walk faster, her heels clattering across the cobbles.
“Why is my phone beeping like mad?” Quade pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the screen.
“Your dating profile,” Penny said sharply. “Just like Bridge and Annie said, all those little lesbian hearts will be fluttering.”
Penny tried to cover her annoyance, as she had done in the pub, but her patience was wearing thin. The thought of Quade taking someone else to Bridge’s wedding was just awful. Jealousy was a new emotion for Penny. She’d been so used to trying to keep potential suitors away, that there was never a reason to feel jealous over anyone.
But Quade was different. Everything was different with Quade. Just after convincing herself to open up to Quade and see if she could explore something more, Bridge and Annie had to come up with this. Now these bloody women were going to beat her to it, because any other woman wouldn’t be screwed up like her and frightened of intimacy. No, one look at Quade and they’d be jumping in her bed.
They arrived at the cottage and Quade said, “Is there something wrong?”
“Wrong? Of course not. Why would there be?” Penny said a little forcefully. They stopped at the front door while Penny fumbled, trying to get her keys out.
“Because we spent a nice day together, and since the pub, you’ve seemed annoyed about something. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.”
Penny gave her a false smile. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Now go home and reply to all your lovelies waiting for a message back. Then you can pick one for the wedding.”
Penny put her key in the front door lock and struggled to get it to turn. She was so angry.
Quade stepped in, put her hand on Penny’s, and calmly helped her turn it. “I don’t want to take any stranger to the wedding. I would have asked you if I thought you’d come,” Quade said.
Penny was caught by surprise. She turned around into the circle of Quade’s arms. “You would?”
“Of course I would. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. You’re kind and gentle, but at the same time so strong. I don’t know if I could have been as strong and determined if I had been through what you had. But I’m just a farmer. I’m not anywhere good enough for you.”
Quade’s words penetrated her heart. No one had ever said anything like that to her in her life, and meant it. She was overcome with an urge from her heart, and this time she couldn’t stop herself.
Penny planted a very clumsy kiss on Quade’s lips. Their noses clashed, and Quade let out a moan in pain. Then as soon as the urge surged through her, the fear kicked in. She hastily pulled away from the kiss, hurried though her front door, and slammed it shut. Penny pressed herself against the inside of the door, eyes closed and breathing hard.
She kept repeating, “What have I done? What have I done?”
Her first amorous advance to anyone, and she’d nearly broken Quade’s nose. She’d totally embarrassed herself, and how could she ever get over her fear of intimacy if a kiss was too much for her? Everything was a mess.
The dogs came running through the cottage, delighted to see her, seeking love and attention. She heard Quade say, “Penny, open the door. We need to talk.”
She couldn’t face Quade. Penny just wanted to run upstairs to her bedroom, put on her unicorn onesie, and hide from the world.
“I don’t want to talk. Just go, Sammy,” Penny said.
Please go, please go.
Princess, hearing Quade’s voice, started to bark at the door, making the situation worse.
“Penny…” Quade said.
The barking, the embarrassment, and the fear all twisted into anger, and Penny shouted, “Just go, Sammy. Now!”
There was silence from the other side of the door for a minute, and then Quade said, “I need Dougal.”
Penny was starting to feel overcome with emotion, and the tears started to tumble unrestrained from her eyes as she handed Dougal out the door. She shut and locked the door and ran upstairs to the safety of her bedroom and threw herself on her bed.
Chapter Fourteen
The next morning Penny got up and dressed early and walked down to the vicarage. She just had to talk to someone, or she could risk losing the one person who made her want more.
She got a few looks from the locals, as she usually did. There weren’t many country women who wore frilly short dresses, high heels, and—today—a flower pinned in her hair, not to mention carrying a dog in a handbag.
Penny arrived at the vicarage and hesitated before she knocked. This was a bad idea. The whole thing was a bad idea.
She should just go back to London and get away from temptation. Penny turned around to walk back the way she came, but the image of Quade holding her so tenderly in her arms stopped her.
If she didn’t try, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life. Penny let out a breath and marched back to the door.
“Here goes, Princess.” Penny knocked on the door and had to wait ages before the vicar answered.
Bridge was wearing a scarlet red silk dressing gown. No one would ever suspect she was a vicar.
“Penny? You’re out early.” Bridget yawned.
She’d clearly just woken up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come so early. I just needed to talk.”
Bridget opened the door wide. “Don’t be silly. My door is always open. Come in and have a cup of coffee.”
As Penny walked in the door she saw a very rumpled Finnian Kane walk down the stairs in her boxers and T-shirt. Her trademark haircut was all over the place and looked as if she’d had a busy night.
“Finn, come and met Penelope Huntingdon-Stewart. I was telling you about her,” Bridge said.
What a strange way to meet the famous magician. She’d clearly interrupted their first night back together.
“Pleased to meet you, Penelope,” Finn said, shaking her hand. “I’ve heard all about you from Bridge.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think Finn was back yet.” Penny was regretting ever having the idea to talk to someone.
“I surprised her,” Finn said with a smile that erupted into a big yawn.
They’d definitely had a busy night. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“Nonsense. Don’t worry about that.” Bridge put her arm around Penny. “Come into the kitchen.”
Bridge turned back to Finn and said, “Finn, be a dear and put some clothes on before you give Mrs. Long a fright when she arrives to start cleaning.”
Finn said, “Your wish is my command.�
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Bridge chuckled and said under her breath, “Oh, I know.”
Finn ran back upstairs, and they made their way to the kitchen. Penny sat, and Bridge switched on her coffee machine and got a bowl of water for Princess.
“Here you are.” Bridge put the bowl on the floor, and Penny let Princess down. “Now, what can I do for you on this fine morning, Pen.” Bridge started making the coffee.
Now was the part she was dreading. Could she say it? She had struggled even talking about it to therapists.
“I suppose I’m in need of a kind of confessional,” Penny said.
Bridge brought over coffee and sat down. “Well, I’m certainly not a Catholic priest, but I’ll give it a bash.”
Bridge crossed her legs and Penny saw she was wearing the most exquisite heeled slippers. Even in nightwear, Bridge was beautifully dressed. They were very much alike, although Bridge was older, and she was so confident in herself. Penny couldn’t imagine Bridge running in fear from a kiss, if the rumours about Mistress Black were true, and now seeing the satisfied, happy smile on Finnian Kane’s face, she knew they were true.
Penny only wished she could have the courage to make Quade feel that way. She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug, tapped her nails against the surface, and tried to think of how to start.
“I have—I mean, I need advice because I have feelings for Quade.”
Bridge put her coffee down and clapped her hands together. “How wonderful. Have you told her? I’d be so overjoyed to see Quade happy. She’s been alone for such a long time.”
“No, I haven’t told her. That’s the problem, or in other words, I have a problem.”
Bridge leaned closer. “What kind of problem? The only problem I can foresee is you might frighten poor Quade to death when you get hold of her. You’ve been out with a few people—”
“I haven’t. That’s the problem,” Penny said.
“But I’ve seen you at your parents’ parties and glitzy events with a partner in tow. Usually gorgeous, I might add,” Bridge said with a wink.